Marcus North is a cockroach

It’s true that I have almost exhausted all the different terms I can use to describe Marcus North, but in my defence, I never thought he’d still be around.

I have him as organized, a toaster who makes waffles, a spy, and probably other terms I have forgotten now.

Right now, I think he is a cockroach.

They say cockroaches would survive an apocalypse; well Marcus North would survive the entirety of Earth being burnt for a 100 years straight.  He’d start slow, and at times it would look like he wasn’t going to make it because of nerves and his backlift.  If you checked about 70 years into the fire you’d see he was now well set, and just living an unassuming yet fully functional life as others around him had crashed and burned.  His bowling would be more handy than you’d think in a fire.

Ofcourse, he has better timing than that of a cockroach, he has the timing of a Paul Collingwood.  That sort of annoying probot timing that starts to ring alarm bells in their head when they realise the selectors are about to drop them.

You can’t blame them, too many cricketers slip out of test cricket without even a whimper, North clearly does not want to go.

What you do wish is that instead of saving this freakish desperation for the test before they are dropped, they’d just do it all the time.

North averages 35 in test cricket, if that desperation to not be the car that gets scrapped could be harnessed into every innings, he would average 45 and wouldn’t be on the chopping block.

Collingwood and North have gone about these career saving knocks quite differently.

When Collingwood plays for his career, before he goes out to bat he chisels an expression of angst onto his face and goes out there to score enough joyless runs to save his career.

North smiles.  It is almost like he has already decided he will be dropped and this is his last hurrah, so he might as well have fun.  Usually he looks like a tour guide who has turned down the wrong street.

This carefree North looks like a test cricketer.  Today he came out and just scored, when a ball beat him, he laughed it off, when something happened that he didn’t expect he smiled and generally he looked like he belonged out on the field.

It doesn’t bother me that North isn’t that good, as long as he makes runs.  I don’t care that he isn’t in the most talented ten batsmen in the country, just that he makes consistent runs.  With consistent runs I will shut up, but if all he can do is cheap runs and the odd career saver, well then, I have a problem.

I don’t care that he is a toaster/cockroach/Collingwood hybrid, I just want some consistent runs, or for him to get the ass.  It is the in-between times that bother me.

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5 thoughts on “Marcus North is a cockroach

  1. Rishabh says:

    He was assured of an Ashes spot the moment he was picked for the Bangalore Test. There’s no way there’ll be a batting shake-up just before a series that important!

  2. He has scored a 50 today! :D

  3. Now it’s a Ton from him! :P

  4. jamie says:

    five tons in 31 innings and an average under 40.


  5. Vim says:

    Yes, jamie, very weird. He’s just all round strange.

    What drives me to distraction is that when he does cross about 40 runs, he looks really quality as a batsman.

    I wonder what his wife thinks of him.

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