Live Sehwagology

Today I saw paradise, heaven and Johnny Cash’s tour bus.

And I saw it all live.

I could smell buddha, touch jesus and share an iced cream with muhammad.

I was skating with angels.

All of this happened in a wonderful place called Dambulla.

The pitch was sticky, the batsmen tentative, and the bowlers on top.

That was until our hero walked in.

That plump little man without a number on his back.

While others tried to bat, he batted.

It was as if he knew one of most devout the sehwagologists was there, and he reached out and touched me.

That is what Sehwag does, he reaches out and touches people, hard.

I could feel his pulsating talent all over me, and so could many others.

If you are a sehwagologist and you’ve seen him fail in real life that means you don’t believe enough.

It means that as a sehwagologist you are struggling.

You’re running tight singles, leaving balls you should be smashing and you aren’t just seeing ball and hitting ball.

Ofcourse, I am not a perfect Sehwagologist either.

I could have seen this balding prophet make his hundred, but something held me back.

Perhaps I’ll never know what it was, but he knew, and thusly he remained on 99*.

It was an important lesson, and one I will treasure.

It meant, you are close, but you don’t quite get it yet, come see me when you do and I’ll make a hundred so good you’ll need three pairs of spare undies.

Today I saw the right way to live through the eternal flame of awesomeness that is Sehwag’s batting.

Life can be tough, he showed us this, but you can still be better than everyone else just by following his teachings.

Now, go, love, fuck, hug and do everything that sehwag has taught us.

You can never go wrong, if you follow his batting.

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20 thoughts on “Live Sehwagology

  1. Rayden says:

    I don’t get it, he hit a six of the last ball to get to his hundred but because it was a no ball he doesn’t get the runs credited to him. Didn’t realize the rules were such that if the game is won, you dont get the runs of the bat from the last no ball.

  2. Jay says:

    The teachings just got me a barring from a place I’ve drunk at for ten years and a official caution. I still believe. Godspeed. Hit it. If you see it.

  3. Mahek says:

    Can I get a HALLELUJAH!!!!

  4. UncleJ I’m officially jealous. Witnessing some of the finest batting of Sehwag first, and then seeing the cuntest side of Randiv then – all LIVE.

  5. Man. my fingers are crossed, May Sehwag Golden era never stop. You lucky lucky lucky Mr. Kim. I am so lucky to be alive right now. I hope you were able to take some pictures. Or Video clips or something. If not well, then Fruit you, for seeing it live. You better manage to meet him, Good Luck

  6. Confused MoFo says:

    Awesome dude….he just shrugged it off….i’m sure he is going to make Randiv into an expendable piece of bowling nonsense the next time they meet….But wasn’t a very sporting thing to do….i’m surprised someone like Sanga let it happen…pretty embarrassing for him too

  7. Nick says:

    i hope sangakara and randiv gets hit on the head for doing that shyti move. i use to love sanga but he have changed since he took over. fuck him and his wife (shes hot)

  8. Sach says:

    Nick, get over it. As a certain captain once said, “We’re not here to make friends”. Besides, isn’t it fun to watch someone who truly deserved a hundred being denied it by bastard tactics. Way to go Sanga and Randiv.
    :D

  9. Shaitaan says:

    What makes it not ‘fun’, Sach, is that the ‘bastard tactics’ as you call them were not employed in the pursuit of victory or to stave off defeat. This wasn’t gamesmanship, it was schoolboyish petulance, which the game seems to be seeing increasingly (Watson’s reaction on dismissing Gale, and just about everything Stuart Broad does) and which we could do with less of, thank you very much.

    I wonder if it would have been ‘fun’ if Wasim Akram had decided to get run out just to deny Kumble his 10th? Or if Murali had been denied his 800th similarly? Stiffing your opponent through ‘bastard tactics’ when victory or defeat is not in question is petty-mindedness.

    A Pfeiffer matters to every bowler, an international century matters to every batsman: Sehwag’s reaction — he was clearly upset with the tactics, however he may have articulated his response — showed that very clearly.

  10. Sach says:

    @Shaitaan
    I wouldn’t have minded if either Kumble or Murali were denied those wickets – would they have been any lesser bowlers than the legends they are had they not go those wickets? No.

    I truly believe Sehwag played exceptional, and deserved a 100. I may be Sri Lankan, but I am in fact a big Sehwag fan, as many of JRod fans tend to do. However, I’m also NOT a big fan of this whole ‘Spirit of Cricket’ thing. You argument of it is OK go to against spirit of cricket if the victory is at stake while it is not OK if that’s not the case is, well it makes me laugh.

    As you said, an international century matters to every batsman, and it is also matters to every bowler not giving one. It’s not pretty how they did it, but it was damn effective. And this is not different from Dhoni bowling outside the off stump to an off side field against Aussies, or Sehwag himself kicking the ball out to prevent Amla retaining the strike.

    To hell with spirit of cricket.

  11. Shaitaan says:

    “Would they have been any lesser bowlers than the legends they are had they not go those wickets? No.”

    Why don’t you leave it it up to Murali and Kumble to decide whether they are happier to have achieved those respective landmarks. Maybe they feel their careers are better for having achieved these things, and never mind your personal views?

    “As you said, an international century matters to every batsman, and it is also matters to every bowler not giving one.”

    Really? That’s a laughable idea. It matters to every bowler? Where did you get that from? And even if it did, did Glenn McGrath or Wasim Akram tell you that if they would bowl a deliberate no-ball instead of trying their damndest to get the batsman out off that last ball? Maybe it’s just the mediocre twits who think that way.

    “You argument of it is OK go to against spirit of cricket if the victory is at stake while it is not OK if that’s not the case is, well it makes me laugh.”

    I said nothing about ‘Spirit of Cricket’. I leave that to the ICC. All I said was that ‘bastard tactics’ are nothing but petty-minded schoolboyish petulance when they have have no larger purpose in a particular match. What does your team gain from them? That’s the touchstone of ANY tactic employed on a cricket field, surely?

    But forget all that. If (and it seems you believe Sanga was the instigator) Sangakarra really believed in what he had ordered Randiv to do, why deny it? Why make all that show about “we don’t play our cricket that way, there’s no place for all of this on the cricket field” and all that nonsense? Why pretend like he had no clue what was going on? The other captain you quoted at least had the balls to say “We’re not here to make friends”. Why hide behind a rookie bowler then?

  12. Sach says:

    “Why don’t you leave it it up to Murali and Kumble to decide whether they are happier to have achieved those respective landmarks. Maybe they feel their careers are better for having achieved these things, and never mind your personal views?”

    When was this about Murali or Kumble? You replied to MY comment, which, actually, is MY personal view.

    “Really? That’s a laughable idea. It matters to every bowler? Where did you get that from? And even if it did, did Glenn McGrath or Wasim Akram tell you that if they would bowl a deliberate no-ball instead of trying their damndest to get the batsman out off that last ball? Maybe it’s just the mediocre twits who think that way.”

    Then, perhaps, though Sehwag whines about it, a century too might not matter to every batsman eh? Same logic here. Also, then, why shouldn’t Sehwag himself have tried to keep Amla off strike with some good bowling instead of kicking it for a 4?

    “I said nothing about ‘Spirit of Cricket’. I leave that to the ICC. All I said was that ‘bastard tactics’ are nothing but petty-minded schoolboyish petulance when they have have no larger purpose in a particular match. What does your team gain from them? That’s the touchstone of ANY tactic employed on a cricket field, surely?”

    Already Sehwag is visibly upset about it. That might be a good gain. Perhaps it’s like sledging, who knows.

    “But forget all that. If (and it seems you believe Sanga was the instigator) Sangakarra really believed in what he had ordered Randiv to do, why deny it? Why make all that show about “we don’t play our cricket that way, there’s no place for all of this on the cricket field” and all that nonsense? Why pretend like he had no clue what was going on? The other captain you quoted at least had the balls to say “We’re not here to make friends”. Why hide behind a rookie bowler then?”

    Agree with you there. If he did indeed instruct Randiv to do so (which I believe he did) then he should have admitted to it. Or else it’s cowardly. But if he didn’t and Randiv did it all by himself, well, good on him.

  13. Shaitaan says:

    “Then, perhaps, though Sehwag whines about it, a century too might not matter to every batsman eh? Same logic here. Also, then, why shouldn’t Sehwag himself have tried to keep Amla off strike with some good bowling instead of kicking it for a 4?”

    Not the same logic at all. Think about it. Both instances you mentioned (Dhoni and Sehwag) there was a tactic to influence the game, not prevent a personal milestone. In one case to frustrate the batsmen by slowing the rate of scoring (which won India the Test match), in the other, to bring a tailender on strike. And the tactics were admitted squarely: No one said “I don’t know why the bowlers bowled that line”, or “my foot slipped”. Again, I don’t condone these two tactics either, but even if one rubbishes the ‘Spirit of Cricket’, this is the difference between gamesmanship and petulance.

    “Already Sehwag is visibly upset about it. That might be a good gain. Perhaps it’s like sledging, who knows.”

    As far as I can see, Randiv and SLC have had to apologise for the incident and Sangakarra has revealed himself (again, by your reckoning of his complicity) to be a hypocrite. I don’t see who’s winning psychological points here?

    Anyway, an apology tendered and accepted is all that’s needed for a molehill not to become a mountain. Maybe they’ll sit down and laugh about it over a milkshake or something.

    Cheers, and take care, Sach-mo (you don’t play the trumpet by any chance do you?)

  14. Sach says:

    Shaitaan, there’s a difference between the ways we think, that much is sure. Apparently, by saying you don’t even condone the two tactics applied by Dhoni and Sehwag, you seem to think that it’s against gamesmanship. Good for you, but I don’t think so. For me, as long as it’s within the rules, and not cheating, it’s OK by me.

    Cheating is the only thing I don’t condone. If you know you’re out but don’t walk, then it’s cheating. If you know the catch you claim isn’t a catch, that’s cheating. I’m against that kind of thing, but not this which people fret over a lot.

    Oh and as I’ve said before, if Sanga is behind this he should have admitted to it. Absolutely.

    Finally, pardon my ignorance, but what’s the trumpet reference?

    And good day to you too, mate.

  15. Shaitaan says:

    Sure mate, different is okay, different is good. Sach-mo, i.e. Satchmo: Louis Armstrong.

  16. Sach says:

    Oh, got it. But I’m admittedly a music tragic, so, well, yeah I’d never have gotten that reference.

  17. Ram5160 says:

    Always a religious experience- a Sehwag 100. Luckily I happened to be in Chepauk for the 309 vs RSA.

  18. Lil Bitch says:

    Sehwag is just a whiney little bitch. 99 and 105 are both just numbers. A real God would have just enjoyed the feeling of the ball coming off the bat.

  19. horatius says:

    And just for that lil Bitch The God of Sehwagology will deny you an erection for the next 12 years.

    Too harsh you say? That’s the way God rolls bitch!!

  20. Maverick says:

    Nice article…but I was hoping you would write something about God’s 110 against NZ.

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