Shahid Afridi is no magician

I knew the Shahid Afridi captaincy would end in tears, but I expected them to be tears of blood or disappointment, not joy.

How has this magnificent clown managed to sloggle together two hundreds in three matches? Magic, voodoo, Tony Robbins? There must be a secret because in the 293 games before that he only managed four hundreds, and he hasn’t managed one since 05. So 2 in 3 is pretty good.

While Shahid would be a great, yet creepy, child’s magician, I doubt he knows magic. Voodoo would be more his thing, but he’d soon get bored if the results didn’t come in. And I can’t imagine any Tony Robbin’s conference that Shahid was at where he is able to sit down for more than 30 seconds.

No this current madness can be explained with the words leadership.

Afridi might still practice the ancient art of drunk sailor batting, but he is a functioning alcoholic who now feels he needs to score.

Against Sri Lanka he bundled the whole shithouse batting line up into a rucksack and popped them onto his shoulder while he scared Sri Lanka senseless. Against Bangladesh his teammates were more effective, but Shahid still did the business to ensure that Pakistan actually won a game of cricket.

For a man who has spent his entire career being an accidental fancy fixing allegation, he is now in danger of actually being a cricketer who can, dare I say it, be relied upon.

I saw a little of his innings against Sri Lanka, and there was that look in his eye that good captains get. The “I’ll fucken rip my mothers eye balls out and stick them up my own ass before I’ll lose this game” look.

Usually Shahid has the look of a lost horny and excitable puppy.

Could his reign as captain turn him into the happy go lucky assassin? I do hope so.

Afridi’s second hundred was like Halley’s Comet coming around a week after it had just arrived. Except the comet actually had a bunch of girls called Hayley playing beach volleyball, drinking Mountain Dew and Vodka (known as Goat’s piss) and dancing to Michael Franti tunes.

There is the massive possibility that Afridi’s reign might still end in the bad kind of tears. That is what is great about him, because when he took over as captain, no one expected him to start hitting consistent runs, they expected something just as weird, but involving embarrassment.

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31 thoughts on “Shahid Afridi is no magician

  1. tara says:

    Afridi might still practice the ancient art of drunk sailor batting, but he is a functioning alcoholic who now feels he needs to score.


  2. sana says:

    Usually Shahid has the look of a lost horny and excitable puppy.

    I think he looks more like a hungry lion. In a hot way.

  3. Nick says:

    yes this is just not right. i use to believe in god but not anymore. Sahid is a BY CHANCE player. How the hell on earth this can happen? Where is Jesus? Lord Rama? Allah? Buddha? How can they let this happen? All i wanted him to fail. fail big time in everything but what is this? Jrod i hope i dont get to see this happning or i will hang myself or just give up on cricket :( This is sad sad day in cricket history.

  4. knowledge_eater says:

    Afridi is the COCKIEST cricketer in Pakistan history. I will never like him and I never had. I had really high hopes for him when he debuted. I thought we have another Jaya in the making. But then he started shining and flicking his hair more than shining bowl.

    He always puts himself under pressure. He ruined his batting and never ever improved or ever been consistent because he has drowned himself in ocean of his EGO. He could have easily overshadowed Jayasuriya by being better and more destructive All-rounder.

    I mean standing right in the middle of the pitch after taking wicket and wait for everyone to touch him then start looking at his players, thats just pure cockiness. Yeh Freddy does it too but not always but even if he does it he deserve it because he still knows how to calm himself down.
    I don’t want to blame everything on him, because he is often either underused or often overused by his captain. I still think he can become better batsman than just lame slogger. May be he is just lame slogger and biggest fluke batsman. He doesn’t need any help, he needs to help himself.

    Yeah he has balls but he is mentally suffering from macrogonadism. Now if he wins a test series against good team, I am ready to eat my words. But that ain’t going to happen.

  5. Govind Raj says:

    I really don’t agree with the way people are talking about Shahid Afridi. He has been immature, cocky, aggressive beyond control and generally stupid more often than not. But there is one thing we can never doubt about him; his talent. He is such a gifted player but somehow he always used to gift his wicket away all these years.

    Good to see some responsibility sitting on his shoulders and him doing well. Hope he will continue to do well and lead Pakistan out of the rut. World Cricket needs Pakistan to play well. There aren’t many exciting sides in Cricket! Common Shahid, carry on with the good work!

  6. The strangest cricketers can make good captains. It looks like Afridi will not go the way of Botham, KP and Flintoff. But surely some mad implosion is just around the corner?

  7. ikrana says:

    Actually, with Shahid Afridi, consistency is the least expected thing, and since his captaincy was also not expected, suddenly the most expected thing.

  8. Yawn says: – Boom boom pow!

    Who’s crazier, the Yanks or Dr Boom Boom?

  9. knowledge_eater says:

    @ Govind Raj .. why not !!! Afridi have debuted in 1996 please give me one thing Afridi have improved in !! other than suiciding himself often than become legend !! He behaves the same way as he did in his teen-age days. I will give you better improved example

    Inzi : when he was young he was very hot blooded, look at him now, he is in all star team. Despite being horrible runner and almost being no fielder .. still he is standing tall among Pakistan greats. That is call improvement.

    I mean if you play that long for cricket crazy country. You are suppose to be Genius by now. He has never evolved. That tells you the personality of player. I don’t think whole Pakistan team is inconsistence. Because of few players like him whole team looks unpredictable and inconsistent. Why own earth do you send Kamran Akmal and Razzak that late !!!

    I think this next 5 years may be his last chance to be consistent. Deep inside every player in his team want Shahid bhai to perform thats just wrong and when he is down and out other players also are in lack of confidence. Kamran and Salman are exceptional to what Afridi does, other young players aren’t. His team is with many gifted players, and Pakistan can really become unstoppable. But as soon as they loose they tend to show their real character. I hope their last win against Bangla is their booster. Let’s see .. wait and watch

  10. Gypsy Phantom says:

    Brilliant, Jrod.

  11. a person says:

    and you constantly insult an honourable and talented man to get a few laughs out of losers. i agree with Govind raj and sana. the rest of you need to lose weight, get a job and a girlfriend.

    • jrod says:

      A person, Insult? How did I insult him?

      Sana, not a lion, he is too excitable for a lion, lions could never match the enthusiasm of Afridi.

  12. a person says:

    oh, but sana, on second thought, doesn’t he look more like a cheetah, not a lion? i mean, imran khan=lion, i can see. but afridi is more a cheetah in my opinion.

  13. Sunny says:

    shame he is getting cock-blocked by this pakistan team.

    btw, his facial expressions when a pakistan player screwed up in that india game were priceless. the other puppies in the pakistan team are not horny enough.

  14. raptor says:

    Afridi, is a puppy “come cuddle me, look at my wiggly tail” dog!!

  15. knowledge_eater says:

    Even I didn’t insult him. No foul language nothing. Jrod is saying he is too hyper.

    I am asking why is he still hyper even after playing that long !!

    I bet he cramped because of that. How often have you seen Afridi cramp ? Btw. which also proves that he is not 30. Cramping after playing just 40 balls !!! I don’t know how old Razzak is .. And what’s up with changing birthdates !! Do they want to become model or actress or something !! I am well wisher of him, read my comment again. It was just emotional rant like Coach suppose to give him, but hey you can’t even do that Shahid bhai, he is captain now. More pressure.

    I think his consistency has to do with him being Squirrel.

    He is the Alvin among the chipmunks. Thats best complement for Shahid.

  16. Shoib says:

    i didnt know indan bhen chowd were that bad, teri mowdi….
    afridi aton form of his life and now you watch him destroy england and australlia

  17. Shaitaan says:

    Hahaha, hark at Shoib. What’s got your pathani suit in a bunch now, son? Been hanging out onMillatfacebook for too long, eh? Wouldn’t know a nuanced article if it dropped on you like a daisy cutter, eh? Btw, JRod is an Aussie, you can’t blame ‘Indan bhen chowd’ for everything, you know.

  18. Govind Raj says:

    @ knowledge_eater

    My lament is your lament too. Look at what I have written. With such talent for the game at his disposal, he has done no justice to his talent. That is till now, period.

    Afridi will top the list of players who have gifted their wicket most number of times. I don’t think any player living or dead can come anywhere near him in this regard.

    But he has survived 15 years on the international scene. He has won a T-20 World Cup for Pakistan. He will be remembered in Pak cricket history as a Flawed Genius; a tad too flawed.

    His age and that of most of Pakistan players will always remain controversial. But going by the reports of him being 15 when he made debut, he must be 30 now. That gives him at least 5 more years of quality Cricket. If he can carry the Captaincy the way he has done so far, he should be a Boon Boon Afridi for Pak Cricket ! I hope it happens.

  19. alam_03 says:

    Shahid bhai is the most popular cricketer of modern times. we love him because of his flambount and distructive self. One cannot imagine shahid bhai to be calm and transform like Inzamam. The whole cricketing world like him the way he is. He would do well to keep up with image till the end of his career.

  20. knowledge_eater says:

    and funny thing is and most ironic thing is and the most awesome thing is …

    the one who calls ‘Indian sister lover’ are the one who are forced (or they have crush on ) to marry their cousin sisters. hahaha talk about genetic similarities on top of their phenotype similarities and hidden hideous diseases pooping up every generation and then they curse god .. why god why hahaha


  21. a person says:

    @knowledge eater: keep your hate inside you where it can rot you away to the bone. Afridi married his cousin and none of his kids have any disease. He has 3 daughters.

  22. sana says:

    jrod: lion because of the how his hair + beard are one + … sexy-hunger

    a person: yes, and he’ll keep having daughters till he has a son. check them out (past 0:54) analyzing his skills and advising him on captaincy:

  23. knowledge_eater says:

    Woohhh what a guess, I didn’t even know he did. And I don’t even care, dude I responded to foul ironic language. And I don’t even want to know how many kids does he have.

    Btw. I had pakistani roomates and mates through out my life. You don’t know shyytt how much do I care about whom and how much hatred do I have for what.

    “He will keep having daughters till he has a son” WHY Thats what I am against at

    Do you even know many family abuses and social problems are being created due to this stupid philosophy of marrying cousins !!! How many dowry shyytt is happening because of that !!!

    Afridi is millionaire he can feed 10 kids of his own if he wants to ? But what about many other poor lower cast-class women who has something else in their mind .. !!
    Did he even ask what his wife want !! I don’t even care even if he did, because whole system of having son only is full of crap. Because women can’t do certain jobs RIGHT

    Leave it mate but please don’t tell me how much respect do I have for humanity. I don’t want to cross line here, I respect all individuals, everyone’s batting style is different. Its cricket.
    But I can’t be hypocrite to what has been happening and what needs to be told and need to be fixed.
    I am off to discussion, next time please read carefully what I am trying to say.

  24. a person says:

    Ur stupid. love, me

  25. sana says:

    knowledge_eater if you can’t stop to breathe while writing about afridi, i shudder to think how you survive watching him bat.

  26. knowledge_eater says:

    @ sana I do enjoy him bat, because if you have one wicket left and have to chase 50 in 15 ball you can count on him, but if you have 50 balls and need to score 15 runs you don’t count on him. He is awesome. :D

  27. sahar says:

    Afridi is the best . . There are a lot of fans in this world I hope u all die and stop being jealous !

    Afridi we Love you !

  28. statswhore says:

    it’s confirmed,
    after sachin, afridi attracts most comments on CWB!!
    oh! I love stats….!!

  29. Ghalib Mohmand says:

    I guess knowledge eater have over blown the son issue and created it into a sort of biggest problem in south asia. stats says india have many fold higher abortion rate(for girls only)

    offcourse afridi,s son would have his kind of flair in cricket. world is not much interested in women cricket for the time being. Afridi needs to concentrate on building a team rather focusing too much on his own performance only. we dont need him to score two 100s in 3 matches all the time. but to unify the bunch of talented players( except the openers…..cant even be close to talent)

    All indians pls ignore shoib comments. we got exceptions every where.

  30. knowledge_eater says:

    @ Ghalib Mia :P

    I do that on purpose, I just wait for an opportunity. Women rights are not major issue in India, Many major political stunts are run by woman and many major sports authorities that Indian can be proud of are Indian women.(I hope you have been reading news lately) And current president of India is woman. :D Pakistan have recently trying to come out, but wait they are even shutting that down as well. What’s the guarantee Afridi’s son will play cricket : 100 % Whats the guarantee his daughters will be playing Tenis or Cricket and make country proud: ……. % (fill in the gap)
    Beside people don’t realize it that if they keep having male child, where the hell they are going to find partner from !! Indians are beginning to accept homo-sexual. Well, tell me what happens to queers in Pakistan !!!

    Most of the rules and regulations are against women, and even religion crap is biased. I just give comments to shack things and wake up everybody that what you have been told and taught by certain great great grand-parents are not true. Cheers :D

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