The CWB football team

I’ve decided to pick a team of football from what cricket has to offer.  It wouldn’t win the world cup, but I think I’d enjoy watching them play.


Sachin– sure he is not gifted with the most athletic frame, but like a non mental Diego Maradonna more than makes up with it with the ability to score at will and carry a team.  Has had some pretty handy world cups already.


Pollard – big strong and has great club form, picked for his ability to turn only a few opportunities into goals.  People worry that he has never done anything at international level to justify his millionaire status.  He doesn’t seem to mind.  Probably not adverse to the odd dive and handy with headers.

Left Midfield

Sulieman Benn – Occasional brilliance is often overshadowed by talk of his height and temper.  Only player to be sent off by his own captain after a bad tackle and bad attitude.  It is never clear if he ever tries to actually hit the ball in a tackle.

Centre Midfield

Ponting– Scores more than most, but is still a very heavy handed defender.  Is quick, plays well of both feet, is a winner, but can lose his temper at times. Has won at the top level a few times before. Doesn’t like being substituted.

Centre Midfield

Mark Boucher – A tough team player.  Like a rugged family sedan, once you have him there you’d know that spot was well taken care of.  Yet you’d still drop him from time to time to see if you have someone younger or flashier.  He might misread how much injury time is left in big games.

Right Midfield

Paul Collingwood – Often thought of as nothing more than a defender who plays midfield, yet he can score on occasions and is always important at the end of matches.  Only has a right foot, and this often makes his ungainly style look even uglier than it would normally.

Left Back

Ray Price – Hard as nails, ready to hack you just for fun, always slower than the men he is defending.  No one ever gets past him with the ball and their shins.

Centre Back

Charl Langeveldt – Steady, consistent, easily droppable, and dependable.  He will have been in and out of the team for years.  The sort of defender that gets no headlines but does the job when you can’t find anyone better.

Centre Back

Kumar – Silky smooth defender that makes the opposition strikers feel ungainly in comparison.  Always takes a piece of the ball, is the captain, penalty taker, and pin up boy of the team.  Also the most likely to put off the opposition when they’re taking a penalty.

Right Back

Harbhajan Singh – An attacking insane defender who loves to take free kicks from 40 yards believing that he can score a goal.  Mostly he’ll miss by a mile, but every now and then he’ll score.  Will also be red carded for the occasional slap.


Rahul Dravid – Nothing gets past Rahul.  Sure there are times he is less animated than an East German goal keeper, but would you ever back yourself to get through him?


Jamie Siddons – All the best managers have trouble keeping their emotions in check, Siddonds fits  this well.  With him in full view of the cameras you can really see the veins almost explode in his head as the other team score.

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13 thoughts on “The CWB football team

  1. hi says:


  2. Rishabh says:

    going by your description of langeveldt, isn’t he a more ideal benchwarmer?

    also, 4-4-2 is boring!

  3. Kristian says:

    Harbhajan = Dani Alves. Exactly

  4. Yawn says:

    Great tribute to Dravid.. he would be moved to tears if he read this. Funny how Colly’s role perfectly fits any English midfielder description. Clarke would be the new Beckham? And Hussey for backup goalie; he can be boring as hell at times and then he can come up with some breathtaking saves too, a very dependable goalie for sure!

  5. Leg Break says:

    Wouldn’t Vettori be in tehre somewhere?

    Patrolling the midfield like some Italian mastro.

    Occasionally helping out in defence, and then making late runs into the box. Would probably be the team’s top scorer.

    He could fill in as back-up goalie and help Siddons out a bit too

  6. You’re right JRod, this team wouldn’t win the World Cup. But they would beat Australia however based on their dismal showing against germany the other night.

  7. poopsie says:

    I thought Charl Langeveldt was dead?

  8. raj says:

    God of Sehwagology deems it beneath his dignity to play contact sport?

  9. Yawn says:

    Tim Southee made it to the Top 50 Sexiest sports persons list, greatest honor and recognition for a soccer player. Upcoming superstar?

  10. Wes says:

    What’s the average age of that team, Italian +5?

  11. MSingh says:

    Or Veru could come in ONLY after the 85th minute and ONLY if the team is down by 7 goals to give the opponents a fair chance against the divine lack of footwork to score that is Sehwag

  12. Suhrith says:

    I’d have Sourav Ganguly as the manager. Would be brilliant at playing mind games and would bite his finger nails to death on the touchline and also a few Rafael Benitez like gesticulations to ensure that the team is compact and that Benn doesnt go walk about.

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