England beat up Clarke

I’m not sure what kind of kid Michael Clarke was, but I doubt he was a brawler.

He looks like the sort of smooth adult that was also like Teflon in the play ground.

Perhaps people tried to abuse him, but he probably had team mates from various sporting teams who would step in for him.

Plus the teachers probably kept on eye on their golden boy, don’t want the local cricket star being found dead behind the portables.

With all that in mind yesterday was probably the first real beating he has ever taken.

And he was beaten, hard.

It was public too, while everyone was at lunch, crowded around as Clarke didn’t even try to defend himself.

He just sat there been moved by the force of England’s blows.  He was more a punching bag than a fighter.

There was nothing he could do to stop it, so perhaps he thought by hitting himself a few times he might confuse England and gain some respite.

Instead it just made the English beat him up harder.

Finally his lifeless body was put out of it’s misery well earlier than anyone had thought possible.

Battered and bruised he will be returned to Cricket Australia, who may not want him anymore.

I thought Clarke was unlucky, Kieswetter won the man of the match award, but surely no one did more for England’s victory than Clarke did.

The only good news for Australian cricket was that this might mean Australia don’t automatically turn to Clarke when they need their next captain, they might actually look at who would be the best captain, and not just the guy who speaks to media without saying anything and who grooms himself well for photoshoots.

England were nerdishly efficient and brutal on Australia all day. They still had some great luck, dropped catches finding other fielders, Haddin caught of the hip, but surely there biggest slice of luck was that Clarke was playing.

Swann and Collingwood are lucky their team won, because conspiring to get Clarke out could have been the worst thing either of them had ever done.

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19 thoughts on “England beat up Clarke

  1. Jayadev says:

    He should have been given the MoM along with Shane Watson, who bowled absolute shit
    .-= Jayadev´s last blog ..Clark and Watson win it for awesome England =-.

  2. The Beggy G says:

    I am an admitted neophyte at this cricket strategy stuff. I can see easily that Clarke has had a nightmare at the crease but for my personal education I’d love to hear why people don’t like his T20 captaincy. No really, I’m not being my usual smartarse self. In my (apparently ignorant) view he didn’t seem that bad a leader and I’d be grateful if anyone could point out what I should have been looking for.

    • jrod says:

      Beggy, He didn’t lead from the front with the bat, he panicked and ran out one (almost two) batsman, when England needed less than a run a ball he had sweepers out, when smith was bowling to Morgan and spinning it back into him Clarke had no one at mid wicket and Morgan easily scored there, he didn’t use David Hussey at all even though he had done a good job for him against Pakistan, he got the batting order wrong for the whole tournament, and that was just what I remember from this game.

  3. Chris says:

    You mean Jrod it wasn’t a masterstroke of captaincy to have our best 3 batsmen come in at 5, 6 & 7? I do wonder if Clarke looked at other teams and saw Sanga, Dhoni, Akmal, Kieswetter etc at the top of the order and so automatically assumed thats where keepers were supposed to bat.

  4. gw says:

    I must say it really was a great performance from the winners. I was the first person to go up to the South Africans at work today and congratulate them on their win. all in all well played South Africa and Graeme Smith would have been a very proud man when he finally lifted the trophy as South Africa normally chokes in these kinds of tournaments!!

  5. The Beggy G says:

    Cheers, Jrod and Chris. I did notice the lack of Dussey. And as for the runout… God, that’s supposed to be what the English do whilst in the middle of a Ravi B type choke surely? Even I noticed the sweeper thing, I thought MC must have known something I didn’t. See? Learning all the time.

    I’m telling myself he is paid a stupid amount of money for this (some of it mine) and is more privileged than I’ll ever be so I have a right, nay a duty, to slag him off when he cocks things up.

  6. Deep Cower says:

    Is this post purported to be the modern T20 version of the original Ashes eulogy, albeit with Aus playing the deceased?

  7. Jay says:

    Seriously man, did Clarke rape your dog or something? The loathing is scary.

  8. Yawn says:

    All I remember of Clarke is his debut Test series. Pretty sure he will strike back with class!

  9. Cashforhumiliation says:

    Jay, give us Aussies a break, we’ve been bitching about him being in the 20/20 squad since I can’t remember how far back, then CA went and gave him the captaincy about 2 months ago.

    It should have gone to a referendum, I think,

    And jrod is going easy on him in my view.

  10. midgure says:


  11. knowledge_eater says:

    Actually, i rent out enough on him .. but i read an interview on cricinfo and whatever he told there .. if it is correct .. then I think it will not be fair to rant out only on him.

    I don’t think it was solo decision .. whole think tank in dressing room including selectors are responsible for ugly cricket.

    i forgive him already, because I like Dogs and you can’t hear irritating puppy cry .. its just immoral.

  12. raghu says:

    regardless of age , I think Mr.Cricket should be made captain for the shorter versions of the game.

  13. peghalite says:

    @raghu the last time mussey was made captain they almost had to rename him master cricket, such was the boyish excitement combined with terrible captaincy he looked like he was about to constantly wet himself. i believe australia failed to defend 300 plus scores twice and in the first game were rolled for 140, and hence it was decided that making a player with an annoyingly limitless enthusiasm and energy for the game captain was one of those ideas that sounds good when you say it, until everybody plays so bipolarly shit that you would have sworn pakistan was involved somewhere.

  14. Jax says:

    How about Cameron White for captain?

    And yes, I also congratulated the Saffers here on their win. They didn’t think it was funny, I found it tragic.

  15. Gigi says:

    The best point you made in the preview and again here was the foolishness of actually getting Clarke out. I’m willing to bet good money that someone will deliberately drop a low strike rate batsman in the next IPL.

  16. Unfortunately for Clarke, he is effectively a passenger at T20 cricket and should be dropped forthwith by the selectors and replaced as captain by Cameron White, who could then bat where he should at three or four.

    However, as an Englishman I was delighted Clarke ‘led from the front’, and I too was worried when Collingwood caught him.

    Clarke is captain and number three in my Worst Xi of the World T20 – http://bit.ly/cxFxtD
    .-= The Reverse Sweep´s last blog ..Robert Key fills up the telly =-.

  17. Mark A says:

    Jrod, just back from the St Lucia part of the T20 Thingy and I have to tell you it was embarrassing watching Pup BLOCK during the Windies game when he could have used the time for a bit of slogging ( as could of our Back Stop for that matter) then do all he could to lose the Semi with his bowling changes and field placings, batting order ( maybe not entirely his plan) then “blocking” again with the bat.
    Although it was hard to hear, even the post match interviewer on the ground sledged Pup for his batting during the T20

  18. Lou says:

    I thought he was equally embarrassing during the final, or even more so.

    It was Ian Bishop and he did sledge Clarke during a post match interview. Good on him.

    Clarke is shit at 20/20..

    And we are stuck with him, cheers, CA.

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