The Jesus XI

Happy Jesus on a stick day. A day that is all about honouring someone who died so that we can all be perverts and animals, but you can’t eat steak, in case some is made of him.

In honour of Jesus dying I’ve compiled an XI of players who died, and were then reborn, or you know, other Christian type shit. Jesus, as we all know, was a wicket keeper.

S Katich – Found himself in a cricket career cave due to some horrific test form, but then his God, Bob Simpson, helped him, and thankfully we now have Katich shuttling around the crease for days on end.

M Sinclair – Impossible as it is to enjoy the way he plays, Sinclair is the one cricketer most likely to survive Sodom and Gomorrah. When the Kiwis are having a selectorial apocalypse, it is Sinclair they turn to. He will always live with us.

I Bell – If Bell truly was the son of God, Christianity would have died out by now. Instead Bell seems ordained by some higher power, perhaps Murdoch, to play the number 3 position for England. He coveted it while he had to wait out Pestilence (Shah), War (Bopara) and Famine (Trott) but he found his way back to number three.

M Hussey – Has never left heavenly earth, but what exactly was he doing between the age of 12 and 30.

K Pietersen – An outcast with his old religion he became the father, son and holy bail of a new one. It still hasn’t been smooth sailing, but he no longer has to bowl off spin, so that is good.

K Akmal – Crucified on the pitch for one of the most heretical displays of wicket keeping ever written about. But he will be back, you can’t keep a Pakistani cricketer away for too long. Even if he comes back as a kolpak.

A Flintoffas was written.

N Hauritz – Outbowled by M Clarke and then shunned by his country, his state, and his knew state. One day four wise men decided to pick him up from the gutter he found himself in, and bugger me if he hasn’t stayed around since then.

S Bond – Needed to go on a spiritual adventure to India so that one day he could come back to New Zealand and tell them he was available for white ball games and then continued his spiritual adventure in India.

A Mendis – The man is full of mystery, but once you work it out, it is all kind of simple and you don’t really care anymore.

A Nehra – From a world cup final to the great abyss, but thanks to Lalit K, Nehra has been brought back so that we can all pray at his long limbs and permanent angry face.

J Patel (12th) – Is so good at being 12th man I couldn’t see why he wouldn’t do it for Jesus.

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11 thoughts on “The Jesus XI

  1. tahtian says:

    changing the subject …

    has anyone else noticed that Shilpa Shetty (not a misprint) and Preity Zinta (ditto) have accumulated 70 not out between the two of them?

    Is that why they wear such humungous sunnies?

    Lara Bingle is free.

  2. Yawn says:

    Corey Collymore changed religion just to be one with Jesus. Sad, he is not considered for final XI. Marlon Samuels and Md Sami are trying hard too. Zim cricket board seems to be trying hard to present their XI for Jesus. Why does God hate Bevan and Hick? I never understand. They were simply not the choses ones.

  3. Percy says:

    Hey , easy there.If you don’t believe in religion , atleast be tolerant , foul mouthed ocker

  4. And presumably Watson is the main beneficiary of Kato’s Jesus touch given his miraculous transformation from a broken body of glass to Kato’s opening partner who is never (well nearly never) injured
    .-= The Reverse Sweep´s last blog ..Pietersen finally shows the IPL that he can bat =-.

  5. A match between this XI and the Sehagology XI has to be on.
    The born agains versus the “so awesome they do not need to be born even once” . It will be holy war.
    .-= Dhananjay Mhatre´s last blog ..New Post for BCCi =-.

  6. Ashwin says:

    How is Youhana not here !!! He has already come back twice out of retirement and right now he is only gone for the moment. I think he deserves a place! poor selection Jrod Smite him o might smiter !!

  7. Yawn says:

    If anyone missed it (pretty sure most of you guys here dont watch IPL), Watson went after a ball and got out thinking it to be a free hit when the previous ball was called a no-ball for height. Needless to say, his team lost. [Unconfirmed story. Can anyone verify this?]

  8. jogesh99 says:

    question: In how many years time do you think the T20 highest score will surpass the ODI highest score?

  9. Percy says:

    what do you mean never ?

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