Inside the AB Medal 2010

The Omitted went to the AB Medal:

A few things struck me as I arrived outside the crown casino’s red carpet entrance to cricket’s night of nights.

Firstly, This is the poor man’s version of the brownlow.

It has a little bit of prestige, but no one actually cares who wins (especially if its Shane Watson). No one calls ricky ponting the 4 time Allan Border Medalist. Mostly they call him a runmachine,  stylish,  or cunt-head. A very small proportion of the Cricket loving public would even know this event is on. When it’s Brownlow week the whole of Melbourne loses its shit. The Herald Sun is 3 times thicker, Eddie McGuire publicly Masturbates and the bookmakers’ phones run off the hook with more business than a condom vending machine in the toilets at the highschool ball.

Secondly, There is nowhere near as many hot birds as there is at the Brownlow. Sure Bingle, Furlong and Bracken are spank bank material, but there definitely was not the hoards of blokes walking around with a fat like i imagine to be the case on brownlow night.  Hayley Bracken’s choice of attire has definitely got all the online bitches changing their social-networking status en masse.  I can’t see what all the fuss is about. Clearly when you pay that much for a set of cans you wish for people to see them. And I did. Multiple times.

Despite the night reeking of wank, there were a few special highlights for those lucky enough to witness in the flesh (Other than the afore mentioned titty flash). It was disappointing not to see Darren Lehmann inappropriately comment on how smoking hot the Federal Minister for Sport is for a second year running. I guess the fact he had consumed about 30 less crownies when they let him up on stage this time around had something to do with it. Although he did manage to give her an honourable mention with a wry smile on his face.

Brendan Julian got through a whole night as co-host without tripping up on himself or the English language. A great feat for the big man, as those who watch Fox Sports coverage of the Australian domestic cricket will know. Well done BJ.

Standing next to a very intoxicated Michael Slater in the urinal at the after party as he pissed with his head leaning against the wall was special for me, but the number one highlight would have to be seeing Shane Watson Cry… again! Well it would have been had i not been locked outside trying to fight for a spot in the dunny with the crowds aiming to make it back to their seats before the 3 minute commercial break window was up. So I missed the big fairy crying, but it also meant I didn’t have to witness him actually winning the award. I couldn’t even hear his whinging girly voice thanking the medical staff for finally getting his glass-boned body through a full season. Shattered. I looked around all night for Tom Williams but he was nowhere in sight. It would have made my night to see big Tom dancing with Lee Furlong til late in the night. I only hope a few people understand what I’m talking about…

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0 thoughts on “Inside the AB Medal 2010

  1. reina says:

    Just seen Hayley Bracken’s dress – don’t quite get what all the fuss was about. Watching American awards shows has clearly jaded me.
    .-= reina´s last blog ..So. many. centuries. =-.

  2. The Beggy Groin says:

    Wow! 8 or so sexual references, not including ‘cunt-head’ which is only an insult using a sexual term so not really the same thing.

    Melbourne as a whole may not get excited about the Alan Border medal event but apparently someone does. Or at least it would seem so If you deconstruct this piece in freudian terms, and what sort of wanker softcock does that?

    I’m bloody jealous, so just ignore me.

  3. Matt says:

    Maths is good – 16 teams with 40 on the list means the winner is one from quite a big pool, ergo more nob fodder and much less chance of actually taking Charlie home (the suggestion of which no doubt makes Eddie the ‘groin latte’ maker he is during Brownlow week) Kinda makes sense that with so few players participating that it might not be that exciting.

  4. LL says:

    Mate If I’d bedded Kym, Lee and had a baggy green, I reckon I’d be pretty happy. I suppose you’ll have to be happy with Slat’s pee splashes on your leg.

    The Tom reference is a pretty poor effort even for a Victorian.

  5. Jax says:

    If Slats reads this, won’t he realise who TO is? Actually, then again, he was pissed en probs took quite a few bathroom breaks!

  6. Cam says:

    Lee Furlong has a large head and small body.

  7. LL says:

    Whoops my bad, sorry! I’d hate to jeopardise future posts as they are entertaining and well written.

  8. Lou says:

    Whoever wrote this sounds… sad.

  9. Miriam says:

    Reina, I hear ya on the Hayley Bracken dress non-event. Halle Berry did the whole “boobs covered in a sheer material with strategically placed floral embroidery appliqué” years ago.

    My favourite look of the night = Nathan Hauritz’s wife. So pretty.

  10. Left Arm Seamers Club Member says:

    Excellent critique of a farcical event Mr. Omitted.

    The sickest thing about this “wank fest” is that the medal is a shocking copy of the Brownlow, surely the pleb who designed it could of come up with something original? Even make it GREEN instead of blue and gold??? What a joke.

    I also would hav enjoyed TW sliding in with a flashdance routine to once again cut the grass of medal recipient. While we are on that;
    re: Cam. Lee Furlong has a Plough like jaw that could til a wheat field in minutes, probably be a better ride then a John Deere too.

    My question is how seriously do these blokes take the awards?? Anything that involves womens cricket must be null and void surely…..

  11. reina says:

    Miriam: I know, right? And it wasn’t even particularly scandalous then. Re Hauritz’s wife, have only found a profile picture of her, but she does look lovely. Not entirely convinced about the gathered bit above her knee, but would probably have to see the dress – which seems otherwise gorgeous – from the front…
    .-= reina´s last blog ..Equipment Check =-.

  12. Jax says:

    Reina: Check out Getty Images, they’ve got almost everyone in their full glory there, including missus Nathan Hauritz. And also agree on the dress, only difference is Halle Berry made it look more classy. Sorry, but it’s true…

  13. Jed says:

    What a strange blog this is. For christ sake give credit where credit due. Watson becoming the best cricketer in the world. Love the way he got slightly emotional probably due to the fact so many wankers wrote him off for so many years and that he amazed himself on being able to stay injury free. As for Lee Furlong, I have had the great pleasure of meeting this young lady and I stress the word lady…Would have to be one of the most stunning women I have ever met. Face of an angel….