The Omitted went to the AB Medal:
A few things struck me as I arrived outside the crown casino’s red carpet entrance to cricket’s night of nights.
Firstly, This is the poor man’s version of the brownlow.
It has a little bit of prestige, but no one actually cares who wins (especially if its Shane Watson). No one calls ricky ponting the 4 time Allan Border Medalist. Mostly they call him a runmachine, stylish, or cunt-head. A very small proportion of the Cricket loving public would even know this event is on. When it’s Brownlow week the whole of Melbourne loses its shit. The Herald Sun is 3 times thicker, Eddie McGuire publicly Masturbates and the bookmakers’ phones run off the hook with more business than a condom vending machine in the toilets at the highschool ball.
Secondly, There is nowhere near as many hot birds as there is at the Brownlow. Sure Bingle, Furlong and Bracken are spank bank material, but there definitely was not the hoards of blokes walking around with a fat like i imagine to be the case on brownlow night. Hayley Bracken’s choice of attire has definitely got all the online bitches changing their social-networking status en masse. I can’t see what all the fuss is about. Clearly when you pay that much for a set of cans you wish for people to see them. And I did. Multiple times.
Despite the night reeking of wank, there were a few special highlights for those lucky enough to witness in the flesh (Other than the afore mentioned titty flash). It was disappointing not to see Darren Lehmann inappropriately comment on how smoking hot the Federal Minister for Sport is for a second year running. I guess the fact he had consumed about 30 less crownies when they let him up on stage this time around had something to do with it. Although he did manage to give her an honourable mention with a wry smile on his face.
Brendan Julian got through a whole night as co-host without tripping up on himself or the English language. A great feat for the big man, as those who watch Fox Sports coverage of the Australian domestic cricket will know. Well done BJ.
Standing next to a very intoxicated Michael Slater in the urinal at the after party as he pissed with his head leaning against the wall was special for me, but the number one highlight would have to be seeing Shane Watson Cry… again! Well it would have been had i not been locked outside trying to fight for a spot in the dunny with the crowds aiming to make it back to their seats before the 3 minute commercial break window was up. So I missed the big fairy crying, but it also meant I didn’t have to witness him actually winning the award. I couldn’t even hear his whinging girly voice thanking the medical staff for finally getting his glass-boned body through a full season. Shattered. I looked around all night for Tom Williams but he was nowhere in sight. It would have made my night to see big Tom dancing with Lee Furlong til late in the night. I only hope a few people understand what I’m talking about…