Ramps and stuff

I tried to make sense out of the Mark Ramprakash shit, this is the best I could do. It doesn’t make much sense, I just sort of had notes, and couldn’t work out what to do, so this is a post, of sorts:

The Bryce McGain story was a lovely fairytale with a bloody massacre at the end.

The reason there was a story in the first place is because Australian spin had become a faeces ridden quagmire.

There was nothing left.

Brad Hogg left before he was kicked out, Lord Stuey couldn’t walk, Beau Casson was as shit as I said he was, Nathan Hauritz was playing club cricket, the Cullens were a non event, and Hampshire’s Shane Warne was playing poker.

That is the sort of shitness that needs to occur for someone like Bryce McGain to get selected.

As bad as England’s batting was at Headingley, it could never be as bad as Australia’s spin dilemma.

There is not an English batsman as bad as Cameron White’s legspin in this series.

Australia picked McGain because there were no other options, England does not have that problem.

Picking ramps is funny, but not that funny.

They have Trott, Key, or they can stay with the young players they have been developing.

There are other options, ones that won’t make them look like they are panicking.

It is only being suggested to make Andy Caddick mad.

Making changes to the side is fine, picking 39 year olds because of one shit test is insane.

Whose middle-aged crisis is this, Ramp’s or England’s?

Picking Mark Ramprakash now is like saying we have known he has always been the best, but we haven’t picked him anyway.

If Geoff Miller picks Mark Ramprakash now, he should be fired.

If it is the right decision for this test, then Ramps should have been playing for the last three years and that is Geoff’s fault.

If it is the wrong decision, then he is panicking and has no idea what he is doing.

Getting the women and gay dudes on side is important, but surely that will take more than a cameo test.

And why is this a must win test?

That shits me.

All tests are fucken must win tests.

There are no maybe win tests.

Graeme Hick.

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0 thoughts on “Ramps and stuff

  1. Leg Break says:

    Just read the Independent piece where he says he can cut it now because he’s been on Come Dancing. Seriously.

    And then this:: “It’s a wonderful showpiece occasion we’ve got on our hands, for it all to come down to this game now”

    Someone, perhaps a whole lot of people, are taking the piss in a major way.

  2. poopsie says:

    It is just plain nasty to bring Graeme HIck into it

  3. anonymous says:

    haha Graeme Hick!! Nice touch there, JRod. Anyone remember those days when Hick said in an interview given right at the begining of his career in which he said “I am no messiah”? His international career shown he indeed was not that. The British hype over shit is really pretty amazing. After all these years, it is still the same!

  4. Golandaaz says:

    If Ramps is picked and scores a 100…all previous England selectors must be fired…retroactively.

  5. Jay says:

    we’re through the looking glass here people.

  6. Dhananjay Mhatre says:

    One very bad day at office and we are talking doomsday scenario. Have people gone mad? Have…whats that? Its Englandweare talking about? Ok, never mind.

  7. Dhananjay Mhatre says:

    One very bad day at office and we are talking doomsday scenario. Have people gone mad? Have…whats that? Its England we are talking about? Ok, never mind.

  8. Chris W says:

    I guess it’s a live issue because Bopara hasn’t taken his chance and we’ve gone back to Bell only to realise why he was dropped in the first place. If there’s any sense in the world Trott will come in for Bopara and they’ll look at another player, maybe Ramps, maybe Key, or whoever, for Bell.

    However, this isn’t about England winning the Ashes.

    There hasn’t been a result at the Oval this year. It’s not a place where you take 20 wickets against a batting line up that has Ponting and Clarke in it, and Haddin batting at #7. England don’t have the bowlers to win this Test. This selection won’t decide whether or not we win the series.

    It might decide whether we lose it or not.

  9. patgarrett says:

    Let’s not lose our heads here. There are spin dilemmas and then there’s Eddie Hemmings.

  10. batting in ned kelly's helmet says:

    I always thought the best idea would be to pick the best players available. For the past four-five years England have preferred a youth policy that was measnt to pay off eventually. It didn’t pay off. Ramprakash is the best batsman in England right now. There is no conspiracy here. its really not that complicated.

  11. Lou says:

    Imagine if he does get picked and then play well. What do they do? Take him to South Africa? Sorry, the laughs get longer.

  12. Paddy says:

    On the “all Tests are must-win games” line, this has been used by a few people. Fine, you should try and win all Tests, but surely it’s not too difficult to understand that this one is more must-win than others. Don’t win it, and Australia retain the Ashes. Whereas if this was only the fifth of six Tests then a draw would still keep the series alive.

    • jrod says:

      Paddy, Perhaps that is the difference between the two countries, one only thinks it is must win when it is the decider, and other thinks that all live games should be won. I don’t see the point in elevating this one test, every live test should be played to the death.

  13. Jamie64 says:

    Ramps is a better option than Bopara…

    Besides, it warms my heart to see someone my age (okay, half a decade younger) still moosing second rate county attacks.. makes me want to come back and play 5th grade with othe broken hacks..

    I reckon Ramps will still be averaging 80+ in his 50s!

  14. Paddy says:

    JRod, that’s because your team don’t need to win this match to hang on to the Ashes. Of course all Tests are must-win, but this one is need-win (for the Poms anyway)

  15. josef_kaye says:

    I just wanna say that this is the best post on the subject that has been and ever will be written. I skipped the laughing stage and just went straight to peeing my pants. It was that good.

  16. adverbin says:

    Come on UJ. This will be the last test match for England till 2013. They are entitled to put out their best team. Even if it means bringing up a proven fragile / easily breakable player who was as bad, of not worse than Belly. He is averaging 100+ against DIV II county attacks. (you don’t think that the OZ attack is as good as that !!?! So what if Lee can’t get into it, he should to be put to pasture). Of course, RaviBell ae flopping against the same county attacks aren’t they? What, they are playing DIV I bowling?? Does not matter a whit. Ramps is the man!!!!

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