Lalit’s empire

The IPL is over, and it already feels like a dream.

Was Akon (owner of a South African Diamond mine) really there?

Did I really watch almost 50 games of cricket in the last few weeks?

It seems weird, because I really can’t remember much from the tournament itself.

I know old guys and spinners seemed to play well, the South Africans enjoyed being home and more than a few young Indians struggled with the extra bounce.

It is the stuff outside the cricket that sticks in my mind, the peripheral bullshit of this freak show tournament.

Danny Morrison acting like a coke addled clown. The very rarely seen token black cheerleader.  The rest of the commentators getting so far up Lalit’s anal passage that they couldn’t even see the cricket. An odd glimpse of empty stands. Expensive cameras that wobble and are mostly out of focus. The constant shots of SRK acting like he didn’t know the cameras were on him.  Fake horns. Lalit Modi having a mobile phone on each ear when the camera is on him.  The un- nerving feeling you get from slick subliminal advertisdlfing.  Badly scripted and suicidally un-funny pitch reports. Games that sort of morph into each other. And a beauty contest slipped in there somewhere.

And that is about all.

I know more happened, it had to, there were over 50 games played. One every day, sometimes two.

Too much of a good thing or just too fucking much.

There is no doubt the cricket is better than watching a repeat episode of two and a half men, but how much better?

The whole tournament is sort of like watching 300, it is so staged, such a camp comedy, amazingly over the top, and so mind-dullingly entertaining that it doesn’t matter if you forget most of what you have seen.

It is all about the moment, and Lalit knows it; he is the god of all gods, and by the looks of it will be for some time.

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0 thoughts on “Lalit’s empire

  1. Q says:

    If Modi’s the new God, then is Modiology the new religion?

  2. jrod says:

    Xerxes was a self proclaimed god.

  3. Q says:

    But u r claiming Modi is god of all gods?

  4. jrod says:

    Xerxes claimed to be the god of all gods, the god-king. Didn’t mean he was one, but he kicked alot of ass along the way.

  5. Q says:

    I get it now..

    Don’t have much knowledge abt these gods..

  6. jrod says:

    You should watch 300, it is as historically accurate as the commentating on this series.

  7. Q says:

    I slept through 300 and that too in the cinema! Strangely animated hulked up men in shorts and no shirts were not exciting enough for me.

  8. poopsie says:

    Crowned off by Roy saying the victory in the final was comparable to winning a World Cup

  9. Sachintha says:

    He said that after being axed from the Ashes squad, did he not?

  10. Yenjie says:

    Enjoy your humor, but don’t get the patronizing attitude sometimes – empty stands? out of focus cameras? staged, camp comedy tournament? Seriously? Surely not the torunament I watched. Aussies and Poms seriously need to get over the painfully obvious regret that y’all have neither the chutzpah nor even the money anymore to organize something like this on this grand scale. Ya, it is Cecil B. DeMille, but what is wrong with that? DeMille was just Bollywod before his time. The cricket’s good isn’t it?

    • jrod says:

      Yenjie, during the week the stands were quite often empty and the cameramen were told not to show it, this ofcourse fell apart in the last week of the tournament when one of the games had less than 10% of the ground full and they had to show stands empty. Out of focus camera was that fucking useless fly cam, which in every sport I have seen it used, continues to show me how fucken useless it is as a piece of technology. Camp comedy? Morrison, the pitch reports, the ‘fake tension’, that wasn’t camp? And yes you have got me, I am just jealous that Australia couldn’t organise a tournament like this, it has always been my dream for Australia to run a competition that Akon closes up, but you Indians, and your chutzpah, have ruined me. Come on mate, let’s get real here, if Australia put on a tournament, and there were things I didn’t like, would i hold back? And yes there was some good cricket, and some shit cricket, and some boring cricket, and there was alot of all 3. Too much 2020, no matter who is playing or organising, is just too much.

  11. Corporate 'Ho says:

    someone tweeted this. Modi is not the Don of cricket, neither is he the King of cricket, he is the DON KING of cricket. LOL

  12. Dhananjay Mhatre says:

    The closing ceremony was a clusterfuck of epic proportions. From Akon’s lipsynching to the beauty contest to Kat’s atrocious dancing (with full clothes on!!) to the fucktard Shiamak Dawar singing, the event felt like mass of people farting at one go in your faces. To top it off we had Ravi Shastri’s gassing for dessert. All the good work of the tremendous final undone.

  13. […] days of frenetic, action packed, monotonous overkill of T20 cricket, the IPL has drawn to a close. Some of my friends in the blogosphere have reviewed the IPL to the best possible extent. I will just […]

  14. poopsie says:

    Sachintha, it does not matter whether he is in the Ashes squad or not, comparing the IPL to a real cricket tournament sums up two things: the man is a drunken idiot and the man is a drunken idiot with a memory problem. The IPL is painful to watch in its present format, unless you are not interested in cricket

  15. Sachintha says:

    Erm… poopsie, isn’t that the same thing I meant?

  16. Jaideep Dave says:

    The witless entertainment doesn’t undermine the fact that the tournament saw some intense competition. We all can have a lot to carp about – Morrison’s buffoonery, Mandira’s clueless-ness, Modi’s pompousness, and much more – but the cricketing portion is certainly not one of them.

    And neither is fakeiplplayer.


  17. Yenjie says:

    Thanks for your reply. In reply to your reply, please see this –