Made of chalk

Young men are vibrant.

They are made of rubber and they bounce back before their injuries are fully realised.

Old men are not so lucky.

They injure themselves masturbating.

Thinking about masturbating.

Or in the nets.

3, of the 18 over 30 year olds in this Bastard Monkey Series, may not play in the test Friday.

Anil Kumble injured his shoulder wiping his forehead.

Stuart Clark hurt his elbow while putting a more realistic rinse through his hair.

Matthew Hayden wounded his elbow cooking relief packages for Roy, but he tells people it was bashing in the heads of Orphans.

That is the problem with playing men of advanced years.

They have chalk for bones, and vinegar for blood, not many people know this.

Mitchell Johnson has never injured himself putting in a labret or tongue piercing.

Ishant Sharma doesn’t hurt himself shaving his adams apple.

Because they are young you see, they could break a bone, and it would heal 8 minutes later.

Someone of Tendulkar’s age drops a packet of sugar on his toe and he never walks again.

There seems to be an obsession with youth everywhere in the world except Australia & India’s change room.

Will this lust for the elder gentleman be either side’s downfall.

Who knows, but stay tuned for the next episode of Grumpy Old Chalky Men.

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0 thoughts on “Made of chalk

  1. Anonymous says:

    Your argument doesn’t’ hold much weight JROD. WAtson is under 30 and is always injured. And noone was calling Warne old when he played in the last Ashes series at, what, 37? Only when he got to the IPL. Before his team started thrashing everyone else.

  2. poopsie says:

    Siddle set to sizzle!

  3. Chris says:

    I think the argument is the older players are more susceptible to injuries and take longer to recover when injured. Ofcourse the under 30’s get injured, some more than others (Watson), but they bounce back quicker.I also recall a lot of talk about Warne being old when playing in the last 2 ashes series. His workload was eased due to age and fitenss and he himself admitted he struggled with the rigours of such a gruelling tour as the little niggles he had did not disappear overnight like they did in his younger days.No-one is saying we need to pension off all the old guys, but there needs to be a balance. Take the Indian test and one day teams. Almost completely different personel and which one looks the most threatening?

  4. John says:

    Jayasuriya is an exception as well. He’s a strong motherfucka

  5. ©hinaman says:

    Hiya, my two cents.Many of these injuriies are a result of years of wear and tear. Shoulders elbows – you twist it, turn it, overuse it – it will fray and give way.Its simple arithmetic. If the average span before the overuse injuries manifests is say 16 years, anyone starting in the demanding international level from the age of 16 will be struggling at 32.The younger they start, the younger will be the average age when they become ‘crippled’.

  6. poopsie says:

    Chinamen, the two exceptions being Stuart Law and Hugh Hefner. Although some would say Stuart Law has always been crippled

  7. Jrod says:

    Anon, have you seen Watson’s face, he was born over 30 (and yes i noticed that too, and had this answer prepared) .Chris, you are right, Warne, McGrath, Langer, Gilly and Hayden’s age were mentioed for 2 years befoe any of them retired. John, but he is a pirate. Chinaman, exactly, although that doesn’t explain Nice bryce. Poopsie, How do you know Hugh’s penis is injured?

  8. Tarun says:

    HahahahahahaLoved the one on Kumble.

  9. Damith S. says:

    john>not only is sanath a strong motherfucker is also the baddest motherfucker to play cricket in canada. read all about it on has been so much talk about sanath and players who are passed there sell by date. ive always felt that sanaths just one injury away from retirement, but the bastard keeps racking up the runs and keeps on going. i think it all depends on the effort you put into ur fitness, if you are strong enough and the parts inside are in good condition whether you are old or not wont matter.