CAT TOWN – the cricket episode

Written by Miriam:
This episode of Cricketwithballs is an insight into some of England’s best known cricketers, and is brought to you in the style of CATTOWN.
I think you will agree that this update is written with even more of the gravitas and depth that you have come to expect from me.
If you haven’t checked out Cattown before, you should go take a look IMMEDIATELY. You would have to have a heart made out of the coldest, blackest anthracite not to laugh. Although my sister’s reaction was “what is wrong with these cats? Why do so many of them have no ears? This is horrible”.

CHARACTERS:

Paul Collingwood:

Rob Key:

Ryan Sidebottom:

THE EPISODE


RYAN
I FEEL BETTER AND WANNA PLAY THE ODI’S


KEY
DON’T BOTHER ME, I AM BUSY IGNORING WISDEN BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN OVERLOOKED AGAIN.
ALSO I AM CROSS ABOUT THE FP TROPHY
ALSO THERE SHOULDN’T BE AN APOSTROPHE IN ODIS


RYAN
SUCH APOSTROPHE USAGE IS IN FACT ACCEPTABLE WHEN WRITING IN CAPITALS AS I AM DOING AT THE MOMENT


COLLINGWOOD
HELLO, I AM GINGER


RYAN AND KEY
YOU’RE NO LONGER CAPTAIN, YOU’RE NO LONGER CAPTAIN!


COLLINGWOOD
FINE I AM GOING AWAY TO LISTEN TO “FANFARE FOR THE COMMON MAN”. ON REPEAT, BITCHES.


RYAN AND KEY
ARE YOU CALLING US FEMALE DOGS? GO PRACTISE THAT LEAPY WRONG-HANDED CATCH THAT GOT YOU AN MBE IN 2005


COLLINGWOOD
I AM GOING TO IAN BELL’S HOUSE TO COMPARE HIGHLIGHTS
HAIR HIGHLIGHTS THAT IS


KEY
I AM GOING TO EAT A PIE


RYAN
NO YOU BOTH NEED FIELDING PRACTICE, CATCH THIS

[HITS BALL INTO THE AIR]


KEY AND COLL
WHERE DID IT GO? WHERE DID IT GO?


RYAN
GAAAAAAAAAH!! YOU IS USELESS!
THAT’S IT I AM STROPPING OFF.

THE END

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0 thoughts on “CAT TOWN – the cricket episode

  1. Damith S. says:

    Oh my Miriam..you’ve out done your self this time.Its my first intro to CATTOWN btw and Im forever grateful.Would they happen to have any Characters for my SRI LANKAN boys. Perhaps we could do a combined episode one day LOL.Btwvote for the greatest ODI openers everhttp://fly-slip.blogspot.com/2008/08/greatest-odi-xi-as-voted-by-you.html

  2. Miriam says:

    I’m glad you like it, because I am going to get into SO much trouble when The Jrod gets back and sees it…

  3. Damith S. says:

    Well enjoy it while you can then!Did you manage to vote then ?Cheers.

  4. Len says:

    Easily the best CWB’s post ever.btw: I think you need to get a fair few tins of wiskers down Rob Key’s neck.

  5. Ceci says:

    Absolutely purrfect – please arrange for the Bushranger to go to music festivals more often. I’m not the only one who likes this a lot…http://tinyurl.com/5kneea

  6. 12th Man says:

    Is that your wig over Hairybottom cat’s head Mims?

  7. Miriam says:

    Len, thanks for the cat-love. Rob KeyCat used to be more plumptious, but he’s slimmed down lately.Ceci, if I don’t lose all my CWB privileges for this, Jacques Cat-Lis will definitely feature in future.Damith, I tried to vote but it didn’t work. Will try again. And 12th Man, that’s my actual hair.

  8. SarahCanterbury says:

    I haven’t timed it but I’ve been sitting here giggling for about 4 minutes now, which is quite a long time to be doing that while sat at the kitchen table on your own. It’s lucky I don’t have a cat or people might see me and think I was very sad, sniggering away to nobody in particular. Am glad you acknowledged that KeyCat has slimmed down, Miriam, as that was my only beef.LOVED RyanCat and can confirm it’s Miriam’s hair. I’m expecting to giggle for at least another minute.

  9. SixSixEight says:

    They obviously need an opposition team to get em going. Along with Jacques Cat-Lis, I’ll see if I can round up the garden stalking rogues round here but I think we will be a bit bowler heavy with Chris Meow-tin and JJ Turkish Van-de-Wath Cat.

  10. Miriam says:

    Don’t forget Meowcus Trescattick, wicketkeeper Cat Purrrior, and wildcardcat Darren Cattinson. Make sure Jack Russell doesn’t try to sneak in. This is CATTOWN.

  11. Prabu says:

    I guess we can officially rename the cricketwithballs to cricketwithpussies!Jrod – big mistake mate!

  12. poopsie says:

    so true, Prabu, so true

  13. Miriam says:

    I think he may disapprove of so many cat pics. But I say, the more the meowier.

  14. Soulberry says:

    I love cats…my pet cat, Garfield was a brave monster…do you want to hear about him Miriam? Here is the last picture of him…he died a month after that picture as a result of injuries sustained in a finalvalorous battle he fought with three street dogs who had been after him for a long time.I wasn’t at home…and when I came back, it was too late to repair and restore him.

  15. Soulberry says:

    Nice cat mat and that grey monsta (lower right corner…at the bottom)…’e looks good.

  16. Miriam says:

    Soulberry, your Garfield looks to have been an absolutely splendid cat, although the story of his demise is almost too much for me to bear! He looks like a mountain lion. Also, dogs are horrid. The grey monsta is the Ryan Sidebottom cat, aka Nimbus, from behind. Her (for she is a girl) physical bulk is more made up of fluff than anything else.

  17. Dave says:

    Excellent Miriam, didn’t realise it was already Caturday.

  18. Miriam says:

    Dave, for me every day is Caturday.

  19. Jrod says:

    hmmm…

  20. Miriam says:

    Damn, he’s back. Quick, hide the cats!

  21. Soulberry says:

    The grey monsta is the Ryan Sidebottom cat, aka Nimbus, from behind. Her (for she is a girl) physical bulk is more made up of fluff than anything else.Thanks, and that’s an interesting one, Ryan Sidebottom cat. I apologize to the fluffy young lady, out of habit (thanks to Garfie) I tend to refer to cats in the masculine. Nimbus is a fine name…a grey fluff which must also float around the house.I love dogs too…I had one called “Sheroo” (trans: like a lion). He was also an abandoned hungry stray pup I picked up from the street. He was the most decentest and cultured human being I ever met…the animals were all men who must have ill-treated him and the mother who left him.He too had some peculiarities…like he’d hear the sound of my approaching car when it was impossible for anyone to hear it (more than 200 metres away) and then he’d rush to greet me that far from home…and run alongside while trying to jump in through the open window. As a result, I’d have tocrawl the final 200 mts or so.Sheroo could understand what I spoke with him and what I didn’t…just like Garfield.In fact, Garfie had him as a friend for the first five years of his life. Sheroo passed away in 2003 after a ripe and fruitful dozen years.Garfie and Sheroo…I didn’t train them…no ma’am, I didn’t…but they never messed up at home. hey’d always ask to be let out if they felt the urge and the doors were locked. Sheroo was most loyal and loving. He loved to lick my face and would make home at my feet as I worked at my desk or compu table.he could smell out trouble and shoo them away…even before one could make out for himself.I never had the heart to have another dog after Sheroo…now, a year after after Garfie, I have finally brought in a kitten home which has a kind of vocal cord paralysis. It cannot mew properly and had been also abandoned as a bad job by her mother perhaps. The vet says that’s that about her mew.It is also grey-black but striped in the maner of Garfie. I simply call her kitty yet and haven’t named her. It is a she, I call her only “Kitty”, and I want to see if she can survive her early years first with her ailment, before I name her.Sorry to hog so much space with dog and cat tales. Sorry Uncle…but dog and cat tales make me ramble.

  22. Neighbours cats make great hats says:

    I’ve never seen so many merkins in one spot.

  23. Miriam says:

    Soulberry, Sheroo sounds awesome. Now there’s a dog I can get on board with. The new kitty sounds gorgeous too. My mother (who grew up in Sri Lanka) has loads of stories about the dogs and cats she had. One of them, a daschund, walked into a drain and then couldn’t work out how to get out (he couldn’t turn round because of his sausage dog shape, and it didn’t occur to him to try walking backwards). Some men had to break the road to get him out.