uglier than brendan, less smug than simon, but still not richie


This is for Suave.

I’ve just been thinking of Mark Nicholas, which isn’t normal for me, he’s a rather benign chap in general so I don’t really think of him.

I don’t dislike Nicholas as a commentator, he isn’t great, but when teamed up with Slater, Healy or Taylor he is pretty good.

When teamed up with Bill or Richie he is pretty shabby.

He is now the face of cricket in Australia, thanks to channel 9, and the fact none of our ex players or commentators are pretty enough or well spoken enough to do the job Richie did.

Except for Brendan Julian, but he’s Brendan Julian, enough said really.

There are good points about Nicholas being the face of cricket, he keeps Simon O’Donnell and his smug fu©king grin off the telly, mostly.

That’s all the good points.

My problem with Nicholas is that he is too nice to Australians, and pretty much anyone who was any good at cricket.

Probably even people who don’t play cricket.

In the taxi I bet he says

“So Biruk, tell us about how you work the onboard computer, because I’ve seen a lot of people do it, but no one does it with the skill, flair and timing that you show.

What’s your secret?”

It drives me insane.

But you must understand that this is probably my issue.

I’ve never liked people who are “too” nice. I don’t trust them, I trust @ssholes, that’s something I can understand.

Nicholas is just so nice, he could interview Hitler and his first question would be

“So Adolf, I hear you’ve got a german shepherd.

No good.

If were going to have a Englishman head our coverage at least give me a violent grumpy man like Peter Roebuck, Geoffrey Boycott or even Bill Nighy.

Some one who says bollocks a lot.

Some one with a real accent.

Someone who doesn’t sound like a tv personality.

Someone with a perversion.

You know, some one I can relate to.

Is a good bloke who likes to hit people and bag cricketers too much to ask for?

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0 thoughts on “uglier than brendan, less smug than simon, but still not richie

  1. Suave says:

    Why thank you kind sir, my first ever special Suave post!You know his mother was an actress, which is why he comes across so well on a TV screen.. He can get lost with big company from time to time, but anyone who can describe a cover drive as dreamy, is alright in my books..And while he was fronting the channel 4 cricket, he had the housewives of The England, in a lather..Instead of getting leathered, which happened with dear old Geoffrey!It’s more his presenting style, and general suaveness that appeals. I am merely his apprentice in the suave stakes.

  2. Uncle J rod says:

    But couldn’t you just see him saying that to the taxi driver?

  3. Suave says:

    I could indeed…He is a little too nice, and that probably means he’s a sociopath, I would check that there hasn’t been a sudden increase in murders in the Melbourne/Sydney areas!

  4. King Cricket says:

    Personally, I think he’s a bit of a tit who makes England look like a place where everyone eats battenburg and plays croquet with the vicar, whereas in reality that’s just the South.In the North we force whippets in flat caps to race through the rain.

  5. The Atheist says:

    I was very surprised to hear of Mark Nicholas being exported (deported?) to Australia.I thought he was an uncritical, unthinking sycophant that annoyed English coach potatoes. I’m pleased to hear he is being inflicted on Australia. Saying that, he seems to be one of the few genuine journalists on the tour – his obsequious way of oiling up to players must lead to some good stories.I saw him at Lords once. He was on the phone. As the sun was out, I didn’t hit him.

  6. Soulberry says:

    I don’t mind Boycott at all…one likes to listen on keenly when he’s speaking because you never know what’s going to come around the corner, other than his mum and grandmum of course. So much better than much of the commentary we have these days…