Replace all cricketers with Harrison Ford I say


As much as I love VVS, I’m very angry with him right now.

Sydneysiders have got to watch him make two hundreds already.

But what have I seen, some starts, some teases and a lot of foreplay, but do I get the satisfaction one can receive from a Laxman hundred, no.

Sorry VVS, you will never be able to replace Natalie Portman in my dreams.

I didn’t even get to see it on the TV, but I did get to hear Harsha, Peter, Skull and Geoff Lawson talk about how great Laxman was, and how sh1te Dravid was.

I’ve always liked Dravid, so when I say this, I say it lovingly, in Japan when a samurai warrior is past his use by date, he commits seppuku. Think about it Rahul.

Australia are in a pretty good position at the close of play, and we all knows it’s because of the damn umpires, not the fact they let two tail enders score half centuries.

Bloody cheating Australians.

Steve “Roo” Bucknor and Mark “Emu” Benson continued to cheat for Australia at every turn, we all know that if it wasn’t for the umpires Tendulkar would average 99.95 and India would be the number one test nation in the world.

Rick(y) obviously decided that his hissy fit yesterday was a bit soft, so today he caught Dravid and then said he didn’t. That’s not true, he probably wasn’t sure if he caught it or not, so he decided to not go to the third umpire.

This is a shame, because Mark Nicholas is at his best when commentating third umpire replays. In fact its the only time I don’t want to do him bodily harm.

I think we should use the third umpire for every ball, just to make 100 perecent sure there are no mistakes, then we should replace umpires with robots that can count and use Blade Runneresque replicants instead of players.

That will stop all mistakes.

Mitchell Johnson got another wicket of a no ball today, but his one true fault is bowling 74 centimetres outside off stump all fu©king day.

Laxman proved he is a humanitarian by donating to the Save The Tongue Foundation, the chairman is Sourav.

Dravid spent all day not playing a shot, including a whole session where he scored 19 with only 6 singles, but then played possibly the ugliest shot this side of a Michael Bevan short ball convention.

Tomorrow I resume my position on the couch.

Remember, every day that I get fatter, I do so for you, the people.

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0 thoughts on “Replace all cricketers with Harrison Ford I say

  1. Suave says:

    That really was one wagging tail!Mitchell Johnson playing straight drives, all high elbowed like…What’s going on in the world.At least probot has dropped below 80 with that innings.Good news is that Lord Megachief Of Gold (copyright http://www.kingcricket.co.uk), put up a fight against the saffers, which is what we’ve come to expect from our decapod crustacean friend!

  2. Suave says:

    If we give you Ian Harvey (for the love of god please), can we get Suave Sr back?Mark Nicholas is my imaginary dad..I weep when I hear his voice, and yet they never show us his charming face on “the England’s” TV.I also imagine that David Lloyd is my wacky uncle.Imagine Christmas day, such joy!

  3. Straight Point says:

    i have tried to put alternative view on these ‘human errors’ in my current post ‘which side are you?’ hope yo will pay visit and leave a worthy comment…thanks in advance…

  4. Uncle J rod says:

    If you give back Ian Harvey you can have anything you want.

  5. Suave says:

    OK, I get Natalie Portman, Rachel Hunter and Mark Nicholas..You get Ian Harvey.At least he won’t have to go through the process of becoming an Australian citizen again, as he wasn’t allowed to be British.This could be because he had too much talent, or that he likes to drink loads and drive dangerously!I shall be off to Isleworth, Middlesex this evening, to kidnap him before he starts this evenings stint. I’ll send him in the post, you should get him in a week or two!

  6. Uncle J rod says:

    If you get Matthew Elliott back to Victoria I’ll put in some calls for you to have Keira Knightley back.

  7. Suave says:

    Blimey, it appears that I’ve become an international master criminal over night!He’s in Adelaide, I would imagine, which is a fair way from old London town..Next time he comes back here though, i’ll nab him, and ship him back, although Keira Knightly’s a bit too skeletal for my liking..

  8. Ottayan says:

    If Dravid commits seppuku, be assured the rest of the fab 4 will commit harakiri. Cheers

  9. Uncle J rod says:

    Kate Winslet instead?

  10. Miriam says:

    This is off-topic from the exchange of celebrities that you two are currently planning, but I have to get it out: I AM SICK OF SEEING THAT MAN’S TONGUE.

  11. Uncle J rod says:

    Miriam are you sure about that, or does the sheep farming postman turn you on in ways you wouldn’t want anyone to know about. Him dressed in only wool, on hands and knees sticking the tongue out like a dog on a warm summers day, perhaps?

  12. Suave says:

    Kate Winslet, is THE ONE!!I’ll fly to Adelaide to grab Elliott, if Winslet is part of the deal..Miriam, I’m with you.. (not on the sexually excited by Hogg front).I’d like to see him hit with the ball, just under the chin, while his tongue’s hanging out, so that he bites through it.The scary thing is, I imagine that his tongue would just re-grow, whilst the old bit, would still live on, trying to find it’s way back to daddy.

  13. John says:

    Come on, Unc J, let the man be.. He’s just an out-of-form guy, I’m sure you have been there too, we all have. Your vast sexual conquests notwithstanding, I’m sure even you’ve had what Ravi Shastri would call a “below-par performance”.

  14. Miriam says:

    Well thanks a lot. I was just about to get some lunch, but I now can’t face food until I have burned that Hogg wool image out of my mind.

  15. The Atheist says:

    Hey. I have just noticed your new wall-paper. Very nice. Prince Albert would have approved.

  16. Uncle J rod says:

    John, your right, i have had below par performances, some times alone, sometimes with others, but if i looked as uncomfortable and lost as Dravid does right now i’d look for other ways to entertain myself. Can’t India at least stop trying to make an old man open the batting. Miriam, your welcome.Suave, Done.Ahteist, i understand every third word of what you wrote, new wallpaper?

  17. The Atheist says:

    Well, I say “new”. I think you redesigned your blog for about a month ago now. When I was waiting for your beautiful words to appear, I had to look at your wallpaper. It is my view that your background looks like it has been ripped from the walls of a Victorian pub in the East End of Scumston-on-Sea, soaked through with sweat, smog and smoke. You know, the sort of stuff that you walk past and quietly lose the use of your sphincter.It’s nice though. It has a dreary charm about it.

  18. Uncle J rod says:

    Sounds like my kind of pub. glad i picked it.