Then I deleted it.

Frankly, you’d be better off pretending you saw this.

Or you could fantasize about how a series like this could have started if Steyn and Sehwag were going head to head on the first day.

Anything to scrub the last two days out of your mind.

Porn star: Shane Warne

The IPL turned into the Dhoni and Warne show last year, Warne would prefer it was just about him.

Pole Dancer: Shane Watson

Will be busy in Pakistan, but was the best player in last year’s tournament, much as it pains me to say. Is coming back from a record-breaking 368th cricket injury.

Boy Next Door: Yusuf Pathan

India’s Chris Gayle wannabe. Was a major force last time, and now has a bit of international experience. No body in world cricket hits the ball harder.

Model: None

Say what you want about Rajasthan, but every player in this squad is paid what they deserve, can give them something and there are no passengers.

Home made/Amateur: Take your pick

Kamran Khan was bowling with a tennis ball up until recently, is now the most hyped up young player in the IPL.
Tyrone Henderson is South Africa’s Afridi and often rocks up with 70s porn hair.
Dinesh Salunkhe was the runner up on a cricket reality show.
Lee Carseldine was a washed up 30 something Queenslander last year.