As made by Ceci.
cricket with balls
just another bullshit cricket blog
Tagged with Sulieman Benn …
Bad Benn for LIfe
You’ve got to admire Sulieman Benn. Well I do.
Some people get in trouble, like say a Pub Brawl in Sydney, and then they fix all their problems, get on the straight and narrow and eventually become captains of their side.
Benn seems hell bent on never going straight.
He may not even be capable of it.
No player has the ability to get himself into his shit without drinking, drugging or womaning like Benn.
I wrote this for cricinfo a couple of days back:
“No one can annoy like Benn. Batsmen, umpires and his own captain are the usual subjects. In the history of cricket there have been few players who can get under the skin of players on both sides so brilliantly. But this is a skill. Skills need time, patience and hard work. While being the annoying spinner can work – Paul Harris has made a career from it – Benn can actually bowl. If he spent all the time he usually uses on annoying people on bowling, wow, the man could be a cult hero spin-bowling god, the Manute Bol of finger spin. And he wouldn’t get sent off the field by his captain as much.”
His career highlights so far:
At least two tripping incidents.
Mouthing off to every opposition player.
Mouthing off to most players on his own team.
Getting in scrapes with Johnson and Haddin that lead to a suspension.
Being thrown off the field by his own captain.
And getting spat at by Dale Steyn.
That is not bad for a guy who has played 50 international matches.
Nathan Hauritz played that many before anyone knew he was alive.
Now Benn has been suspended again.
This time for going into the South African changeroom to continue the fight he had been having with Steyn throughout the whole game that Steyn tried to end with the spit.
He has stayed true to himself.
I have nothing but admiration for the man.
Respect.
The CWB football team
I’ve decided to pick a team of football from what cricket has to offer. It wouldn’t win the world cup, but I think I’d enjoy watching them play.
Striker
Sachin– sure he is not gifted with the most athletic frame, but like a non mental Diego Maradonna more than makes up with it with the ability to score at will and carry a team. Has had some pretty handy world cups already.
Striker
Pollard – big strong and has great club form, picked for his ability to turn only a few opportunities into goals. People worry that he has never done anything at international level to justify his millionaire status. He doesn’t seem to mind. Probably not adverse to the odd dive and handy with headers.
Left Midfield
Sulieman Benn – Occasional brilliance is often overshadowed by talk of his height and temper. Only player to be sent off by his own captain after a bad tackle and bad attitude. It is never clear if he ever tries to actually hit the ball in a tackle.
Centre Midfield
Ponting– Scores more than most, but is still a very heavy handed defender. Is quick, plays well of both feet, is a winner, but can lose his temper at times. Has won at the top level a few times before. Doesn’t like being substituted.
Centre Midfield
Mark Boucher – A tough team player. Like a rugged family sedan, once you have him there you’d know that spot was well taken care of. Yet you’d still drop him from time to time to see if you have someone younger or flashier. He might misread how much injury time is left in big games.
Right Midfield
Paul Collingwood – Often thought of as nothing more than a defender who plays midfield, yet he can score on occasions and is always important at the end of matches. Only has a right foot, and this often makes his ungainly style look even uglier than it would normally.
Left Back
Ray Price – Hard as nails, ready to hack you just for fun, always slower than the men he is defending. No one ever gets past him with the ball and their shins.
Centre Back
Charl Langeveldt – Steady, consistent, easily droppable, and dependable. He will have been in and out of the team for years. The sort of defender that gets no headlines but does the job when you can’t find anyone better.
Centre Back
Kumar – Silky smooth defender that makes the opposition strikers feel ungainly in comparison. Always takes a piece of the ball, is the captain, penalty taker, and pin up boy of the team. Also the most likely to put off the opposition when they’re taking a penalty.
Right Back
Harbhajan Singh – An attacking insane defender who loves to take free kicks from 40 yards believing that he can score a goal. Mostly he’ll miss by a mile, but every now and then he’ll score. Will also be red carded for the occasional slap.
Keeper
Rahul Dravid – Nothing gets past Rahul. Sure there are times he is less animated than an East German goal keeper, but would you ever back yourself to get through him?
Manager
Jamie Siddons – All the best managers have trouble keeping their emotions in check, Siddonds fits this well. With him in full view of the cameras you can really see the veins almost explode in his head as the other team score.
The ten reasons to follow Sulieman Benn on Twitter
OK, it is only this reason, but you should follow him.
Nikita Miller is also on twitter, and he used the phrase “bring it”.
Ray Price is more entertaining than John Travolta
There is no doubt that for most of us watching a great cricket game brings on similar feelings to that of a confused teenage girl reading Twilight.
Even if that game is a T20. If it has great performances, changes of momentum and a close finish most of us will enjoy it.
This makes the T20 match between Australia and New Zealand the sort of match that gets ratings up.
The ICC will probably think this is the perfect match of cricket. They probably have a scientist trying to clone it.
High scoring match, heaps of highlights, a tied finish and a super over. Shaun Tait even gave them a few extra days in the news.
I’m not saying this isn’t a great game. Australia is flying at the moment, and for the Kiwis to score that many runs against them, and then steal the game in the super duper over, wow.
But I saw another game.
It had a team that started by losing 3 wickets before scoring a run, and then scratched their way to the pathetic score of 105 thanks to an over of such ineptitude that if Rampaul was a Pakistani he would be in jail by now.
Then the opposition chasing the low total facing 18 overs of moderately talented spin and falling over 20 runs short of the pathetic total.
It was pathetic on almost every level. Beautifully pathetic.
Other than the brilliant pantomime performance from world number two ODI bowler Ray Price and some amazing bowling from Sulieman Benn, the entertainment value did not come through purposeful actions.
It was horrible cricket. Really horrible.
The Battlefield Earth of cricket matches, so bad that even though it is a sunday afternoon and you are cooking dinner you end up putting everything on hold to watch every craptacular detail.
There was a piece of cricket late in the game so good that Wisden should dedicate 7 books to it.
Masakadza was bowling to Ramdin, it was a nothing ball that started the last over. Ramdin smacked it straight to long on, and instead of being caught, it was dropped behind the fielder and even though there was plenty of time for two runs, Rampaul barely completed one run. The next ball Masakadza missed the pitch.
Neither team really deserved to be wearing matching uniforms.
Now you might think that a game that was dominated by average spinners, crazy spinners, idiotic batting and occasional pathetic fielding is not an entertaining game of cricket. Perhaps it isn’t, but I am a sick man.
I’m very glad I saw this game and not that worried that I missed the kiwis super over triumph.
Who needs close finishes and talent when you have Zimbabwe’s Ray Price acting like a bare knuckle boxer when some shell shocked Windian batsman can’t flick away his door knob deliveries.
No one. That is who.
stumps
As seen on cricinfo; inspired by the dude who asked about saw:
One killer. Five cricketers. One house. Who will last?
When Virender Sehwag, and four other cricketers who aren’t Virender Sehwag, wake up in an old creepy mansion they have to face the toughest test of their lives.
Virender, Sulieman, Brad, Daniel, and Shahid all find themselves victims of cruel cricket related horror madness. Are they willing to change the way they play the game to survive. This is the horror film that puts the balls in the right area.
Sulieman Benn wakes up in the end of a hallway, it is pitch black but when he moves a TV screen appears on the roof above him. A blood covered skull moves its jaw bone and says:
“Hello, Sulieman. You are a humble, sane and talented international finger spinner yet you constantly bump into the opposition, trip players up or get in physical entanglements; in Australia you did all three. Did you do it for your team or did you just want some attention? Tonight, you’ll show me. The irony is that if you want to die you just have to have to behave as normal, but if you want to live, you’ll have to walk down this hallway and not bump into any of my friends who are all set up to explode at the smallest of touches, you might survive one bump, but not two. The door is open at the other end of the hallway; it will be for the next two minutes, the time that your over is supposed to be bowled in if you are playing sensibly.”
A solitary light is turned on and it swings from side to side illuminating all the entire hallway of mechanical creatures that is in store for him and the open door at the end.
Daniel wakes up with his arms and head in a dry plastic tube and the rest of his body in a tank of water. He struggles a bit, which triggers a voice recording:
“Hello Daniel. If you are tough enough to get hit in the face and then still want to bat in a test match, why don’t you just prove it? Let’s put your so-called “toughness” to the test. In a few seconds a ball machine will start firing balls into your face, for every one you dodge or deflect will release a fresh water crocodile into the water. If you are tough, you will take all the balls on the face and make it to the other end of the tank safely, press the water release button, if not, the crocodiles will eat you alive. Each ball will come at 90MPH, Jimmy Anderson pace.”
Brad awakes in a room filled with old machinery he has a letter around his neck.
“Welcome, Brad. You’ve got fast hands, don’t you? Now we are going to test them for once and all. In each of these machines is a key, you will need all six keys to open the door, but the machines will crush the key if you are too late. If you miss one key the door will never open and you will be stuck here to think about your past digressions until the air runs out. If you get your hands stuck in the machine, you will be sucked in and crushed. You’ve gotten away with manoeuvres like this before, think you can again, Brad?”
Shahid wakes up tied up in a body length straight jacket with a weird metal contraption on his head, written in chalk next to him is:
“Hello Shahid. You don’t know me, but I know you. I know you like to use your mouth, but could you use it to save your life? On the table in front of you is a ball of razor wire, inside the ball is a remote control that will release your shackles and open the door. Since you are such an expert I am sure you won’t cut yourself too much or accidentally slit your throat. You have 11 minutes, the average amount of time you spend batting, after that the machine on your head will bite your head in half.”
Virender wakes up chained to a vat of yellow liquid with a tape recorder in his pocket:
“Virender, this is your wake-up call. Everyday you embarrass other cricketers by playing shot after shot. Now you will have to change your game. Your aim in this game is to dead bat the balls, so that the sulphuric acid vat positioned behind you does not break and pour onto you. If you miss a ball, you will die, if you hit the ball too hard you will die, if you rush forward you will die. For once you will have to play the anchor role. When you have gotten to the red button at the end of the room the ball machine will stop and your restraints will be released, but to get out of the room you will have to take a blunt axe to the body of an unconscious bowler who is chained in front of your small exit door. From the time you press the red button you have 2 minutes to dismantle the bowler, if you don’t the vat then the Vat will time out and just release its contents in the room. You have destroyed many a bowler with your bat, can you do it with an axe?”
The first ball fires short and wide of Virender.
FREE SULIEMAN BENN
This is the text I have used on the FREE SULIEMAN BENN petition.
Dear ICC,
Your decision to incarcerate Sulieman Benn is rubbish.
Rubbish.
Cricket is a game with passion; yesterday was a perfect example of it. Had Benn thrown the ball at Haddin’s face and started smacking Johnson around the head, bans would have been justified, but what was he actually banned for.
An ugly accidental incident?
Benn bumped into Johnson by accident, Johnson pushed at Benn because someone had bumped into him, and Benn pushed back because someone was pushing him.
Was it heated, yes.
Was it unnecessary, perhaps.
Was it badly officiated, absolutely.
Was it a confrontation between passionate test cricketers who were in the heat of battle trying to win a game for the country, oh yes.
So why penalize anyone?
No one got hurt, no one instigated contact, no one ruined cricket’s precious little image.
If anything, incidents like this prove that professional cricketers are not robots, that winning matters to them. They aren’t just billboards waiting for a beer company to put another stamp on.
Benn is a fiery guy, which is why I like him, and in the future he will get suspended again for doing something wrong, but this is not the time.
This is a miscarriage of justice, and Benn must be freed.
If the ICC believes that someone must be banned for all this “ugliness”, they can ban Chris “spirit of cricket” Broad or Billy “lover, not a fighter” Bowden, I doubt there will be many tears for them.
A forensic examination of a shove and a vow
When I read about Sulieman Benn, Brad Haddin and Mitchell Johnson getting into a shoving match I wet myself in at least two different ways.
Then I saw it.
The play by play.
Haddin hits a ball into the ball short on the leg side; Benn and Johnson get in a tangle. Not that it is hard to get tangled with Benn. They collided fairly naturally; Johnson tried to push him away, Benn seemed to grab him and tried to get his leg in his way, and eventually they unentwined and the run was completed.
Haddin got pissed that Benn was grabbing at Johnson; I doubt he would have seen Johnson’s push from his position. He then had a go at Benn, with a bit of bat waving nonsense thrown in.
Then Benn got angry, mostly about the bat waving, as Haddin and Gayle had a fairly unaggressive chat. Benn then kept abusing Haddin (who seemed bored of it and walked away) about the bat waving and kept calling him big man. From what I could hear I believe he said, “Watch yourself, big man, don’t fucken point your bat at me, man.” Gayle didn’t try to do much so Billy came over, eventually.
Then later when Benn was bowling to Haddin he hit one straight back to Benn who feigned that he was going to throw the ball at Haddin/thestumps, probably the equivalent of the bat waving. It was a terrible feign, and obvious he was not going to throw, so much so that you couldn’t even say he was going to throw it at Haddin, as he never really cocked his arm correctly. It was more a wild swing of the arms from a 2 year old.
That was the end of the over and Haddin walked down mouthing off to Benn (Benn could have been mouthing back but that angle wasn’t shown). Benn did a big like point at Haddin, but Johnson got in the way, and Benn’s arm struck Johnson ever so lightly, and Johnson tried to swat it away like someone had poured ice down his top and Benn slapped his arm away.
Then Billy finally got sort of involved and Benn left.
The history.
Haddin and Benn have history, last tour they kept chirping at each other, and at one stage Benn thrust out his leg to try and trip Haddin. Not sure if that had anything to do wit this, but they clearly don’t like each other.
Perhaps Neil Broom and Benn are friends?
In this tour Benn has been yapping non stop to the aussies, and the funniest moment had to be when Watson was marking his guard to start the last innings at Adelaide and Benn was craned over him talking and talking.
Haddin has also been chirping a lot when Benn has been into bat.
The verdict.
What a load of shit. It wasn’t a shoving match; it was an accidental tap and some heated words. Haddin probably rented a high horse he has no moral reason to get on, and Benn overreacted and then dragged it out until it was almost painful to watch.
Perhaps if the ICC want to clean cricket of any sort of human emotion Haddin and Benn should be given a level one fine for the bat waving, feigned throw and swearing, but it still seems pretty piss poor to me. I can’t see how Johnson can even be charged.
But what about Billy, he could have stopped this at any time. What the hell was he doing? First he stood behind the stumps as Benn got angrier and angrier, then he took way too long to get down to where Benn and Haddin were clearly going to meet. Will he get fined for failing to act, will he get warned that he needs to get involved in these things and try and diffuse them. This isn’t the first time I’ve seen Billy stand around and so nothing while teams are getting heated.
My vow.
If any player gets suspended, and from the original charges it seems only Benn can, I will start a petition to get him freed.
Cricket is a passionate game, people get fired up. Things are said, glares are exchanged, bats are waived, and fingers are pointed. That is all good. Passion is why we love this game.
We want to see players who are out there to win, not collect endorsements. Benn is a fiery bugger, and I love that about him. If the ICC wants to take people like him out of the game then they have to get by this site first.
There are no fingers pointed or bats waived in my Ashes book, but there should be.
Windies drop pretences
And Sulieman Benn.
But its hard to say he has been dropped, the fairer call would be that he has beenrested to ensure a draw.
While you understand why the Windies would go for a draw, it is slightly disturbing that they are.
Ofcourse more disturbing is the fact Powell is still playing.
Benn is in the best three bowlers in the Windies, Powell does not seem to be.
The thinking would be that with Hinds and Gayle the spin options are already there.
With Taylor out injured, and Baker coming in, only Fidel Edwards is of truly of test match class in this line up, but we all know bowlers have no place in a draw, best to let the opposition make as many runs as they want and then declare.
Then you bring in the big guns, and they don’t get any bigger than our man Lendl Simmons.
Since he smoted England in the warm up game he has been on ice, no literally, that would be odd.
Now he is back, and must be so exited to know his role in the Windian side is to play draws.
England has also made some changes, out goes Tiny Tim and Sidebottom the stroppy, in comes the reat Amjad Khan, and Monty.
The attack consists of Broad (batting at 7), Anderson, Swann, monty and Amjad.
Seems an odd line up in a must win match.
At least they are trying to win.
He’s no Monty
Sorry for the title.
It’s unfair to compare opposition players to each other.
Sulieman Benn
44.2 overs 13 maidens 77 runs 4 wickets 1.73 per over
Monty Panesar
22 overs 6 maidens 72 runs 0 wickets 3.27 per over
Are you feeling unfair yet?
The stats are oviously just one small part of it.
It’s the mood.
Sulieman created a culture of fear in the English batsmen.
KP might have scored 97, but he regulary played and missed, and the balls he missed were absolutle gems.
Biting, turning, spitting.
It was if Sulieman was bowling actual cobras.
If that is true, Monty is bowling baby koalas.
There is no venom in his bowling.
He has beaten the bat of Sarwan a few times, but probably the same amount of times Benn was beating batsmen every over.
If you were new to cricket, cricket would baffle you as a concept, then so would spinners, but once had you had learnt something about the game, you may then think that Sulieman was the spinner with the crednetionals on the board, and Monty was the newbie.
Ofcourse if you were new to cricket, you might just point at Benn and say, he’s a big fella.
This is supposed to be the new Monty, Mushie was supposed to come in and use his Grand Master skills to help him.
At this stage he seems to have confused Monty.
Who has none of his old control, very little spin compared to Benn, and the mojo of a nun.
Trying to make an Automaton think is a risky thing, sometimes they forget their original skills.
