Tagged with steve waugh

odd conspiracy theories

Cricket fans are an odd bunch, they are pretty much all good looking, extremely intelligent and brilliant in the sack.

Occasionally they do come up with theories that have no basis in fact or common sense.

Let me tell you about some of my favourite ones.

My father hated Kerry Packer, almost as much as I hate his scientologist son James.

During the late 80’s and early 90’s this was at its worst.

If a team won a one day game when they were the underdog, dad was at his worst. Bloody Packer is rigging the matches again, even I couldn’t get out to this mob. This coming from a man that spent 25 years batting at 11.

But the one series I really remember was against India. It was the finals and Australia was playing a shocker. Eventually an Indian batsman hit the ball straight up in the air off Steve Waugh, it went 83 miles in the air and Steve found himself under it.

Somehow he dropped it.

This led my father into a tirade about how Australia were losing the game on purpose, so the series would go into a third deciding game.

Now even the casual cricket fan would know that of all people in world cricket, Steve would be the last player to throw a game of cricket for his country. And even my dad knows this, but at that one moment his extreme hatred of Kerry Packer took over and poor Steve and his fumbled attempt were chief scapegoat.

Another great theory is our Sime. The man who longs for the glory days when Geoffrey Marsh averaged mid thirties and was thought of as a good opening batsmen.

His hatred of KP is as virile, as it is unfounded. He believes the man is the embodiment of everything that is wrong with the current generation of cricketers.

He plays across the line, he’s South African, his mouth is bigger than his talent, he has weird hair do’s and he’s not a test cricketers @sshole (his words not mine).

Even when KP was smashing McGrath and Warne, Sime would not rate him.

It is the Warne & KP relationship where Sime takes his hatred of KP to all new levels.

The 2005 ashes series was a pretty close affair, and on the last day had Australia bowled out England, Freddie’s drinking problem wouldn’t be so bad. Early on, KP got an edge to first slip, where Warne his Hampshire team mate was standing.

Contrary to the perception the Australian media purports, Australians do drop catches. And even though Warne almost single handedly won us that series with the bat and ball, his one big mistake was what probably cost them victory on that day.

This now leads Sime to slightly entertain the thought that maybe Warne was giving his mate a chance, and that it backfired, as KP spent all day in the middle saving the series for England.

Warne giving a South African born English cricketer a chance in the 4th innings of a game Australia has to win to save the series, how likely is that? Friendship or no friendship, that seems insane.

And what is my conspiracy theory, I believe Sourav Ganguly is a giant alien lizard.

Tagged , , , , ,

move over neil, bishen is coming to town

This is for Sime…

For years Neil Harvey was the man.

I’m not talking about as a batsman, although his batting was brilliant. Hence why he made my Best Aussie Eleven.

His batting aside, his true value to my generation is as a “rent a headline” guy.

Like many famous men from the northern suburbs of Melbourne, Eddie McGuire and Myself, he is never short of an opinion and never far away from getting angry at nothing.

He called for Mark Waugh & Shane Warne to be banned from cricket for life over the bookie scandal.

He said Steve & Mark Waugh were a waste of space, and that they were playing for money in 2002.

When Steve Waugh’s side broke the world record of most test victories in a row, he said he could name 3 better Australian teams than them.

And of the modern players compared with the Invincibles he didn’t think Ponting would have made the grade, but he thinks the Invincibles could have slotted Warne in.

Now the Invincibles were a brilliant side, but lets not forget that Sam Loxton, Ian Johnson and Doug Ring all played tests. You’d think Ponting, McGrath or Gilchrist might have slipped in there.

Neil is probably the captain of the “twas better in my day” club.

But now Neil is slowing down, he has hardly attacked Ponting of late (perhaps he’s waiting for some losses) and he is in danger of losing his crown.

In fact the last time I saw Neil speak, he didn’t look angry at all, I was a little disappointed.

Bishen Bedi, spinning god, has decided that his time is now, and he is doing everything in his power to take over from Neil.

We all know his views on the javelin throwing shot putter Murali.

He has now expanded that to include Harbhajan Singh.

Let us not forget his utter disdain for John Buchanan.

The size of cricket grounds for one day games has also come under attack from Bishen.

And my personal favourite was when he said Ian Harvey was as much a spinner as Harbhajan Singh was.

Bishen is still a reasonably young man, and since India are the logical next super power (unless they implode or start a nuclear war with Pakistan) Bishen should be the man to take over the mantle.

He does need to expand his repertoire a little. He gets a little hung up on the spinners, he needs to start bagging fast bowlers, wicket keepers and cricket officials at the same level he bags the spinners.

Being Neil is a tough job, but Bishen gets my stamp of approval.

And if for some reason he thinks he can’t do it, Navjot Sidhu is a more than capable replacement.

If India wants to take over cricket, they must do so in all facets of the game.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,

My mcg medium pace conspiracy theory


I first noticed this back in 96. Steve Waugh had just taken a wicket. By then he hardly bowled, because his body wasn’t up to it. For you kiddies, Steve Waugh was an injury prone all rounder like Shane Watson, except he made runs and took wickets, until he just made runs.

That day he took a Sri Lankan wicket and then broke down, so Taylor threw the ball to Ponting.

I remember being slightly confused by it all. Then Ponting took the wicket of Asanka Gurusinha (I think, I didn’t look it, let’s hope my memory holds true). At the time it was still a one off thing.

Even after that incident Steve Waugh would often take his arm out of mothballs to bowl at Melbourne, he average 25 with the ball there.

Ian Harvey would bowl 20 over spells at the G. No one would score off him, and he’d always get a couple of wickets.

Andrew Symonds seems to come on pretty much first change at the G, and his bowling average of 15, is a little better than his standard average.

Why do you think New Zealand are never allowed to play tests at the G, it has very little to do with the fact that they can’t fill it, its much more to do with the fact their team always has about 8 medium pacers in it.

I even thought this might have something to do with drop in pitches, but my father whose experience is far longer than mine, says the G has always helped medium pacers.

David Hookes knew it, the day he died Victoria had about 5 medium pacers playing for Victoria. They were the reason they won.

Just yesterday I was at the G, and future PM David Hussey was in complete control. Katich throws the ball to a couple of medium pacers, next thing you know Hussey and his silent partner Klinger are on their way back to the pavilion.

The amount of times, middle order batsmen who couldn’t get me out in the dark, bowl at the G and look like they are bowling hand grenades, is phenomenal.

There is something spooky about the G, it is one of the greatest coliseums in the world. Yet slow right arm junk does damage there, it’s sort of like a Catholic pencil neck geek conquering the lions in Rome. Or Kamran Akmal dating a Bollywood star.

Another conspiracy theory we have is about Hansie Cronje in a threesome with Princess Di and Tupac, but we’ve already mentioned that one.

Tagged , , , , ,

wunderkind to skipper

Rick (y) Ponting is a weird man.

After inheriting one of the greatest test teams of all time, he seemed a lot more worried about ruining their record than actually winning when he first got the job.

Then he had several melt downs against the English. Coupled with the fact McGrath fell over and Martyn was clearly sleeping with several daughters of umpires, he lost that series.

More often than not Ponting captained via the committee system. He never seemed to make any decisions that weren’t in consultation with, Lehmann, Hussey, Gilchrist, or Warne.

No one was harsher on him than me. Except possibly my dad, whose favourite phrase is “he’s not a captains @sshole”.

However In recent times Ponting has actually looked like a captain, a real one.

My belief is that losing Warne and McGrath, is the best thing that can happen to him as a captrain.

Rick (y) is not a deep thinker. He has never had to be, he was a child prodigy who became a legend. Talented people don’t think as much as the non talented, why should they.

Suddenly losing over a 1000 wickets, he has to think. He can’t captain on autopilot anymore. For him it’s not natural to think about cricket.

He doesn’t need to train as hard as Justin Langer, he doesn’t need to think about batting like Nasser Hussain, and he doesn’t need to invent wickets like Stephen Fleming did.

He is the boy wonder who made captain of an amazing cricket side, which is quite different to the men who preceded him.

Steve Waugh was a historian, who believed that pace bowlers could win any match, and if not I’ll bring that blonde guy on. This is the man that liked bowling first, with the second greatest leg spinner of all time on his side. He was born talented, but not Ponting like.

Mark Taylor was a strategic captain, who didn’t like the game to get out of hand. He would use spinners early, part timers all the time and was constantly thinking of new fields that would disrupt the batsmen. As a batsman he was an average opening batsmen who kept himself in his side because of his captaining.

Allan Border was old school. He liked to abuse his players, he wanted tough cricketers, and if you weren’t up to it, you were told you weren’t up to it. He was the perfect Vice Captain. As a batsman he was talented, but he fought for everything that came to him.

Each of these captains got a better side than their predecessor. But Ponting is the man who was given the gold star treatment. He came into a team that was already World champions, he didn’t have to fight the West Indies like the others did.

He is defined like Border and Steve Waugh by winning. His whole life is about winning, about being the best, like Jordan and Hitler before him. Captaincy is the one thing he is not the best at, but you can see how bad he wants that as well.

Ponting is a clicky sort of guy, Dizzy Gillespie and Cameron White have found out as much. If you’re his friend he will drag you along until your ready like Symonds, or if your not one of his favourites you won’t be given any time to shine.

His best friend in the team was Damien Martyn that tells you a lot about him. When I flew with the Aussie team, I noticed that in general the team grouped together, but Martyn and Ponting were separate, speaking in hushed tones.

I only noticed all this cause I was perving on Mrs Ponting.

The two things I noticed about his captaincy in the first test were, that he actually enforced the follow on. Vvs Laxman wasn’t playing, but neither were the two greatest bowlers of the last ten years.

The second was the way he used Symonds with the ball. He used him in a proactive way. In the past Symonds was thrown the ball because it seemed like the right thing to do, however this time he was thrown the ball as an attacking tactic.

It worked, twice.

Enforcing the follow on worked as well. Finally Ponting is learning to trust his instincts. He’ll need to, this side is probably never going to be as good as it was before.

It needs the captain to step up.

The signs are good, the best captains are born with strategic knowledge and a feel for the game. For the rest of us, we need to learn as we go.

Tagged , , , ,

Rodney Hogg

Rodney Hogg you may remember was an Australian fast bowler who was clearly a little insane. And now he has a book out.

The word around the water cooler is that it’s not a standard sporting book about how great the sportsmen was and how the media, selectors and general world never gave him the adulation he deserved.

This is a book where he says he was a d1ck and that others were d1cks as well.

I may even read it.

No probably not.

However it does remind me of a Rodney Hogg story I know.

Everything after here should have the tag line allegedly before it, cause I wasn’t there.

A group of cricketers were having a chat at a function and Hogg came over. Included were a Victorian cricketer and my old coach.

Apparently the conversation broke down like this, Hogg was very interested in the Victorian teams bowling tactics. Especially when it came to the best Australian batsmen at that time.

So he asked about Steve Waugh.

The Victorian opening bowler said that with Steve he tended to not use his feet too much early on, so if you threw up enough full balls, some wide, some straight you were a chance to get him LB or get a kick.

Hogg agreed, but then said, yeah but he doesn’t like the short ones, I think you should bounce him early, get a few men around the bat and see how you go.

Then he asked about Mark Waugh. The Vic quick said, you bowl a good foot, foot and a half wide of off stump, keep them full, don’t let him get his eye in on the on side shots. Keep him not scoring for as long possible.

Hogg agreed, but then said, I think you should give him some chin music, right in there at his throat, get a lug gully in and you’ll get him eventually.

Then he asked about Ricky Ponting.

The quick said, with Ponting you need to stay off his pads early, don’t keep the ball to full, or too short, get him reaching for the ball, keep it outside off so he has to find it, and hope he fishes for it.

Hogg, agreed again, but of course then he said, yeah but he likes to hook, kid can’t help it, you should bounce him, put em all back on the fence and just keep bouncing him till he hits one up in the air.

Apparently he asked about 3 or so more batsmen, and always brought it back to bowling short at them.

That is a fast bowler.

Or an angry Northern Suburbs boy.

Tagged , , , ,

welcome soldier

I would like thank Sime, our newest conspirator, for writing his first blog. I’m sure you will all look forward to his contributions, especially the ones where he compares every modern player negatively to Steve Waugh.

I am hoping he will become the Neil Harvey of this blog. Because things were always better in the old days, weren’t they Sime?

For people trying to get a grip on Sime as a cricketer let me say this, Atherton, Boycott and Lawry all look like Viv Richards in comparison. Brilliant forward defence, but all the intent to attack of a brick wall.

By the way, he bowls off the wrong foot, not sure what that has to do with his writing style, but its true.

When thinking of sime this photo says it all.

Thanks for showing me this pic Dinnie, it will stay with me forever.

Tagged , , ,

Ahhh The Way It Used To Be………..

As I sat and watched last night’s one day international between Australia and India, which concluded in an inglorious wash out, I wondered whether the direction interantional cricket is taking, is a positive one……

Hello to all of you out there in Uncle J-Rod’s cricket blogging world. If this column is any good you will come to know me as Sime. Uncle J-Rod’s parol officer when it comes to upholding the traditions and values of this great game we know as cricket. A traditionalist at heart, I love to watch pure cricket were all skills are on display and the correct techniques are implemented or at the very least that is the intention of the relevant player involved.

My favourite players over the journey have included such lead by example types as Alan Border, Steve Waugh and my current favourite player the immortal Ricky (always be Ricky to me) Ponting.

Which leads me to the topic of my first post. Too much cricket……..never could be too much cricket, I hear you say. Well not for the fans like you and me, who will tune in at anytime of day or night. I’m refering to the players. What on earth is the purpose of this 7 game series that began in India overnight, that I spoke of earlier? India competed in the Twenty20 World Cup final on Monday night in South Africa and less than a week later they are involved in a pointless one day home series which lasts three weeks.

Television committments I hear you say. Well it pains me to see a champion of our game, the great Sachin Tendulkar, in the decline he is, due partly to age, but mainly to an unrealistic, demanding schedule of mainly one day games which have worn away at his body, his confidence and robbed us of a few extra years of watching this once in a life time talent.

On the opposing side of last nights contest I wonder how long players like Matthew Hayden and Adam Gilchrist can sustain this amount of cricket. Not only that, this amount of cricket makes it difficult to hold solid form and can cause many of these limit overs contests to degenerate into uncompetive farces.

One day specialists have emerged to rest or replace class players and this has resulted in the standard of international player to drop considerable from what it was 20 years ago. Outside of Australia, the standard of the rest of the Test playing nations in the last 2 years or so hasn’t been good enough.

In my next blog, if Uncle J-Rod will have me back, I am going to explore this topic in a little more depth.

Tagged , , , , ,
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 9,031 other followers