Tagged with south australia redbacks

Klinger sings

The first time I heard about Michael Klinger we were both 16.

Now we are both old.

At 16 Klinger was a batting prodigy, and I was a dodgy leg spinner with a bad attitude.

Over the years I always wanted him to do well for Victoria.

It rarely happened.

Generally he would make a slow start, almost stop scoring, and then stay at the crease for a while before going out.

It was painful, no one liked it.

This went on for almost 10 years.

It got to the point where I named him the Hebrew Hammer; part out of satire and part out of hope.

It still didn’t work.

Then he went to South Australia and he made more slow runs in one season than it seemed he had in years.

It seemed a match made in heaven, the poor state side and the immovable batsman.

Last season Klinger continued his turgid batting.

Before the champions league it was probably almost three years since I’ve seen him bat, but boy, has he grown a pair of Teflon balls.

He isn’t just batting in the champions league, he’s fucken well leading the whole league in scoring.

In t20.

A form of cricket that is alien to him as Sunday mass is to me.

Every time I’ve seen him bat in this tournament he has kicked ass, and this is a man who used to fret over nudges off his hip. And then go out.

It’s like seeing your boring ex-girlfriend flirting in a bar with dozens of men when she wouldn’t even let you tie her up or watch her piss.

10 years I spent watching Klinger fuck about.

10 years.

Now he has gone off and become some sort of multifaceted professional batsman, while all I got is the misery of watching him take forever to fail.

I believe the only explanation for this is that some alien slug has entered his anus and is now controlling his every move.

Because we may test for performance enhancing drugs, but no one tests for manipulative alien slugs.

We should, because it is the most obvious answer to his change of fortune.

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not a good week to be a BBM

Not a good week for fat boys.

Firstly Badonkadonk Ryder cuts up his hand whilst trying to have a p1ss.

Then junior boof Mark Cosgrove gets dropped for bad form and bad shape by South Australia.

He was less than impressed with being dropped, and even less so that weight was mentioned to the press, even though it was not advised to him.

But Mark lets be honest, you haven’t made a cracker this year.

Dizzy Gillespie and Manou have out batted you.

The only runs you’ve got this year, is the after mac crap.

Regardless of your weight, you have been in sh1t form, and the minute a fat man fails, they are gonna get rid of him quicker than a slim lined version.

Because you are costing them a fortune in catering bills.

If you make a thousand runs a year, they will pay for the extra extra extra large uniforms without flinching.

But until then you’re an expendable fatty.

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redbacks are venomless


South Australia took a punt with their captain, the selected someone who looked like he came from a private school young conservatives training camp and gave him the job.

Never mind that he has only ever had one good year of first class cricket and a batting average worse than a West Indian youngster.

Nathan Adcock wasn’t a bad captain, it would be a hard to lead a team that are this hopeless.

Adcock has talent as a batsman, but he doesn’t make runs, and never has, so making him captain seemed like an odd decision at the time.

This year he has bowled better than Dan Cullen, but probably batted worse, and after about 7 games of him hardly making a cracker he has been fired.

Replaced by a middle-aged keeper batsman who was probably surprised he didn’t get the job in the first place.

Lets look at what the South Australia team has given the national side of recent times.

The fastest bowler in the world who earns over 400,000 bucks a year for not playing.

A batsman less fit than me, that comes back from England every year with an extra chin.

The champion prodigal spinning team of the shirt shifter, and the leg spinning saviour. One who can’t get wickets, and the other can’t get a game.

The only players they have that are any good are on the McGain side of 30 and are of no use to anyone.

So with no young players pushing for selection, a captain dismissed for poor form and their fast bowling legend getting king hit I can see no other option but for South Australia to be relegated to district ranks.

Perhaps Canberra or NT could be promoted.

Maybe even New Zealand.

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first week state round up

Sound up from the first week of state cricket in Australia

Queensland (new texas) v Tasmania

Qld really let themselves down with this one, Tassie and Victoria are always susceptible early in the season up north. early on it looked like Noffke with his 5 wickets then his amazing century was going to win the game on his own. Then Michael Di Venuto stepped up, he batted for a day and a half making 178 and dragging Tasmania to a draw they didn’t deserve.

The balls: When you get a good team on the ropes you have to finish them, Queensland really need the out right here, but in the second dig, when the wicket was flatter they struggled. According to Big daddy Noffke will be playing for Australia soon. I don’t think so.

Victoria v South Australia

This wasn’t a game. For the redbacks (sa) it was more like they were caught naked in their backyard with a tub of margarine. David Hussey smote them, Wade withstood them, Nannes, Siddle and Denton cut them down. Jason Gillespie top scored in both innings (with 18 in the second dig of 77). The redbacks bowling was fine, they were beaten by a good batting line up. Hussey made 176 for the game for one out. Their batting is shit house, I’m talking battlefield earth bad. Gillespie and Elliott were the only batsmen to provide résistance, and they are both over 30. For the bushrangers (vics) their no name bowling line up was pretty damn good again

The balls: The Vics are a damn good team, the redbacks are not, and they have the welt marks on their ass to prove it. David Hussey best number 4 in the country? Ponder that mofo’s.

Western Australia v New South Wales

Damn I hate New South Wales, the minute I finished writing they were shit they come out and shit all over the warriors (wa). The blues (nsw) look crap on paper, and they struggled early on. They were only saved by a hundred by of all people Matthew Nicholson who is look spritely for an 83 year old. From that century onwards this was the blues game. Their quicks destroyed the warriors, then Jacques went in and won the opening slot for Australia. In the second dig for the warriors they fell apart again, with the oldest young man on the planet, Bollinger, getting a five for.

The balls: How shit are the warriors? Pretty shit. How good are the blues? Who knows. Has Jacques done enough to start at the top of the order for the Aussies, you’d say so.

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state season from s to t

I thought I better write about the other state teams now, before Tasmania dismember Queensland and I look like I’m jumping on the band wagon.

So heres my follow up on the next two teams in aussie domestic cricket.

South Australia-

Very youthful squad. But they’ve been youthful for a long time now. The word promising is only used before your name for so long. They have the three old boys Lehmann, Elliott (traitor) and Dizzy Gillespie. And then a truckload of hopefuls that are either too fat, or not ready yet to make the next level.

Batsmen are their biggest concern, Cosgrove can bat, but he’s out of shape. Adcock, Ferguson and Borgas have had wraps on them for quite a while. They look like cricketers, but no real results. Manou is a battler who plays above himself probably the least talented keeper in the country, but he fights on regardless. Lehman and Elliott will provide the backbone, and Elliott is essentially playing as an assistant coach.

In the Bowling the have the two most exciting spinners in the country. Problem is for South Australia Bailey and Cullen haven’t won them many games. This is the year, I’d play them both, play an all rounder, probably Cleary, and Gillespie. Add another decent quick and that’s a more than useful make up. Their bowling has been their strength of recent times, but when Tait is fit he won’t be playing for them.

The rub is that they could be anything, but probably wont be. The minute Cullen or Bailey takes wickets they’ll be in the Australian side. If Elliot plays all year, that means their young batsmen still haven’t stepped up and they won’t finish anywhere. Likely finish 4-6.

Tasmania-

For years the shit kickers of state cricket, but all of a sudden look like they could win everything. Hilfenhaus, Butterworth and Paine are all good enough to be10 year players for Australia. They are the reigning champions, they are young, they are hungry, and this may be the last year they all get to play together before their big three depart.

Their batting looks average on paper. But on the ground looks fierce. Di Venuto is one of those dudes that could have had an long international career for most other countries. Dighton, Birt and Bailey are unknowns, but they are all very talented at waving their bats around. Paine is the man, if the Australian selectors could find the balls they had when they selected McGrath, Warne, Steve Waugh and Ponting, he will be Australians next wicket keeper. He bats well enough to be a number 3 in the pura cup winning team, his keeping is better than Gilchrist. What’s not to love?

Bowling wise it’s all about Hilfenhaus at this stage. This boy could single-handedly revive the lost art of out swing bowling. If Lee or Johnson don’t get wickets against Sri Lanka this boy simply must be picked. Butterworth is still too raw to know whether he is a first change bowler or a third change bowler, but he can play and this year they expect big things from him. Damian Wright is still a classy bowler, and gets more wickets than higher profile players. Xavier Doherty is a good spinner, I’ve liked him since I first saw him. Left arm orthodox is not taken seriously in Australia, hopefully X man (it would have to be his nick name, wouldn’t it) can revive it and put some pressure on those South Australian spinners.

The rub is that if this team stays healthy, even without Hilfenhaus they should win the title, only the Victorians or the Queenslanders have the lists to stretch them. Likely finish 1-2.

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