cricket with balls

Recently I was granted a special permission, (special to me) the gift of wireless connection that only media receive at the MCG.

Meaning I can use the Internet at the G, while I watch the games. You can imagine how excited I was, am. I could have kissed the Mcg’s media manager, which over the phone would have been quite a feat.

So this is my first post written and posted at the G. It’s dedicated to the ground I grew up at.

You can be lucky in life, I was born in Melbourne, so that’s a bit more fun than say the West Bank, Denver or Freetown.

Living in Melbourne, only 40 minutes from the MCG, is something you can take for granted. Every year I visit the ground at least 30 times. Mostly for Aussie rules, but that’s only cause there’s a lot more football played here than cricket. Most cricket supporters from around the world would love to visit it just once.

My first memory of the ground was a football match between Collingwood (my mob) and Geelong. All I remember is the Collingwood cheer squad yelling Ablett is a w@nker, as he kicked goal after goal. At the time I didn’t know what one was, or that he was one. Now I understand and agree with the sentiment.

My first cricket memory was a state game between NSW and the Vics. Mike Whitney stormed in first ball of the day and slipped over. That’s when I fell in love with watching the game. Later in the day Simon O’Donnell hit out, eventually caught hooking, that’s when I fell in love with Victoria.

First test I saw was Pakistan. Akram was the fastest thing I had ever seen, and then Dean Jones came out to face him. One ball later and the hometown hero was sent back by Akram. Later on a Pakistan player picked the ball up from the fence, and someone hit him with a flag. Seemed unnecessary, but I still laughed.

The 1st One dayer I saw was with Big daddy and my Uncle, my dad wouldn’t go, as he hated one day cricket and Kerry Packer. The game was against New Zealand and the only thing I remember is getting told off by some middle aged woman who thought I was standing up too much. Oh and alot of sheep jokes.

I went to the David Boon memorial game, and spent most of the second innings chatting to Devon Malcolm on the fence. He was a very nice chap, good sense of humour.

I saw Warne’s hattrick, no really. Was in the underneath section of the old Olympic stand at the back of the first level. Just my dad and me, we actually thought it would be a good days cricket, first ball, McDermott got a wicket off a full toss, I think, and I remember saying to Dad, what a waste of time it was coming down today. Other than the hattrick I was correct.

When I was a teenager we used to take plastic containers full of bourbon into the ground. Even then, I knew drunk is the only way to truly enjoy a one dayer. We never really got that drunk to be honest, it was so hot you usually sweated it all out straight away.

My dad still won’t forgive me for going to the 4th day a test against the Windies. We saw a scrappy days play, where Damien Martyn made 60 odd I think. The day my dad wanted to go to was the 5th day, where Warne took his first 7 wicket haul. Whoops. But I blame him, I knew too much about cricket, he said let’s go to the 5th day, and I said no, the cricket might not last all day on the 5th and I wanted to see a whole days play. I was right.

In 2001 on the way to the G, Big daddy and another guy got run over in front of me. I’m talking the full deal, knocked up in the air, the shoes went flying, the windscreen was broken and it looked like they would both die. The ambulance took us to the hospital, they decided that both of them were ok, so from there we went straight to the cricket. Where Big daddy continued to take the glass out of his hair for the whole game (and for the next few days).

I remember the state games where Langer would be abused by the Victorian fans from the moment he walked out on the field until the close of play. I also remember him swearing at them, threatening them and one day squaring up to a guy who was standing next to me. The guy was 6’6, but he backed down before Langer did.

The One Dayer against South Africa that was so boring that Big Daddy fell asleep. Mind you there was a lot of bourbon involved.

The state games where Greg Matthews would sledge the crowd non stop. Between every ball, and at the end of every over. In fact the only time he shut up was during his overs.

I saw McGrath flip the bird to a Victorian supporter one day, sure he deserved it, but it was funny coming from him.

Of the three best innings I have seen at the G, only one was not by Matthew Elliott, that was Jacques Kallis holding off Shane Warne on a fifth day wicket. That was amazing, he was beaten so many times, but he just never wavered.

Almost every time I’m at a cricket game with my dad he mentions the story about the day he was working the bar at the G, but no one wanted a beer. Sobers was playing for the world eleven, my dad watched the whole thing for free. Sobers made a double hundred, and everyone who saw it knew it was something amazing.

Only last year I remember Sime and myself laughing uncontrollably at Big Daddy as he abused Ponting for near on an hour, cause Ponting wouldn’t bring McGrath on to finish the tail. It was to be McGrath’s last test in Melbourne. Even when the crowd sitting around us told Big Daddy to shut up, he just kept doing it, until Lee took the last wicket.

I had one of the hottest girls I’ve ever seen sit in front of me at a test against Pakistan once. She was, um, well built with a low level of covering on. Thanks to the MCG grandstand gradient and her constant stretching I had a great day. I think Dizzy and Marto made runs.

The best innings I saw at the G was Matthew Elliott smashing Stuart Clark and Stuart MacGill around. Behind me, sat then Australian chairman of selectors Trevor Hohns. Every time Elliott hit another 4 or 6, I turned to him and made a little comment. He took it well, didn’t help Elliott though, who only played two more tests after that.

I sledged David Hookes the day he died. He was Victorian Coach at the time, and as he often did, he was walking around the boundary while we were struggling. I said, “think we’ve got enough all rounders playing Hookesy”, he smiled and said ”yup”. We had about 6 all rounders playing that day, and Lehmann was smashing them everywhere. Then the game turned, the all rounders took a bag full of wickets. That night he was king hit.

Later that season I went to 4 out of the 5 days in the pura Sheffield cup Shield final. I was on the ground when the great Chuck Berry announced his retirement, and someone yelled out Oh fu©k no as he said it.

I also was at the one day game where Warne did his shoulder and Berry had to go out and field.

Thanks to an ex I’ve even had a bit of lovin at the ground. It wasn’t a six, but it was a well run three. Hows that for a metaphor.

I went to a football game once, and on the way out I walked past the Keith Miller statue at the ground. He looked like a superhero, which he practically was. So I wrote a short story about him being one.

I once attended a Bushrangers camp where I bowled with Damien Fleming and Craig Howard. And Chuck Berry gave me keeping advice. All of this happened on the G.

It’s amazing how a piece of real estate can feel like a family member. I feel more comfortable sitting in the grand stand on my own, than I have at any job or social situation in my whole life.

I do take it for granted, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know how lucky I am.

Now available to read at Sportsfreak.