Tagged with sehwagology …

Nov 25 2009
indians, sehwagology

sehwag in a wool cap

I have just finished watching Sehwag make his hundred, via highlights.

Editors have not yet worked out that for Sehwag highlights are not required, he is highlights.

Every ball he faces should be shown.

But overlooking poor judgement from editors, what a knock.

Poor Mendis was fucked so hard he was left bleeding from his ear.

Murali was dismissed as a club bowler.

And Herath’s magical new ball was hoicked without a care in the world.

The best thing about the innings had to be Sehwag batting in a proper woolen cap.

What a sight that was.

I think I sighed.

Watching him swing the ball to all parts is always a religious experience, but with the cap on it took it to a new level.

I thought Dilshan, is padawan learner, was cool with the flowing locks going wild in the wind when facing the spinners, but Sehwag just trumped him.

Yesterday he showed the world why they should be sehwagologists.

That is why he gets a mention in things he shouldn’t.

From next year on I shall done a blue cap in honour of this majestical mystical icon.

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Sep 23 2009
lankans

Dilshan: the pimp daddy of batting

You know when you have that dream that you are the most Awesomest thing alive.

Either you are a rockstar with men throwing their boxer shorts on stage, a boxer with old white Jewish writers saying you are better than Ali or some politician that fixes the world and also fights off evil aliens.

Everyone has the dream where they are cool.

Well channel that, are you there yet, are you awesome in your imagination.

Good.

Now think of Dilshan’s batting of late.

Be honest, is your imaginary character as cool as he is.

No, ofcourse not.

How could it be?

Dilshan is some sort of Steve McQueen/Angela Davis/Bruce Lee/Ned Kelly hybrid at the moment.

Cooler than Ice, Harder than Nails, tastier than a quick burger.

He is like some sort of souped-up super-pimp crime-fighting freedom-fighting bastard straight from hell.

And now he has a beard, how can your imagination beat this?

The dilscoop starfish thing.

The wearing a hat while batting.

The open chest surrounded by bling.

And everything else that he brings to the game of cricket.

All he needs is a Rolls Royce made of Gold, an ivory walking stick and cricket would have to crown him the grand poobah of batting.

What happened?

Not that long ago he was a middle order struggler who never really did enough and had a pretty ordinary record.

Now he is the dog’s bollocks, the cat’s pyjamas, the moose’s caboose.

On one level I want to know how this struggling dude made it to the top of the mountain.

But on the other hand, fuck it.

Let us just enjoy this gift of awesomeness that has surely been delivered by our God of Sehwagology.

Amen, Dilshan, Amen.

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Sep 16 2009
sehwagology

GOD hates nightwatchmen – sehwagologists take note

For years I have been talking about how shit nightwatchmen are.

In podcasts I get particularity pissed off at limp dicked batsmen who can’t go out and do their job and instead have to hide behind tough bowlers.

They fucken piss me off.

Now the one true prophet our lord Virender Sehwag has his say on nightwatmen.

“There is this story about you declining a nightwatchman, where you said you were not an able batsman if you couldn’t last 25 balls at the end of the day. Is that true?

It is true. What is the difference between batting at the end of the day or at the start? If you make a mistake you’ll get out. So I don’t think a batsman really needs a nightwatchman, but it is totally an individual decision. Whenever a captain or coach asked me for a nightwatchman I would say, “No, why? If I can’t survive 10 or 20 balls now, then I don’t think I’ll survive tomorrow morning.” I believe that’s the best time when you have the opportunity to score runs, when everybody on the field is tired and you can score 20 runs off those 20 balls.”

It is official sehwagologists, Nightwatchmen are shit, get out there and hit a quick 20 and stop your bitching.

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Mar 25 2009
indians, kiwis

God to captain

Napier is where it happened, as holy a place as any.

MS Dhoni is out, a back problem.

Did anyone know this was even a possibility.

I was reading waffle about Craig McMillan booth work.

Fungus on the pitch.

Sachin’s off drives.

Flynn’s hand and How’s record.

Kyle Mills saying he wasn’t up to it.

But where were the stories about Dhoni and a back complaint that could leave him out of  the side?

It matters not now, Our Prophet, Our God, Our spiritual Guide is in charge.

And now, even more so than before, India cannot lose.

Praise be to the Leader of Sehwagology, your Sehwagologists are on your side.

How you gonna beat God, son?


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Mar 11 2009
sehwagology

Ewen disrespects GOD

New Zealand’s latest left armer, Ewen Thompson, is solely to blame for GOD smiting New Zealand.

Why?

At the end of Thompson’s 1st over, Sehwag had respectfully defended a ball down the pitch.

Thompson picked up this ball and flicked it to the keeper.

It should have been a simple flick, except that Thompson and McGlashan were snookered by Sehwag’s impressiveness.

The bowler trying to be aggressive flicked the ball as close the batsman as possible, he has probably does this a million times, but this wasn’t a batsman was it Kiddies.

It was GOD, the prophet and messiah of Sehwagology, and you don’t want to get GOD angry.

Thompson’s next ball hit the scoreboard.

The scoreboard at the back of the grassed embankment.

Yes.

If you needed more proof of Sehwagology , he then gave it to the country of New Zealand with furiously malicious abandon.

125 off 74, that is proof that you can’t fuck with God.

Ewen Thompson is a heretic, but we need not stone him, GOD has done our work for us.

4 overs, 0/42.

Don’t anger GOD son, he don’t play by the rules of mere mortals.

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Feb 03 2009
sehwagology

Murali equals record

Which means he has it, but doesn’t really own it.

Wasim Akram is still warming the chair with him. 

Ok I should be honest, I don’t really care about Murali’s record, just wanted an opening to mention this. 

116 off 90 balls.

Everyone should bow down before Sehwag. 

Heretics and non believers get on your knees,  GOD has spopken today. 

Sehwagoloy is more important than wicket tallies. 

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Dec 18 2008
Uncategorized

More Sehwagology

It’s spreading so fast there is already a counter movement.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
Tagged
Dec 18 2008
Uncategorized

Sehwagology’s children

The world is slowly awakening.

Number 2 is looking after the propaganda.

Visit Suave, and look at the presents he is giving us.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
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Dec 15 2008
Uncategorized

from the pulpit

It is beyond any comprehensive description.

I didn’t even see it live.

Just after it finished I was watching the replay, and it left me dumbstruck and silent.

Not particularly amazing on its own, but being that I was at a bar ordering a breakfast beer at the time, it lends a certain extra credit to it.

I was standing at the bar, money in hand, thirsty, but there was no ordering from me.

Apparently the barman asked me for my order, three times.

But I was transfixed.

Our man was on the screen.

And he was murderous.

I have never seen anything like it, I would give my exceptionally special little toe to a stranger for the chance to go back in time and see it live.

He was pure adrenaline, he was dancing on sharks, he was killing nazi shop keepers, he was destroying every last thing in front of him.

And beer could not compete.

Nothing could.

Infact I almost punched the barman when he broke me from my happiness bubble.

“Good god man, have you no sense of history, look at what this man, nay prophet, nay god is doing”, is what I would have said if words would have come to my lips.

Words however were nowhere near my mouth.

Wonderful magically amazingness was all around.

He was not just batting, he was carving his name into the memory of every person lucky enough to see him.

You cannot forget what you saw.

It was what eyes were invented for.

Obviously.

And when harper finally ended the best short moment any of us are ever going to have, all we were left with was deep sorrow and terrible heart ache.

Because he is not a batsman, anyone can bat, he stands above all that, and what we get is light, and hope.

And i even forgive him for making me forget about having a beer.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
Tagged
Dec 11 2008
Uncategorized

Become a Sehwagologist

I know you’re on facebook.

It’s ok, the balls is there, thus saving facebook from complete embarrassment.

But now I ask something of you, and your facebook profile, that no other cricket blog would dare ask for.

I want you to change your religion to Sehwagology.

Why, because it’s the right thing to do.

So far there are two of us.

But I want an army of Sehwagologists, swinging, missing, hitting and entertaining.

That is what facebook really needs.

And it’s not as if religion is important anyway.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
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