England has finally picked their new cricket coach, a wide-eyed female white kitten.
Hugh Morris from the ECB said “For too long our cricket coaches have been savaged by the press, every move is criticised, and the team has suffered. So to counter this we have brought in a kitten so cute that no one can hate it. I dare you to ridicule this kitten, look at its eyes those silly little paws, and the tail that is too short to bend, cuteness.”.
It’s a risky move by England, as most cricket journalists hate cats even more than they hate the English cricket team.
Andy Flower was the front-runner for the position, and even though he is cute, Zimbabwean, and once opposed a fascist dictator while batting, he is more ‘take home to your mum cute’, rather than ‘look at the kitty’ cute.
The kitten has yet to be named, although sources from the ECB seemed to be leaning towards ‘princess fluffy pants’.
Picking a female kitten will also quieten down the women’s cricket community who recently complained there weren’t more females in top positions.
With the kitten taking over, this does spell the end for Samit Patel, English officials will be hesitant to place him in a room with any small animal after he ate Kevin Pietersen’s Chihuahua ‘jess’.
England are still yet to name their twenty 20 captain, the logical choices are Dimi Mascarenhas, Robert Key, and Eddie (the dog from Frasier).
Morris said, “They all have their strong points, Dimi is Australian, Rob has an autocratic pomp, and Eddie is cute, has a rogue charm, and his form a few years ago was exceptional. “
