Tagged with saeed ajmal …

Jan 17 2012
9 Comments
pakistanis, poms

England shart

I was afraid that this England Pakistan series would be two attrition loving teams making sure they didn’t make mistakes as they both comfortably got to 0-0.

That might still happen.

Although today was funner than seeing a borne film on a roller coaster, the series could still dribble out staid draws and the two teams could end up sitting on the pot and not shitting.

But today England shit a bit.

And so did the rest of the world, with laughter.

Before this England had shown to be a largely robotic team that could capitalise on flaws and had even learnt the hardest art in modern cricket, the un-collapse.

192 is a long way from 51, 47 or 43,  but it’s a cock up.

And England may end up winning this series, and travelling on their next couple of subbie adventures with their pith helmets held high.

Or they could shit themselves and prove to naysayers that they are grass merchants who who frown on brown.

I think both are ideal outcomes.

If England do fight back here, and then beat the Lankans and Indians, they’ll be a number 1 number one.  So cricket will have another great enemy that needs to be brought down.

If England don’t fight back, and they continue to play spin like it’s got herpes, world cricket will have another good ordinary side for the other teams to play awkward teenage sex Tests with.

Today’s English collapse was against a bowler with a career average and strike rate of 30/68.   He’s a bowler that when he has a good day, he has a real good day, when he has a bad day you might as well rent a truck and drive over him.

England aren’t going to come up against too many Ajmal’s in the world, but it’s comforting to know that when they do, their capacity to shit themselves still remains, even if this was a shart my modern Test standards.

So either they fight back and we all marvel at the professional nature of the new England.

Or they fall apart while we all point and laugh.

Cricket can’t lose. England can.

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May 15 2010
18 Comments
aussies, pakistanis, world twenty20

Pakistani fan suicide kit and Molly Ringwald, all because of M Hussey

“Take a dash of Saeed Ajmal.

A Michael Hussey.

Make sure you mix both with a game that for the first time in a long time Pakistan can win.

It helps if the game is a final, especially one that Pakistan have dominated from the third over in the first innings until the 18th over of the second innings.

Then just fly a plane over Pakistan and drop a bunch of razor blades.”

It is just that simple.

Had Australia lost, the Australian suicide kit would have been simple, just a copy of Michael Clarke batting on a loop, and then the Australians would have broken their own necks.

Instead it is Pakistanis who are thinking of offing themselves, and with good measure.

The Pakistani team didn’t just lose, they broke up with their fans last week, then wooed them back with romantic gestures and a promise of a beautiful life together.  Then they only go and sleep with 3 transsexual prostitutes the night before the wedding.

It was more than tragic.

There is something special about Pakistan.  They don’t just lose, they take it to a whole new level, some sort of Greek tragedy directed by Takashi Miike.

48 runs from 2.5 overs with 3 wickets in hand.  You shouldn’t lose a game of cricket from that position, you shouldn’t lose with a ball to spare, you just fucken shouldn’t.

Mike Hussey’s form was wrist splittingly good.

60 off 24 balls.

Even when he was a statistical anomaly he would have struggled to do anything this good.

Ofcourse there was the normal ice cold finish and the eager beaver twos, but the sixes.

Oh the sixes. Everyone was a punch to a Pakistani kid’s grandmother, in the throat.

There were so many sixes. I gave up counting, but I am sure the average grandmother took some hell of a beating.

In the past I’ve had a fair bit to say about M Hussey, mostly about his test form, well, almost exclusively about his test form, but this was fucking amazing. For a player to step up and do that at that stage in a semi final was just off the charts. Ofcourse he may have kept his test spot for life and ensured that Michael Clarke is the next Australian captain. But his heart was in the right place.

I was so excited I was going to give him a Natalie Portman, and I only give them out for truly special performances, but I didn’t think Mike Hussey would be a fan of Portman.

So here is a Molly, as I see her as more his style.

Well done Mr Hussey, today you have ended the life of many Pakistani fans and inspired me to give you a Molly Ringwald.

Look how happy Molly is, she has always said that while Saeed Ajmal is a good bowler, he can be hittable at times.

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Nov 09 2009
pakistanis

Pakistan throw game

I am disgusted with Saeed Ajmal.

What a blatant act of match fixing.

Pakistan were crusing until his wicket completely changed the complexion of the game.

There should be an inquiry, or lynching.

A number 11 playing two pull shots in two balls must surely mean that this match was fixed.

No more proof is necessary.

I feel dirty for having watched this.

The ending was obviously staged.

The tension was manufactured.

The result was irritating.

Now all I can do to shed myself of this terrible feeling is to have sex and a seafood dinner.

I suggest you do the same.

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May 11 2009
general balls

Shane Watson loves Indians, hates Pakistanis

That is what I have discovered when reading the latest copy of Spin Magazine.

They have an article on a potential Indian Speed Machine.

Atul Sharma is the supposed javelin throwing bowling machine that sort of looks like the character whose muscles explode in the Animatrix.

He apparently bowls at quicker than 100 MPH, and is going to revolutionise cricket forever.

Rajasthan wanted the freak for nature for the IPL, even though he hadn’t bowled in a cricket game in over 6 years, and had never played any level of cricket worth a penny.

But Lalit and the Royals were a little worried his action was dodgy, being so revolutionary and odd.

So they sent him to the AIS in Australia.

There he was bio-mechanically tested, and then had to bowl to Saeed Ajmal’s mate Shane Watson.

Watson said his action was fine.

Greg Chappell did as well, although no one is sure if he was asked.

And then so did the bio nerds.

Sharma hasn’t played in the tournament yet, I think he was injured, not sure if he still is, he really needs his own website.

On the front page he could just have a picture of him and Watson hugging.

Showing the deep levels of Australian Indian love.

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May 02 2009
aussies, pakistanis

Australia WIN

They beat Pakistan.

3-1.

Douggie Bollinger gets wickets.

Michael Clarke and Shane Watson share huge partnership.

Saeed Ajmal is still hard to play.

But he can’t take a wicket.

That is all I spose.

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Apr 28 2009
aussies, pakistanis

Don’t bullshit a bullshitter

Younis Khan and Michael Clarke have given completely unbiased comments to the press over Saeed Ajmal ‘s doosra.

Michael Clarke has said,

“Watto certainly didn’t go to the umpires and say a word, none of our players have approached the umpires and spoken about it…I think Watto was pretty upset with the shot he played and getting out”

Now watch this Video that Ducking Beamers alerted me to.

Clarke is absolutely correct, Watson never told the umpire, he did yell to Roy about it, who was standing next to the umpire, and then he told Ajmal all about it, while he was within a metre of the umpire.

So no, Pup, he didn’t tell the umpire, but he did ensure that the umpire heard on at least two occasions in this footage alone.

Not to be out propaganded, Younis Khan has this to say,

“This is always happening with India and Pakistan and Australia…. Why do we create all the time controversies? Why? It’s a fair game, you know.

You’re talking about the doosra, Why (shouldn’t) he (Ajmal) bowl doosra? Because this is an art and especially Pakistanis and Indians they have the art, so why (should it) not be allowed?”

All fair points you might say, except:

Cricket Next has written that Saeed Ajmal has been called before.

This is not some massive conspiracy from Ricky Ponting and James Sutherland. Watson had a strop, and the officiating panel who put Ajmal up for chucking are Umpires BF Bowden (New Zealand) and Nadeem Ghauri (Pakistan), TV umpire Asad Rauf (Pakistan) Match referee JJ Crowe (New Zealand)Reserve umpire Zameer Haider (Pakistan).

And, before this, the last 3 people Australia had anything to do with being called for chucking were A Bird (AUS), J Gunn (ENG) and J Botha (SA).


Australia continue to spin, but Pakistan continues to do it better.

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