Tagged with probot

the aussie all round dilemma

I’m not sure what I can legally say on a blog, but I feel its time to test the boundaries.

I think the Australia selectors need to put the screen around Shane Watson, go get the shotgun and put the boy out of his misery.

This has nothing to do with talent, or the fact he comes from Queensland. This is all about Australian cricket. There is no doubt that without the great workhorses of McGrath, Warne and Gillespie the Australian team needs an all rounder.

Andrew Symonds is a band-aid, I love the bloke, (he won us a world cup) but his bowling is no where near the standard of test cricket, and his batting is yet to live up to his amazing record in one day cricket. He simply is not a test match all rounder, he may still become a test match batsmen, but as a fifth bowler he is on the wrong side of Steve Waugh.

So this leaves us with two options. Keep playing Shane Watson, even though its clear his body is built out of Bruce Reid plywood, or bite the bullet and try the options in state cricket.

James Hopes is something. In the words of Bert Newton, I like the boy. I can already see what his problem is going to be, he’s a little too Ian Harvey. He bowls good enough to be a more than handy 5th bowler, and he bats well enough to be a really handy number 7 or a shit hot number 8. But Australia wants a number six or a fourth bowler, this isn’t South Africa after all.

His first class averages (bat 32, ball 36) aren’t really all that exciting, but he hasn’t gone to England to prop up his average like every other Australian hopeful has. He has earnt his averages in the toughest domestic competition in the world. And he has played in the best team in that comp, behind all rounders like Shane Watson and Andy Bichel.

I’m not saying playing him isn’t a risk, but he is probably 6 years younger than Symonds (I couldn’t be bothered looking it up) and is worth a shot. Hopes is in Pakistan at the moment, playing for Australia A, he is taking wickets and making hundreds (one hundred actually).
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Also in state cricket is Cameron White, the prodigal son. He will either be Australia’s next captain, or a big hitting batsman who never quite worked out how to get batsmen out. I am sure that if he lived in any other country in the world he would be playing test cricket already, and probably captaining half of them (and doing a better job).

To get into the Australian team you need to excel in one discipline, and Cameron White’s batting has him in the queue, but not at the front of it, His bowling is the real worry, when he first came onto the scene he was difficult to get away, bowled a great line and always chipped in with good wickets. Now his bowling seems to be stumbling down the wrong dark alley after midnight.

The last option is a left of field choice, but that’s why I like it. Throw in this Luke Butterworth chap from Tassie. Rick (Ricky) likes him (more than I can say about his relationship with White), he won a Sheffield pura cup shield on his own. He has the added bonus of actually being young.

He has only played 5 first class matches, but if I think back guys like Warne and McGrath were picked from obscurity and they seemed to turn out ok. If you don’t count the drugs, extra marital sex, and offcourse McGrath’s shit house hair cut.

Enough of these 32 year old proboters who have been bullying flaccid English attacks in their off season for years. Lets put a 23 year old with obvious talent who wins big games on his own, into the mother fucking side. Also it would be nice to have a Tasmanian in the Australian side again. Lets not pretend Rick (Ricky) is still a Tasmanian.

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proboters malfunction

Apparently from the moment I left my couch the proboters malfunctioned and Australia lost the 20 20 game. I know I should care, but lets be honest, I don’t. I care about this as much as I care about some New Zealand girl who was left at a train station. As much as I care whether to pommy parents killed their daughter.

I know its cricket, but it’s like watching the milo junior cricketers at the half time show. I like it when they hit a big shot, but I don’treally care who wins.

Australia lost of course, but I can’t find myself shitty or disappointed. I find myself pissed off that I was wrong though. I don’t’ like being wrong, but I should be used to it by now. I am glad I missed the Pakistan innings though, cause I bet I would have been joneseing for a hit of Afridi which never happened. What’s the point of having 20 20 if you lose 4 wickets and you still never play Afridi.

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ipod dj’s and shahid afridi

After watching the 20 20 I realise there is something missing in my life. I need a DJ following me around. So if I see pretty girl, I get a bit of barry white, “Ohhhh baby”. Perhaps If I see an emo, and I get a bit of Beck “I’m a loser baby, so why don’t you kill me”.

Perhaps I walk past a South African, and my DJ gives me “Evil” by Howlin Wolf. A Sri Lankan, “we’ll meet again” by Vera Lynn. If I see ganguly “Asshole” by Dennis Leary makes me smile. Ashraful walks past me and “Eye of the tiger” starts to warm up.

See who says 20 20 is boring, maybe if millions of people can read my blog I can start to pay a DJ to hold my ipod.

I’m writing this because the Australia vs. Pakistan game hasn’t reached any great heights. I’ll be honest once Symonds, Hayden and Gilchrist are out, I lose interest in the rest of them. The professional robot cricketers are great for winning cricket, but they are boring as bat shit to watch.

Hussey and Hodge (who are batting now) would be the antithesis of this type of batsmen. Every shot is calculated, pre planned and practiced for years before it is ever released on its opponent.

That’s not really my style. I like cricketers who don’t think. Afridi, Gayle, Razzaq, Harvey and Dhoni. I know in the long run batting like bradman or tendulkar is the way to go, but when it comes to watching cricket give me a Lance (cairns or klusener) any day.

I think most modern Australian cricketers are sent to the Bevan school of proboters. (Professional robot cricketers, pretty good huh, I should be a sci fi writer). All the life is sucked out of them. They become placers of the ball, they work out runs per over, they run hard, they don’t slog, they roll their wrists, and worst of all they only hit the ball in the air when the statistical analysis comes in and they are less than a 12 percent chance of going out.

It sickens me.

Australia are 4/150 or 150/4 as I finish this.

Looks as if they will win this, unless Afridi does something wild, but we usually have his measure. Much to my chagrin, damn proboters.

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ipod dj's and shahid afridi

After watching the 20 20 I realise there is something missing in my life. I need a DJ following me around. So if I see pretty girl, I get a bit of barry white, “Ohhhh baby”. Perhaps If I see an emo, and I get a bit of Beck “I’m a loser baby, so why don’t you kill me”.

Perhaps I walk past a South African, and my DJ gives me “Evil” by Howlin Wolf. A Sri Lankan, “we’ll meet again” by Vera Lynn. If I see ganguly “Asshole” by Dennis Leary makes me smile. Ashraful walks past me and “Eye of the tiger” starts to warm up.

See who says 20 20 is boring, maybe if millions of people can read my blog I can start to pay a DJ to hold my ipod.

I’m writing this because the Australia vs. Pakistan game hasn’t reached any great heights. I’ll be honest once Symonds, Hayden and Gilchrist are out, I lose interest in the rest of them. The professional robot cricketers are great for winning cricket, but they are boring as bat shit to watch.

Hussey and Hodge (who are batting now) would be the antithesis of this type of batsmen. Every shot is calculated, pre planned and practiced for years before it is ever released on its opponent.

That’s not really my style. I like cricketers who don’t think. Afridi, Gayle, Razzaq, Harvey and Dhoni. I know in the long run batting like bradman or tendulkar is the way to go, but when it comes to watching cricket give me a Lance (cairns or klusener) any day.

I think most modern Australian cricketers are sent to the Bevan school of proboters. (Professional robot cricketers, pretty good huh, I should be a sci fi writer). All the life is sucked out of them. They become placers of the ball, they work out runs per over, they run hard, they don’t slog, they roll their wrists, and worst of all they only hit the ball in the air when the statistical analysis comes in and they are less than a 12 percent chance of going out.

It sickens me.

Australia are 4/150 or 150/4 as I finish this.

Looks as if they will win this, unless Afridi does something wild, but we usually have his measure. Much to my chagrin, damn proboters.

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gayle force 117 (awesome bad pun)

Chris Gayle has a batting technique similar to that of a drunken Canadian woodchopper. He looks as fazed playing international cricket as he would be smoking a fat one on a beach in Kingston. He bowls off spin, off two steps, at the death, with sunglasses on, at night. He is one cool mother-fucking cat (always wanted to say that).

I’m writing this blog because this cat just made 117 off 57 balls. And as amazing as this is, in this tournament someone may make more runs off less balls, that is 20 20 cricket. With Gayle its not about the results, its about the process. He bats more like a number 11 than an opener.

Once I saw him get off the mark in a test match with a scoop through mid off, the bowler was Glenn McGrath. McGrath spent the next 30 seconds shaking his head.

His strike rate is far less than the other explosive batsmen of our times, Gilchrist (96) and Afridi (109)and his batting average is less than 40, but we don’t care. He entertains us.

Even when he is carving up your team, as much as you want him out, there is a part of you that says, just 5 more minutes mum, five more minutes, hey i said 5 more minutes biach, don’t make me get a hammer.

One backing away slog to mid wicket, followed by forehand type slap over mid off. Some times I get more excited when he swipes and misses. Sometimes swings his bat so hard you think he might hurt himself.

His batting is part car crash, part art installation.

He is a product of our times. In the old days he wouldn’t haven’t made it out of the red stripe competition, but West Indian cricket is so bad he is probably their most important player at the moment.

He does one thing in world cricket that nearly all players can’t do, he wins cricket matches. And for a batsman, that is extremely rare.

You need to embrace players like Gayle, because the Proboters are taking over. And as much as I can see the skill in a Probot cover drive, id prefer a wild swing and miss from Gayle anyday.

Long live the irresponsible attacking cricketer.

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