Tagged with previously …

Nov 05 2010
10 Comments
indians, kiwis

previously at ahmedabad

India

‘There can be only one’ was a line written by someone who had never seen the Indian batting line up.  They have a long tail, but they sort of double dare you to get to it. New Zealand may never seen it.

New Zealand

If you can’t bowl or field, playing against Sehwag is like running into a bull for hours on end.  Is it too late for them to pretend they left the oven on at home?

Who’s in front

New Zealand can still win this.  The problem is they need a renegade CIA force, 24million dollars in unmarked bills and a nuclear warhead.

Play of the day

If you are the 12th man who has to field for a team that is struggling and the oppositions most threatening batsman hits the ball straight up in the air close enough to you for you to take the catch, it would really hurt you emotionally to drop it.  For that same ball to hit your nuts, that is the beginning of a Hank Williams song. Isn’t it, Martin Guptil.

Testicular moment of the day

Sehwag looked ok.

Working class moment of the day

Poor Dictator Dan.  He is trying to cross the Pacific Ocean in a kids inflatable swimming pool.  The only luck he can have is that a seagull pops it before he gets to too far from the coast.

Weird factoid of the day

Jeetan Patel’s dropped catch off his own bowling was perhaps the best audition to be the screaming victim in a horror film I’ve seen in years.

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Oct 13 2010
9 Comments
aussies, indians

previously at bangalore

It’s like last week, but prettier.

Australia

Almost proved time travel possible at times.  Could never quite get their heads in front though.  Their best chance of winning was always going to be getting bowled out and hoping that Sehwag gets lost on his way to the ground.

India

Their batting was a visual representation of how good ideas go bad.  They seemed genuinely surprised that Australia didn’t just collapse in the second innings.  Their field settings seemed like they had consulted a magic 8 ball.

Who’s in front

India, mostly.  Not completely, I think.  But last week they chased more on a better wicket against a better attack.  The draw is still a possibility.  I really have no idea.

Play of the day

MS Dhoni’s keeping in this series has been much like Michael Bay’s directing career.  Yesterday he did pull off one remarkable piece of keeping.  The stumping itself was fairly straight forward, Clarke drags his foot, Dhoni takes off the bails, Clarke doesn’t realize he is out of the crease.  But Dhoni gave it more, he gave Clarke’s foot the point and laugh.  This should be familiar to anyone who went to school and had the fly undone, toilet paper on their shoe, food on their shirt, or any other unforgiveable schoolyard sin.  I applaud Dhoni’s point and laugh.

Testicular moment of the day

While anything short of 248 seemed like a failure for Sachin Tendulkar, his double century was pretty handy.  For fans of Sachin (of which there are dozens) the best thing that can happen is for India to lose.  A double century in a losing game is legendary.  It says, I’m really fucken magnificent even when my team play like anal leaches.

Working class moment of the day

Ricky Ponting made another 70 odd.  Even in his worst form of the last ten years he is still the class in this line up.  It is just that he is less class now, more angry terrier gripping at your pant leg.

Weird factoid of the day

Peter George has invented the slower slower bouncer.  Unlike other slower bounces that just look like filthy half trackers, George’s ball actually stops in mid air, pauses, has a look around, and then continues on past a batsman who is busy playing his third shot at it.

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Oct 12 2010
4 Comments
aussies, indians

previously at bangalore

Welcome to the Sachin Tendulkar show.

Australia

It could have been worse, not much, but worse.  Sachin could have taken a mask off to reveal that he was actually a meat eating alien and swallowed Ben Hilfenhaus whole.

India

Seemed to enjoy batting against this attack, I can’t see why. Donated a few late wickets to Australia, it seemed that Sachin requested this.  He wants to beat Australia, but he is too classy to actually embarrass this kind of Australian team.

Who’s in front

Theoretically Australia are still in the game, but theoretically space travel is possible.

Play of the day

Nathan Hauritz’s good test continued when all he had to do was hit Tim Paine up with a fairly regulation throw and instead he missed by a long enough margin to make it funny.  If I was Ponting I would have been tempted to bowl him non stop in the last two sessions as punishment.

Testicular moment of the day

How smooth is Murali Vijay?  Very.

Working class moment of the day

When Ben Hilfenhaus first became a professional cricketer he probably thought it would be an easier profession than being a brick layer.  But is it possible he ever lifted a heavier load than Peter George and Nathan Hauritz?  His swearing when his LB shout off Vijay was turned down was high class.  Mumbly swearing to yourself is the best swearing.

Weird factoid of the day

Jason Krejza was mentioned 15478 times in cricket conversations yesterday, and he wasn’t even picked for Tasmania’s game against New Texas.

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Oct 11 2010
7 Comments
aussies, indians

previously at bangalore

Australia and India audition for a role in groundhog day.

Australia

Had the best of the first session when India went on strike.  Then scored the least amount of runs possible to get a real advantage.  The bowling started so well that it must have hurt when all hope of a wicket disappeared later on.

India

When India bat second they seem to almost forfeit the first innings.  What I did like is the way they tried everything they could to make sure that Australia continued to score quickly.  You know what though, Sachin is pretty good.

Who’s in front

Australia should be, but 8 wickets now looks like a mirage to them.  India still have to play really badly to not end up behind.  But I thought that last test, and Australia then bowled really well.  It couldn’t happen again.  Probably.

Play of the day

Ian Gould has one hell of a sense of humour.  Last test he sat back and let Billy take all the heat for a series of stunningly odd umpiring decisions.  Yesterday, he thought he’d do a parody of one. Tim Paine somehow edged a very wide ball, he was a third of the way off when Gould stopped him, and checked on the no ball with his walkie talkie.  It was a no ball, and the KRUD system worked well even without Katich.

Testicular moment of the day

While his batting has become so consistent, duck, duck, duck, golden goose, you have to admire someone who can so regularly save their own ass.  This was also the first hundred by an aussie in this series.  It might have come against a bored bowling unit and faux fielding places, but it was when Australia needed it. Marcus North might be fun to take the piss out of, but the boy danced like no one was watching.  He also rocked a weird painted on grin for the day.

Working class moment of the day

Peter George found out that in test cricket you need way more than faith in the true American idol.  He might have some skill, but it was lost in the tall bundle of nerves that was delivering some truly awful deliveries.

Weird factoid of the day

Sachin Tendulkar became the first test cricketer to score 14017 runs.  Can he become the first batsman to make 14018 today?

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Oct 10 2010
6 Comments
aussies, indians

previously at bangalore

Australia

Had a perfectly respectable day of test cricket where none of their players made hundreds and they battled the urge to collapse at all times.  Peter George has skinny arms.

India

Decided that fielding was optional early on.  Never bowled truly bad, but made up for that in the field.  Hung around while Australia made about 5 mistakes.

Who’s in front

Oh, it’s a classic day of test cricket where no one is in front and people who don’t understand cricket get angry.

Play of the day

No one has ever confused Zaheer Khan with Jonty Rhodes.  One is an Asian man with massive shoulders and the other looks like what would be called in the gay community a twinkie.  Today, Zaheer pushed them further apart when he “tried” to field a ball that Ricky Ponting skied.  While most players would have got close enough to it for it to be called a chance, or even taken it, Zaheer had other ideas.  He sort of stumbled in the direction of the ball without purpose, losing his hat even though he didn’t seem to be moving that fast, suddenly put out a hand for no real reason as the ball was a fair distance from him, letting the ball bounce and then turned as slow as any boat in history to jog slowly to the ball that was travelling into the rope at the alarming rate of one inch per ten seconds, amazingly the ball still won.  Yes that was a long sentence, but only because I tried to recall the incident in real time.

Testicular moment of the day

The Bangalore crowd.  Indians keep telling me that they don’t need crowds for test cricket to survive in India, but isn’t it more fun when they turn up?  They booed Ricky, cheered their team on and gave the ground an atmosphere.  If the major cities of India are the grounds where test cricket will get crowds, why bother playing tests at venues that people don’t go to?

Working class moment of the day

There is no secret that Ricky Ponting doesn’t score much in India.  It could be that coming from a small country town he is not used to lots of people and when he gets to India he has a constant case of Enochlophobia.  Or something boring like the pitches not suiting him.  Either way, for the second time in this series he has looked in control of his game enough to cruise to a test hundred, only to do something stupid.  You could argue that it was an average decision by Billy, but if you made an argument like that for every Billy average decision you’d be really tired.

Weird factoid of the day

If you put Che Pujara’s nose and Peter George’s ears on a potato you’d have one fucked up looking Mr Potato Head.

Tagged , , ,
Oct 05 2010
7 Comments
aussies, indians

previously at mohali

A day for fans of test wickets and enemies of Billy Bowden.

Australia

Started like superstars, but like most teams touring to India were undone by short pitch bowling.  Nothing you can do about it.  Bowled like they meant it, and perhaps they did.

India

Got beat up, recovered so well it looked like the game was theirs.  Then they also couldn’t handle the shorter ball and found themselves being saved by the clever batting of Zaheer Khan.

Who’s in front

Fuck knows.  Australia should now win, but it still isn’t a big chase for India. I’m going to say tie. And this one won’t have Dean Jones spewing up, or will it.

Play of the day

Every single moment that Billy Bowden was involved in.  Although the highlight was when he made a mistake and the Nimbus graphic at the bottom of the screen just said, “Umpire: Billy Bowden”, all it needed was a question mark.

Testicular moment of the day

I’m not sure this is entirely justified, but I’m going to give it to Ishant Sharma.  Of his three wickets perhaps on the second wicket of Michael Clarke was any good, but it does take some guts to come back from the ugliness of day one to produce what he did today.  This was almost taken off him when he ran from the ground, only to then limp again near the rope.

Working class moment of the day

Shane Watson got some fair stick for his first innings hundred.  Cause it was slower than the film Paris, Texas.  But in this innings he went all rock n roll with it and was scoring at a run a ball and completely ignoring Katich at the other end.  Ofcourse this aggressive attitude meant he played on to a poor ball. He then had to sit in the changeroom as his teammates fucked up all his good work.

Weird factoid of the day

Yuvraj Singh could be the greatest cricket captain ever.

Tagged , , ,
Oct 04 2010
3 Comments
aussies, indians

previously at mohali

Just when it looked like Australia had lost all hope and fielding skill…

Australia

Ricky Ponting has had a few nightmares recently of the Indian top order tearing his weak bowling line up apart.  At 350 for only 4 wickets, which was really only 3, he was seeing it all come true. then, India were out.  Suddenly he must have assumed that was the sort of dream you wake up to with a wet patch and some embarrassment.

India

There was a time when it looked likely that India could bat for 12 days before getting bowled out by Australia.  Somehow, that didn’t happen.  What happened was a sort of fast-motion slow-feeling collapse that had more to do with the fact Australia wouldn’t go away, than India playing shit shots.

Who’s in front

Yet again, we are level.  Because of the exact position of the game, India are more of a chance of winning, and so they should be, at least they batted like humans in their innings.

Play of the day

The looks on the faces of the crowd when Sachin went out.  It is worth him making a 90odd just to see the humanity in the crowd when he goes out.

Testicular moment of the day

It doesn’t make a lot of sense that Mitchell Johnson bowls well in India.  The only other places he bowls well are on hard bouncy wickets; so going to India should be another reason for him to have an emotionally negative reaction to cricket.  But, that was some bowling, five wickets in India’s top eight on a pitch that was doing anything for him without the help of any violent reverse swing.  He is the sole reason, with bat and ball, that Australia have a lead and aren’t begging for mercy at the toes of India.  Perhaps that tattoo has restricted blood to his head, which can only be a good thing for Australia.

Working class moment of the day

I’ve always thought of Raina as a pretty batsman. This innings, was not so much about the pretty.  Forget about him getting hit, just look at how he played the spinners.  He seemed determined to go out to them.  North and Hauritz beat him in flight more than they beat the combined 10 other batsmen in flight.  Raina got through it, with good luck and good determination, but then played across the line of one that kept low before cashing in on a century.  Damn.

Weird factoid of the day

Sachin Tendulkar has extended his world record for the most dismissals to rubbish spinners. Ravi said, “A truly special effort that will never be matched. He leaves Bradman in his wake.  To beat Sachin’s achievement someone would have to start at the age of 15 and play for over 20 years while going out to useless spinners at the rate of 1 in 4 innings, you just can’t see it happening”.

Tagged , ,
Oct 02 2010
2 Comments
aussies, indians

previously at mohali

Australia took it so slow their date almost left and India had the panties off before they got inside.

Australia

The way Australia has batted in India over the last few series makes you feel like the place has a different gravitational pull.  Somehow they still found their way to 420odd, which is something.  It was determined, but like watching someone constipated sitting on a toilet.

India

Had the opportunities to bowl Australia out for 250.  But catching was not their thing.  Ofcourse with Sehwag in your team bad fielding and odd captaincy are quickly forgotten.  Still have a way to go, but could be in front by stumps if things go right for them.

Who’s in front

420 is still 420, but, it seems that only luck and recreational drugs could be the reason for India not making this total.  So it is pretty level, in fact, it has been a pretty level test so far.

Play of the day

Sehwag gave us a brief sermon, but then went out.  It happens.  He wasn’t happy though, and walked off the field hitting his own head with his fist.  Not enough players do that.

Testicular moment of the day

India looked flat and bored in the field, but test matches don’t start for them till Sehwag walks in.  54 balls is all he was in for.  It made a statement, and it certainly got India out of a funk. Special mention to Mitchell Johnson for batting like he had a pulse.

Working class moment of the day

It has been 11 tests since Brad Haddin made more than 92 runs.  He is 7 years older than Tim Paine.  So was Paine 8 runs away from a permanent test place?  He now has three innings to show he is the future and Brad Haddin was just a dream I had when I overdosed on cough medicine.

Best comment of the day

“They really enjoy their cricket here in India” Brad Hogg.

Weird factoid of the day

Sehwag has made half centuries in a record equaling 11 tests in a row, in a stunning coincidence I have haderections during all 11 tests.

Tagged , , ,
Jul 23 2010
12 Comments
aussies, pakistanis

Previously at Headingley

Australia

They might be about to draw a series they would have marked down as a win, but they got to see Smith unleashed and can now get rid of North with no heavy conscience.  Also Douggie finally got it right.  Better late than never.

Pakistan

In the field had plenty of their old problems.  Have the bowlers to defeat anyone, but their fielding was often sloppy, their captain looked confused and they didn’t look like they were trying hard.  With the bat this was a whole knew Pakistan.  Cold, calculated and calm.  You know, until they lost two quick wickets and looked like shitting themselves.

Who’s in front

Australia, no, Pakistan. Pakistan, they should still get home with only 4 wickets down.

Play of the day

Ben Hilfenhaus put in a great fielding effort where he tried to mimic some of Danish Kaneria’s best work.  He followed a ball down to the boundary and let it trickle into the rope as he ran past it, over it and beside it, all seemingly at once.  Few fielders beat the ball to the rope, but Hilfy might have.

Honourable mention to the Headingley power grid for going out.  The press box fell into chaos, people were ripping their clothes off, smearing feces all over them, stabbing people with pens, and having to check the scores on their iPhones. Oh the humanity.  The best moment was when it was confirmed how lazy you get with the TVs in the room as it took several Australian journalists –myself included – about 30 seconds to work out if Paine or Clarke was facing up.

Testicular moment of the day

Before today, Smith was seen as a bits and pieces project player, today he was a proper test cricketer.  No Australian cricketer had counter attacked Pakistan on this pitch without looking like a fool.  Smith looked like a superstar.  Even when the new ball came out he was in charge.  This was a ballsy attacking kick ass innings; it was not the innings of a test number 8.

Working class moment of the day

Imran Farhat was lucky early, but then was the rock in this innings.  The first Pakistani to make a 50 in this game.  But he is still Imran Farhat.  If he fails in the next test, or somehow Pakistan stuff this up, people will still going back to abusing him.  He is Pakistan’s Shane Watson.  And he will need a lot more than one top innings to change people’s mind.

Weird factoid of the day

If you have automatic toilets and the power goes out, they aren’t automatic any more.

Question of the day

Have you ever noticed how most cricket laws seem to be made to stop play from happening, rather than encouraging it?

Read the recap at crikey.

Tagged , , ,
Jul 23 2010
2 Comments
aussies, pakistanis

Previously at Headingley

Australia

Their front line bowlers were pathetic; their back up bowler saved their ass.  Then the ball stopped swinging and they eased the ball around the poorly throughout field.

Pakistan

Didn’t make enough of their great position with the bat, and yet again let Shane Watson get to them.  Once Australia got on top they seemed to lose all real energy and played like they were bored.

Who’s in front

According to the bookies, Australia is.  Barely.  They still have a big job to do, but they were definitely playing like the winners in the afternoon.  Pakistan will need someone to ignite them otherwise… Poor bastards.

Play of the day

There was some competition for this today, Shane Warne seemed to laugh so hard at the comedy run out of Danish Kaneria he couldn’t speak.  But Umar Amin beat that.  Amin faced a bouncer from Hilfenhaus that he dropped under, but left his bat up for.  The classic periscope.  Not only did he leave the bat up there, he held it form enough so when the ball crashed into it, the ball rebounded to square leg and he was caught.

Testicular moment of the day

No matter how much you hate him, Shane Watson is here to stay.  Like Chlamydia.  Pakistan probably wish there was pill or ointment to get rid of him.  He was the perfect bowler for this situation; slow enough that the ball would swing, and innocuous enough that they would attack him.  I don’t really understand how he got six whole wickets, but it seems fairly impressive to me.

Working class moment of the day

Mohammad Asif is perhaps the best bowler in the world at the moment.  But that pesky potential teenager keeps getting all his media.  Just before the bad light in the afternoon he bowled a spell were there were two amazing deliveries that deserved wickets.  There were close LBW shouts, appeals for caught behinds and more than a few play and misses.  No wickets came.  And I bet the Katich dismissal will be played a few times.

Weird factoid of the day

Only Hussey and Ponting of Australia’s top six batsmen do not have a wicket haul.  Katich (6/65 vs Zim), Clarke (6/9 vs Ind), North (6/55 vs Pak) and now Watson.  Hussey and Ponting are massively under performing with only bests of 1/3 and 1/0 respectively.

To read about how Marcus North is nondescript go here.

To read a full review of the day go here.

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