Tagged with peter siddle …

Oct 18 2008
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The big bear, the sizzler and an under performer

Cameron White is a part timer with one test behind him.

Peter Siddle is a debutante.

Between them they took 5 wickets.

The rest of the attack, Lee, Johnson, Watson and Clarke combined for 4.

Take out Johnson, and the other 3 have one.

Clarke is a part timer who has been given the keys to his dads new Porsche, but can’t drive a stick.

So he is forgiven.

Watson, is Watson, and should be generally ignored.

But Lee, the man who wants the mantle of worlds best quick bowler, needs to step up.

Johnson, Siddle, Khan and Sharma have out bowled him in this test.

Other than Sharma, none of those bowlers have more talent than Lee.

And Sharma, as impressive as he is, is a long way short of being the bowler Lee has become in the last 18 months.

Right at the moment he is the best quick in world cricket, so he needs to bowl like it.

If Peter Sizzle can take 3 wickets, Lee should be able to at least match that.

I understand that this is Lee’s first test tour to India, but he has been to India more than any Australian ever.

I think he has dual citizenship.

If he wants to be the man, then he needs to perform when the chips are down.

And the chips is down.

Being the strike bowler for a test team is not an easy job, but this is the time to strike.

Its unfair to Judge him on 3 innings, but Australia is behind, and their main bowler has not fired.

Meanwhile a bunch of Victorians who no one wanted are performing above expectations.

Surely that must piss Lee off enough that he takes some wickets.

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Oct 17 2008
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The twilight zone continues

There is a glitch in the matrix.

There isn’t supposed to be Victorians playing for Australia.

But this year, we had Brad Ego play in the Windies.

The Big Bear Cam White playing in this very series.

And now Peter Sizzle (Siddle) is in the test team.

How could this be?

Was there not a NSWelshman available every time?

Well yes actually, but Merv is on the case now, and that Moustache is getting the job done.

With Brad Hodge, Merv couldn’t take the credit, Brad has a test double century and was also a fair chance to be a back up batsman.

With Eyelids Pattinson he couldn’t really take credit, being that he played for England.

With Bryce McGain’s selection in the touring squad, Merv couldn’t take the credit because he was simply the best spinner in the country.

With the Big Bear’s selection he couldn’t take the credit, because the bear has been around for a long time, and has played for Australia before.

But with Peter Sizzle he can take the credit, bask in it, take a bath in it, pur it all over his nipples and smile about it for a very long time, because it’s all on him baby.

Everyone thought Doug Bollinger was the next in line to play for Australia.

Even he, he got his hair planted for just such an occasion.

He is the sort of man that trips over wickets getting out of bed, but the young woodchopping Dermot Brereton wannabe jumped the queue.

With a little help from a Victorian selector.

Peter Sizzle has only played 12 first class games, but if his bowling in the shield final didn’t win people over I don’t know what will.

I have never seen him not get wickets.

It’s like an illness for him.

The man eats up line and length, loves bowling the ‘heavy ball’ and when fit seems to be the sort of sick mother fucker who loves bowling masochistically long spells.

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Oct 16 2008
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From the Melbourne show to Mohali

Victoria’s newest test cricketer is Peter Siddle (Pronounced Peter Sizzle).

On behalf of Victoria, I would like to thank Merv Hughes, and Stuart Clark’s elbow.

I don’t know what’s going on with all these Victorians in the test team.

But I don’t care either, I am just fucking ecstatic there are some.

Woo fucking hoo y’all.

Ofcourse Sizzle there are a few things you need to know.

No more wood chopping.

Your feet are too important now.

So if you are seen standing on a wood block singing an axe at it, get off.

You will need blonde highlights.

You are a young Australian cricketer, and you like Dermie, this is non negotiable.

Wickets will be needed from you.

I know from your past this is not a stretch, but 4 or 5 in the match would be swell.

And most importantly, Ricky Ponting likes Hot Cocoa in the morning, and glass of pura milk in the evening.

You may have to fight Cam for the job.

Ask Clarke how the Cocoa should be prepared.

Oh and enjoy yourself, cause if you fail, there will be a NSWelshman in there so fast you won’t have time to take your cap off.

Remember kiddies, everytime a Victorian gets a baggygreen, a crack whore gets her wings.

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Oct 07 2008
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the australian balancing act

No one is quite sure how the Australian team will look.

Other than the fact 11 players will be wearing white in green hats.

Katich seems to be in, and obviously Hayden, Ponting, Hussey and Clarke, Haddin, Lee, Clark and Johnson are there.

So is it Watson or White?

If they play together the 4 part timers need to get 5 wickets between them and the team is saying their batting needs protection, and their bowling can handle it.

If Watson plays and not White, then Krejza might get one of the luckiest test caps ever, or Siddle could round out the fast bowling quintet.

If White plays and not Watson, Siddle will definitely get a game.

4 proper quicks, three part spinners, and a partridge in a hairy arm tree.

It is probably the best balance of a badly balanced bowling attack and Lee comes in at 8, which is pretty much standard these days.

Australia is more likely to back their batting than their bowling, so White and Siddle could debut together.

If I had said that a month ago, my head would have exploded and my bowels would have provided fireworks.

Two Victorians in the test team.

If that actually happens we will have replicated the big bang theory, and you better say goodbye to your mother before the vortex swallows the world in a colonic sort of way.

So call her before Wednesday.

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Aug 21 2008
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Australia A – the verdict

The “A” side is off to India, and with Australia looking as fragile as they have in a long time, this could be an “A” team that ends up in the test arena.

What I think the team will be.

Katich (NSW) captain & opening bat, Peter Roebuck would be happy. I would have preferred to see Marcus North get the job. But one decided to stay in Western Australia, the other decided to move to NSWales. The Krab is a test player, for any other country, even if I hate him.

Phillip Hughes (NSW), opening bat. Is only a foetus, but can play, Made a few runs this year, and being that opening batsman in Australia are hard to come by probably not a bad choice.

Adam Voges (WA), 3. Been around for a while now, seems to have missed out as the Australian team’s back up one day batsman to Future PM. Can bat, but would doubt he will ever play for Australia.

Marcus North (WA), 4. When he makes runs, he makes them by the truck load. Has a great cricket brain, but has been an ‘A” guy for a while now without ever really looking like playing for Australia.

George Bailey (Tas), 5. Has been picked on potential, and the season before this. Is the batsman all teams try and get through in Tasmania,

Luke Ronchi (WA) keeper & 6. Anyone who saw him in the Windies knows this kid has a little sumtin sumtin.

Ashley Noffke (QLD) opening bowler & 7. This may be his audition for the same spot a month later when the big boys tour.

Beau Casson (NSW) chinaman & 8/9. Him Vs Bryce for the first test.

Ryan Harris (QLD via SA) first change & 8/9. Nickname is rhino, and does play like that. Strong as a mofo on ice, and can bowl all day full, quick and pretty damn well. Also a more than handy number 9, could easily be a number 7 in a weaker batting line up.

Bryce McGain (VIC) leggie & tail. If he out bowls Casson he gets a baggy green.

Doug Bollinger (NSW) left arm opener & tail. Could be the face of Australian bowling for the next ten years, Doesn’t look like much, but picks up wickets waiting for a taxi.

Peter Siddle (VIC) back up quick & tail. If he could stay fit for a whole season we could tell if he is the real deal or a lucky boy. But every time he plays he gets wickets, hard to argue with that.

Peter Forrest (NSW) back up batsman. No idea why he is here, oh wait NSWales. Saw him face Dirty Dirk one day sucking his thumb and asking for mummy.

Jason Krezja (TAS) back up offie & 7/8. Has a modest record but a confident lad who can bat a bit, would be lucky to play ahead of anyone here, but if he gets a game and gets wickets he could maybe leap frog McGain or Casson, but I doubt it.

Overall a pretty good squad.

Can bat till 9, or till 10 if Krejza plays ahead of McGain.

Bowling looks a lot better than the batting, especially with Noffke at 7 giving you an extra bowler.

Like most Australian A sides there is at least 7 players who would get a game for most test nations right now.

If the top order can make runs, could be a good series for the lads.

Players who would be a little miffed at missing out.

Chris Rogers as opener, he played a test match this year, right?

Luke Pomersbach, just because you look, smell, and drink like a lumberjack doesn’t mean you don’t deserve an “A” spot if you have made as many runs as he has.

Dan Cullen, without looking I’d say he probably still took more wickets than Krezja, but, I think someone else should get a go anyway.

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Jun 19 2008
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A work in progress

Ricky Ponting described Mitchell Johnson as a work in progress.

Let me explain what a work in progress is, Ricky.

It’s like when you have builders renovating your house.

It’s noisy, nothing works, hairy men are eyeing off your voluptuous daughter, and your neighbours complain about the commotion.

That is why you move in with friends or family during this time if it’s possible.

You don’t tough it out when you have the resources to make it smoother.

Australia’s resources include, but are not limited to:

Doug Bollinger, former young balding eagle, newly rugged up. Form NSWales, bowls left arm and took 45 wickets @ 15 this very season.

Ashley Noffke, former animatrix character, turned best 4 day allrounder out of QLD. Batted like Freddy, bowled like Freddy, but so far, has not gotten injured like Freddy.

Peter Sizzle (Siddle), a Victorian, so he may be overlooked for that alone, but if you look beyond that and the shoulder made of cotton, you will see the first class average of 21 at a mere 23 years of age.

Or Shaun Tait, if for no other reason than he keeps putting his hand up, and now he feels like he is missing this great game of ours.

What better way to celebrate a return from stress release than by bowling for ours on end on flat decks in India.

For any of these players to be picked the selectors will have to admit they made a mistake in the first place and young Mitchell was picked too early.

So Mitchell it is then, until he gets carpel tunnel syndrome, or gets stressed out by the constant media attention.

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