Tagged with pakistan player profiles …

Apr 16 2011
7 Comments
pakistanis, player profiles

balls profile: Umar Gul

Perhaps the longest face of any bowler in world cricket.  Gul is known for his yorkers in T20 cricket, his wides in ODI cricket and his general blandness in test cricket.  Little is known about Gul, mostly because he has never had genital warts or carried drugs through an airport.  Would probably be more respected if he had proper Pakistani fast bowling hair.  It’s important if you are not Pakistani to pronounce it Gull, as in Seagull, as it shows a certain respect to your Pakistani friends.  Is the only man to master reverse swing in T20 cricket which must mean he has some of the greatest ball tampering skills in history.  Respect.

 

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Aug 11 2010
4 Comments
player profiles

balls profile: Kamran Akmal

There have been times when Kamran Akmal is wicket keeping when it is almost like he has forgotten what wicket keeping means.  On at least three occasions he has gone into the foetal position and started rocking as the bowler comes in to bowl.  As a batsman he is exciting, unpredictable and scores less runs than you think.  His face is spectacular.  Has been accused of match fixing for poor keeping, which is like accusing a legless man of running slowly on purpose.  In 2006 he was voted world’s sexiest man by Cleo.

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Jul 16 2010
6 Comments
player profiles

balls profile: Salman Butt

Butt’s name is unfortunate, and almost makes him sound like a crank call to Moe Szyslak.  In real terms he brings a bit of middle class swagger to the Pakistan team.  Against most teams he is a walking wicket.  Against Australia he is a cricketer.  Is a tremendous player square of the wicket, but generally ignores all other parts of the ground.  Has a terrible test record but a lovely disposition, if he could keep the disposition and add test runs he could be a fine likable test cricketer with a stupid name.

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Jul 06 2010
8 Comments
player profiles

balls profile: Abdul Razzaq

Born in the late 1950s, Razzaq has been the mainstay of Pakistan cricket ever since he broke into the side in his 40s.  Razzaq’s left arm in delivery is trademarked.  Starting out as a big hitting all rounder who bowls deceptive medium pace he has completely changed his game and is now known as a devious seam bowler who hits the ball a long way.  Every couple of years he seems to disappear from cricket altogether, some think he fights wolves in that time, others think he gets a new plastic hip put in.

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Jun 30 2010
11 Comments
player profiles

balls profile: Shoaib Malik

No other player has tried so hard to improve his political standing in a side while getting married over the phone to a woman who he has never met.  Some think that Malik is a bit of a cunt, others really don’t like him.  Malik might be one of the most famous bits and pieces cricketers in the world.  Once thanked every Muslim in the world for supporting Pakistan.  Is destined for a job in Pakistani parliament, or a career as an assistant manager at a cardboard manufacturer.

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