Tagged with owais shah …

Mar 12 2010
27 Comments
IPL

The IPL has started

There was Lionel Ritchie singing with his microphone turned down. And other western acts.

Some drag queen dancing acts, except with the drag queens.

Bollywood stuff seemed to be happening as well.

Costumes that some people were comparing to klu klux klan on twitter.

Then Ravi yelled.

Andy Bichel did some commentary, he sounded like Danny Morrison on ketamine.

Lalit was missing most of the time, but in his place was a lady in a red dress, an obvious homage to the Matrix.

Brad Hodge looked pissed off.

Many snatch shots of the cheerleaders, none on super slow mo, maybe next year.

Angelo Mathews continues to not exist.

The Chargers song was remixed, still shit though.

Owais Shah had cut down his sleeves to show off the guns.

There were time outs, but they weren’t strategically named, but they were strategically used.

The IPL has ads between the balls, they are louder and less awkward than the Channel 9 versions.

ITV brought out Hoggard, Hick and some dude and some Indian chick for their coverage. Hoggy was ok, the rest were ordinary and only the Indian chick had done any research.

Gilly seemed to keep hitting the ball in the air and not getting caught.

I never thought I’d say this, but I wanted fake smiles from SRK.

Rohit Sharma continues to vie for Indian batsmen most likely to be assassinated.

The game fizzled out.

The Windies beat Zimbabwe.

Nap.

The IPL has started, not with a bang, not with a whimper, but with a carefully stage managed event that had shit western acts, lots of dancing, two teams making decent totals and Andy Bichel.

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Sep 10 2009
aussies, general balls, poms

Another Bloody Awful Day For Cricket In England

First I go to play cricket with Jrod and Suave and our side gets spanked like a recalcitrant schoolgirl (It pains me to report that the former was the star performer for our side, top scoring with the bat and picking up two wickets with his dibbly dobbly, Chris Harris-esque, medium pace – including a catch off his own bowling where he fell to the ground like a drop bear. Suave, on the other hand, appears to have the safest hands in England right now and would probably be in the England side, except that anything new entering the dressing room is apparently being eaten by Owais Shah).

Then England stuff up the ODI at the Rose Bowl in entirely predictable fashion.

But the worst part of the whole bloody day was being stuck in a car listening to Jeff ‘Thommo’ Thomson try and commentate. Great bowler he may have been, and he does a nice line as a talking head in documentaries, but screw me, the guy makes Joe Sayers seem like the wittiest man on the planet. Every time he tried to crack a joke, he either f*cked it up or somehow contrived to make it hideously unfunny. It was simply excruciating listening. If I didn’t know better than to write potentially libellous things on the internet, I would suggest that he had been drinking since about 1pm.

I can take the losses. I can take being outperformed by Jrod. I can even take the continued presence of Owais Shah in an England kit. But please, no more Thommo. Ever.

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Jul 25 2009
ashes, poms

Ring it

I have thought about all the available options for England’s replacement batsman.

Ramps, Trott, Key, Shah, Moore, Denly and Bell.

They all have their strengths and weaknesses, but I think Bell or Shah is whom the Australians will want to play.

Ramps & Key have experience and class.

Trott and Moore have recent form.

Denly has some serious talent.

Shah and Bell have bucket loads of talent.

But they also have psychological impediments.

And right now Australia would prefer to play against guys like that than guys with technical flaws or those on debut.

Australia is struggling to keep the pressure on in the field, Shah can bring that himself.

Australia need batsmen to give them their wicket, the dictionary has a picture of Ian Bell.

I expect Bell to be picked, but having seen a bit of Denly and Trott if I was selecting England’s team I’d go with them.

Surprisingly I am not one of England’s selectors.

Go figure.

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May 08 2009
poms

Ravi the third?

I saw Rav the Chavs hundred.

It showed many things that the other English aspiring number 3s don’t have.

There were no physical deformities like Owais Shah.

No complete throwing away of a solid platform Ian Bell style.

He missed no straight ones like the artist Michael Vaughan.

And he was actually playing test cricket unlike Robert Key.

In the short term, that should be enough, he will play one more test against the Windies, and has at least two guaranteed against the Aussies unless he has some sort of breakdown.

But is he a test number 3?

There aren’t many around, New Zealand are trying their junk yard dog Flynn, Amla looks the part at times, Sarwan seems to be made to bat at 3 but can’t always be assed to do so and Younis Khan did ok for South Australia.

The three blue chip players are Ricky, King Kumar, and Rahul.

They all have things in common like aura, ego, tight techniques and freakish batting skills and fierce determination.

Rahul Dravid will block for hours at a time just to protect his wicket.

Kumar has a real hatred of going out, up there with Glenn McGrath’s.

And Ponting just hates to lose.

It is too early for Ravi to put a stamp on the position like these men, and while he might not be in their league on pure batting skill, on determination to succeed he must be almost on a par and he doesn’t suffer from a low ego.

At this stage he looks like the most likely candidate, doesn’t mean he’ll succeed.

If he does fail. wont be for lack of trying.

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Mar 07 2009
general balls

Oh Owais

I think Owais Shah has a lot of talent.

When he got picked I was happy, and not just because Ian Bell was dropped, he deserved another shot at test cricket.

Now I am not so sure.

It has nothing to do with his batting skill, which has not dropped off.

It’s the hand cramps and the running between the wickets that is the problem.

4 matches and twice he has gone off with cramp.

That is just not good enough.

You can’t have a number three who has to retire hurt all the time.

It’s unfortunate for Shah, but he is batting in the most important position in a batting line up, and he had to retire hurt after 29 runs.

Put that together with his running between wickets, and its an ugly package.

Owais is one of the worst runner between wickets I have ever seen from a top order batsman.

He takes runs that aren’t on, doesn’t respond to calls, doesn’t always seem to call, and hesitates to turn safe runs into run outs.

It’s terrible, and while you may be able to get by in county cricket, in test cricket where there the fielding levels are raised, he looks dangerous to himself and others.

And it’s just another thing that makes you doubt whether he should be a test batsman, let alone a test number 3.

The cramp may be beyond his control, although he does grip the bat tighter than most, but the running between the wickets is a skill you can practice.

Well, its one that should be practiced, but instead the players are probably on the couch talking about how in 3rd grade their mother wouldn’t kiss their knee better after a boo boo.

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Sep 29 2008
Uncategorized

Catch, Release & Wristy men

Ok so I am still pissed at thewhole Rashid oversight.

But let us move onto the other 2 selectorial decisions.

The Keepers

Who needs 2 keepers for a two test tour?

Who needs Tim Ambrose?

The answer to both questions should be no one, but instead it’s England.

How long does it take to fly a keeper from England to India anyway.

Matt Prior is clearly going to be the first choice, and Tim Ambrose is clearly Tim Ambrose.

What a waste of a plane ticket.

Unless he is going over on a one way ticket, then it makes sense.

The spare batsman.

Michael Vaughan is enjoying his retirement with golf, his new sky contract, his old English contract, and playing for Northern Districts.

So the England need to find their new batsman.

And being that this is a Subbie tour, they were always going to pick one of their wrsity* batsman.

Ravi Bopara was in the squad for the last test against the saffas, so obviously Owais Shah was picked.

Shah is the better batsman, so it is surprising that he is in the tour.

Bopara will have to wait a little longer before he becomes Sachin Tendulkar.

I think it will happen one day, if he kills Sachin and wears his skin as a suit.

In 70 odd days time this squad will play their first test.

I am counting the days.

For the suave and sweary version of the english squad, go here.

* Commentators code for an Asian batsman.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
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