All the magic, allure, crassness, and over the top commentary will be right here.
Live and bloggy.
Both semi finals, and the final.
So tune in at match time, and I will show you all the dummy spits, blatant bias, and disgusting attitude that I have while watching the IPL.
A QBQ is like a OBO, except can be less or more frequent depending on what I have to say.
See you then.
Welcome to the QBQ people, a QBQ is a quip by quip commentary of the game. I do tend to update over by over, but I don’t like to be boxed into a rule trip man. Refresh your screen whenever you feel the need, or wait for the screen to do so for you every 4 minutes or so. True story. If you have something to say, comment up biach.
Phillip Hughes just absolutely caned South Africa.
75* at lunch is pretty damn hot.
No idea why they haven’t tried to put the ball in Hughes arm pit more often.
The Krab has been the Krab, nothing more, nothing less.
Steyn didn’t bowl much, but his first spell was less than special.
Ntini bowled wellish, but never really looked like getting a wicket.
Morkel got smashed when australia had to play him, and they left him alone when they didn’t have to, classic Morne over sealed his fate.
Kallis started well, then leaked runs.
Harris never looked like getting a wicket, but wasn’t sored off much, and did slow Australia down at an important time.
Smith seemed to have no answer to the slow start, his fields lacked imagination, he couldn’t fire up his bowlers, and running out of options brought harris on to choke up an end.
Great toss to win, but South Africa should have been breathing fire coming into this test, they are breathing valium.
That is it for QBQ action.
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Full and on the stumps from Morkel, and katich krabs across and eases it to the fine leg rope.
No ball from Morkel, generally if he bowls a no ball, his action starts to fall apart.
Morkel survives till lunch.
0/119, wow.
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Happy birthday to Q from wellpitched who turns 5 today.
Harris bowls a wide ball that doesn’t spin that Hughes leaves and he jumps in the air with his faux salute to the sky.
Hughes pushes one through the offisde easily for 2.
70 off 85 Mr Delightful tells us is Hughes stats.
Awesome cut shot, plays it deliciously late, and earns 4 more.
Not sure if Harris called him a fucken prick afterwards.
Almost lunch now.
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Morkel does look alot better around the wicket, he hits Katich for a second time, well Katich turns his back and lets it hit him.
He follows up with a half volley, katich shows mercy and leaves it alone, was the sucker ball, with with all the boundaries Morkel has let through already, worth a slap i think.
Its a maiden, and they South Africans cheer just a little too hard.
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“geeves should have played instead of mcdonald (if we exclude mcgain because we now hate spinners)” Mr Panic concurs with my thoughts.
Hughes starts with a thick outside edge to the rope off Harris.
Harris sledging like a mother fucker now, just called Hughes a fucken prick by the look of it.
0/106 the score.
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There is like over 40 people on this site at the moment, and everyone seems to want to comment about Chris Broad.
Morkel bowls a short ball which Hughes sort of jumps up and late cuts it along the ground, it was essentially the shot he went out on from Steyn in the first dig at the Wanderers.
Morkel bowls a good short one and Katich leaves the ball, actually to be fair he turned his back on it and bicepped it to the ground.
Because Morkel had bowled a good over, he thought he would finish with a half volley on the stumps for Katich to play to the fence.
9 off the over.
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“cricketer-dhoni’s penis” wacky google search
The first runs off harris, Hughes opens the face and lets it run to third man for one.
That is all.
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MORNE IS BACK
FIrst one is short and down the legside.
Second one is a good full length.
Third one is fine, but point is half way to the boundary and Hughes gets a single.
Fourth one is a wide full one, could have been lashed at, the Krab leaves it.
Fifth one is on a good line and length and is left alone.
Sixth one is full and wide, and Hughes probably would have gone it, but Katich leaves it.
Better i suppose, but nothing special.
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Harris sort of tossed one up that over, news worthy.
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The ring field is in play now, they seem to have slowed down the run rate.
Hughes brings up his 50, Kallis goes full and wide, Hughes throws himself at it, this has been a pretty nice innings, it was in the air, but safe as houses, Kallis looks at him as if he had bowled him the best ball of all time and he has inside edged it to the fence.
Next ball kallis bowls a short shit ball, Hughes lashes it over backward point with a cut shot, Kallis can’t believe that his short shit ball was smashed.
10 off the over.
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Paul Harris is on.
Morkel, see what you have done.
Starts with a maiden, as he does quite regularly, real spinners start with full tosses.
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“Was Morkel that bad” aasks Mark
4 half volleys, a no ball, and a bouncer that Boucher couldn’t get, yes he was that bad.
Kallis gets full to katich and he clips it straight for four.
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Can’t help but think Smith only trusts Ntini and Kallis at the moment.
He bowls a good over for Smith, well for 5 balls, then he bowls a half tracker and Hughes FINALLY hits a cut shot to the fence.
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Hughes cannot buy a cut shot today, lucky for SA, otherwise they would be in all kinds of shit.
Kallis gets it full and Hughes puts it through cover for 3.
Morkel does a great save, will need about 400 more for us to forget his last over.
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South Africa have had a trainwreck during that first hour, Smith gave them a bollicking as they ignored him to take a drink.
Ntini continues to Katich.
Remember when Australia would be none for 60 odd at drinks with Hayden and Langer…
Four, short, easily cut away by the krab to third man, I am pretty sure you could have hit that for four.
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Drinks.
Thanks to sportreview for this.
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“Can somebody tell me what M.Morkel is doing?” 12th man
Being yanked from the attack at the moment.To answer your 2nd question 12th, yes but not all of it as of yet.
Kallis on.
He bounces Hughes to start with, and then beats him on a great length.
Apparently Hughes has played and missed so often this morning, he was 41 off 42 before this over, I’d say he played and missed more in this over than he has for the entire innings.
Kallis did bowl a good over, but no peanuts.
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Ntini gets one on a good length, doesn’t move much, katich flashes at it, as much as he can, and nicks it where AB was standing minutes earlier, whoops, 4 more.
64 off 13, thank you Morne.
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For a man who can only score square of the wicket on the off side Hughes seems to be doing pretty well to score everywhere else, full and straight goes through mid on easily for another boundary.
Next ball is full and outside off and he just nails it down the ground.
Morne loves the plot, for the 456th time in his career and boucnes Hughes missing Boucher and going to the fence.
This is going to be one of those Morkel overs.
Oh yes it is kiddies, no ball half volley on leg stump, Hughes feasts on it with effortless ease.
17 off the over so far.
Whoops. another one full and straight and hughes just wrsits it to the fence again.
Mind fuck explosion to the max kind of over for Morkel.
Hughes, it must and will be said, looks super fucken cool.
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Ntini appeals for something, too high, missing off, and pitched outside leg, but other than that a good appeal, first appeal of the morning i think.
Draw.
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Morkel on, after Nicholas talks him up as the main man he bowls Hughes a half volley that he eases down the ground for a boundary, follows it up by beating Hughes.
Classic Morne.
Finally something not eased, squirted or pushed, full from Morne, and Hughes just opens up and throws it down to mid off for four.It wasn’t pretty, but it was, if you get my drift.
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Probably worth a bowling change, Smith stays with Steyn.
Katich gets one a bit wide and shortish, and he squirts it behind point to the fence.
Gets a full one from Steyn and just pushes it down the ground, doesn’t look like mid off realised how well he timed it and it screams away.
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Hughes plays a smart backfoot drive for 3, even the commentators like it.
Katich is playing this well, let the kid bat he says with his eyes.
When is it too early to call a draw?
0/23 after 8
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Three Hughes cut shot attempts, this one he just issed, “its where he tries to score says Jackers”.
Hughes pushes one through mid off, Jackers is not a fan of the shot, i thought it was classic Hughes. Can you already have a signature in your 2nd test?
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“Has Brad called to discuss his innings today yet?” says Poopsie
He refers to Hodge’s smashing of Queensland, but he obviously doesn’t know that Brad isn’t the biggest fan of CWB, not sure why.
Hughes has now missed two cut shots, this one straight to Amla.
Katich yet to do anything of interest.
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Hughes is looking for anything to cut, then he gets one and toes it along the turf to Smith.
Steyn gets full on the stumps again and Hughes just eases and on drive to the rope.
Might stop the commentators saying he gets all his runs on the off side, although, might not.
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Ntini takes the krab on the fingers and pops up to leg slip which is vacant, fair enough.
The Krab plays one on the Nitini length and it shoots past him.
2 off that one, a careful start by all involved.
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Seems like nice pace and carry early on, Steyn hasn’t done much with the ball yet.
Jackers is still asleep. he calls it a maiden before correcting it remember one of the Krabs breath taking singles.
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Hughes saw a full one and got excited, unfortunately oit moved sideways and he missed it, he followed that up with an over the top leave.
Ntini puts a half volley on Hughes’ pads, and he turns it for four with a disconcerting ease.
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And we are away.
With a single and a pretty boring over.
So far Hughes has not gloved anything down the leg side.
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Australia to bat.
No changes to either side.
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Welcome to Durban, or my couch in South London.
Welcome to the CWB QBQ. We will update everytime we see something interesting, or if we think we have a quip worth writing. For any QBQer, comments are like whisky, so comment up. I have hopefully set the page up to refresh, but you can refresh on your own, if you want. I spose.
116 runs in 25 overs for 2 wickets. Quite a session.
That is it for me, enough QBQing, and I want some lunch.
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Steyn off, and he has a weird look on his face, lost love perhaps?
North tries a party trick, and it comes off, not enough batsmen try onw handed aerial cover drives.
Morkel strays, again, and Haddin clips a four off his pads, i think Amla thought it was a catch, it wasn’t.
5/194 at tea.
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Steyn back on.
Clarke forces one through cover for tour, even though there is a sweeper out.
And Clarke is out, what a knobjockey.
Steyn bowls a wide one that is swinging away, and Clarke slashes at it, and Boucher takes the catch.
Australia, even with losing Ponting, owned this session, and Clarke just gave it back.
Haddin in.
He gets one on the hip that he withdraws his bat from but that the umpire still thought was a shot, or evasive action. I doubt it was either.
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Morkel makes North play, and so he nicks it to the boundary, no third slip, it’s not like North is on his debut against a quick bowler who is swinging it.
Another four to Clarke, or was it leg byes, i wasn’t really watching, but all that mattes is that Morkel continues to let Australia off the hook.
10 off the over.
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Ntini gives Clarke a gimme, and he cashes in.
Cullinan said it wasn’t going to rain, and he may just be right.
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North’s history on the balls.
“Marcus North is a batsman, a good one, and as a spinner is someone you bowl before a break, or when your state doesn’t want to pick a real spinner. His career first class bowling average is 44.”
“Marcus North is very strong captain, and with Cameron White is the best captain in Australia.”
“Marcus North (WA), 4. When he makes runs, he makes them by the truck load. Has a great cricket brain, but has been an ‘A” guy for a while now without ever really looking like playing for Australia.”
Morkel is bowling to North, and 2nd slip at times.
He is getting good swing, but North doesn’t have to play any.
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Ntini trying a bit of round the wicket to the Clarke.
No idea why.
Back over the wicket, experiment fail.
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Clouds are dark now, like Ricky’s mood.
“the game can go any which way, depends on the debut man ! does wanna be a Sehwag or a Kapugadera !” There isn’t much about North that is Sehwag like.
Steyn bounces North again, and North decides to hook and deliever, is a top hook shot. on the ground, sexy, we like it.
Then he milks two off his hip net ball, he looks comfortable in the big league.
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4/153 now, another wicket before tea is what South Africa need.
Kallis is back out there.
Ntini is getting alot out of this pitch now.
The rain has come. A little.
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Steyn back on.
Deep cover out for Steyn, but not for Morkel.
Now it looks like they are bowling hand grenades as Steyn goes past the edge of Clarke.
Steyn welcomes North with a throat ball that North gets his glove on it. North smiles after it.
Steyn feels sorry for North and puts one on his pads to get him off the mark. Not a bad looking shot from North either.
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Ntini back.
Ponting bowled.
Weird.
He left it, Ntini got one to really hoop back in, and it just kept hooping, then it hit the pads, then the stumps, and that might have changed the game a little.
South Africa are charged now.
Player on debut now, welcome Marcus North.
North is a big hundreds man, when he makes them, they are big, and they are usually followed by a few others.
He sees the over off by playing one shot.
On the replay Ricky’s face is amazing, he looks utterly confused by being bowled.
On top of the swing there was a touch of seam as well, really was a top ball.
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Harris is still keeping it tight but Clarke will go him soon.
And there it is, over the top for four, ball is spinning, and he just used his feet and hit through the line.
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Still no hotspot snicko action on the Ricky referral.
Morkel starts with a short wide ball, and Clarke takes four from it.
Next ball is a a good line, just short of a length and Clarke pushes through point for 2 more.
Morkel has no deep cover, which means he will have to bowl good line and length like a real test bowler.
Morkel is now on Clarke’s hip he glances it for one, and brings up his 50 off 61 balls.
Morkel is all over the place, again, and bowls a half volley outside leg and Potning just helps himself to a leg glance boundary.
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Harris drops short to Ricky, who punches it through midwicket for 2, deep point watches on.
Before this over Harris had bowled 4 overs for 3 runs, with a deep cover.
3 off the over, and drinks, 3/136.
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Australia has been slowed down well now, 2 more overs like this and the Saffas can start to dictate again.
Morne, like Sharma, troubles Ricky, but just hasn’t been able to get his wicket.
Ricky gets an inside edge for one.
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Harris’ faux jumps after every ball are like using a cheese grater on your balls/clit.
Good over from Harris, not threatening, but he is drying up his end well, and the Saffas need this.
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“Its quite strange to see pup score at 85.10 per hundred balls. In the last few matches, he has not been striking them over 60 per 100 balls.” says 12th, true, and he also hasn’t been hitting manyballs at catchable heights, only one today.
Ponting plays and misses, South Africa all go up. Bowden spends a while on it, gives it not out. Ponting’s face looks like he hit it.
It’s probably a wasted referral, even if it was a nick it doesn’t look like a obvious one.
On the replays one looks like he missed it, one looks like he nicked it, and not out.
Referral wasted, probably wasn’t ever going to be a good use of one, if he did nick it, it was fine.
Great bal though incase i forgot to mention it.
Ponting squeezes one through backward point for 2.
Morkel forgets about the brilliant line and length he has been bowling and drops short with two men out and Ponting finds the gap betweent them, was a beutiful shot.
Morkel finds the length and beats Ponting’s inside edge again.
Still no snicko or hotspot, get to it idiots.
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Harris on, good move from Smith, as long as he keeps the field up.
Deep point, is Harris planning on bowling short and shit?
And mid on and off are far enough back for singles.
With no spin, Australia should play him like they would in a one dayer and milk him.
Two off the over, flat lifeless spin bowling.
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Morkel beats the bat of Ponting.
He looks good this session.
Never mind, half volley, straight drive, four.
Morkel beats Ponting with one that swings away.
44 runs in 8 overs.
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Steyn still on, even though he leaked worse than Ntini.
Steyn looks fired up for this over, starts with a quick bouner, next ball is on a good length, and Clarke jams it out to cover, where they should be no run, but there is one because some wanker has a deep cover out.
Way to build pressure dickheads.
Steyn bowls another half volley and Ponting crunches it to mid off, it bounces off Harris’ useless right arm, and they get three.
I think they need a long off out.
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Morkel on, Ntini off.
South Africa didn’t expect Australia to come out like this, and you can smell them shitting themselves.
Need a maiden, a wicket or 3 overs with a ball that says ‘come on big boy, spank me’, or this could be a game changing session.
This has been a good over from Morkel, can he see it through.
That could have been runs, but he saves it in his follow through before falling over like an unco tall cunt.
Great ball strikes ponting to finish.
MAIDEN.
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Clarke does calypso, stands back and smacks one through cover.
Smith has shit himself, cover sweeper out, classic soft penis captaincy.
Australia scoring at will, not sure deep cover is the answer, perhaps better bowling?
The crowd tried to fire up the saffas, but with 8 thousand people that is hard to do in a big ground.
The deep cover gets to do some work, on a quicker outfield would not have got close to it, but on this field he saves two.
36 off 5.
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Ntini starts with a short ball, Ponting cashes in with Eunuch Knee ballsing it up on the rope.
Nothing worse than fucking up when you are 12th man, hey loser you aren’t good enough to be in the side, and you can’t field.
Knowing that Ricky can pull, Ntini tests out Clarke, the answer is yes, but not as good, only 3.
28 runs in 4 overs, South Africa will have to get their top bowlers on soon, oh.
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Kallis is off with a back strain.
Clarke just slaps Steyn again, back foot through the covers, nice.
The commentators are seeing an air of after lunch lethargy.
I see alot of four balls and a nick.
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Ntini is on.
He gets to straight, and Ponting clips it to the mid wicket boundary, where he beats a diving effort from Eunuch Knee who was out for the hook.
Ponting gets an edge, but with soft hands straight to the carpet, and another 4.
Runrate since lunch is 8.
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We are back.
Steyn to start.
Enoch Nkwe is on the field for Kallis, his name is pronounced Eunuch Knee, true*.
Steyn starts with a fast half volley, Clarke starts with a smashing straight drive.
Too full and straight from Steyn and Clarke hits it at catachable height foreward of square leg to the fence.
Terrible first up effort from Steyn compared to his first two spells.
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Sportreview’s latest podcast is up.
“Wonder if Punter likes Krabs for lunch !” says Sid, to be fair that would taste better than Smith’s shit pie.
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While you are waiting perhaps you should browse the CWB shop.
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Since I am going ok will do the second session as well, just the sort of blogger I am.
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“You don’t drop dollies Mr. Smith, especially when it is the opposition captain in good batting form. Exactly the drop Ponting needs to pile up another hundred!” says 12th
The session is probably even being that Australia’s two best, and in form, batsmen are at the crease and set.
Smith takes that catch and South Africa are all over Australia.
Considering the juice in the pitch, South Africa should have expected at least 3 wickets, but 4, with Ponting out would have been beer and raspberries.
Hughes started off like a kid in a sex shop, he grabbed the first thing he could reach, but the giant didldo was out of reach, and he accidently brought it down on his head.
The Krab never looked comfortable, and eventually made Neil McKenzie into a hero.
Hussey never looked likely, and when Morne got one of his 8 on line, it was a pretty simple 8.
Ponting was outstanding. South Africa may have given him a hundred, but his counter attack against fast steady bowling was top class.
Clarke looked even better, he seems much calmer at the crease these days, and he just walked in and soaked up the pressure.
Steyn was top notch, maybe a touch wide, not hittable wide, but leave easily wide. When he got it right he was brillaint, and deserved 3 wickets.
Ntini was good, but never really looked like taking a wicket, did bowl a classic one to Clarke just before lunch.
Morkel was everywhere, leaked runs at times, looked brutal as others.
Kallis bowled some good balls, and some truly horrible ones, left the field limping.
Harris seemed to bowl ok, but didn’t have anyone in trouble.
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“What a drop! Scorer didn’t see it though, we were 67/4 for about 20 seconds.” Moses points out nice work from the scorers, but to be fair, i think everyone in the world thought he was out for 20 seconds, even as the ball rolled away from an ever snatching Smith,
Ntini is on.
Last over before lunch.
Gets a cracker through Clarke.
Pitch still has something in it, but it aint no minefield.
Clarke strolls a single for lunch.
3/78.
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Smith drops an absolute dolly. What a dick.
Steyn takes Ponting’s edge, it is a simple edge, straight to him, and somehow he drops it, the commentators called it out, and so they should have, it was a sitter for a test first slip.
And Ponting is pissed off, next ball he hooks Steyn high and long into the crowd.
He isn’t finished, he smacks a straight drive that should go to the fence, but it just holds up in the outfield and he moves to 49.
I still cannot believe Smith dropped that, Ponting never even bothered to look around, it was suck a gentle edge.
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“Important fact: Harris’s new hair-do is fab” squeals Ceci.
Cullinan all but admits most people say Harris is an idiot.
Nothing is happening in Harris’ overs.
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“as bad as this start is, we’ve still got more than 51.” Moses gloats, well as much as you can with this sort of start.
Steyn gets one to square up Ricky and almost receives a return catch, Mark Nicholas reacts as if Cullinan has bitten him.
Steyn appeals for one that wouldn’t have hit stumps under 5 feet high.
Clarke gets Syten’s worst ball, short, wide and limp and cuts/forces it through point to the fence.
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Harris on, MY EYES.
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Kallis is off, and looks rough, and injured.
Steyn back on, probably a couple of overs late.
Ponting drives uppishly through cover for one, was not a bad ball.
Clarke plays a bit of a loose shot, but gets the ball through cover for 2.
3/60, or 60/3.
Steyn’s most expensive over, 3 off it.
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Clarke starts with a great backfoot drive, just slows up near the rope and they get three.
Kallis should bowl a good over now, he has his short hittable one out of the way.
Nope, wide half volley that Ponting sort of guides to backward point for 3, again, the outfield is still damp.
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Smith should make a change, with Kallis and Morkel on Australia seem to be scoring too easily.
Ponting eases one through cover for a couple.
Australia pass the 50.
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Bored with the cricket, why not get over to the cricket with balls shop? Special offer of the Old balls logo for two weeks only, the new design will be uploaded shortly.
McDonald batted at 6 in Sydney, batting at 8 here. Haddin seems to be cemented at 7, no matter what.
First time Australia has played 3 players on debut in 23 years or something.
Clarke gets a wide half volley that he eases to the cover fence, Jackers thinks this will excite Kallis, steady on, it’s not a cheese burger.
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I finally remembered to put the auto refresher on, not a good start for any Australians.
“In case anyone is wondering, Hussey man love is still on hold” blatant plug from Moses who seems happier commenting on the correct post.
Not sure Clarke has had to hit a ball yet.
He finally gets one he can play and mis times it trhough mid off for 2.
Fuck me, close up of hairy fat man, not necessary.
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“I have no pay TV, only ABC radio, Cricinfo, Jrod and Moses. So at least I got to see Hughes’ career (thanks Moses!). For anyone who hasn’t seen it … it was bad. It was real bad. It was you-make-that-noise-like-you-just-burnt-your-hand-on-the-stove bad. Ugly. Pointless. Awful.” says Ned.
Kallis has settled into a groove, like the rest of us on the couch.
No body pulls better than Ricky Ponting says Jackers, still makes me laugh after all these years.
Kallis seems to be serving up one four ball an over.
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Morkel gets one tobounce more than Ponting thinks, and it hits him on the forearm, not on the funny bone, but still funny.It hurt Ponitng, and he showed it, not like him.
Ponting takes a quick single, and Morne tries to stop it, and sort of falls over.
Apparently Morne tried to ask Ponting how he was after the hit, and the slips told him to shut up.
Fair enough to.
Morne bowls a wide, and follows up with a wicket.
Hussey played at one he didn’t have to, full, and seemed a bit quick for him an Hussey finds Kallis at slip.
Fair to say, Australia look fucked.
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Jackers is commentating, lets see how many times Pommie says jackers.
Kalis is on, and before I can bag him he beats Hussey.
Then the big fella gives Hussey a ball to hit to the rope, a very pullable ball.
Jackers notices there is only 2 slips. Fucken hell you are a pussy Smith.
Kallis bowls some good balls to finish off, but unfortunately no edges go to where 3rd slip should be.
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MORNE DOES THE GAYEST APPEAL EVER
He bowls a shit ball down the legside, it seems to miss everything Boucher takes it, no one cares, but then Morne does a quarter appeal, and does this weird thing where he sort of pretends he hasn’t appealed and was adjusting his hair.
Then Ponting smacks one through cover, classic Ponting, and even better that it wasn’t on the on side.
Morne follows up with a no ball.
Pressure leaving now.
Although he does hit the pad with a good ball. And again. Cut him in half twice.
Drinks, orange juice and a Pee for me.
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We would like to welcome Moses to the correct post, and he comes bringing presents, phillip hughes’ whole career.
Steyn had 2/5 after 5, he will replace Ntini soon, won’t he?
ntini has bowled a few good balls, but in general he hasn’t been to threatening.
How does the mind cope in the cauldron of the ultimate test, Cullinan (i think), is auditioing for an american reality show.
Wasted over by Ntini, Hussey hardly had to play.
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South Africa made the quickest bowling change ever, Morne just came one without 4 minutes of warm ups, what generation is he from?
Ponting eases the balls for two on, you guessed it, the legside.
The supervillian bowls too straight and too full, Ponting helps himself to a legside (i know) boundary.
All the pressure Steyn built is easing.
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Moses is probably drunk, he is commenting on the wrong post still.
Ponting is dealing in 3s, and why not, it’s a great number. He pops it through the legside again.
Nitini hits Hussey on the thigh, 3 foot outside off, probably going over the top, and he hit it. Useless waste of an appeal.
Hussey looks a bit nervous, which is sort of like saying Ntini has a pained look on his face.
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Do South Africans not get up early in the morning, the crowd looks like it has been ferried in from Pakistan.
Good news, almost finished my weet(a)bix.
Steyn has hardly bowled a ball that can be attacked, well except for the Hughes one, which was attacked like a gay homophobic man.
Ponting pushing one through midwicket for a few off the inside edge.
The krab pokes at one, takes the edge and should have raced down to 3rd man, but McKenzie takes a diving one handed catch that makes the Voges/Oram effort look like a piece of actual piss.
Australia couldn’t afford to lose Katich on this pitch this early, will King Probot save the day?
You will see alot of this catch, McKenzie was horizontal.
2/18
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Ntini has a look of sadness on his face, not a new one, just his normal look.
Ntini goes through the Krab, great ball, had the Krab probing for it, and Ntini puts on a pained expression, no sorry, same face.
The Krab thigh pads the ball for 2, smoking hot leb byes there.
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Question, should a team who has had trouble taking 20 wickets in a match only bring 3 bowlers into this one?
Krab plays slashing dirve into his foot, and then slides for a quick single, not because he had to, but because he likes dirt on his whites.
1/13 by the way.
For all the life this wicket is supposed to have, it seems that it is just a nice bowler friendly first morning sort of a pitch, the ball is moving, but not harshly.
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Question , is this the worst Phillip Hughes day in the history of the world?
Ntini gets a lifting moving mofo of a ball, bunts it to silly mid off, looks ugly but not out.
Kepler likes the conditions for wicketkeeping.
Great line from Nitini that over, but you’d still rather be at his end.
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I think I am awake now, something fill Hughes probably can’t say.
Moses seems to think i missed the start, but he is one the wrong post, and Andyinbrum seems to have all sorts of giddiness over Hughes nervous swipe.
Steyn has found the corridor, ball has good carry and swing.
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“Why aren’t we playing a fantasy league this time Jrod? Should have been fun!” says 12th, Jrod lost interest in fantasy games.
Ponting drives an over eager full ball from Nitini through cover for four. It has to be said that other than that one great nut from Steyn, Ponting has looked good.
Ntini finds a great length to the Krab, he pokes at it like a child utting his hand in a fire for the third time. Kepler sounds excited.
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Steyn is looks in good rhythm, but not a wicket that will turn you on or anything.
Look the teams
Graeme Smith (capt), 2 Neil McKenzie, 3 Hashim Amla, 4 Jacques Kallis, 5 AB de Villiers, 6 JP Duminy, 7 Mark Boucher (wk), 8 Morne Morkel, 9 Paul Harris, 10 Dale Steyn, 11 Makhaya Ntini.
P Hughes S Katich R Ponting MEK Hussey, MJ Clarke, MJ North, 
BJ Haddin, AB McDonald, MG Johnson, PM Siddle, BW Hilfenhaus
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The pitch is going to be tough to bat on, we know this, as the commentators have already said it 73 times.
Haven’t been to cricinfo to steal the teams, but Australia has gone in with 3 bowlers.
The pitch did look angry when Steyn was all over it, but with Ntini it looks friendlier.
Ntini isn’t sure if Ponting can play the pull shot, turns out he can.
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Australia to bat, Phil Huges to face.
Steyn comes in, pretty good bowl first up.
Second ball Hughes does one of those over the top nervous leaves.
Whoops, 3rd nut he tries to slap the ball down to 3rd man, and hit it down, it is a nervy as hell shot, and he gets it down to Mark Boucher’s gloves.
That should have woken me up, it hasn’t.
Steyn has a huge appeal against Ponting, they strop about it, but don’t refer. Had it been given out, Ponting would have referred it, and it would have been not out. Seems like a waste of time, but great ball from Steyn.
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Oh it’s exciting. I can smell this test series. And it smells hot, very hot.
I’m up, I’m tired, lets get this mofo on the road.
Both of these states are free.
Welcome to the QBQ people, a QBQ is a quip by quip commentary of the game. Score, overs, and etc, are not so important, zippy one liners are (actually in 2020 cricket, i do update OBO, but i am attached to the QBQ acronym). Refresh your screen whenever you feel the need, or wait for the screen to do so for you. True story. If you have something to say, comment up biach.
Wasn’t a bad match, but nothing that special.
And I’m out.
Thanks for sticking with me.
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Man of the match is Mark Nicholas for me, if not Nathan Bracken.
Great effort by the Kiwis, i didn’t think they could lose from there, but they proved me wrong.
Elliott has to be fucktard of the game.
23 off 30, he is the reason they lost, he put extra pressure on McCullum, didn’t rotate the strike, and is South African.
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14 off 6, Bracken is on, and is still commentating better than CH9.
Elliot runs down and tries to run down and slog the first one, misses it by a yard or so, nd Franklin decides to run, and runs himself, idiotic cricket by the Kiwis all round, Australia looked very calm in comparison.
Princess Nathan to come in, Bracken has no idea how he bats, bowls a shocking slower ball down the leg side, but Princess gets a pad on it for a leg bye.
13 off 4.
Elliott tries to hit this one over square leg, misses it, surely has to play straight. Leg Bye.
I cannot believe New Zealand has worked themselves into a loss here, and there are going to be a lot of unhappy people betting online.
Huge swipe from the Princess, misses again, Bracken is bowling brilliantly.
The Princess gets him away for four, but the game is over.
8 off the last ball.
Princess Nathan tries to hit an eight off the last ball, but the umpires only give it as 6.
3/149 20 overs
20 off 12.
Hilfy on.
This could be interesting.
And it is.
Adam Voges does what everyone has been waiting for a fielder to do. He takes a catch on the rope, he throws it up in the air, trips on the rope, and then runs back in to complete the catch. Had it been without the trip, it would have looked supercool, and you would have thought, how easy was that. But he gave it drama, get ready for a few replays of that in the cricket world.
Prince Brendon is out, and Hilfy is taking normal breathes again.
Franklin is in, Hilfy bounces him, and gives him away a wide. Clever.
Kiwis need a boundary. Hilfy gives Elliott a full toss, and he takes a single from it.
Two from Franklin sliced over cover, boundary or wicket would be handy, and instead Hilfy dot balls it as Franklin eye gloary in the stand.
4/137 19 overs
Bracken back, 25 off 18.
He has already put the brakes on.
Elliott has missed more than he has hit.
Great over, Bracken has been unhittable so far.
3/131 18 overs
Hopes back on, starts with a full toss, which Elliott laps, regular shots are like rocket surgery to him, but the fancy ones are working.
Huge six off hopes, Prince Brendon leans back and outs on into the sitescreen.
This is the over, a shit ball by Hopes, who is falling apart here, its full and outside leg, and Prince brendon helps it on its way.
Another one, more scoop than lap, that was a better ball from hopes, but McCullum is awake now.
20 off that one, they would have to win now.
3/126 17 overs
Hussey beats Prince brendon in flight, but HUssey drops the catch, should have taken it, and that may be the match.
Elliot finally hits a ball, a reverse sweep, which goes for 3 and then an over throw makes it a 4.
Kiwis really attack this over, but don’t get as much as they want from it.
Hussey finishes a great spell.
3/106 16 overs
57 off 36. Nicholas has Australia in front, someone less Australian than him might say its pretty level.
Hilfy is on. Fuck.
And beats the bat twice, Elliott has looked terrible so far. 7 off 15.
So he tries a fucktard slog, and misses it.
He is batting so bad Nicholas has pulled out the bat on ball cliche.
After 4 balls he gets a single. Good batting.
Hilfy is bowling a great over, trying to make up for his earlier efforts.
Elliott ends it with a shocking attempt at a slog, run yourself out son.
3/96 15 overs
Hussey wll get slogged or take a wicket this over.
Probably.
Grant Elliott can’t get near him.
Prince Brendon plays a reverse sweep, and the ball spins past Voges to the fence.
Good over, and if not for the Voges mistake could have been a great one, although no slogging or wickets, pussies.
3/94 14 overs
Hopes is still on, no spin, dickheads.
Decent over, but, spin?
3/87 13 overs
Kiwis should still have this, especially with Prince brendon in.
David Hussey spinds one sideways, and new captain, Haddin, is so excited he lets it go.
Haddin is bowling cluster bombs, Haddin has to get Voges on at the other end.
Although at the moment he is having trouble taking the ball.
Would have been a great over if Haddin could keep, they are already blaming his captaining, big surprise.
3/80 12 overs
Prince Brendon has started to slog, three big hits for 7 runs at the start of the over.
More swing than hit.
Broom decided to keep it going, but hit it straight up, maybe as high as White’s from before, but he finds Callum who takes one after a 30 second wait for its descent.
Elliott comes in.
3/74 11 overs
David Hussey on, Australia has four part time spinners in this side.
He does get one to spin and keep low.
This is the time that Australia were really reinged in, and looking at Prince Brendon’s 22 off 25, it shows the pitch is a bit tough to get timing on.
Broom is out stripping him, but take away his magical edges and they are about the same.
2/66 10 overs
Jimmy Hopes is on.
Broom gets his 3rd boundary from an edge, Nicholas reisists the urge to say “doesn’t matter how you get them”.
Apparently rain is on the way.
Tight over from Hopes.
2/61 9 overs
Hilfy starts with another half tracker, Hussey saves it on the rope, you get the feeling that you could score off him sometimes.
Broom Brrom, he is warming up, just slaps Hilfy through mid off.
Mark Taylor is captainging a charity side for the Bushfires appeal, good choice of captain.
Hilfy seeing if he can give the game to the kiwis in 4 overs.
2/55 8 overs
Siddle is bowling out. He does look lively tonight.
Another Underbelly plug, and JB even talks about water cooler chat, showing that the last time he was in an office was 97.
Perhaps Ch9 should do a cross over, and have a show called the farmer gets a gangsta whore. How cool would that be, darl don’t fucken shit me, that fucken mole talked down to me, got any coke, oh just fuck me you big loveable lug, you fucked that sheep again does our relationship mean nothing to you, etc..
Siddle finishes up a very tidy over, good spell by him.
2/46 7 overs
Hifenhaus on.
Fuck.
Fucken hell.
Fuck me.
Prince Brendon hits a ball flatter than Hedwig and the angry inch and it goes for six, over COVER. Amazing hit.
Broom comes down the wicket for a swipe and gets an edge a bees dick over Haddin.
Follows up with a steer to the third man fence.
Hilfy puts the kiwis back in the game.
2/43 6 overs
Siddle still on.
By the way, James Franklin, 1 over for 6 runs, did Dan forget about him? Or was he injured and CH9 never notice.
Broom gets an edge over slips to the fence.
Siddle drops short and Broom Broom, let’s go back to my room (yeah), slaps it to the fence.
Next ball Siddle almost goes through him.
2/27 5 overs
Prince Brendon gives it a bit of yeah no action, he follows this up with a leave, he is rattled.
Fuck Warner looks well balanced in the field, and like a huge bogan.
Bracken has the ball on a string, him and Vettori may be boring as fuck, but they understand the white ball.
2/16 4 overs
“Princess Nathan has washed out his highlights.” Leg Break informs us.
Fulton wastes 8 balls of the innings before hitting one straight up in the air. Siddle desperatley wants teh caught and bowled, but Haddin gets his hands in front of the stumps to complete the catch.
Broom in. I will not make any cleaning jokes.But if he hits a big shot I have special one liner just for him.
The CH9 boys just realised PB is still out there, I think they thought Australia had already won.
Siddle finishes the over with another ball of pure unhittableness.
2/15 3overs
Bracken on, and Fulton to face.
Fulton is playing for time.
A MAIDEN.
Surely Ross Taylor with no legs could have done better than this.
1/11 2 overs
Siddle to start to Prince Brendon, and the first ball is a fucking ball tearing, rips off the seam and PB misses it by a distance.
Guptil opening up as well.
Siddle gets it wrong early on, four leg byes.
Siddle fixes it next ball, strikes Guptil plumb in front, and he looks furious, at himself. Was given out by Pistol, which has a nice symttery.
PB gets one full and cracks it through cover.
1/11 1 over
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“What is this “Farmer wants a wife” show thingy. They are plugging it mercilessly in this series. Is it that bad that they want the Aussie cheerleaders, oops commentators to keep on harping about how good it is!!” Dhananjay Mhatre thinks my explanation wasn’t good enough, “The farmer wants a wife, great new show from channel 9, it’s about lesbian farmers who want to fuck sheep with strap ons. Must see viewing.” It could also be a reality show where women are offered to farmers who can’t get laid in real life.
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There is still time, some mates of mine made this a couple of years back.
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“have you seen ian ob’s mean ‘bowling face’ as he runs in? that’s what I look like when I blog.” Richard says. I have the look of a constipated child who hasn’t shit for 5 days, but is spending hours on the toilet.
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The pitch is not easy to time the ball on, and the Kiwis bowled well, but 150 is still 15 or so short.
While the change of innings is going on, look at this.
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Touhtee back on, and bowls a head high toss, and gets run out. I can’t explain that.Well Hopes ran even though Prince Brendon had the ball, and Moises didn’t, because he almost lost his head, and because PD had the ball.
Leg bye to Hopes.
Little edge to Siddle.
Big midwicket slog from Hopes for two.
Slaps one to cover, two again.
One more slog more Hopes, and yet again it’s two.
And last ball Touthee gives him full toss, and Hopes finally gets one
6/150 20 overs
12 balls to come, IOB on.
Single off the first to Hopes.
White tries to hit the next to the moon, misses it
Next one he tries to do the same, and hits it to the moon, but it goes to third man for 2. Can’t believe no one could catch a ball that high.
White hits the next one to the moon, again, but it bounces it off the moon and finds Vettori on the boundary.
Hopes slices one to third man.
Moises Henriques is there, and Portugal gets a single.
6/137 19 overs
Vettori back.
Hussey out, 41 off 39, he kept Australia together, but couldn’t kick on, so probably good a hitter will come out now.
Vettori owning Australia again.
5/132 18 overs
Butler back on.
Time for blatant slogging.
The farmer wants a wife, great new show from channel 9, it’s about lesbian farmers who want to fuck sheep with strap ons. Must see viewing.
White puts a full toss into the crowd, Slater can put that down as one of his.
4/126 17 overs
Princess Nathan pulls out on one from Hussey, next ball Hussey slaps him over cover.
“Former coach’s idiot brother called Butler a pea-heart once. Well he’s reinvented himself from a broken back. I’d have thought that was both smart and brave.” Ian Butler’s brother Leg Break.
4/114 16 overs
As kiwi as Grant Elliott is on.
Hussey hits an aggressive shot, but Princess Nathan is there, only a 2.
Next ball he gets a full toss on his legs and puts it in the stands, first six of the innings, and it went along way.
Voges tries to sweep an Elliott slower one, misses it, given out, and Elliott looks madder than Stuart MacGill after a wicket.
White comes in, often when the top order can’t score quickly White comes in and smashes it, well he sure as fuck needs to do it here.
4/105 15 overs
Australia need to get their pants off here.
Princess Nathan McCullum is on.
He spins his first one.Second one is a yorker, can’t argue with that.
Top first over, although he has no noticeable tattoos.
3/94 14 overs
IOB back on, Australia feel confident.
Starts with two pretty good yorkers though, can’t argue with that.
Hussey is starting to become his brother, get me a gun.
IOB is living in the blockhole this over.
Then Voges comes down to make the ball into a full toss and slaps it to midwicket.
Still a good over from IOB.
3/89 13 overs
JB informs us the turbo overs are here, is that the new phrase?
10 points Quiney is on the bench, and looks like this is the first game of cricket he has ever seen.
Vettori controlling Australia with the ball.
3/82 12 overs
“why does everyone want to wear grey all of a sudden?” says Richard Because it’s hot.
Butler has bowled very good, and Kiwis on top right now, and then Butler bowls a half volley on leg stump which Voges smacks.
There seems to be one emtpy stand, whats that about?
Better over from Australia, this is now a partnership, but Kiwis still in front.
Hussey 14 off 2o, whenever youre ready.
3/76 11 overs
Exciting over.
3/67 10 overs
Haddin was interviewed, and mentioned how he almost got hit in the balls, he loves mentioning his balls, or other peoples to the media.
About the only highlight of the over.
Butler bowled well, pitch seems hard to get timing on now, might have been a new ball pitch.
Or Hussey is batting like a bitch.
3/62 9 overs
Dan is on, and Hussey looks better already.
Aussies need a partnership.
Fulton’s shirt does not have his name on it as he was a late replacement, I am amazed they found one that fit him.
Tight nagging normal stuff from Dan.
3/58 8 overs
Ian Butler is on, remember him, no, either does his mother.
Kiwis have done well to keep these two down, Hussey has been beaten a couple of times.
Callum plays a shocker, it was a runaway car hitting a family of 7. ball was a yorker, and Callum was playing a slog to square leg, rarely do they work on yorkers.
Voges is on.
3/52 7 overs
Touthee still on, and now he is bowling well, beats Hussey with a beauty. Has a shout for LB, no one else does, looked outside off.
Callum plays a exceptional drive/wipe through point.
2/47 6 overs
Fuck me IOB, you is bowling bollocks, half tracker, it’s as if he wants Warner to stick around.
IOB bowls full and wide, and Warner smacks it, but straight to Dan, who is miked up, and Channel 9 get nothing out of him, but you do hear one of the players come in and say fuck, always a highlight.
Future PM comes in, surprised he didn’t come in at 3.
2/41 5 overs
Touthee stays on, and puts a half volley up second nut and Warner smashes it past mid off.
Franklin has bowled the only good over, and isn’t on.
Haddin gets a full toss, he tries to hit it to straight and gets it back to Touhee, who parries it straight up in the air, and then finishes the catch. Haddin almost breaks his neck looking to Pistol at square leg, but defnitely below waist high, Pistol gets the call right.
Ferguson in, not naked.
5 off it.
1/34 4 overs
IOB comes into the attack, trying to keep the aussies on edge with an early change, first ball is anal fodder and Warner pulls it over backward square to the fence.
IOB follows up with another short one, and Warner crunches it to point, but Broom pulls of a great save.
Haddin gets a full toss first ball, IOB find a hole, smacks it down the ground for four.
Now warner gets a half volley, fuck me IOB, hit a length.
Lazy 15 off it, and if Warner could pick the gap on the off it could have been worse.
Two fours from Warner, both proper shots.
0/29 3 overs
The Toothee one to open up at the other end, and he gets slapped over cover first ball.
Haddin looks like he would love to feast on Touhtee permanently.
Warner puts in his first close your eyes and hope i slog it, he doesn’t.
0/14 2 overs
Haddin and Warner opening up.
Franklin taking the new ball.
Haddin already down the pitch.
Australia get 6 off the first over, no big shots, just nudging and good running.
0/6 1 over
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I’m awake, which is an achievement.
Australia is batting, but 10 points Quiney is not playing, bastards.
Australia: Brad Haddin (capt/wk), David Warner, David Hussey, Callum Ferguson, Moises Henriques, Adam Voges, James Hopes, Cameron White, Nathan Bracken, Ben Hilfenhaus, Peter Siddle.
On the plus side neither is that diamond mine guy for the kiwis, and even better Princess Nathan is playing.
New Zealand: Brendon McCullum (wk), Martin Guptill, Peter Fulton, Neil Broom, Grant Elliott, James Franklin, Nathan McCullum, Ian Butler, Daniel Vettori (capt), Tim Southee, Iain O’Brien.
Teams stolen from cricinfo, so if they have gotten them wrong, as usual, blame them.
Middlesex pushed England a long way, but in the end get beaten by neil Carter’s horrible Innings.
Kp probably is happy he played.
Click read more for all the action, from me, not from the game, that was dull.
Malan was outstanding.
Middlesex’s spinners were great.
Broad has great figures, but don’t get too excited Broadettes, he spent most of his time bowling to nuff nuff Carter.
Neil, you’re not in Divvie 2 anymore.
KP seemed to stuff up his bowling, giving himself more overs than Patel, at least i hope that was a mistake.
And Ting is in the middle or recapturing Ong-Bak as we speak, the giant head just came down, and the stuff is refelcting off it majestically, especially seeing as its in a cave.
He has now picked up Ong -Bak and the villagers will be happy.
Special thanks to all the readers, and Special Special thanks to the commentators, I am off to bed now to dream about Graeme Swann singing Bird Gurhl.
4/109 20 overs
Dexter on strike, not clever thinking by Malan or Joyce really, bu i suppose they had to run.
Dexter gets off strike.
17 off 5, what can Malan do.
DOT BALL, yorker top stuff.
One Run.
16 off 3 with Dexter on strike.
I back Middlesex.
Two off it.
Dexter lets himself to get two 7s to win it.
One run.
All over.
England win.
4/104 19 overs
Anderson comes on, this is Middlesex’s chance, Kp wasn’t sure who to bowl really.
Malan squeezes the second one to the fence.
Anderson looks nervous as, and he changes to around the wicket.
Malan goes a mile across his stumps and misses it.
England should be safe from here.
And Malan pisses all over me by smacking Anderson over mid off for four.
Inside edge, but only for a single.
OUT
Joyce tries to smash one, but just limps it to mid off.
18 off the last over.
Ted Dexter comes in.
3/95 18 overs
Freddy on.
Big 3 overs for England, if they lose, only winning the 20 million will save their faces, and Malan is a handful and a few extra fingers.
Freddy has bowled 3 yorkers to start with, this is good.
Two off that one, but Freddy is all over this.
Middlesex need alot of runs from the other end next over.
Dot ball, that is like heroin pumped into the heart right now.
6 off the over.
Freddy is Kp’s bagman.
3/89 14 overs
Malan has played 5 reverse sweeps for 8 runs off the bat, and two extras.
Joyce has got to score run a ball from now on, Malan must be on strike.
Malan dances down to Patel and whacks a cover drive through Bell’s hands to the fence.
Ceci says “KP is a rubbish bowler isn’t he? And how many more times are we to see Lord Stanford pressing the flesh?” at least 7 or 8 times a game.
3/81 13 overs
Malan trots down and puts KP into the stands again.
When K is on his pads Malan has trouble, the minute the ball is straight Malan just whacks it.
KP ALMOST DIED.
A return in for the deep hits the top of the stumps and smacks him in the Ishant Sharma.
For a second he looked shabby.
he has bowled ok though, 4 overs and 27 runs.
3/73 12 overs
Joyce is playing the sheet anchor role, he will still be there at the 50 over mark.
Malan runs down the wicket and slogs terribly for one.
49 off 30 to get.
Get Malan, and win.
3/68 13 overs
Ting is fighting on a tuk tuk, malan takes this as his Q and crucnhes KP out of the ground, and hemisphere.
Kp is still bowling well though.
He has got Malan’s leading edge 3 or 4 times now.
Malan misses a full toss off the last ball, heartbreaking.
3/58 12 overs
Patel on.
If England break this partnership in the next 6 overs they should win easy.
Malan is convinced reverse sweep is the way to go.
Good first up over for Patel.
3/54 11 overs
Malan reverse sweeps Kp like he is nuthin, and all the way along the ground it still goes to the rope.
Kp is keeping a lid on it.
Len says, “I think England and Middlesex have achieved the impossible, they’ve subdued a West Indian crowd into near coma.
Swann’s singing voice is delightful btw. I’d like to see him cover an Anthony and the Johnsons number. I won’t have time to hear it myself you understand, but I’m happy to read reviews.” I say he would sound great singing I am a bird now.
3/47 10 overs
OUT
Morgan runs down the wicket and slogs it no where and Anderson takes the catch.
Broad has looked good today, although he spent most of hs time bowling to Carter.
Joyce dropped, tough one to Collingwood again.
Dawid Malan in now, the boy can hit, but alot of his reputation is based on one game.
Dave says, “Carter’s looking rubbish here – he needs to tread on his stumps and get someone else in.” to be fair he probably said it when he was still batting.
Braod bowls a short wide one to malan, sho slaps it over point. He bowled an assfull of those to Carter, and he missed them.
2/42 9 overs
Ting is fighting the guy who trows furniture and everything else at him in the club.
KP on.
Morgan usually plays spin brilliantly.
And England really only has 2 useful part timers.
Two full tosses to start with, but only one run.
Joyce and Morgan are making KP look good.
Pretty good over though for England.
2/39 8 overs
Ting is back in the club, and the Aussie guy, or is it another, is about to fight him.
Bumble says good crowd in, 5000 people, is that good?
Carter on strike, surely Freddy straight through him, or a full toss hit for 2.
OUT
Sumit Patel puts everyone one of us out of Carter’s misery.
11 off 27.
Stanford should take him out the back and shoot him.
It was a typical CArter slog accross the line and a top edge, because he isn’t good enough.
Eoin Morgan is in, this guy can bat.
Maybe he will wake us up.
Carter may have lost this game for Middlesex.
1/33 7 overs
Carter is still nowhere near it.
NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
7 off 22
This is embarrassing.
Somebody shoot him, this is shocking.
He is not even getting near them.
And fucken KP drops him, he slogs it sraight up in the air.
Maybe that was a good tactic.
At least Carter hits it, he misses the next one.
1/30 6 overs
Freddy on, Joyce slices it to Collingwood who drops it and it goes for 4.
Ting’s chase is on through the streets of Bangkok, he jumps through barbwired for no reason, and it is shown from 3 angles, one after the other.
Freddy is way too good for Carter.
Lots of runs from this over, all from drops and edges.
Ceci seems aggreieved she isn’t one of Stanford’s lady friends, “Vile Stanford exercising his droit de seigneur with the WAGS there…”
1/20 5 overs
Broad on.
The Carter experiment is not working, he may be able to slog division 2 bowlers, but Simon Jones is not out there.
He is just closing his eyes.
First Stanford sighting, must have been in the “captains room”.
Finally smashes one, straight to the field.
I was joking about Stanford having a captains room, and then he is shown with a blonde on his lap.
being rich is cool.
Carter is still missing.
Stanford just kissed the blonde on the head, kissing babies?
She looked so uncomfortable.
Carter slogs one straight up in the air, and gets away with it, 6 lusty swings in that over, for 2 runs.
Stanford’s lusty swings looked better.
1/18 4 overs
Ting is fighting in the club now, against his willm and the voice box guy looks angry as he loses money. Ting is about to fight the aussie guy, as the aussie guys are usually the villians in thai films.
OUT
Strauss you idiot. He has the slogger at the other end, and he just slogs and misses it by 3 or 4 feet.
8 from 12.
Sidebottom sort of rejoyces, as Coburg’s Own Ed Joyce comes to the crease.
England in a good spot here, Carter looks like going out soon as well.
0/14 3 overs
Strauss almost runs himself out, that is because the balls are heavier, i suppose.
And again.
Anderson has pulled up twice now, his wallet isnt full yet, so that can’t be it.
When he finally makes it in, Carter slaps it over mid off.
Carter has scored 4 runs, and had 3 leg byes taken from balls he has been nowhere near.
0/7 2 overs
Sidebottom is on, and he has had his hair cut, and now he really really really looks like a girl.
I’m serious it is a girls hair do, i cannot believe it.
Ting has just made it to Bangkok in Ongbak, missed the bit where he dlimbs the tree and all the boys fall out of the tree.
Sidebottom right on the money.
Great over really.
Carter looked a little out of his depth when on strike.
Sarah says the irish a filthy vermin “Morgan so stood on the rope – body language screamed that!”
0/5 1 over
Anderson bowling, Strauss and Carter (I think) batting, I’m on screw drivers.
He drops short and Strauss turns his hips on it and pulls it to the rope.
A good over with two shit balls.
Len thinks Stanford is into slow foreplay “These first two games haven’t exactly been a carnival of cricket. Perhaps they’re just luring us in slowly. Nice Ronnie Rosenthal moment from Andrew Struass though…”
My verdict on Swann’s singings is a 6, anyone else?
At the half way point here is some entertainment.
The trailer for the first innings film.
CAN MIDDLESEX WIN?
4/121 20 overs
Finn on, and almost clean bowls Shah off the first two balls.
first 3.
Bat on ball Shah?
Maybe 120 is gone.
And Shah chips a single.
120 still a chnce.
Now collingwood is missing, and Ben Scott gets excited and throws a mad bye away.
120 up, congrats.
Single off the last ball.
121.
Great effort Middlesex, this is awesome.
4/118 19 overs
KP’s Carter back on.
OUT
I think, was caught on the rope, Freddy slogged it, and now nothing is happening. Freddy got all the way to the rope and Stopped, Dar tried to stop him well before that.
The fielder may have stepped on the rope, Morgan through the ball back with no fan fare, and after 4 minutes, it was given out.
And it just dawned on me that the real story is that someone held a catch.
16 off 17.
Alot of swinging, but didn’t look in good touch at all.
Collingwood in, clever thinking.
Neil Carter makes a beaver gesture to someone, i think.
140 is gone.
3/111 18 overs
The second innings film will be Ong-Bak
Finn on, big ask.
Another drop.
Murtagh, was a full toss from Finn and Shah slaps it straight to mid off.
Shah continues to ride his luck with an edge over the keepers head to the rope.
Shah screams for a single, and Ben Scott sasy the cramps are coming now?
What is he saying people?
3/102 17 overs
Barbarella is over, she can catch.
Murtagh back on, and he gives his team mate a knee high full toss that was hit to another island.
That was for Joyce.
Murtagh hits the pitch this time, and Freddy hits the shit out of it, big six again.
Good spell Tim.
3/87 16 overs
Carter back on.
they need 60 from the last 5 to get to 140.
The spin has choked them.
While Freddy is stil there, 140 is a chance, but surely Collingwood can’t get in.
last ball Shah hits the ball straight up in the air, Joyce gets under it, and the ball gets under him, he misjudges it badly, and gets up and shrugs it off.
Another victim of the heavier white balls.
3/82 15 overs
Dawid Malan is on with his leggies.
Fucken hell that is ugly.
Who taught this guy to bowl, the elephant man?
I think its Peter McIntyre’s action.
But he spins it, so did McIntyre.
3/77 14 overs
Udal completely fools Freddy, who hits the ball up as gently as you can, and Strauss drops it, you cannot believe it.
Strauss takes it seriously by laughing before he drops it.
Fuck that was funny.
It was so easy.
Udal’s figures are 4 overs for 14, brilliant stuff from the pensioner.
3/73 13 overs
Kartik has bowled 3 free hits, and has gotten away with everyone.
OUt
Kartik beats Kp in the air, and he is stumped easily by Scotty.
Kartik gives him a death stare send off.
KP made 5.
He did not face Neil Carter.
Freddy comes in wearing Harmison’s shirt.
Cozier says he forgot his shirt at the team hotel.
Kartik rips one past him first ball.
And second ball.
He is on fire.
“How does an orgasm machine work?” Smithy asks.
Sort of like a giant Organ, that she is inserted in.
If that makes sense
2/70 12 overs
Barbarella is on the orgams machine, and she is killing it with her raw sexual energy.
Adidas must be wrapped with the Balck bats for KP’s first outing with them.
Scott seemed to sledge Shah with an inside joke, I’m sure it was funny.
Spinners have brought down the run rate to under 6.
Mistake not picking Swann?
Great over from Udal.
2/68 11 overs
Barbarella just went through the grotto type place where there is a guy trapped in a bubble.
OUT
Kartik gets a quicker one through Prior.
Clean bowls him, probably good for England, he was in the way.
29 off 32, this is 2020 right?
KP in.
Ben Scott doesn’t try and get eye contact with him.
Kartik has bowled two free hits now.
Kp misses it.
Smithy says “When the pink boys learn how to field this could get interestin” even though they did get a run out, he has a point.
1/59 10 overs
Prior cannot read Udal’s flight.
Good over buy Udal.
Spinners have done very well.
Ceci wants a drink “Can’t cope – pass the Bourbon please – no Harmy – KP can’t even bring himself to name Swann as a non-player (strongly suspect Swann does not genuflect in front of Cap’n KP enough), Sid has had a haircut – but did like Andy Roberts single dread.”
We all do, not much of a game yet.
1/54 9 overs
England looking for 140 at this stage.
Shah seems to have no sense of humour for any of Scott’s shenanigans.
Shah plays a leg glance of Kartik for four.
I can’t remember the last one.
Two spinners on i can’t check Barbarella or this link..
1/44 8 overs
Udal is on, and out foxes Prior first ball, but it drops in the gap.
Udal and kartik are Middlesex’s money men, if they can tie these two down it could hurt englnad.
Prior should have been run out again, but poor throw by kartk saves him.
Bell and Prior are running like shit.
OUT
Finally Middlesex get it right, well Carter does and Bell has been run out, there was no run there, Bell did well to only just get run out.
23 off 25, Bell is not an asshole of a 2020 opener.
Shah in.
I wish i could hear the sledging now, Ben Scott is trying to get eye contact with Shah, its romantic.
Great over by Udal.
0/41 7 overs
Barbarella is now about to be given to the birds.
And kartik is on.
First ball Bell plays an ugly sweep.
England need to hit out now, I think Ben Scott may have just said so.
Good base, but what is the point at going for run a ball after 7.
Good over Kartik.
0/36 6 overs
Finn no balls to start the over, no cheer from the crowd, no one cares.
Bell gets caught off the free hit, one drop, one out off a free hit could be big night for him.
Finn could have run Prior out, but instead his limbs knocked the stumps over.
Haysman is all over Taufel, no not liek that.
Wickets would be nice.
0/29 5 overs
Carter and Finn are flying through.
Bell plays a shocker of a hook shot, but without a fine leg it goes for four.
Middlesex need wickets.
0/21 4 overs
Bowling change already, Steven Finn is on, he is 100 foot tall.
Not many people know this but Steven Finn is related to the Finn brothers from New Zealand.
Prior always hated Crowded House so he smacks him through cover.
Finn is pushing 90 miles.
He may be the definition of ‘all legs’.
Bumble has just slated Graeme Swanns band, now i have to hear them, if anyone can put the link in the comments, i would be appreciative.
Good first over from Finn, looks a good type.
0/17 3 overs
Barbarella has just woken up in the birds nest after shagging the flying dude.
This obviously put off Kartik, as he dropped a dolly at slip. Murtagh encouraged the nick and Belly obliged.
Was a sitter.
Cozier went for the Iraq war veteran joke, you know the one.
Outfield is still slow as.
0/11 2 overs
KP’s Neil Carter is on at the other end.
Starts with a wide, lets hope he can get them on line when he bowls to KP.
Carter plays under 16 cricket, he opens the batting and bowling.
Bowls pretty quick too, if he wasn’t 56 he could get a game for South Africa.
Alot of nice shots by the ECB, but haven’t picked the gaps yet.
The legend players had on stupid orange shirts last night, today they have on a much more respectable blue.
0/7 1 over
Bell & Prior opening up with Cozier and Bumble.
Cozier says this is the first time he has seen the English team play one of their county teams in the Caribbean. Really?
The bowler was not mentioned before he was hit for a four first nut.
It was Dirty Dirk’s mate Tim Murtagh, not the best start.
Murtagh moving the ball around a tad in the air.
Bell’s bat looks like it was painted by a 4 year old.
Shocking miss field from Udal, only 2 from it.
21:29
Barbarella has just had her first lay, and she likes it so much she wears a tail.
21:27
The team lists as stolen from Cric Info.
England 1 Matt Prior (wk), 2 Ian Bell, 3 Kevin Pietersen (capt), 4 Paul Collingwood, 5 Andrew Flintoff, 6 Owais Shah, 7 Luke Wright, 8 Stuart Broad, 9 Samit Patel, 10 Ryan Sidebottom, 11 James Anderson.
Middlesex 1 Andrew Strauss, 2 Ed Joyce, 3 Steve Finn, 4 Eoin Morgan, 5 Dawid Malan, 6 Neil Dexter, 7 Ben Scott (wk), 8 Tim Murtagh, 9 Neil Carter, 10 Shaun Udal (capt), 11 Murali Kartik.
21:25
Barbarella has just entered the ice ship with the dude wearing a gorilla suit, she is now making love to him. What a trooper.
21:20
As I am missing Barbarella to bring this to you tonight, from time to time i will flick channels, and give you updates on that masterpiece.
21:15
KP wins the toss and they will bat.
21:10
Bad news sports fans, two ommissions, one huge, one not so important.
The huge one is Tyrone Henderson, the South African 70′s porn star, a man who was made for 2020 cricket and nothing else.
The other one is Harmison.
Quickly read Kp pretend he has morals here.
This is my QBQ (OBO) off the first Stanford game in this series.
Thanks to those who commented, and those who did not.
Things we have learnt.
Stanford looks like a dick in an orange shirt.
He kisses babies.
Black bats are stupid, pointless, and dirty.
Legspinners can open the bowling.
Curtly has great hair.
West Indians are no where near as over the top as Indians.
If you shorten the Stanford Superstars you get ‘SS’.
Goodnight sportsfans.
8/124 20 overs
26 runs to win.
Benn is back on.
Who will he trip?
OUT
Quick yorker straight through Badree.
Possibly best caught behind ever.
Rampaul edges the ball, and then throws the bat to square leg in his follow through.
It was possible he would be out, and kill an umpire in the same delivery.
But Rudi spoils it by saying not out.
Lucky we had a 2 minute wait when the game was over though.
Idiots.
TnT lose.
7/121 19 overs
Taylor back on.
Cooper is in by the way.
And he smashes one though covers in calypso style.
For those who don’t know, Cooper has a stutter step in his bowling.
Cooper tries to get himself out, Taylor bowls a slower one, and Cooper shuffles across and misses it, and it bounces inches over the stumps. It was much funnier than i desribed.
OUT
Ran outside off again, and hit plumb in front by a quick one.
Taufel gives it out, and Rudi agrees.
Ravi Rampaul in.
6/116 18 overs
Dave back on.
He starts with a wide full one and Ramdin swipes it over cover.
Positive they said Dave Mohammed was a finger spinner before, he is definitely a leggie, and that would explain the weird action i said before.
OUT
Ramdin runs himself out, ramdin had to take them on, but the game is over now.
13 off 7.
Tried to steal a second, but the security camera caught him.
Should have been another run out next ball, but Dave couldn’t take the ball.
No chance of a team hattrick now.
Shame.
5/108 17 overs
OUT
Cozier sticks up for Patty, ofcourse, and on Q Patty (Guillen) finds the only man whose balls don’t drop to quickly Darren Sammy.
Powell the bowler.
He made 31 off 43, but he does look like a find, just not a 2020 find.
Ramdin looks good slapping a lofted cover drive to the fence/rope/boundary.
Was it a good move getting Patty out?
4/98 16 overs
Dave Mohammed back on.
Stewart charges down and then plays a push while doing the splits and some how gets back into the crease.
Insane batting, but nice split.
Stewart hits one straight up in the air, Pollard gets under it, and the ball, because it is white, drops quicker than he expects and it rebounds off his hands for 8 yards.
OUT
Darren Sammy, he of the brilliantly shaped head catches another slog, maybe his balls didn’t drop as fast.
Am i infact still talking about cricket.
26 by Stewart, more huff than puff really.
Ramdin in.
Anon says, “Can Stewart run out this Paty guy.”
I assume the message will come out saying that shortly.
3/94 15 overs
Taylor back on, Joseph going in for the kill.
Patty is 27 off 39, he looks really good though, reminds me of a young Shaun Marsh, before he bulked up and could force his way out of slow pitches.
Daylight savings end tonight in London, extra hour of sleep in, awesome, I had an early film at 3pm to see tomorrow.
3/87 14 overs
TnT can only win if someone like Stewart goes nuts.
Pollard has bowled a lot of full tosses, and this one is a real one, straight at the chest and he gets warned.
Patty Hearst needs to hit out, or run himself out here.
Compared to the ICL games, this crowd is on Lithium.
Pollard’s stock ball is actually the full toss, and he almost gets another wicket from one, the fielder yet again rolls onto it with his nuts.
The SS boys are going to be sore if this is their standard fielding technique.
Stewart hits another six, Pollard must feel aggrieved as it was one of his few balls to hit the surface.
Pollard is a freak though, he was called for a no ball, and hell the ball in his hand, that is amazing.
Bowlers who can do that should become the captain’s pet.
3/75 13 overs
This Dave guy has a weird technique, I can’t really explain it well, but its odd, trust me.
Stewart pinched that one off the island.
Stuffed up a good voer by Dave, and Stewart follows it up with a beautifully ugly slog.
3/63 12 overs
Stanford has the common touch, as he tries to molest a mans flag when the man doesn’t swing it enough.
Then he walks around and shakes hands like a dullard politician.
FUCK ME
I think he just kissed a baby, and now he is telling her how pretty she is, this is excruciating and hilarious at the same time, Pommie and Nasser are letting the orange shirted man have his time in awestruck silence.
He has such a awkward manner with people.
Patty Hearst is killing TnT’s run rate here.
3/59 11 overs
Dave Mohammed is on, great first/last name combination.
Dave bowls that one very well.
Spinners are the ones on this surface.
I do hope Swann plays and buys a pink car, even a pink prius would be great.
3/56 10 overs
The SS bowling must be weak seeing that Pollard is on.
OUT
Pollard bowls a full toss, Ganga tries to play it straight, always a mistake with full tosses, and picks out long on.
He amde 13.
Navin Stewart is in, may have been sent in as a pinch hitter.
2/52 9 overs
Ganga is scoring singles easy enough.
Patty tries reverse sweep and ends up with an unsuccessful appeal for Benn.
Benn bowls a corker.
A glitch in the appeal system is there. At anytime the 3rd umpire can use technology and say a dismissal is out, even when a batsmen is out.
However, If Benn’s appeal was out, but given not out, the 3rd umpire wouldn’t have time to overturn it by the time Benn comes in for the next ball.
And I’m over half way into a bottle of bourbon.
2/47 8 overs
Pollard is on, starts with a very slow wide.
His balls are not bouncing at all, until the third one where Pollard bends his back, good to see his as just as lazy when he bowls as when he bats.
The crowd sound effects CD has been turned off.
I like this Patty kid, but he is 11 from 22, he needs to step up.
He gets a two off the last one, that is something.
Bumble likes the gym, that is Bumble’s second mention of the gym, perhaps he got a free massage.
Happy ending?
2/43 7 overs
Benn is bowling well, and 6 foot 15, he is hard to get away.
He bowled a few over 100 Ks.
Run rate over 8 an over now.
Dave says, “Will there be a drinking game for the 20/20 for 20?”
There may be a drinking game for it, but there won’t be a OBO, or QBQ for it.
It will include a drink for everytime some praises the conditions, and down your drink everytime Stanford is shown wearing an orange shirt. .
2/39 6 overs
Where did all the bounce come from, Powell is flying through and bowling slower than rampaul.
Patty has a nice technique, i like him.
lots of excuses for the poor fielding, including one Bumble and I found funny, the white ball drops qcuiker than a read one, how long have they been using a white ball for?
Powell bowls a good one.
2/34 5 overs
Sulimenn Benn is on, he is great he is, he tried to trip Brad Haddin.
OUT
3rd ball he uproots the stump, with are obviously spring loaded if a left arm orthy can do that.
Perkins is out, this will test TnT from here.
Darren ganga in now, he captained well, lets see how he goes, his batting is not suited to band and/or crash.
Very good first over Benn, alas, no trippings.
Smithy says, “Is it halloween already, have you seen some of the costumes?” npot a bad call, there is some weird facial masks out there.
1/30 4 overs
The SS bowlers are getting alot more bounce, the keeper, whatever his name is, just had one go through his gloves due to the bounce.
Perkins smashes Powell through covers, he has taken control and TnT look much better now, especially as Dowlin drops him.
Another pull shot, and Dowlin almost rolls his groin directly over it.
Cozier loves this Patty Guillen kid, cannot stop mentioning his whole family history.
A more cynical person may say he is talking u the white kid.
Not me though.
1/25 3 overs
Curtly’s hair is simply exquisite.
Hopefully I am calling it correctly, a dreadlocked mo hawk.
4 leg byes.
The great Wes Hall is their as well, 2 out of 3 of my all time favourite quickies. And since the Demon Fred Spofforth is dead, there is little chance of him being there.
Perkins gets a short one and dispatches it over midwicket nicely.
Patty gets away a four as well, looks like he is a real batsmen.
Ceci says. “Nas is really doing the Stanford PR job isn’t he – constantly rabbiting on about the money, praising the ground, the dancers, the entertainment…”
Nasser is winning the brown nose award, but probably only because Pommie hasn’t been on the air much.
1/10 2 overs
Powell at the other end, so at least some of the first stringers turned up.
Four from the first ball.
Have i mentioned Patty Hearst (Guillen) is white?
And where is Brendan Nash?
Patty edges and it falls short of second.
TnT look much more nervy with the bat than they did with the ball.
The bats are just dipped in paint, it looks so shit house, and is so lofi.
Patty hit a couple of goodlooking drives, but straight to fielders.
1/4 1 over
William Perkins and Lendl Simmons are facing up to jerome taylor.
Taylor is at 95 miles 150 odd ks, can’t be right can it?
OUT
Simmons gets a cracker from Taylor, and is cuaght behind nit a good start for TnT.
Justin Guillen, known as Patty Hearst, is in, and taylor bolws a quick bouncer to finish the over and scare him.
Great start for the SS.
See what i did there, you see its the stanford superstars.
Yeah, SS.
Ceci says, “I love Simon Taufel, nearly as much as I love Harmy, but I do not think purple is his colour – and why do I get the feeling that all the spectators are in fact employees of Stanford?” Why indeed…
TnT did well, but i think 146 might end up being enough.
For the break you can watch an Australian stunt legend.
5/146 20 overs
Stutter stepping Cooper is on.
First ball is a play and miss.
Next one is a swipe for si over mid wicket.
And then another play and miss.
Single squeezed.
Joseph back on strike.
Slice over point for 2.
Great last shot, charged down the wicket and flicks it to fine leg for four.
45 off 31 for Jospeh, played very well.
5/133 19 overs
Stewart back on to finish at this end.
FUCK ME.
Stewart drops short, and Pollard absolutely fucken smacks the shit out of it with a pull shot into the swimming pool.
Huge.
Great camera work to pick up the splash.
Now i know why he never worries about running.
OUT
Stewart gets his length wrong again, but Pollard misses it and is bowled.
Lindon James in.
24 off 14 to Pollard, he is value for money to watch.
OUT
Another bad length ball but James misses it and is bowled for 2.
Stewart has bowled an extremely lucky over.
Dave Mohammed is in.
2/11 off that over.
3/122 18 overs
Joseph hits Sherwin Ganga onto a roof.
Pollard gets pad or bat down the legside, Ramdin takes it down well, and Steve Davis is talking to Rudi, its all so exciting.
This is what we at CWB call Sodomized down the legside, and we think all of them should be not out.
Not out.
That took forever. Nasser disagrees.
With all that waiting Pollard loses all of his composure and slogs straigh to mid on and the 3rd drop happens.
Rampaul almost head butts it.
4 byes to finish with, i think.
3/110 17 overs
Pollard has abandoned technique.
Running still not his thing.
Pollard finally plays a real shot, and smacks it back over Bachan’s head, for four.
10 off that.
Need at least that for the next 3.
3/100 16 overs
Ravi rampaul is back, ganga can captain, he is going for another wicket.
TnT need a direct hit, but nada, Pollard looks uninterested in running.
He squeezes a slap off his pads for four, see no running.
Outfield is slow, a couple have been slapped and have just stopped dead, Tony agrees with me.
Anything over 140 could work for Stanford.
Rampaul ends up with 0/16, top effort.
3/93 15 overs
Bachan, the lefty ortho switches end.
OUT
Dowlin slogs out for 35 off 37. Straight up in the air.
Kieron Pollard is in, he was talked up as a huge hitter against Australia, but i don’t think he hit any.
And he starts off by trying to run out Joseph.
Rudi says not out, and takes forever to do so on a fairly straight forward one.
Very good over for TnT.
2/89 14 overs
Cooper, a medium pacer, is on.
Oh my, he has a stutter step in his run up, its a fucken moonwalk actually.
How does he get to the crease?
He is an actual skeleton as well.
Very good over for the stutter moon walking one, full and straight, just how Tony likes it.
2/84 13 overs
Sherwin Ganga, an offie, is on.
He gets a top edge out to backward sqaure leg, abut another drop from poor fielding, even though the commentators keep takling about the great fielding.
It sounds like the commentators are coming out of the PA.
Big slog off the last ball of the over, Jospeh heaves it for 6, 12 off that.
Smithy says “You haven’t mentioned the stripe on the pads yet.”
No, but you have.
2/71 12 overs
Bachan bowls a much better over, but in 2020 cricket that doesn’t mean much, and he gets put into a tent.
Dowlin is up to 29, and got warned for running on the pitch.
The umpires have Ron Jeremy Purple shirts on.
2/60 11 overs
TnT are right in this, shame they dropped that catch.
Pommie is commentating, why am I surprised.
The pitch does look tough to score on, timing is hardcore at the moment.
I say that as Dowlin plays the ugliest shot i have seen in a long time, a cover drive almost off the back foot calypso style if you will that goes over the bowlers head.
Sylvestor Joseph is the new batsmen, sorry, but it was a hattrick over and the bourbon is catching up to me.
Runrate slowly improving, but the batting doesn’t look too good from here.
Not many actual superstars in there.
2/50 10 overs
Rishi Bachan is on, left arm orthodox.
Has a silly point, ganga has nuts.
Less spin than the leggie so far, bowls a short one and is crunched over deep midwicket where Patty hearst dives over it.
Dowlin is slowly moving in to his innings, lucky this isn’t a 2020.
9 off it.
2/41 9 overs
This over isn’t as exciting, no leggies.
Stewart looks quick enough, and hasn’t given any real bad balls to them.
DROPPED
Perkins drops Dowlin at mid off, should have been taken, perhaps his blingy chain got in his way.
2/37 8 overs
Badree will finish up his 4.
He has done very well.
OUT.
And with that he beats Fletcher in flight had has him caught at deep mid on.
Fletcher our for 25, Sarwan in.
Was a blatant slog, but was still bowled quite well.
OUT
Clean bowled with a straight one first nut, Sarwan was nowhere near it, and my man Badree is on fire.
Hattrick?
There is a silly mid off, and he bowls a wide down the leg, like me on most of my hattrick.
Last ball he almost gets another one when he leaves a wrongun and the keeper squeals rather than taking it.
0/33 7 overs
A first gamer by the name of Navin Stewart.
First ball he gets a ball chipped back over his head and does a weird clapping jump thing to show he would have caught it had he been within 3 foot of it.
The pitch is low and skiddy, i know this because it’s obvious and because it has been mentioned 67 times already.
Fletcher looks good, i think he did alright against Australia this year, he flicked a ball beautifully behind square for four.
16 off the last two, if they keep Lfetcher up the right end this could be good.
0/25 6 overs
Stanford is wearing a subtle orange shirt.
First six to Fletcher, he uses his feet well to badree the leggie and puts it back over his head.
Stanford need a ten plus over now, this should be a bowling change.
0/17 5 overs
Ganga is miced up, and was asked id he could hear anything to which he replied i can’t hear anything.
Brilliant, the whole ground heard it as it appeared to be broadcast from the ground speakers.
The black bats look dirty with the white marks on them, perhaps the umpires should have clothes on them since they aren’t really umpiring this match.
Rampaul has let 9 runs off 3 overs, great effort.
The Stanford mob better get their fingers out.
0/13 4 overs
The leggie is doing a good job, why did Bryce never do this for Victoria?
He even appealed for an LB when the batsmen charged down the wicket at him, a true leggie.
Anon said “These uniforms are very demur, the opposite to the ICL.”
Good point.
0/11 3 overs
Rampaul looks proper impressive. According to Cozier he is quick and sharp.
How is rampaul not playing for the Windies.
Guillen, a 12 year old playing for TnT, is a former kidknap victim, remind me to call him Patty Hearst later on.
Not much goes on in the over, except a swipe for two at the end of the over.
0/8 2 overs
Samuel Badree is opening for TnT from the other end, HE IS A LEGGIE, awesome.
Hope it goes better for me than it ever did for me.
He is bowling Afridi type deliveries, but they are straightening.
By the way Andre Fletcher and Travis Dowlin are opening up for Stanford.
They are saying he isn’t runing them, but he is, dickheads.
He finishes up with one short one and FLetcher cracks it behind point.
0/2 1 over
Ravi Rampaul to bowl the first over, they seem to be wearing flares.
Chris Gayle was caught smiling again, did anyone check this sotry before it was aired?
Cozier in the box, and Bumble, awesome.
The speedo can’t be right, this guy just clocked 88 miles 143 k’s, actually he might be, he looks impressive, 3 balls in.
Black bats look stupid, just a thought.
This guy looks like he can bowl, he cut that back a mile and this pitch has been rolled for 40 hours straight, by a disabled altar boy*.
*Possibly not true.
Very good first over for TnT.
22:30
TnT have come out in their training tops, what a mistake, no sorry, that is their uniform, as the Stanford XI are weiring a similar kit.
22:29
TnT have a player named Sherwin Ganga, it’s like he is a mutant version of two ordinary West Indian openers.
22:28
Not saying anyone is lying, but there was just a shot of Chris Gayle smiling with ex champions of West Indian Cricket, including Ambrose with the best hair style ever.
22:26
Mike Haysman is there, lucky us, Darren Ganga, T&T’s skipper wins the toss and bowls. Apparently the entire world is watching this game, does that make my QBQ redundant?
Haysman asks about why Gayle is out, and then Sylvester Jospeh’s answer makes him a little uncomfortable, he moves on with panache.
22:20
Ian Ward starts off the broadcast, not really 20 million worth now is it.
Allot and Ward have discussed all the facilities at the ground, with all the grace and skill of a used car salesman.
Stanford must be ecstatic, gayle and Shiv are out, Gayle for personal family problems , he has a family?
Game hasn’t come on the telly yet, it’s Trinidad Vs the Stanford Realtors of Texas XI.
Goodnews is it looks like my down load of razorback, is flying through.
For those who don’t know, ‘Razorback’ is a film about a wild boar who attacks people in the outback, a classic of exploitation i haven’t seen since i was a little boy, but i just saw ‘Not Quite Hollywood’ which is all about Ozploitation and i thought Razorback would be an awesome halloween film.
Hope you enjoyed the QBQ.
Thanks to everyone who commented, especially early this morning when i needed some encouragement.
And thanks to Chinaman for my auto refresher.
STUMPS
Click on read more for full QBQ goodness.
5/311
Ganguy is off strike again.
Shamra has 5 balls to get through.
First one hits the bottom of the bat and ends up at Sharma’s feet.
The adams apple is right behind the next one, very solid.
And the same again.
i think he will make it.
Left the next one.
One more.
Lee gets it wrong and Sharma leaves it.
5/310
Ganguly gets off strike easy enough, and Shamra goes wafting.
Dhoni would have shit himself seeing that shot.
But the Adams apple is resolute.
5/309
Ganguly gets off strike and Sharma looks like a duck at a shooting range, but he survives the over.
5/305
Siddle gets the new ball again, he out bowled Lee with it this morning.
Mark Nicholas mentioned his heart again, are they in a snip?
He starts with a wide shit and short one and Sachin dismisses with a jaunty air.
Next ball he tries to do the same thing, but almost drags it on, and it still flies to the rope.
And Siddle is fired up, next ball is straight through sachin like he wasn’t there.
OUT.
And he has him.
Victoria get Sahcin again.
And I am fucking as erect as any animal has ever been.
You fucken legend Siddle.
Well bowled too.
Was a great ball, short of a length leaving him taking the edge and Hayden akes a low ripper at slip.
Dhoni pulls a soft cock option and brings out the adams apple.
I now know how christians felt when Jesus came back from the dead to sing what if God was one of us.
No tears though.
4/297
First ball with the new nut, Lee gets Ganguly to egde into the ground then to slip.
Next ball Lee goes through him with a a ripper.
Ganguly went for a jog to get back on the game, and then missed the next one as well.
Maybe the new ball is going to have more effect than we thought.
Lee swings this one, but miles down the leg side, and Haddin adds to his India bye total.
Ganguly finally hits one somewhere near the middle.
New Ball
4/293
Australia usually ass a wicket in this situatuon, but you can’t see it unless the new ball makes a significant difference.
And it didn’t the first time.
4/291
Maiden from Lee.
4/291
Ganguly brings up his 50 with an easy push off Watson who has come on.
Bhaji gave Ganguly the one bicep salute.
Not sure what they are doing with the new ball if WAtson is on.
4/286
Lee back on.
Ganguly has been a spectator for a while now.
Tendulkar smokes a cover boundarie.
Had Dravid and Gautham City not given their wickets away, India could have been one wicket down here.
Not that it should matter, only a mega collapse could end this before a declaration.
4/281
White tosses on up, for him, and Sachin dances down and slogs it over mid on, it’s not than convincing, but safe enough.
White tries a wrong un, drags it short and Sachin drags it to the fence.
Should be the end of Whites spell, maybe a chance for Clarke to bowl one or two before the new ball.
4/271
Tendulkar gets a leading edge that goes close enough to Johnson for him to make some kind of noise.
He then gets another edge from Tendulkar, off the toe, goes between slip and gully, true story.
4/270
Tendulkar passes 12,000 runs, apparently thats a milestone of some acclaim.
4/265
The first hint of reverse from Johnson, not much but it’s there.
Watson threw to empty stumps, and gave india a 5.
I said India needed a hundred run partnership from these two, and now they have it.
India really needed this.
4/259
Australia’s over rate is terrible, and the fireworks display didn’t help.
You have to question sides with slow over rates, all they do is give their bowlers huge last sessions.
How can that be a good thing?
White has bowled 6 overs for 12 runs.
4/257
Johnson is getting no reverse swing at all, and should be taken off.
Tendulkar takes one off his hip to fine leg for his 50, his 50th 50.
4/250
White is really drifting them now, it is causing Ganguly to check his shots.
Amazing.
Miriam doesn’t believe redtube is necessary when tendulkar is around.
4/248
I can’t remember what happened in this over, I was too busy looking at the commentating version of twins, BJ and Sunil.
4/243
White is bowling really well, why the fuck hasn’t he been bowling like this for the Vics?
4/241
Johnson back on.
Bout time.
He beats Ganguly with a wide one, and then has a bit of mince in his step on his way back to his mark.
4/231
White beats Ganguly and Haddin takes the bails off.
Rudi doesn’t go to the third umpire, and on the replay it looked more out than in.
Would have been a 50/50 decision, but should have been referred.
Then tendulkar dances down the wicket and slices the ball into the outfield, Mitchell Johnson might have had a chance of catching it, had he seen the ball, or had a general idea where the ball was.
4/232
Siddle has bowled a much better over this time, he is experimenting a bit with the older ball bnow, anmd almost gets Sachin to drag one back on.
Could have been two Victorians getting their debut wicket of Sachin in a week.
Then Sachin slaps him back down the ground.
Drinks.
4/231
White however is bowling really well, one even spun.
He seems to be trying to temp Tendulkar into a cover drive again, and Tendulakr doesn’t really want to play one.
Could work out In Australia’s favour if White can hold him down, and they can attack at the other end.
4/230
Siddle is back on, and you must ask, why?
Surely Johnson or Lee should be on to get a wicket now, Siddle has bowled well today at times, but they weed their key strikers.
Siddle gets too straight, then too wide, then too straight again.
His worst over of the day.
You can only assume this is a new ball coming soon type deal.
4/219
Len wants me to animate the action for you guys, I’ll get right on that.
White on.
Just as Underground says “why the hell is White not bowling and the puppy is. I guess its Punter’s way of rewarding who wanked his off this morning. ” I would have assumed Siddle did, hence the new ball honours.
White’s first over is pretty good, non surprisingly defensive field.
4/217
Ganguly has taken over this partnership.
They have a graphic up that says recent form, but it’s Tendulkar’s form from 89-93.
4/211
Watson and Clarke just driving through their overs, Johnson will have to come on soon, Lee even.
4/2something
Clarke, yawn.
4/205
Watson is also bowling wide outside offstump to Ganguly, he seems to be really enjoying it.
Ganguly just gave the weirdest gesture to the dressingroom i have ever seen.
It seemed to involve gloves, grips, elbows and something.
The 12th came out with spare right gloves, Ganguly tried one on, and didn’t like it so he threw it to the ground and took another.
Odd.
4/201
Clarke, yawn.
4/200
Watson back on.
Australia have bowled terribly to ganguly in the last few overs.
4/195
Clarke is rushing through his over rate overs.
News just in
Phabulous Phil Jaques is flying home with a back injury.
Feel free to comment on who you think his replacement will be
Hodge and Marsh are the in form batsmen back home, but FPM Hussey was very close to selection for this series.
4/193
Whether this is siddle’s decision or Ponting’s,either way, bowling around the wicket to Ganguly is not working for Siddle.
He bowled very well to Gautham over the wicket, why change it?
4/189
Clarke is on, and bowling crap.
China asks what QBQ is, quip by quip.
4/183
Tendulkar seemed to make some sort of record, and then daylight fireworks were exploded.
No one could see them.
And they lasted 28 minutes.
Roughly.
In real cricket news, South Australia hung on for a draw against Victoria.
Bastards.
This would be the longest over of Siddle’s life.
There have been lots of shots the Indian balcony, which has some sort of green plastic coverage on it, which makes their players and coaches look like aliens.
That was not a giant alien lizard joke, but….
Tea
Australia win that session, 3/70, on a Keira Knightley style pitch.
India can still make a big score, but their top order has shit itself.
Johnson was the pick of the bowlers.
If you need to kill some time you can read the funniest post ever, a NSWelshaman whinging about selection.
If you still have time after that, go vote in Damith’s poll.
And once you have done that, you should have time to rub one out before the start of play.
4/174
Clarke to bowl one before tea.
Hopefully it is better than his last over.
Tendulkar plays a swep off the toe to mid wicket sets off for a run, Ganguly doesn’t, but Johnson can’t pick the ball up, probably owuld have made it back anyway.
But Ganguly did not want to face before tea.
4/173
Siddle back on.
He bowled very well to Gautham City, should bowl well to Ganguly, although he has started around wicket.
He beats him early on, not a great ball, but the shot was way shitter.
Ganguly took 18 balls to get off the mark.
4/170
Bhaji was biting his nails, and eatin it, i think all spinners do that.
First short ball to ganguly, harmless though.
Maiden.
4/170
In India, Johnson is the butch, and Lee is the Bitch.
Johnson should be offered some movie parts, he can us his tongue ring on Rai.
Tendulkar, yes he is out there, cracks one through covers.
4/164
3/17 in the last overs.
This partnership has to be minimum 100 runs to get the momentum back.
India are still doing better than Bangladesh, 4/101 in 60 overs.
4/162
OUT
Another shit wicket down the legside, VVS to Johnson again.
Ravi called it strangeled down the legside, i think we should change it to Sodomized down the legside.
This is a disaster for India, because this wicket is offering nothing, and if they don’t get over 400, AUstralia probably will.
How long before Ganguly gets the short one.
3/162
Lee seems to be struggling for top gear today, Johnson has bowled quicker, and Siddle has bowled as quick.
3/160
VVS glances one to the rope, Johnson almost gets one though the gate next ball.
VVS then takes another boundary, Johnson looks shocked.
3/152
Ravi is mentioning that VVS and Lee played against each other at under 19 level, i always find that funny, because VVS looks like he could be Lee’s perverted uncle.
3/148
OUT
Fuck me gautham City is out.
This is dreadful by India, they had this game by the short and curlies.
Dravid’s short was ordinary, and Gambhir’s looked tired, and loose.
This pitch looks to have alot of runs in it, but 3 Indian batsmen have given away starts.
Was a good ball by Johnson, but nothing too special.
India need a big partnership soon.
2/146
Lee is bowling much better in this spell, but still no where near a wicket.
Perhaps he feels lonely without a NSWelsh bowling attack.
With that beats dravid, wide and swinging away.
OUT.
Like i said, Lee is nowhere near a wicket, but Dravid helps him by dragging the ball back on.
Shit shot, that was the best i’ve seen dravid bat in over a year, and he fucks it up.
Dick.
1/146
The good thing about Mitchell Johnson not getting wickets is you don’t have to see his tongue piercing.
Drinks
1/144
The pitch is so good, that as a batsman in the stands you start to get performance anxiety.
1/143
Cricket Guru points out that i said mehra is playing, when it’s Mishra, in my defence it was 5amand i had been dreaming of Ashish Nehra.
Johnson got Dravid to play a miss that over, it’s been a while.
1/141
Lee on.
maiden.
1/141
Johnson on.
Ponting seems to be two overs behind me at all times.
1/138
Good over from Siddle, Gautham tried to run himself out by not grounding his bat at one stage.
1/136
According to Mark Nicholas Australia has 4 right arm quick bowlers, delightful.
Sunil just said that calling Clarke and White slow bowlers is the right term, because neither of them spin the ball.
You mean like Kumble Sunil, should we change the record books?
Great commentating all round this over,
Dickheads.
1/130
Dravid looks as good as i can remember for a long time, everything on his pads has reached the fence, as Siddle just found out.
And again, this one was a slower ball.
Ponting needs to make a change.
Lee?
1/122
Commentators haven’t mentioned it yet, but ball seems to be reversing for Watson.
He reversed one onto Dravid’s pads for four.
And another one.
Potning reverts to weird legside field.
1/113
Siddle is all over Gautham City here, according to the pitch map thingy he has only scored twice of Siddle all day.
And in his 9th over in test cricket he had his first real verbal war with Gautham, great to see.
1/113
Uneventful.
1/111
Siddle bowls a very good over and even flirts with the 90 mile an hour mark at stages.
Maiden, this has been a good start for Australia.
1/111
Watson bowls a decent over, Brendan Julian seems obsessed with the gully.
1/108
Siddle’s first over is wide of off stump and Dravid cashes in with a four when he gets straight.
1/ 104
The ICL had a 15 minute chat with the BCCi today.
Bangladesh is 2/38 off 37 overs at lunch.
I had weetabix.
Watson is on, starts with a maiden.
Lunch
it’s actually breakfast for me, India’s session that.
Watson, Johnson and Siddle all bowled well.
Lee bowled like a retarded space monkey.
Sehwag looked good.
Gautham City is looking very nice.
And Dravid is dravid.
25 overs, anyone at Mohlai can cut Ponting’s balls off with my permission.
1/104
Clark comes on for the last over before lunch.
Gatham City couldn’t be bothered with Lunch and slapped Clark over his head, and then over midwicket, for his fifty.
Nice aggressive play.
Great over by clark, also had a couple of nice full tosses in there.
1/94
Watson almost skull fucks gautham again, he takes his eye off short balls way too much, watch the ball dickhead.
Another maiden to Watson, finished with a clinker
Wow.
1/94
The Krab has a great lookiing lady, she obviously likes men with flawed techniqis who get dirty but still finish the job, eventually.
Hmmm…. note to self, need a new in bed with post.
MP says on another post “In the Bangalore test there were a few incidents involving one of the subs of Australia (not sure if it was Siddle, having not watched him before). But this bloke was a first-rate klutz. His runs to the wicket from the boundary with the drinks always provided considerable mirth to the spectators. You would always expect something to happen during the runs and it did. On one occasion he tripped over the grass and spilled the entire contents of the ice-box on the grass. It was hilarious. “
I think it was krezja, siddle couldn’t be a klutz and swing an axe so close to his feet.
1/91
Gautham takes a quick single, Lee throws at the stump and then assumes camp pose.
Watson almost slips a yorker through Dravid.
1/90
Ravi asked Ab why we have no spinners. Ab came up with lots of bullshit, like the pitches don’t suit spin, which at the gabba or the waca may almost be the case.
Want to know why we have no spinners Ravi, because we have no bowlers right at the moment who are bowling spin any good.
Pitches my ass.
1/88
Watson is back on.
Lee has bowled all kinds of shit today.
Gautham City is still charging, i get the feeling he does it when the sledging gets to him, he has hardly scored while he has done it though.
First time the cameras have been on the big bear and he gives the shirt sleeves a tug.
Maiden to Gambhir from Watson, weird, best to ignore it.
1/88
Johnson beats Dravid with a slower ball, and by beats, i mean Dravid scooped it for four.
Johnson has a big heart, and Siddle has a big heart, Nicholas is in fine form.
1/83
Lee will be looking for a way to get Dravid on strike now, and when he gets him on strike Dravid hits a 4, good work Lee.
Sunil seems to be talking about rigging the coin toss, he is, when did he become a Pakistani?
1/78
Johnson is all over Dravid, as per usual, although, i think i could probably slow down Dravid these days.
Sunil has named this a bed and breakfast pitch, which means it’s a pitch good enough to eat eggs off it,
Leela says “Sunil seems particularly anti-social today.”
That is unfair on all the other says he seems anti social.
Maiden, oh that Dravid.
1/78
Lee is back on, sorry watson there was a wicket, as good as Indias start has been, Ponting does look pretty good today, and i don’t say that lightly.
Lee assumes he has Gautham first ball, it’s an ordinary appeal.
He is around the wicket now, after Gautham slaps another cover drive.
1/70
OUT
I fucken hate this, a wicket down the legside, and Sehwag is out. I hate catches down the legside, if i was an umpire i’d give them not out on principle, Good keeping from Haddin. Shit bowling from Johnson, but he’ll take it.
Odd piece of commentary from Sunil, stating that he would be disappointed not to add to his triple centuries, Sehwag made 35.
Generally when Dravid comes on, Australia regains its momentum.
A maiden, funny what no Sehwag does to an attack, Lee will be gagging for a return now.
0/70
Watson on, me and Ponting are in tune today.
Sehwag greats him with an edge for four.
Sunil is whinging, but all i hear is wah wah.
Sehwag just played a guide to thirdman off a yorker, interesting, but he couldn’t have been in more control.
Watson is warming up.
Johnson is really bowling quick today, not good, but quick.
This is his best over though, one off it, and they are having drinks.
0/62
Sizzle is still on, should be his last, Watson should come on now. I cannot believe i just wrote that.
Although that was probably the best over of the day, only 1 off it.
Deep point for Sehwag now.
Gautham city is doing that walk down the wicket thing, usually that means he is losing patience, and with Johnson bowling over 90 miles almost every ball, it also means he trusts his protective devices.
Great off drive from Gautham, Ravi almost peaks.
If Australia does get two quick wickets, tendulkar could come in and break the world record in front of a crowd smaller than his family.
The new 12th man rules mean that Potning almost has 10 men, and Ravi gives his views on mid session Peeing, he is against it.
Sizzle bowls though all this, and bowls another good over with one bad ball and Gautham city puts it away.
0/52
Johnson replaces Lee, Ponting is only one over behind me today, so he is on song.
There is a good crowd there, 4 or 5 people at least.
Johnson bowls the biggest long hop of the day and Gautham city cashes in.
He gets one upto 149 clicks and Sehwag pushes it for 4, this is a much better pitch for batting, but there is still something there for the Australians.
0/43
Sizzle is bowling at a good pace, but if he keeps bowling on Sehwag’s pads, 2 boundaries in a row, pace isn’t going to save him, maybe he should have taken an axe out there with him.
But he almost slips one through at the end, he and Lee have bowled some good balls, but alot of runs balls as well.
Balls of Gold asks “any reason why MJ didn’t get the ball? ” Cause he is shit, no sorry, because Sizzle is a more pure new ball bowler, and he will do the grunt work, like Clark.
Good start this for India, why is it when they finally find a shit hot opening partnership the rest of their batting line up is falling apart.
Poopsie has reminded me of the Vics, so i check that score, they collapsed, fuckwits.
Ricky keeps Lee on, Idiot.
I’ve seen Laxman and Border off, always good to get through the openers.
Sizzle pushed 140 again that over, and when he hits the bat, he is hitting it hard.
0/29
Lee is bowling quick, but the runs is flowing off him, when this happens Johnson usually comes on early.
Sizzle gets one through Sehwag, was short and wide, but it skidded through.
A couple of balls later he bowls a leg cutter that you would kill your favourite relative to own and beats Sehwag, next ball he bowls a similar one and he edges it for 4.
Pretty impressive start from Sizzle, doesn’t look overawed, and looks as if he is upto this level early on.
0/21
Pitch has good pace in it, Sehwag slashes one wide of Hussey and there are a few oh and ahs, but it was safe enough.
Lee has really deviated the ball off the straight just yet.
Peter Sizzle starts with a bouncer and smacks Gautham City on the helmet.
That is how you start international cricket kiddies.
Gautham takes a good while to recover, wasn’t really that short.
In the over Sizzle reaches 140 clicks.
Sehwag and Gautham score off the over however and it’s 17 after 2.
Brett Lee started with a Harmison/Khan type effort.
Gautham city played a nice on drive, Lee bowled a huge 4 wides and then finishes with a crack.
Ten off it.
I assume India won the toss, and Mishra is playing, also these are estimations at this stage.
Welcome to the Cronje Lamb cup.
Refresh every 5 minutes or so for OBO goodness.
181/3 40 overs
Kallis fell asleep, and a no ball was called when he forgot to waddle into the circle.
KP is with Freddy now, straight slow off Vernon T for a boundary.
Tries another swipe next ball, but only a single.
Vernon’s slower ball almost breaks the site screen when Freddy smacks it.
This might be the end of his spell.
170/3 39 overs
Botha back on.
Makes sense, but probably came two overs too late.
Freddy is seeing them quite well now and scoring at close to run a ball.
Partnership 50 off 62.
Botha isn’t helping my slow balling logic by bowling Freddy a full toss, which luckily for Botha he only gets 2 off.
Then he bowls a waste high one to Kp just for kicks, fucken useless chucker.
Big over.
Those 3 off the quicks have set them up nicely now.
160/3 38 overs
Vernon is back. Ntini ousted.
And Vernon beats Freddy first one.
Two dot balls, slower bowler perhaps?
Three…
And a single.
Game seems harder for England again.
Dot ball, a crap one, but a dot none the less.
And a single.
Two off the over, compared with 6, 11 & 7 over the last three off proper quicks.
158/3 37 overs
Freddy even had his bling out there.
South Africa had the game by the nuts before the new old old ball was taken and Smith decided on the two quicks.
Gunther doesn’t look fit in the field, he didn’t at the Oval either.
Steyn slows Freddy down with a slower ball.
Who just said that?
Oh it was me, and now Nasser is copying me, bloody steve waugh wannabe.
152/3 36 overs
Ntini back on.
Problem is that with the harder ball, the batsman already look alot more comfortable.
Although Freddy takes a 9 iron to Ntini and lobs it a yard short of the green for 2.
Freddy is in da House.
Walks down the wicket and swats him through cover for a HARD four.
Let’s get the party started now.
11 runs in that over. shazam.
141/3 35 overs
New old old ball taken.
Steyn back on.
Freddy wanders down the wicket and plops one though cover to the fence.
An actual boundary.
I remember them.
134/3 34 overs
yawn.
130/3 33 overs
KP tries to run himself out by diving and bouncing his bat around.
Touch and go, but i think not out, just, but it’s a fitty fitty one.
Not out.
First exciting thing to happen in a while.
126/3 32 overs
Not much happened.
KP and Freddy want to take off.
But vernon did bowl another good over.
123/3 31 overs
Richie says take the score at the 30 over mark, double it and take away 10 runs for any wicket after the first 2.
So 224.
Super slow mo on Botha’s action show that the “work” he has had done on his action hasn’t seemed to really improve it.
That said, he should have had KP out LB just then.
117/3 30 overs
Shah faced 26 for his 12. England top order have chewed through the balls on what seems like a pretty good pitch, maybe a touch slow, but not hard to bat on.
Run rate still under 4.
Better over for Vernon.
115/3 29 overs
OUT, Shah out. Top edges a sweep off Botha lands on Vernon’s chest, and bounces back into his hands.
Boy can seriously not field.
Crowd seemed a bit weirded out by it all, and so they should be, if he didn’t have a strong chest he’d be dead by now.
England it a spot of bother old chap.
Freddy in.
Could be wrong, but thought i heard of no ball from the crowd when Botha released a “delivery”.
113/2 28 overs
Vernon has a bit of junk in his trunk, possible member of the future big ass xi.
Bowls with chewy in his mouth, i’d be afraid i’d choke.
Vernon’s regular speed is 80 clicks, his slower ball is 58 and it was a bouncer, it almost didn’t make KP.
Ap, i heard recently that Bumble got to talk with the creators of the bumble for PM campaign via the telephone.
106/2 27 overs
Botha is bowling hand grenades.
Vernon is on, awesome.
103/2 26 overs
Kallis almost gets another wicket inside edge that dropped short of Boucher.
He looked up bemused, as usual.
Bumble thinks they are still looking at 280.
Are they?
He just joined the jrod Swanny troupe.
99/2 25 overs
Run rate still at 4 an over.
Smith has them all back on the fence for Botha, even though its 4 an over.
Edladd has said Swann might have been assed for saying he will go to Pakistan with or without his team mates.
If he does that i’ll travel with him, and we’ll start up our own comedy troupe.
96/2 24 overs
When will we get to see Vernon?
Shah still in first gear, KP hasn’t done much yet.
Knight and Beefy still at each other.
For an aggressive batsman Knight is a negative bastard.
92/2 23 overs
I forgot how ugly Botha’s action is, would make Murali cringe.
And he still can’t bowl.
87/2 22 overs
Prior slogs a big six off Kallis.
Then he is out, almost identical to Bell.
Kallis has by far been the worst bowler today and has the only two wickets.
Johan Botha to come on. 78/1 20 overs
Bell plays a very stylish back foot shot to the over boundary for one, yawn.
OUT, Bell, Ab takes a ripper at point of kallis, and Bell has made 35 off 69 in what can only be described as a wet blanket innings from the ginger one.
Wasn’t a great ball, just a typically wide one from Kallis and a open faced slap from Bell.
Shah in.
Beefy says we can’t mention his average, so i will mention his strike rate of 75 after 20 odd matches, for a bloke who batted at 6 or 7 it’s pretty piss poor.
Shah’s red skivvy is so red the Tv is having trouble processing it, it looks like gumboot red to me.
Does anyone know why Swann is not playing?
75/0 19 overs
Gunther bowls a great bouncer then pulls out a tongue biting type thing.
Wonder why he has 89 on his shirt?
Prior swings as hard as he can, and the ball treacles into the boundary rope at long on.
Gunther’s tongue is going overdrive here, top work.
Only score in the over was the heave.
71/0 18 overs
Ntini finally off, Kallis on.
Bell has made more runs than Prior so far, see what happens when you farm the strike kiddies.
Beefy sasys over 10 overs since the last boundary, not a happy chappy.
6 off that over, wow.
And drinks.
To answer AP’s question about Prior, he should have been out twice, but Kallis was fat, and Vernon was crap. But compared to Bell, Prior has looked good.
Which is saying very little.
65/0 17 overs
Bells’ weird talking to himself thing as the bowler is coming in is annoying me.
Beefy called their batting style plodding.
Run rate has been below 4 an over for quite a while.
Bell still looks earnest.
Gunther still bowling a very good spell on a flat wicket.
62/ 0 16 overs
Next powerplay taken, why not, it’s not as if England are trying to score.
Bell looks earnest.
Ntini in a great groove.
59/0 15 overs
Kym votes for VD Philander as well.
South Africa haven’t taken a wicket, but they are on top.
Prior is getting itchy, or bored at Bell.
Gunther has bowled a great little spell, there is just a hint of homicidal maniac in his eyes, and he usually reserves that for test cricket.
Even bounced Prior.
Nasser tells me 15 runs off the last 5 in the powerplay.
56/0 14 overs
Technical difficulties, sorry.
But you missed very little, Ntini bowled a slower ball and both batsman miss timed drives that dropped short of the fielders.
Also Lisa mentions Blofeld stealing my line.
48/0 12 overs
Prior was on 24 when he was dropped, Vernon ruined my prophetic moment.
Ntini still on, they will try and bowl him as much as they can in this kind of form. PLus he bowls rubbish at the end these days.
Scoring is not a priority for the England at this stage, they are consolidating after not losing any wickets.
46/0 11 overs
Gunther on.
Miriam suggests you all buying me a lap top, I concur.
Gunther is fired up now. Vernon drops and absolute sitter off Prior.
Absolute.
Sitter.
Gunther is breathing fire.
Crap shot from Prior, a one handed scoop to mid off.
44/0 10 overs
Good pitch for batting. England should probably be taking further advantage of this, Bell is slowly getting more aggressive. But he is batting at a 50 strike rate.
Smith will still think they are going ok, so they will take another powerplay here, England will want to step up now.
Good base, time for a few more hits.
42/0 9 overs
Run rate is not much, England are obviously not thinking of cashing in on the power plays.
Bell almost bunted one to mid wicket, fell short.
According to Pollock, Gibbs gave Ab the point position in a ceremony, those boys know how to party, i wonder if they had a group prayer afterwards.
Ap not at the ground, am on the couch, but if i had a laptop that worked, well….
37/0 8 overs
Bell looks solid, but not like scoring runs at any sort of pace just yet. And then he plays and misses. I think Ntini has worked out the line and length to stop Bell scoring.
Ab had a Jonty style run out opportunity, looked out on first view if it hit, which it didn’t.
34/0 7 overs
Prior just smashed one through cover in the air for a barn rattling 4. In fact he hit it that hard the ball so hard it wet itself, or it ended in a puddle.
New old ball is brought out, I said something similar to an umpire one day, and he said, tell your bowler to stop bowling pies and the batsman won’t be able to hit it into a puddle outside the ground. harsh, but fair.
Miriam votes for Vd Philander, although doesn’t think the name Vernon is funny.
I just realised Graeme Swann is not playing, Patel is.
29/0 6 overs
Good start from England.
Ntini starts with a wide, but other than that he has a bit of mojo back. Ofcourse his problem in one day games often comes later, when his angle and bounce go for plenty.
27/0 5 overs
Prior smoked one off his pads. He has 3 boundaries, but i am not convinced yet. I think he will make a promising 20odd.
Next ball he almost puled one to mid off.
When Steyn is fired up he runs in with a i just ate the last cup cake grin.
22/0 4 overs
Bell worked the over well there, Ntini is look nervous.
If anyone would like to comment on what name is more fun to say JP Duminy or Vernon Philander, i’d be interested to know.
Bumble is bringing up the “you’ve just dropped the world cup” line for Gibbs. Some things you never live down.
Bell looks Solid, Prior looks a bit squidgy. Not sure if that is a word.
17/0 3 overs
Steyn is everywhere this over. Not his fault, ball really hooping for him.
Sandwich finished.
Gibbs looks like he hasn’t been in Asif’s locker for a while, if you catch my meaning.
Vernon Philander(er) is playing, great name, say it out loud.
12/0 good ntini over
Prior looks a little late on everything, but still managed a good cover drive.
almost finished my sandwich.
Someone named ian gould is umpiring, great hat.
7/0 Steyn gets prior to nick one, and Kallis does a great version of a statue.
Both morkels out. I miss Baby Face Albie.
Wicket is a little green, and I broke the yoke on one egg.
Still my sandwich, so might be a slow start.
Steyn to Bell.
Egg, bacon & mushrooms.
At the toss.
Nick Knight looks like he should be hosting Getaway with Brendan Julian.
KP wins the toss, and bats, and then talks about how he picked Harmy.
Remember that in case he fails terribly.
Prior and Bell to open, so prior will get 5 games before he is assholed.
Graeme Smith has a slight case of ginger side burns, which means a terrible dye job, I assume.
Sportsfreak are going to OBO again.
This time they are not going to soft cock out of it with rain.
Go here and enjoy the game with them.
Or go there and watch them try to stay neutral.
This is not a live blog, as the match has already finished, but I’m watching what I recorded earlier on Sky+, and thought I’d document the experience for those Australians who are comfortably asleep, and also those non-Aussies who actually have a life and have gone out on this Friday night, instead of working late and then going home to watch cricket on your own with a bowl of noodles and a bottle of cava.
So. Rain! Game is reduced to 11 overs a side. Ooh, fewer to blog. Windies win the toss and put the Aussies in to bat.
Mark Wedderburn is in the studio, and he’s got Jason Gillespie with him. Jason’s looking SHARP. Mark has already said twice within 1 minute that Gillespie has a “very recognisable face”. That’s up there with “very striking-looking” for damning with faint praise.
The Windies are captained by Bravo and have some debutantes: Andre “Who?” Fletcher, William “Who?” Perkins and Kemar “Who? but good name, dude!” Roach. Aussies have caps for Shane “IPL” Marsh, and Luke “Pronounced Wrong-Key” Ronchi. Also playing is David “Who? [only kidding, Jrod!]” Hussey. Oh, Cameron white is there too. Someone who visits cricketwithballs via google REALLY wants to know about his girlfriend.
Oh no, Wedderburn keeps referring to Stuart Marsh. Holy hell, man! I could honest to GOD do a better job, and I’d bet I’d undercut you on price! Sky, you’re all about the money aren’t you? Book me! and I fill so many minority demographics, your HR department are gonna die from pleasure.
My favourite groundsman with the long dreads is there. Yay! Who remembers him from the World Cup final, having to replace the circle markers when it became clear that play had to continue?
Wedderburn and Gillespie are talking between themselves. I’m forwarding past this, because I don’t think I can bear it.
Ah, CRICKET!!!
Australian Innings:
OVER 1: Taylor bowling. Marsh facing. If we were playing drinking games, it would definitely be “down 2 fingers” for every mention of Shaun Marsh’s father. Bowlers have a max of 2 each, btw, except for 1 who can bowl 3. SIX!! Huge hit straight down the ground. 9 – 0.
OVER 2: Sulieman Benn, the spinner, bowling. The spinner! Gosh he’s tall. Ronchi looks suspiciously unibrow. NObody to move the sightscreen but Ronchi’s not bothered. Excellent over from Benn, 12 – 0.
OVER 3: Taylor bowling, Ronchi facing. SIX!!! 76 metres. FOUR! The commentator has obv just been handed a Ronchi fact-sheet cos he’s reeling them off. FOUR!! then a big LBW shout, not given, missing leg. 3 dots in a row. 26 – O.
OVER 4: Benn back. Marsh on strike. The commentators reckon Bravo doesn’t know the rules re powerplays in reduced over games and are imploring “somebody” to tell him that the powerplay is over and he can move out his fielders. Marsh and then Ronchi take advantage of this. FOUR! FOUR! FOUR! 42 – 0.
OVER 5: The dugout are signalling “3!” to Bravo to signal that they messed up the field placings in the last over. New bowler: Fidel Edwards and O NOES!! he’s slipped when just about to deliver the ball. We saw that already in the tests, first ball he bowled then too. He’s up, he’s ok. Good stuff from Fidel. 47 – 0.
OVER 6: Local boy Kemar Roach is in. Full toss, Ronchi recoils, falls to his knees. DROPPED! Good ball, quick, up in the air but Ramdin fails to hold it. FOUR! then Ronchi hits it down and WICKET!!!!! Roach gets one in his first over! Ronchi c Taylor b Roach, 36, off 22 balls. New bat: Shane Watson (calm DOWN ladies!). 57 – 1.
OVER 7: Fidel stays on. Keeps it tidy. FOUR!! off the last ball of the over 65 – 1.
They’re advertising some Saffer wine-in-a-box in the breaks. I’m not judging, I’m just saying. Well, I’m silently judging, in the privacy of my own home.
OVER 8: Roach continues. Looks pretty quick, this guy. Then fields well off his own bowling; harsh to call that a dropped caught-and-bowled. SIX! very stylish from Marsh, 98 nmetres. Then… WICKET!! That’s brilliant work at the boundary by Xavier Marshall, takes the catch, tricky enough as it is, and then just stops himself from falling onto the rope with some twinklytoed footwork! Marsh b Roach c Marshall 29, off 22 balls. New bat: DAVID HUSSEY!!! COME ON! 72 – 2.
Roach goes off to see to his hand, which was hit hard when he fielded during that over.
OVER 9: Bravo bowling. Change of pace, and it does for Hussey! WICKET!! David Hussey hits it up in the air, caught Perkins. Out second ball for a duck. O NOES! DAVID! New bat = Cameron White. FOUR! 78 – 3.
OVER 10: Roach is back, he’s the guy being given the third over. FOUR! He does look to have a bit of pace and bounce about him: I like this kid. SIX! Despite (and because of) that six Roach finishes for 3 – 29. 91 – 3.
OVER 11: Bravo gives it to himself. Keeps it tight, concedes just 6. Aus finish on 97 – 3.
INNINGS BREAK. Wedderburn in the studio makes a painful, painful joke about it being so fast and frantic that Jason Gillespie says he’s dizzy. Fast-forward.
Windies Innings. They need 98 at 8.91 runs per over.
OVER 1: Xavier Marshall and newby William Perkins to open. Bowler is Brett Lee. SIX!!! good start from the Windies. Some VERY audible announcements with the registration numbers of vehicles parked in the wrong place. 9 – 0.
OVER 2: Mitchell Johnson, with a new haircut. Bounces over Ronchi, FOUR byes. SIX! Marshall again. But then the batsman takes one straight in the nads – ouchie. He manages to run, remarkably. SIX!! onto the roof of the stand. FOUR! streaky. HUGE over. 34 – 0, and the Windies are left needing 64 runs off 54 balls.
OVER 3: Lee continues. Perkins plays an almost-sitting-down version of the Marilliner shot / Ashraful fine leg scoop over your shoulder shot, and with success. FOUR! and FOUR! creamed away on the offside. Ponting is spitting into his hands and rubbing them together. and FOUR! Straight down the ground, only just missing the non-striker stumps, wonderful stuff from Marshall. The crowd are going crazy! 51 – 0. At this point the Aussies had 26.
OVER 4: Windies need need 47 off 48. Watson comes to have a bowl. WICKET!!! Misunderstanding, Marshall changes his mind and turns round, not enough time, Watson picks up the ball and throws down the stumps. Marshall run out (Watson) for 36, off 15 balls. Great effort, have brought the Windies right up to a manageable run rate, shame he didn’t stick around. New bat: Ramdin. 56 – 1.
OVER 10: Windies need 2 off 12. Shane Watson is bowling. Bravo faces. And… SIX!!!!! Bravo finishes it in some style! Windies finish on 102 – 3.
Man of the Match: for his catch and for his batting, Xavier Marshall.
