Dear Mark Waugh,

Please stop all this Steve Smith dribble.

Yes, the boy has some ability.

Yes, he has cleared the boundary in a few big bash and One day games.

Yes, he turns his leg break and warney reckons he ok.

Yes, he looks like the retarded 12 year old love child of a seminal mix from Cameron “downsyndrome” White and his fat NSW team mate with the same surname.

Yes, he has only taken 11 wickets at 75 and made 1 hundred in first class cricket… oh, whoops… not sure if you knew that one. You tool.

But I do see some reasoning behind your push to see this pubescent Sydney-sider in a baggy green. There is after all only 6 blue-baggers in the current Australian test side, 7 if you count Ponting, which you should because his wife refuses to grant him permission to visit the Apple isle for anything paying less than a test match.

This number of players from New South Wales is clearly nowhere near enough, is it, Mark. As we all know the blues have been the benchmark of the competition for the last few years. Get some more of them in there please Andrew Hilditch. Oh… that’s right, you’ve tried to. Lets revisit a few of these:

Phil Hughes – Fair enough the kid can play, but it is a statistical fact that he has never scored a run on the leg side. EVER! Its true. Look it up. He also still has stains in his dacks form the last bloke who decided to bump him at more than 140km/h.

Phil Jaques – Scored a few runs at test level, and probably deserves another crack, but no one wants to watch the fucker bat. He is uglier than Kim Clijsters. And he throws like a 60-year-old woman.

Beau Casson – good tour of the west indies but seems to have forgotten how to bowl. Did do himself the honour of no-balling himself out of the game by bowling too many full bungers on one occasion though.

Burt Cockley – Please… even Big burt was offended with his call-up. Bowls a mean half-volley.

So Junior, please do us a favour and stop pumping up yet another NSW player. In-fact, you could go one step further, and after brushing, rinse your mouth out with undiluted Sulfuric acid. This will help to endear you to the thousands of viewers that have had the displeasure of hearing your dribble.

You are in fact a cunt.

Even your butt-ugly 65 year-old missus dumped you.

Yours truly

The Omitted

They keep trying to play Victorians in the national side.

Not content with Hodge, McGain, Nannes, Harwood, McDonald, White, Hussey, Holland and Quiney (the last two in squads), they have now picked Crazy Clint McKay as their replacement for Hopes and or Lee.

That is how good they think McKay in, he is relacing Australia’s best white ball bowler and their dependable all round tradesman.

They could have sent over Dirty Dirk Nannes and the all round dynamo of Dan Christian if they were trying to actually match the skills, instead they have decided that Clint has all the skills they need.

This isn’t exactly true, Moises was already sent over, even before anyone had been sent home, because of his stellar form for the KKR. So Clint is really just cover for Lee, and he won’t play unless Hilfy and Douggie get injured.

The major scandal is that there was another NSWales players that could have been picked.

Mitchell Starc.

Starc has played one first class and one list A game for New South Wales. He is 19 and took two wickets against the Warriors.

Surely that makes him overqualified for the Australian team.

It is a risky decision for an Australian selector to pick a Victorian over a NSWelshman, especially one as experienced as Starc is.

You could even say there were other NSWales bowlers who could have been picked, the Kings XI Punjab’s Burt Cockley took 4 wickets in a game of cricket the other day, surely that should have gotten him a ticket.

Other players that could have been picked before McKay include: Matthew Nicholson, Brad McNamara and Stuart Clark.

I say Brett Lee did.

That way I have to give NSWales no credit.

Well played, Brett.

This may be the last year I can do one with any authority,

We’ll start wit the reigning champs.

NSWales, the speedblitz blues

Players that won’t be available for large parts of the season.

Bollinger, Bracken, Clark, Clarke, Haddin, Jacques, Katich, and Lee.

That is a fair list, and looking at the “a” team, there are a bunch more in the wings.

What have they got left, youth, youth, and yup, youth.

Last year I though there youth was ordinary and wouldn’t make much of a splash, they did, bastards.

The Reigning Shield Champions seem to have an uphill battle to do the same.

This year they will need that youth to kick on either further as Haddin, Katich and Bollinger will be available far less.

Leadership

Katich is a huge loss, not just for batting, but he was the steel, but the captaincy, when you have a young team you need a captain who can bring them together, but he will be there and thereabouts for Australia, and may miss large portions of the season.

Whoever has the captaincy for the games Katich is not available will be the key, I would say they would go with Thornely, Daniel Smith, Mail or Ed Cowan.

Bowling

With their top 4 bowlers all busy, Cameron and Henriques will have to take a lot of wickets.

Henriques is the highest rated young player since Michael Clarke, but so far he hasn’t done much other than look impressive.

Beau Casson will be trying to prove he is the number one spinner in Australia, which he isn’t, but with this bowling attack, he should get a lot of overs.

Batting

Hard to see where the runs are coming from. Mail, Cowan and Thornley are experienced, but none of these players are top flight state batsmen.

The class would appear to come from Hughes and Khawaja. Neither have the experience, but they do look like the way forward.

Khawaja will also provide Australian writers the opportunity to call him wristy which is nice.

Henriques, Casson and Steve Smith are all supposed to be all rounders, and they will have to make a few runs between them.

Long in the tooth

The Mail Man may be paying his last season. Should get a game for the first half of the year, but when the young bucks start circling, he is the one Matthew Nicholson and the other selectors may get rid of. Although Nicholson probably thinks 30 is young.

Ready to shed the nappies

Steven Smith is the highest rated youngster since Moises Henriques, sorry couldn’t help myself. Played in a few 2020 games last year and tripped over wickets with his leg spin. He may be the Cameron White, Cameron White never proved to be, a genuine top six batsman who can bowl.

Nostradamus

Shield

3rd to 4th.

One dayers

2nd to 3rd.

2020

Last, they never take this shit seriously.

The rub

They is young, and held in high regard, but can they play?

The Ryan Gosling side

Batting, bowling & Keeping are all stacked well and truly in their favour.

Victoria only leads them in fielding and coaching.

Important areas, but perhaps less so that the other 3.

But let me grasp at one straw, just so that I have enough motivation to actually watch the game.

A champion team, can beat a team of champions.

We have seen it before.

Ofcourse Victoria are not really as champion team, but they are a bloody good team, and NSWales can’t really be a team, because they just don’t get to play together.

Read full post here.

The only reason I mention it, is I wanted to see whether Keith Miller was picked.

He was not, so obvioulsy they chose the team based on where you were born, not where you ended up.

Victor Trumper made it, he was so good, he must be, he is from NSW and still one of my favourite players of all time.

Some great names in the side, but some interesting players overlooked, like Allan Border (where was he born), Adam Gilchrist(not his fault they chose Phil Emery), and Glenn McGrath (not as good as Charles Turner) among them.

Also lead singer of Six & Out Richard Chee Quee missed out.

Richie did make a funny reamrk though, when asked about the David Hookes quote

“When your givin a blues cap you get a baggygreen in a brown paper bag as well”

Richie said that wasn’t always true. Sometimes it was in a white bag.

Smooth.

Stuart MacGill was a dead certainty for the first test at the gabba.

Matthew Hayden smashing him on a flat life less all too common scg pitch meant nothing.

But then the victorians decided that they would help the charity case that is Brad Hogg.

The man who usually doesn’t take 8 wickets in season let alone a match.

So now Australia might actually go into the first test with a man who in a whole career has taken less wickets than Jacques Kallis does in 3 years.

So one more message for the Australian Selectors is this.

Don’t pick Australia’s nicky boje on one good first class in a career and because he gets wickets in one dayers.

This one is simple chaps, don’t f*ck it up.

Queensland (new texas) v Tasmania

Qld really let themselves down with this one, Tassie and Victoria are always susceptible early in the season up north. early on it looked like Noffke with his 5 wickets then his amazing century was going to win the game on his own. Then Michael Di Venuto stepped up, he batted for a day and a half making 178 and dragging Tasmania to a draw they didn’t deserve.

The balls: When you get a good team on the ropes you have to finish them, Queensland really need the out right here, but in the second dig, when the wicket was flatter they struggled. According to Big daddy Noffke will be playing for Australia soon. I don’t think so.

Victoria v South Australia

This wasn’t a game. For the redbacks (sa) it was more like they were caught naked in their backyard with a tub of margarine. David Hussey smote them, Wade withstood them, Nannes, Siddle and Denton cut them down. Jason Gillespie top scored in both innings (with 18 in the second dig of 77). The redbacks bowling was fine, they were beaten by a good batting line up. Hussey made 176 for the game for one out. Their batting is shit house, I’m talking battlefield earth bad. Gillespie and Elliott were the only batsmen to provide résistance, and they are both over 30. For the bushrangers (vics) their no name bowling line up was pretty damn good again

The balls: The Vics are a damn good team, the redbacks are not, and they have the welt marks on their ass to prove it. David Hussey best number 4 in the country? Ponder that mofo’s.

Western Australia v New South Wales

Damn I hate New South Wales, the minute I finished writing they were shit they come out and shit all over the warriors (wa). The blues (nsw) look crap on paper, and they struggled early on. They were only saved by a hundred by of all people Matthew Nicholson who is look spritely for an 83 year old. From that century onwards this was the blues game. Their quicks destroyed the warriors, then Jacques went in and won the opening slot for Australia. In the second dig for the warriors they fell apart again, with the oldest young man on the planet, Bollinger, getting a five for.

The balls: How shit are the warriors? Pretty shit. How good are the blues? Who knows. Has Jacques done enough to start at the top of the order for the Aussies, you’d say so.

I won’t take into account the 2020 Kentucky fried rat crap, and as for the one day ing cup thing I think the Victorians and Tasmanians look good. But what would I know.

New South Wales-

This looks to be the weakest NSW squad ever. Richard Chee Quee would be a walk up starter in this side. However the team could be given a major boost if Bracken or MacGill don’t play test cricket.

Batting is very light on, Brad Haddin and Simon Katich are going to have to carry the team. Thronley is handy, but he is a good five or six, in this side he may have to bat higher. Moises Henriques is only 20, but I’ve already heard so much about this kid. So far he hasn’t shown much at the top level. This could be his year. He will probably have to bat top 6. Hopefully they don’t over bowl him as well.

Bowling could be interesting. Bollinger has been spruiked up, and the dude looks 45. He played well for Australia A, I’ve never rated him, but when Bracken is playing for Australia Bollinger is the man. Matthew Nicholson is 33 and was really never that good. Hauritz and Casson are vying for the back up to MacGill, Casson would be my choice. Will be interesting to see which way they go.

The rub, they look weak to me, but they are NSW and they are very rarely bad. They look a little shallow in batting and fast bowling, but as usual they seem to have shit loads of spinners to decide from. Likely finish 4-6.

Queensland (new texas)-

They look strong, they always look strong. They are old Bichel, Maher, Kasprowicz, Perron and Love are all on the wrong side of 30.

Their batting is classy, Shane Watson opening the batting is interesting. Martin Love the sex symbol of state cricket is still a good player, and is unlucky to have not played more tests. I haven’t heard of any young batsmen coming through, but they have 4 classy performers and Chris Hartley the keeper is a damn fine batsman himself.

Bowling, Nofke, Bichel, Kasprowicz and Jurgenson is a good fast bowling quartet. But its Queensland what else would you expect. Still no spinner, but its Queensland what else would you expect. Watson may be playing more games for Queensland than he expected this year, but he won’t be bowling.

The rub, a lot of these guys are getting ready to retire and move to the gold coast. They still have class, Watson and Kasprowicz are under injury clouds. Love and Maher must be nearing the end. Barring trips to the old people homes and emergency wards they should finish 1-3.

Now I’m tired I’ll do two more tomorrow.