I wouldn’t, but I get it.
So here is my guide for what players you should turn gay for depending on what kind of sex you’re looking for.
Brendan Nash – If you’re looking for a doting partner who will always cuddle with you, Nash is your man. Will do everything he needs to do to make sure you are happy. He’s not stylish or that sexy, but he’s a good bloke. The second hand Volvo of Gay sex.
Shahid Afridi – rough sex in the back of a taxi, random encounters in parks and lewd relations in shady hotels, he offers it all. If you’re looking for no commitment and short sharp burst, Afiridi is your man. May leave you unsatisfied at times, but that’s part of the fun. Is most probably a selfish top.
Peter Borren – do you like to feel intimidated by your partner? Some men would need to tie you up and put ball gags in your mouth to make you feel subservient to them, with Borren, it’s just one look. Ofcourse, not perfect for introducing to your parents, as he will scare them to death.
Sachin Tendulkar – Who doesn’t want to fuck the most famous man in cricket. I can’t imagine that in life Sachin does anything badly, so that should mean that in bed he’s a cracker at the sexy sexing. Bonus points for fucking a living God.
Doug Bollinger – Not everyone wants a thinking man, some want one who is all about actions. Douggie is perfect for this. If you can rate someone in bed by the way they dance, Douggie is hilarious in bed. He’s a man’s man, he’ll try all day, he’s willing to fix his appearance and he’ll make you laugh. Like a pet that is house trained that you can legally fuck.
Jesse Ryder – cricket’s most eligible bear. If you’re a cub looking for a big strong man to place it in your gaps, Jesse has to be the man you want.
JP Duminy – Perhaps the opposite of a bear, he’s a twink. Having still not completely come to terms with his game, so now is the perfect time to become his sugar daddy and take care of him. Buy him a car, show him how to face the short ball and watch how he performs for you.
Salman Butt – fuck him. Hard.
Ajantha Mendis – looking for something a little different, freaky, and mysterious. Mendis’ fingers have it all. Although, once you’ve worked out all his little tricks, you can always move on to Randiv or Herath.
And ladies, don’t think I’ve forgotten about you, if you’re a lady looking to go gay, may I suggest…
Claire Taylor – Probably the biggest catch in world cricket if you’re a woman looking to turn. She is perfect in every single situation. You could claim that she isn’t the most stylish, but her results speak for themselves. Taylor will think herself through every situation, which bodes well for the boudoir.
Mithali Raj – If you’re not as worried about performance, but just want the best looking woman on your arm as you enter the clubs, Mithali is that. Her cover drive is so sexy that if the entire world watched it together it would create a tsunami of sex juice that would kill us all. Probably more interested in looking good than being good, but that’s why you turned for her in the first place.
Personally, I turned gay for a pull shot from Matthew Elliott against Allan Donald, alas, the pull shot didn’t have any feelings for me. So I decided I’d have to become straight.