I saw this at the oval.
Nice work.
cricket with balls
just another bullshit cricket blog
Tagged with michael vaughan …
no humour in blue cuckold rumours
You people are sick.
One player has cried recently.
The other had a break down before a cricket trip.
Both of them are no longer international cricketers.
It ends here.
I don’t want anymore searches pertaining to Michael Vaughan, Marcus Trescothick, Mrs Trescothick, and cuckold.
Also take away wife sleeps, trescothick rumour, and Vaughan fuck Trescothick wife.
I get hundreds of searches with this stuff each month.
Enough already.
These are two fragile men.
And even if the rumour is true, which I doubt, it really doesn’t need to be harped on.
Life and love is a complicated mother fucker.
It has many ins and outs, and Vaughan and Trescothick have enough on their plates re-entering society.
With Marcus a little blue, this is not as funny as the Michael Slater rumour.
Mostly because of Marcus’ issues, but also because Michael Slater is not involved in this.
And if anyone thinks that the internet is going to prove a rumour about players wives sleeping with the wrong player, you are mistaken.
The net is for porn, cricket blogs and unsubstantiated rumours.
Have I mentioned I think Ganguly is a giant alien lizard?
Vaughan is about to be fired, i spose
Following England ruining my perfectly good prediction yesterday, big news is about to break over here.
Michael Vaughan former superstar batsman and decent captain, and current bum of the month, is about to get the ass.
I have this on no real authority other than a gut fee, and a slight stirring own stairs.
This can mean only one thing, King Cricket’s Own Rob Key will come in at number 3 and captain England.
I know that is a lot of what ifs, but I figured if you throw enough shit against a wall some of it is bound to stick.
Not that Rob Key is shit, well not completely shit.
Vaughan should be fired, but there are man other questions, will England have the balls to make the tough call, which formerly tried cricketer will they bring in to replace him, does Wing Commander Strauss want to replace him, and should KP smile less.
England also has two soft cock options available to them.
Vaughan slides down the order, and they manufacture a number 3 out of Bell.
Or they prey to WG Grace that Vaughan gets his mojo back for next years ashes.
Because as we all know, the ashes are all that matters, losses to India, Sri Lanka and South Africa mean very little to the brits.
Remember when they won the 2005 ashes.
Memories, like the rest of the lyrics in that song go.
Is it too late to bring back Fletcher, Harmison, Hoggard, Giles, and co for the next ashes?
a draw is like watching your sister have sex with your dad (not good)
“We’ve started the series really well. To get South Africa on the back foot as we did on the first three days – I can’t ask any more.”
MP Vaughan
I can’t ask for anything more.
I can’t ask for a victory, because that would be asking for more.
No a draw will do me, a draw is good, proper, and English.
He should be fucken angry as.
His team took 3 wickets in 2 days.
I don’t care if you are actually bowling on a road, that is shit house.
How could anyone be satisfied with that?
Is this a team, or a social outreach centre.
Balls up man.
Get angry, expect your team to win.
And when they don’t tell them you aren’t happy with draws.
No one should be happy with draws.
Fire them up.
Don’t sit back and pat them on the ass for what was an average performance.
It was a draw.
6 draws on the trot at Lords, doesn’t stop the fact you had the saffers by the nuts and dropped them.
3 wickets in 2 days, there are no positives there.
You should be embarrassed.
You should demand your team steps up.
You should be so furious that little jokes in the locker room end with you breaking something over some ones (KP) head.
You should say I’m mad as hell and I’m not gonna take it any more.
Dear God man, this is test cricket, not some park game.
Step the fuck up.
the ghost of VVS
189.3 overs.
That is how many overs the English “attack” has bowled.
They still have 9 wickets to go.
They bowled 93 overs for the first 10 wickets.
The next wicket has come after a further 96.3.
We call this the VVS syndrome.
Mr Laxman buried the follow on many years ago.
But M Vaughan refuses to believe they are dead.
On this evidence, they are.
In this day and age of flat pitches, constant cricket and botox, following on is just no longer the obvious choice.
Smith and Vaughan both decided this was a pitch to bowl first on, but Smith made the ultimate mistake.
Now Vaughan has enforced the follow on, which means his bowlers may bowl for 3 days straight, draw the match and have to front up to a test on thursday (or um friday).
For those unaware, today is monday.
Uhuh.
Vaughn’s hard task, and England’s foreplay repeat
Michael Vaughn is currently on 60 odd not out.
But he is still not the Vaughn of old.
You may remember that Vaughn, the one who commanded the crease.
Who took apart bowling attacks.
Who batted like Carl Perkins would have.
Today he batted like he was constipated, like me after a week of cheesey indulgence.
I think I know what his problem is.
His constipation is not caused by too much dairy, but by the fact that the whole sky sports team seems wedged up his back passage.
Imagine playing a cover drive with bumble and Nasser in your anus.
Exactly.
But he has scratched and clawed his way to a promising start, and he is getting more used to the constipation as time goes by.
He still isn’t flowing freely, but he is floating instead of sinking.
The rest of the England team have been much more miserable.
I knew it was going to be a frustrating day when KP stated, in an incredibly long winded pre game interview, that he didn’t believe England could win this test.
Your most attacking cricketer giving up hope with 2 days in hand, you’re a true pom now KP.
From there England played for a draw.
Strauss played like he was imitating Rahul Dravid, the new model.
Cook was ok, but the eye liner ran, and Martin snuck through a snorter.
KP missed a straight one from Vettori by a very long way.
Bell got a ripper, again from Martin, still wouldn’t let him date my sister, but he is bowling very well.
Collingwood looked miserable, and went out to Vettori’s surprise ball, the one that spins.
Next ball Ambrose padded up to Vettori’s stock ball, the straight one.
What does all this add up to, more boring and useless foreplay from the English batsman.
Ladies, if you’re gonna date an English cricketer, make sure it’s a bowler.
trescothick (or trestochick) is a cuckold?
I do love the word cuckold.
Having been around sports for a long time now, every time there is a major issue in a sporting team, or club some one starts mentioning the age old, hey i heard johnny smithy brown has been boinking the coaches/captains/players wife.
Let’s say objectively that this is true, one in 10 times, based on the Uncle Jrod cheating spouses method of calculation.
What does it do to the people involved the other 9 times.
Obviously in AFl footy it has happened twice recently, once publicly in which the cheating player was forced to another club, and once privately where the player whom had been cheated on was moved to another club.
In Australian cricket the famous rumour is Slater and Gilly, which i personally do not believe.
Then again I don’t believe any woman would sleep with Slater.
And which no one really believed until Slater went through one of the 12 steps and blurted out an apology for draggin Gilly’s name into the mud.
Now i have heard strangled muffled choked whispers of an English one involving newly retired stress case, Marcus Trescothick.
The other involved party is Michael Vaughn, and I’m assuming Mrs Trescothick (Marcus’ wife not mother, although…) whom Mr Vaughn is supposed to have had the sex with.
Now i don’t believe this one for a moment, because I think these two men are gentleman, not particularly good cricketers, but gentleman none the less.
Infact with all the trouble Vaughn is having with straight balls, I’d assumed he was playing for the other team now.
Is this how people are trying to explain Marcus’s sudden onslaught of stress.
It may explain the stress, it may even explain Vaughn’s complete lack of Vaughness but it doesn’t explain why Trescothick wouldn’t go to the UAE now does it.
the england foreplay method
The England are verging on a new breakthrough in batsmanship.
Ofcourse New Zealand invented it years ago, but no one really noticed.
Now the England are doing it consistently so its bound to fill column spaces from Lahore to another place with a dirty sounding name.
I call it foreplay batting.
It’s when a batsmen gets a good base, be it a flashy 30 or a well compiled 70 and then goes out just when the orgasm is on its way.
Ian Bell is the master of it.
The dude is a man man foreplay legend, just don’t look for the big bang.
Now Ian’s game is slowly rubbing off on his team mates.
Vaughn & Strauss have always flirted with foreplay, but now are full fledged members.
Collingwood is a probot, but he still likes his joints lubed, but not the full oil change.
KP seems to have forgotten about wanting to be the best batsmen in the world, now he wants to look moody and downtrodden, which means he is English now and ready for foreplay.
Alistair Cook looks like he doesn’t like foreplay, but in the spirit of the team is trying his best to change his game.
Better to fit in than be different.
ahoy hoy
There are quite a few new captains around the world. Some of them I’ve never seen in real action, but why would that stop me discussing them in detail and mentioning the old fools as well.
Ricky Ponting 7/10
Is a bit of a reactionary captain. He backs his players to the hilt, which is great for the players but sometimes can backfire at key moments. If he doesn’t throw the ball to you at crucial moments as a bowler, the selectors wont pick you next game (Dizzy, Cameron White, Shaun Tait). Doesn’t like to experiment. Takes advice from pretty much everyone at all times (except Cameron White) and likes to lead from the front with the bat.
Simpson character he most reminds me of: Bart, got a cheeky streak in him, but still comes out on top.
Mohammad Ashraful 4/10
Since I haven’t seen Bangladesh at test level since Dizzy turned into Bradman, I’m going on 2020 form and since Ashraful hasn’t captained many tests it doesn’t really matter. At the 2020 Ashraful showed great poise, he took it upon himself to win the game with his bat, often giving away his wicket to help the team. In the field he always seemed to be one step ahead, which is the hallmark of many Dav Whatmore captains. In order for Bangladesh to be any good this dude needs to be Lee Marvin in the dirty dozen.
Martin Prince, child prodigy who looks like his future is assured, but child prodigies don’t always do anything.
Michael Vaughn 7/10
Probably as good a captain as Ricky Ponting. Still a bit reactionary seems to wait for the game to come to him, and once they are behind in a match you do get the feeling it will take a big performance from one of the main men rather than great captaining to get them out of the hole. England are not the easiest team to captain. Fragile franchise players like Harmison and Trescothic, unconventional match winners in Kp and Freddy and players who do stupid things off the field all the fucking time.
Milhouse, he does everything Bart does, but just not as cool.
MS Dhoni 5/10
It’s too early to make grand statements, so I’ll make one. I think the boy can captain and I think he could be the Indian captain for 8 years (until the Nuclear war starts and they are all killed). He thinks, he moves, he’s well ahead of the game, he gives his players license and he bats like he’s trying to win cricket games.
Disco Stu, its all about the hair baby.
Daniel Vetttori 0/10
Ok this one is way to early to even talk about. Not sure if he has even captained a real match yet. As a strategic captain you can’t get a better apprenticeship than under Stephen Fleming (the thinking mans captain, that’s why Sime doesn’t like him). Vettori will have a big job, he is the ultimate nerdy cricketer, and he wears glasses and bowls left arm orthodox. Can the nerd captain, lead the cricketing nation that has no one left living there.
Lisa Simpson is my Vettori bet, smart and nerdy, and both built like little girls.
Shoiab Malik 4/10
Still very early on, I’m not convinced he is a long term test cricketer, that said, does look like the sort of guy that when you give him men to lead he grows an extra leg. Struggled against the South Africans, but if you don’t have the cannons to beat the robots they grind you into death. Different style of Pakistan captain, best thing that can happen to him is if Pakistan keeping picking kids and he can grow with the team.
Abe Simpson, looks like a dithering fool, but has a great war record and some times he says stupid things.
Graeme Smith 4/10
If only he could captain as good as he talks about captaining. Dude is a major fucking ass clown. He makes so many mistakes, on and off the filed. Then again the best captain they have had in the last 20 years is a born again match fixer. He captains with his cock, and he doesn’t have the biggest cock in the room, I think he needs to smoke some weed, chill out and think about cricket as a fluid form rather than a solid form. (That’s deep man).
Principal Skinner, tight haircut but is a loser, and will always be a loser.
Mahela Jayawardene 7/10
There isn’t much this guy does wrong, probably on a par with Vaughn and Ponting, but is maybe a little less reactionary than them. No flair with his captaining, but his players respect him. He is professional and unobtrusive, he knows that Sanath, Murali, Kumar and Malinga are the stars and that he is just the man who lets them strut their stuff.
Waylon Smithers, does his job very well, but he’s a bit boring and the real power is Mr. burns (murali), and no I’m not saying he’s gay, although good luck to him if he is.
West Indies –1/10
Do they even have a captain, I think you get the job depending on which seat you find.
Springfield Isotopes, they need a dancin’ homer.
Robert Mugabe –1000/10
Showed promise early on, made grand gestures about cricketer being a gentleman’s game, but then with the starving of the blacks and lynching of the whites you’d have to say he dropped the ball. Then when he arrested his main opposition for trying to kill him, threatening Heath Streaks father and putting a hit on Andy Flower and Henry Olonga you’d have to say he lost all of his form. Can’t see any redemption in his future, I think the selectors need to get some guns and start a coup.
Homer, worst father ever.
