The best fan group in world cricket, the beige brigade, recently received a copy of my book, and they spent a bit of time talking about it on their podcast.
The whole podcast is a pretty good affair, they bag Michael Bingle, Mark Vermeulen, Danny Morrison, and talk about how stupid it is to compare the sexy cult leader Jesse Ryder to the boring as fuck Marcus Trescothick.
Be beige.
This is just the bits about me.
One of my vigilant readers sent me an email saying:
Not sure if you’d caught up on the fact that Mark Vemuelen is considering a comeback.Apparently he just wants a couple of matches…
Thanks LG
This caught my eye for two reasons, one he made a great arson related pun.
And two, because it is true.
The man who was deemed too mentally ill to commit arson wants to come back to international cricket.
Ofcourse he hasn’t mentioned that the reason he left international cricket was that Irfan Pathan hit him with a cream pie.
But should we let mentally ill people play cricket.
It’s an interesting question, so I posed it to Andre Nel.
He head butted me.
So I asked Sreesanth, but he ran away stripped down naked and was flicking away imaginary rats.
I got hold of Michael Clarke, who said
“Narcisscism is not a mental illness you know, it’s a personality disorder”.
From there I contacted Freddy Flintoff, but he couldn’t hear me in his hyperbaric chamber.
I talked to Shoaib, he seemed to really warm to me, I spoke to him for about ten minutes, before he turned to his minder and said
“I don’t think this guy has any coke”.
After all that I got hold of Jesse Ryder.
“Fu©ked if I know mate, can you hold that Tequila for me, my hand is fu©ken killing me”.
Zimbabwean cricket is in a horrible place.
Mugabe is still doing his Stalin impression.
Sean Ervine is playing for West Australia.
Henry Olonga is giving motivational speeches.
And the average age of their playing list is foetus.
But as horrible as all that is, there is something worse, former middle order player Mark Vermeulen has burnt down Harare stadium.
Somehow I missed this, as it happened in 2006. but now its hitting the courts, therefore the news, and then me.
Poor Vermeulen has never been the same since the Indians, playing outside the spirit of the game, hit him in the head with a cricket ball, a small leather and cork combination that hurts like a motherfu(c)ker.
Irfan Pathan, the scary medium pace bowler, ruined Vermuelens life when he hit him in the head during a meaningless one dayer at the Gabba.
Since then he has had mental problems, epilepsy and arson related court dramas.
All of these problems are because of India and One day Cricket.
So it goes without saying that both India and One Day cricket should be banned immedialey.
I mean for all Australia’s sledging, they don’t cause players to burn down stadiums.
Vermeulen is pretty much my age, well according to here he is 27, 28 here and here 29, but roughly my age, so his mental breakdown from cricket is tragic.
A real cricket tragic perhaps.
As if Zimbabwe didn’t have enough bad press.
