cricket with balls

Steve Harmison is an easy target.

I should know, I bag him often.

Firstly he looks dopey.

Secondly he bowls everywhere.

Thirdly he doesn’t like to travel.

Fourthly he likes to have his big brother freddy around.

And Fifthly, well just look at him.

Recently the abuse has come from the ex English elite. Boycott, Butcher and Caddick have bagged him also.

Geoffrey Boycott is a tool.

I love his commentating, but I understand he is a tool, and I embrace it. I take all his comments with a grain of salt and wait for him to say something else stupid.

He also loves to attack easy targets, Tait has depression, let’s bag him, Harmy is a nut case, let’s bag him, so that’s nothing new.

Mark Butcher, former nuggety out of his depth batsman for England, now super star captain of the surrey brown socks, said “Steve looks such a long way off”.

And he’d know, having not faced him for a good 6 months, but those microphones are hard to avoid when they are in your face.

Andy Caddick was England’s opening bowler through a period when Darren Gough was injured a lot.

Andy had an action that made him look like a slightly retarded version of Richard Hadlee, but he took wickets.

Then he got old, and no one wanted him anymore, he was always like the Christian uncle you did your best to avoid at parties. So England stopped inviting him.

He was 34 at the time. He figured he still had a good 10-12 years left in him.

The selectors chose Harmy, and even though it’s five years ago, Caddick still can’t help sticking the pointy toe into the ribs of the big unpredictable man.

“He frustrates me because he took over my spot and he can be a world player.”

Dude it was 5 years ago, if he hadn’t taken your spot some other dud would have.

I have mostly resisited the urge to bag Harmy in this post, maybe not mostly, but at least partly, but to be fair I will let Harmy have his say as well.

“Jesus Christ would be quite interesting, but Bart Simpson would be brilliant.”

Exactly.