Australia beat India in the first one dayer of the Invisible seven match series.
They seemed to have the game in hand until a special partnership from Harbhajan Singh and Praveen Kumar, two boys with a lack of self-confidence.
Australia still managed to win the game, but not all Australians were happy.
Opposition leader Malcolm Turnbull had this to say.
“What the fuck was that rot? Shane Watson has got to be the most useless fuckmuppet on this planet. And Siddle, why on fucken earth would you bowl around the wicket, Stuart Broad is not a fucker to be copied. But Ricky, fucken Ricky, unless Brett Lee’s arm was lying on the ground twitching you would never keep giving the ball to Shane FUCKEN Watson at that point in the game.
At the time I suspected there was something odd going on, but then I received a call from an unidentified mole that told me that told me something was rotten in the state of Denmark. After re-watching the end of the game, and in light of this phone call, it has become clear to me, and any right thinking Australian, that Ricky Ponting and the Australian cricket team tried to throw this game, unsuccessfully.
No team trying to win a game of cricket would continually throw the ball to Shane Watson. And then to instruct him to bowl wide full tosses, obvious match fixing. Put this together with the fact Lee was good enough to be out on the field, that James Hopes had overs left and that Siddle was bowling around the wicket hit me balls and their can be no other conclusion one can come to that does not amount to them throwing the match.
I demand that Kevin Rudd calls for a full independent inquiry starting straight away.
In the mean time Ricky Ponting must step down as captain.”
Australian Prime Minister Kevin Rudd had a different take.
“Did he actually say Watson was a fuckmuppet? Oh, ok. Sorry, matching fixing. Well I think anyone in Australia who saw this game will know that Malcolm has got this terribly, utterly and completely wrong. Ricky and his boys were obviously giving their all for this nation. Bad form can happen to anyone at anytime. I am not immune, and neither is Ricky. He probably made some bad calls, but I trust in him and his Australianess way. I think Malcolm is trying to turn this into a political potato, and that just won’t fly.
Although I also think Shane Watson is a bit of a fuckmuppet. “
All quotes were given to cricket with balls directly from Turnbull and Rudd, we have their numbers on speed dial.
