Tagged with makhaya ntini …

Apr 03 2008
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India served like a japanese turkey

This is my kind of test match.

Destruction.

Carnage.

Ganguly facing two balls.

India’s top orders being sliced open like an anime character on Christmas morning, whatever that means.

This is test cricket, India humiliated for 76.

Only Irfan Pathan is left alive, and at better than a run a ball. Well done.

Dale Steyn the over excitable Chris Gayle hating fast bowler picked up what his Rainbow Coalition fast bowling partner started, and finished with 5 for 23.

The evil supervillain Morne Morkel took two wickets whilst stroking his white cat, and old man Ntini started it all off with 3 wickets.

India didn’t make it to lunch.

According to Homer’s sources, Anil wanted the pitch shaved and the groundsman said “No, No, No”.

That grounds man may be lynched by parochial Indians, but in my eyes, he is a legend, and probably soon to be a martyr.

Now if South Africa get bowled out for 33 I will be glowing.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
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Mar 20 2008
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the case against quotas

The case against quotas

The quota system will bring success, joy and happiness to the South African cricket team, so fu©k that.

Selecting a human based on their skin colour is wrong, even when done to appease past wrongs, or because they look better in green.

Justin Ontong.

How does selecting a player who is not good enough really promote cricket to dark people, do they want to see Charl Langeveldt bowing 20 overs without getting a wicket. Does anyone want to see Charl Langeveldt?

If there should be any quota systems in South Africa it should be for spinners, or good blokes.

Quotas don’t make sense from a mathematical standpoint, because even if there are 11 players in a cricket team, and ten percent are white and Indian, what’s to say there isn’t 5 white players, or 5 Indian players who are good enough to make the team at any one time.

If selection is not based on merit, is this really a side that represents the people.

South Africans made up this system, so it is obviously flawed.

If Makhaya Ntini is the most popular sportsman in South Africa (by some margin) then clearly by having black players who are in the side rightfully you are promoting the game in a positive way, without forcing it down anyone’s throat.

No one wants to play in any side simply because they are black, they want to play because they are good enough, or because they have comprimising photo’s of the reigning chairman of selection.

Anything that hurts my man Andre is evil and it must be stopped, by any means necessary.

Fu(k you quota system, we are not interested.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
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Mar 20 2008
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the case for quotas

The quota system will bring success, joy and happiness to the South African cricket team.

South Africa is a nation of 50 million people, about 45 million of them are coloured, so bringing the game to them is what is going to secure the future of South African cricket.

That the South Africans have done so well with only one good black player, and one good coloured player is a real testament to how well the 5 million have performed, but imagine them with a whole nation of 50 million to choose from.

Also by playing coloured players who aren’t good enough to get a game, it means that for the next 10 to 15 years at least they will be ©rapper than they should be.

The quota system is way cool, because it confuses liberals who want black people to be given more of a chance but don’t think that it’s fair white people should be discriminated against.

Conservative types are confused by it too, as on the face of it it’s white guilt gone mad and they can rant on about it for hours, but its also a ruling that sh1ts them to the very core of their Reagan/Thatcherisms.

With a new world order in South Africa, we all know that one day all the whities will be run out of town, and only the darkies will be left, so shouldn’t they be giving the darkies a chance whilst the whities can guide them.

Makhaya Ntini was once a quota selection.

And could you imagine a South African side with just white dudes in it, I mean how much do you (by that I mean me) hate them already, so that would take it to a much higher level.

The quota simply must stay

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
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Jan 14 2008
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You Sir/Madam/Hermafradite, are a bastard of a monkey

Warning: this blog contains references to all sorts of really offensive stuff, so if bastard monkeys offend you, please step away now, or I’ll throw a fatherless banana at you.

The title of this blog could mean different things to different people.

To some it could be questioning the parentage of a black man.

To others it could be something you say to a friend of yours who is a primate.

We live in tricky times.

Political correctness is the new black.

Hence why I haven’t been asked to write for Cric Info.

There are certain things you can say to certain players, that you can’t say to other players.

Like you can’t call Makhaya Ntini or Andrew Symonds a monkey, but you can call Steve Harmison one.

You can call an Australian a motherfu©ker, bastard, @sshole, ©unt, sh1thead or poofter, but don’t mention monkeys, infact stay away from any primates.

Don’t call the Prime Minister of New Zealand a man.

Don’t call Ian Thorpe a big foot or a homosexual.

And don’t call a South African Muslim a terrorist.

You can call Brett Lee a man.

You can call Elton John a homosexual with or without big feet.

And you can call me a terrorist.

This is what confuses people.

So I have devised a new plan, everyone is to be called by their number and their number only.

If you don’t have a number, I suggest you come up with one.

My number is 3113455513 and that is all you are ever allowed to call me.

My number has no racial connotations, it cannot be called homosexual, isn’t a monkey or a bastard, doesn’t wear womens underwear, won’t do ice, hasn’t plotted the downfall of the western civilisation, can’t eaten tofu or vote republican.

Let us do a role play, lets say your number 67342334, and I beat the bat with an inswinger that spat up past the edge of your bat like a cobra.

I may walk down and say you fu©ken lucky 67342334.

You look back at me and say your such a little 3113455513, get back to your mark and bowl the fu©ken ball 3113455513 before I smack you upside your head.

And then we laugh, and buy each other fried pig snacks and no one has to talk to Mike Proctor ever again.

Isn’t that a world we all want to live in 67342334, by the way 67342334 your hair looks great today, no that’s not what I meant, no, um sorry, I had no idea, no really that is not necessary, please don’t get upset, I just meant, I’m sorry, put down that chair 67342334, please don’t kill me, I’m way too beautiful to die……………

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
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Jan 05 2008
windies

cape town observations

…
I haven’t watched much of the South Africa vs West Indies test, about a session a night, but I do have some observations.

Either Shivnarine is a shocking batsman when playing with the tail, or he just can’t be bothered holding up his side any more.

Ntini never smiles. Not ever. And he is looking old, he looks older than Morgan Freeman in the Shawshank redemption.

Jacques Kallis has got fat, after all these years I finally have the physique of an international all rounder.

Dwayne Bravo is getting better, but he is not a test number 6.

Rawl Lewis is the worst test number 8 my father has ever seen.

Edwards, Powell, Bravo, and Taylor may not be the players of old, but on a pitch with a bit of life they are bloody good options.

Edwards or Taylor (it was late and I was tired) bowled 6 straight bouncers at Mark Boucher. Hit him twice. Possible my favourite over to a South African ever.

Paul Harris is an odd dude.

Andre Nel is insane. But also, he is the closest thing we have seen to Merv Hughes in years. Should be dropped for being too entertaining.

Steyn is a handy bowler, but when Gayle got going, Steyn lost the plot completely.

Steyn batted with a runner, and then bowled in the next innings. Ummm, wtf?

Its funny when a South African gets run out for 98. Even if it’s only Ashwell Prince.

Amla is actually more boring than Jacques Kallis, who knew that was possible?

Chris Gayle is still a cool mother fu©ker, even if he has a glass thumb and d1cky hammy.

Geoffrey is back, beware ladies.

Allan Donald should not be allowed to speak into a microphone.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
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Dec 09 2007
Uncategorized

South Africa – the parasite of international cricket

It’s common knowledge that us three stooges – that being Uncle J-Rod, Sime and myself (Big Daddy) have an absolute hatred for South Africa. I thought its about time that I gave my reasons, (obvious to the general public) but those that need to be jammed down people’s throats every now and again. These are in no particular order – just coming up with them off the top of my head.

  1. Hansie Cronje – why is that even criminals aren’t praised after death
  2. Herschelle Gibbs – the idiot “forgot” to get out and is still $hit-scared about going to India – why would that be
  3. They forced the Duckworth Lewis disease to come into the game after whinging at the 92 World Cup
  4. Jacques Kallis – the most selfish player in international cricket – even Bevan didn’t bat for his average as much as this tosser does
  5. That they consistently choke – that is not a bad thing – it just really wastes all our time
  6. Andre Nel – pull the plug someone – or at least smack in the head on his follow through
  7. The fact that Barry Richards is lauded in the batting averages lists – the w@anker only played four friggin tests
  8. Their stupid philosophy of having coloured players in the side – once again not a bad thing – it just really wastes all our time
  9. Makhaya Ntini – convicted of rape, then acquitted – hang on – did Judge Schneider just return from holidays at Lake Springfield and claim “boys will be boys” at the request of Lisa Simpson. A nice role model for all young coloured players who will no doubt get a game as part of point 8.
  10. They think they are good!!!!

There are plenty more, but you’re the ones that will hopefully sift through these.

The only saving grace about this “whole in the world” is that Uncle J-Rod and I were able to witness probably the greatest innings in one-day cricket history in March 03 at the Wanderers when the Aussies flogged India to 2/359 – it was an absolute priviledge to be there and almost as good to stick it up all the South Africans who were gutted that the weak ba$tards couldn’t even reach the super sixes!!!!!

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
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Nov 14 2007
17 Comments
general balls

is it racist to hate the south africans?


This is the question I have often pondered over the years.

Sure they are evil, but to purely not like someone because they come from South Africa does have a racist slant on it.

What about if you can justify it purely on the cricket team?

Still racist, well its not monkey slur, but it’ll do.

So why do I hate South Africans, I can narrow it down to two events.

Kepler Wessels bagging Australia after going back to South Africa, even after they let the untalented pr1ck open for them.

And Brian McMillan’s hissy fit in the 92 world cup. Everyone knew it was going to rain num nuts, everyone knew the rain rule was flawed and favoured the side batting first. So why send the other side in and then sook about it.

These are trivial events that won’t sway a neutral person, so now I’ll use the big cannons.

South Africa’s opening bowler, and most popular sportsmen, Ntini, is a convicted rapist. Not alleged, but convicted, who was only let out of jail, after being found not guilty on a technicality.

Hansie Cronje ran over a small child and killed it. He says it was an accident, but he was heard to say ‘what were the odds of that happening” shortly afterwards.

Graham Smith is an @sshole. That is all.

Herchelle Gibbs accepted money to throw his innings, and sell out his country. Then he didn’t even do that right. You can’t trust him if youre a bookie or a cricket fan.

KP is South African.

Andre Nel is a serial killer. I have no proof, but look at his eyes.

Their ex coach, and a nice guy, Bob Woolmer was found dead in a hotel room. Coincidence that the South Africans were in the region at the same time, I’ll let you be the judge.

Tony Greig is South African, and a pervert.

Hansie Cronje was a match fixer, who then became a born again Christian (a worse crime?), before he faked his own death and is now living in a ménage a trois with Princess Di and 2pac.

Jacques Kallis is really boring.

And between you and I, an ex Victorian Legend suspects one of their players is a terrorist.

To top all this off, this week they beat an Australian domestic team savagely. New Zealand is the least populated state of Australia, they only have 300 residents, and so to embarrass them like that is quite unnecessary.

I think they made Daniel Vettori cry.

This blog can also been seen on Sportsfreak

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
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