Tagged with luke pomersbach …

Oct 06 2009
aussies, shield cricket

Australian cricketers are too stupid to work out public transport

Luke Pomersbach, the man who stretched out Brad Hodge’s shirt once and hits the ball like it is a paedophile, has been granted a special driver’s license.

You may remember when he got drunk, crashed his car a few times and attacked a police officer, well in Perth that means you get an extraordinary driver’s license of four days a week.

If you beat the cop to death, you can only drive 2 days a week.

Harsh, but fair.

The magistrate was worried that by taking his license away he would suffer hardship.

If you drive that drunk you probably deserve some fucken hardship.

Little known fact, in Perth they have no taxis.

They do have public transport, but Luke doesn’t know how to use it.

He actually said that, out loud, to people. WAy to get the public sympathising with you, Luke.

He hasn’t caught a bus since high school, and as well all know public transport has changed so much in the last 7 years, they have hoverbuses now and you have to know the secret code word to get on.

I like Luke Pomersbach as a batsman, and I hope he comes back from his troubles, but come on, it’s a bus, that lady who spits in plastic bags has worked it out.

When I was young i caught a train to the bus, and then walked, took me about 70 minutes on a good day.

If any future cricketers fail to get an extraordinary license I can come over as a consultant, am happy to do so.

Tagged ,
Aug 15 2009
aussies

The reason you aren’t a skilled cricketer

When you go out drinking, you don’t cause 20,000AUD in damages.

That is a top effort.

Pomersbach has now been stood down by the WACA.

He has to get his “personal demons” in check.

He also has to stop getting fucken ratfaced and driving a car.

Tagged ,
Aug 10 2009
aussies

when cricketers go bad

I am a big fan of Luke Pomersbach.

But this does seem a bit mental.

Doesn’t it?.

There were days when stories like this would make Luke a cricket legend.

Not now.

Jesse Ryder and Andrew Symonds must be pissed off, Luke has totally kicked their ass in the nut bag behaviour here.

Tagged ,
May 26 2009
IPL

The insignificant current Australian players of the IPL

Just to clarify, the word current means players who haven’t retired from national duty.

Moises Henriques – Kolkata
38 runs @ av 19 sr 95 hs 30*
2 wickets @ 53 econ 8.79 bb 1/32

No one could quite understand how he kept getting a game, or the new ball. Is a very talented young kid, but maybe, just maybe, he should perform at the level below before he is given an opportunity.

David Hussey – Kolkata
98 runs @ av 24 sr 166 hs 43
0 wickets econ 8.5

Came late onto a ship that had already sunk, and decided to swing away. Looked in top touch, but kept getting out after amazing starts. Had a way better strike rate than McCullum or Gayle.

Lee Carseldine – Rajasthan
81 runs @ av 20.25 sr 119 hs 39
1 wicket @ 6 econ 6 bb 1/6

Came in first game and just smacked the ball everywhere when no one else could get the ball off the square, sadly that was about all he did in the tournament. Interestingly only bowled one over.

Rob Quiney - Rajasthan
103 runs @ av 14.7 sr 100.98 hs 51

Hit his first ball in the IPL for 6, then went out. Only really got two starts, and showed glimpses of his talent, but good spinners slowed him down or got him out. Hopefully he has learnt some good lessons, and will be able to score more consistently for Victoria.

Shane Harwood – Rajasthan
9 runs (no outs) sr 62 hs 6*
3 wickets @ 24.3 econ 7.30 bb 2/25

Only played 3 games, but did look dangerous. Rajasthan were more worried with making runs so he and Morne spent most of their time on the bench.

Luke Ronchi – Mumbai Indians
0 runs from 1 game

Sachin went into panic mode about half way through the tournament and threw Luke one game. He was run out for a duck.

Simon Katich – Punjab
145 runs @ av 16 sr 123 hs 50

His 50 was sensational, as good as I have seen the krab time the ball, but struggled other than that. 2020 really wasn’t made for him, and had his coach not been Moody, I doubt he would played too often.

George Bailey – Chennai
45 runs @ av 22.5 sr 115 hs 30

In both of his innings he looked in top form, and in both of them he ran himself out. The good news was smilin’ George looked completely at home at this level of cricket.

Andrew McDonald - Delhi
3 runs @ av 3 sr 75 hs 3
0 wickets (3 overs) econ 7.33 bb 0/22

Only played the one game when Delhi were resting players, and got a sensational Yorker from Anil Kumble.

Luke Pomersbach – Punjab
41 runs @ av 10.25 sr 83 hs 26

Looked out of touch, and small. When Luke is at his best he looks like a Hayden type bully, here he looked like a mouse imitating a flea.

Tagged , , , , , , , , , ,
Jul 13 2008
Uncategorized

Punjabi injured

Luke Pomersbach, the Kings XI Punjabi batsman, has broken his collarbone.

He did so surfing.

Injuries have played an interesting role in his career, he played for Australia in a 2020 match because Brad Hodge can’t put pants on.

Now he isn’t good enough to make the top 30 one day cricketers list.

Perhaps he didn’t play enough IPL matches, as they are the key for selection these days.

As I can’t find any information about the injury, other than 2 lines in a Melbourne paper I will have to make up the news as best I can.

I believe Luke was executing a Round-house cutback.

A classic move, earning good points when properly executed. Surf onto the shoulder of the wave, keeping high on the face. Do a full 180° turn back towards the pocket of the wave, riding the nose of the ski squarely onto the white water. Using the power of the wave to assist you, turn down the wave and regain the clean face of the wave. Lean into the wave and slightly back to avoid a nose-dive.

I doubt he was drunk at the time.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
Tagged
May 29 2008
Uncategorized

the slide

Recently much has been made of Australia’s slide.

Most of this is because of Stuart MacGill’s new found ability not to land his leg break.

Also Mitchell Johnson and his line 3 foot wide of off stump.

Plus their sick reliance on Matthew Hayden.

And let us not forget Michael Clarke’s dodgy form in pressure situations.

I wrote this recently, and this, ages ago.

But, in how many countries would a player like Shaun Marsh not be good enough to be picked in their top 8 batsmen.

And realistically, David Hussey would still be ahead of him on the list, so Marsh may not even be in Australia’s top 9 batsman.

We the people, all know this is rubbish, and that he should be currently preparing to open for Australia ahead of the krab katich.

Or at least be carrying the drinks and trying some rum instead of Brad Hodge.

But it does show the amazing depth that Australia still has, even without the champions at the top.

Shane Watson is probably the best performed player in the IPL, if Marsh isn’t, and he is not in Australia’s one day squad.

Both David Hussey and Luke Pomersbach have been less dominant than Marsh and Watson, but they have both payed innings that have showed they belong.

You may ask where are the young Australian bowlers.

Well Brett Geeves got spanked every time he got a gig.

And almost every other young Australian bowler is a physical basket case, but Peter Sizzle (Siddle), and Douggie Bollinger take wickets on one leg.

But Marsh still stands out. Not just because of the runs he has made, or the strike rate he has maintained, but because he hasn’t slogged.

He has kept his technique, and he has batted like a serious batsman type batsman, which means he may turn out to be a real player on the international circuit.

Want more than IPL proof, well the English sports writers are already worried about him for the Ashes.

Ok the English are always worried about the Ashes, but in Marsh, they have just cause.

And by 2013 Shaun’s little brother Mitchell will be in England, probably batting at number 3.

Cricket With Balls, monitoring the demise of Australia one MacGill long hop at a time.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
Tagged , , , , ,
May 22 2008
Uncategorized

Luke Pomersbach, a Punjabi king

Luke Pomersbach (pronounced Pom-ers-bash, or pommy bash) is a western warrior with a penchant for late night alcoholic fuelled shenanigans.

My kind of cricketer.

According to Rodney Hogg, he is an out and out slogger.

I prefer to think he bats like Hank Chinaski would in heaven.

Luke can play.

Often people who see him in 2020 mode get the feeling he is a slogger.

This is not the truth, he is a big hitter, but he does have a technique, it’s commercially effective, and industrially designed, but it’s a technique.

In 2020, he does get a bit loud and punchy, but in real cricket, he plays some of the best drives you will ever see, and off his pads he is poisonous.

Until his sanctioned early year drunken break, he was leading the Australian first class run tally, and he didn’t do it with slogs.

His first class average is a lazy 52 from his 12 games, but in that time he has already filled in for Australia and has impressed Tom Moody enough to get a dance in Bollywood cricket.

He hits the ball hard, real hard, and occasionally, the he hits the bottle just as hard, but that doesn’t mean he can’t bat.

At first look he looks a little larger than the modern cricket athlete, to me that’s just another reason to like him.

So far for the Punjab’s he has had limited opportunities, but he is still making his mark.

I think he could be the next Darren Lehmann, so that means he will remain a larrikin who doesn’t get picked while he swans around the world kicking first class attacks around and having a great time.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
Tagged
Mar 11 2008
Uncategorized

more less exciting auctions

The IPL has had a second auction.

Now each team has 48 international players, but only a maximum of 4 can play at any one time.

I have no idea what the hell is going on, but I did notice that a couple of Australian domestic cricketers got scooped up.

Luke Pomersbach, the man who played for Australia when Brad Hogde couldn’t put his pants on, got selected for 50,000 cheesels.

That is a bargain buy.

This boy hits the ball like its some punk who stole his girl.

Ofcourse he will need to be kept away from the bar.

Brett Geeves from Tasmania was also selected. He is one of my favourite cricketers at the moment. Can bowl mid to high 140’s, swings from the hip with the bat and also quite god with a quip when miked up.

Although does have a very odd hair cut.

He also was a great price at 50,000 as well.

Shane Watson went for 125,000 clams, which I assume is to be a team mascot, he will be shown naked and lubed up for the ladies of India (and some men) to admire.

If the IPL are still looking for players I think there are a couple that could be worth the 50,000 pesos they are throwing around.

Dan Christian from South Australia. Bowls at about 140, but is a batsmen. Can hit a long ball, and generally bats like his house is burning down.

Adam Crosthwaite/Andrew McDonald from Victoria, both big hitters, who can keep and bowl at a high respectively. Plus Adam is willing to claim anything that may look like a catch. Downside, Andrew has red hair.

Brendan Drew from Tasmania is one hell of a quick bowler, who if i remember correctly had Sri Lanka in all sorts of trouble. Bowls quick and straight, and whilst not a batsmen, can hit long and hard.

Luke Ronchi and Theo Doropolous are both big hitting young dudes from Wa. Ronchi has the added advantage of being a pretty good keep, Theo has the added advantage of a cool greek name.

Welcome to Australia where every cricketer is a bargain.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
Tagged , , , , , , , ,
Jan 13 2008
victorian bushrangers

3 peat for vic 2020 side

The Victorian Bushrangers have just won their 3rd straight 2020 big bash championship.

Sure they had to cheat to do it, but if the vics were in a final and none of them did anything dodgy I’d feel let down.

I now believe, more than ever, that the one day and four day state competitions should be cancelled and we should only have state 2020 titles.

The vics probably win this tournament cause its harder for their bowlers to break down in 4 over spells.

CWB’s Bryce McGain probably got smashed more than he did in any other game, but his first ball went straight through the warriors best batsmen Pomersbach.

Dirty Dirk Nannes and Future PM David Hussey were everywhere for the Vics.

Was some great commentating in the match, especially by Allan Border and Jamie Cox.

AB hit all new heights when he said “I’m lost for words”.

Every time AB gives commentary his batting looks better in comparison.

Greg Blewett couldn’t even remember the name of his co commentator Ryan Campbell.

If you would like a fullish report of the match feel free to read here.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
Tagged , , , ,
Dec 11 2007
Uncategorized

2020 commentary

Here is my alternative commentary to the 2020 game.

Luke Pomersbach is playing in the 2020 game, Brad Hodge had his nails cut by Brad Hogg and has a back infection.

Didn’t make sense to me either. Pomersbach went to watch the game and ended up on the park, luckily for him he wasn’t drunk.

I like the microphones on the players, I just hope one of them swears.

7 balls in and Mark Taylor thinks the pitch is good. Next ball Patel takes the sort of catch that gives erections. Then Hussey gets beaten next ball.

Pup looks in good form, he’s playing for future endorsements, so it’s very important.

Kyle Mills, that hair.

Slater made his first bad taste joke about Pomersbach and drinking. Mind you it was 6 minutes after my first one.

King probot tried to kill Jacob Oram, who dropped the catch with all the grace of an uncoordinated 12 year old in dodge ball.

Patel is having some game, a one hander that will be replayed until the apocalypse and the wicket of King Probot, with something called “flight”, interesting new theory.

Spinners were the most important players at the 2020 world cup, Australia disagrees with that theory and picked about 12 fast bowlers for this game. I say this cause Harry Vettori jut got pup out.

Mind you it brought in Voges, so I’m happy.

James Brayshaw is commentating, what the fu©k? Was Greg Blewett already booked?

Voges nice slog off Oram, ugly and yet beautiful. My kind of batsmen. He looks in good touch, hopefully they find a helmet that fits him one day.

I wouldn’t say the game is really exciting me just yet. Roy has his serious face on playing the percentages he is, I’ll shut up, and he just put Scott Styris into Fremantle on his first nut.

There really aren’t enough performance artists at test matches I’ve decided, we need more people on stilts and unicycles. Oh and people sitting in dunking machines.

Our friend at sportsfreak just added his two cents,

I don’t believe I’ve seen this Voges before.

How are his parents previously related?

Voges was obviously put off by this and went out shortly after.

Do people really still eat KFC.

Pomersbach is in, must be time for another drink.

I saw this kid get off the mark in a state game at the G with a reckless charge. I knew from there on in he’d be my sort of chap.

For a brief moment I stopped concentrating and I heard JB talking about massages and Symonds, give him a weird South African accent and he’s the new Tony Greig.

Pomersbach just launched one, oh so pretty. I’m not even going to mention that I wrote in my bushrangers blog that he should have been picked for this game.

Not sure what happened with the Ross Taylor catch, he had more of it than a South African in a world cup.

Roy explained his cricket beautifully, ‘I’m not trying to think about it too much, I’m just watching the ball”.

Just had a brain wave, they should call the 2020 game the Lee/Marshall cup. Who’s with me?

15 off 7 for Pomersbach, nice start son, on your way to the change room have a word to Voges about the size of his helmet.

Kiwis did ok, Aussies should have made over 200.

Written but not edited, who has the time…

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
Tagged , , , ,
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 9,049 other followers