cricket with balls

Or his plot twists, maguffins or dialogue.

He does have a fair bit to say in his character arc, but that is where the line is drawn.

How do I know this?

Because no one would write that they go out to Paul Harris within a few runs of victory.

So Shaun Pollock, and everyone else sprouting this shocking cliché can shut the fuck up.

Phrases I will permit when discussing KP’s charmed existence:

Script Consultant

Set designer

Method Actor

Make up artist

Story developer

Jizz Mopper

England lost 4 wickets today.

Some intelligent person said they would lose 3.

Early on they played about as safe as possible, and after 11 overs they were 11 runs.

Twas very English.

But it worked, and once Cook hit out, and by hit out I mean played controlled shots along the carpet, South Africa gave up the, or any, ghost.

The crowd gave KP such adulation when he came out, that I had to check it was him, and not Johnny Cash coming back from the dead.

Forget about who writes his scripts, his Visa granter must be proud as punch.

Was the best stamp for England since Kylie went over.

Highlight of the day was when a man behind me gave Paul Harris such a verbaling, that patrons complained.

Then he stopped bagging Harris so he could bag the other patrons, and then several security guards.

Perhaps the only time Paul Harris has created real trouble at a cricket ground.

If I hear one more press related individual say KP is a good captain I will find them and defecate on their face.

I felt like jumping the fence today.

And I don’t even like the England.

But South Africa 6 wickets down, and England’s bowlers all pretty much on the money.

And KP decides to give AB DeVilliers singles.

I know the tail end mambo has been happening for years, but this was obscene.

AB had hardly hit a ball off the square.

Morne Morkel can handle a bat.

And KP completely shit himself.

Luckily for him, Morne can’t play Monty, and that partnership didn’t back fire on him.

Unluckily the next one did.

AB and Harris put on quite a few, exact numbers escape me as was getting drunk with the Suave one.

But it seemed like quite a few, as KP seemed to be willing his South African brother on to a hundred.

AB found form with the field back, and took every easy single on offer.

He didn’t farm the strike, he mowed it.

AB faltered, because, well who knows.

But he did.

And once he was out, England finished up easily.

My favourite part of the day, that didn’t involve getting drunk, was when KP took it to farcical levels when he took the new ball and for AB he had one slip and a gully.

An Englishman took issue at my KP abuse, and was in the middle of telling me AB wasn’t going to nick one, as he nicked one.

KP, 0, angry English nonce, 0, Jrod, 1.

Although I may be in the minus after my predictions yesterday.

You know you have always wanted to, and now TWC are giving you the opportunity.

Go here, and leave your question, your name and place of whatever.

My question was, What is the definition of the word Nation?

They don’t want anything too rude, but if you have rude questions for KP, feel free to put them in my comments, as here at CWB we embrace that shit.