Tagged with kamran akmal

the heroes of sydney

Mike Hussey:

Who I thought (and still do) should have been dropped sometime during his great drought.

But did get dropped more times than Bobby Brown.

Still, even with all that fumbling behind him, he held firm and was the man when it mattered.

Nathan Hauritz:

I once considered going back in time to break his arms as a child.

Got some lucky wickets, one that almost cost him his thumb, and got some tail enders.

His second five wicket haul on the trot. Lucky or not, that is impressive, and I salute anyone who can do that in test cricket in this day and age.

Shane Watson:

Said he shouldn’t open the batting.

He still shouldn’t be opening the batting, but only because he now gets wickets.

I’ve checked this, and 97 is only three runs short of a hundred, and 3 runs would not have made a difference to this game.

The SCG pitch:

Over the years the MCG pitch has been bagged, quite rightly, but the SCG has got awway with pitches that blind many looking for their cat could score double hundreds on it.

Pakistan might have made this a better pitch by batting on it like it was a forgotten minefield.

Hard to bat on the first day, easier on the second and third, and produces a tight result on the fourth, drop this pitch in every ground in the world.

And finally, Kamran:

Over the years I have bagged Kamran about his appearance but said he is a classy player.

This test might have moved me to the other side.

His three drops were as bad as I have seen from a test match keeper.

And the worst bit was that it looked like the pressure got to him even at the stage when there was no reason for that to be the case.

He was the true hero of Sydney, just not for his side, and he was the only one before this test i would have stood up for.

Not anymore.

It is my birthday today, so buy my book, get a t-shirt, or donate to the whisky fund.

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Forget match fixing, Pakistan decide to choke instead

To the delight of all Pakistani fans they have realised their team is not a bunch of filthy money hungry assholes, but instead is just shit. Mercurial chokers rather than dirty match fixers.

Ofcourse not everyone thinks this, there were more than a few people on twitter saying that they thought it was matchfixingness rather than shitness.

But I thought this dude made a good joke:

Quiz: Which ex-Pak Cricketer, Actor, Politician, Selectors, will be the first to accuse PAK of Match fixing !”

It wasn’t match fixing, it was test cricket,

Mohammad Yousuf’s captaincy was too obviously fucken horrendous to be match fixing.  Short of not having 11 men on the field, insisting everyone wear eye patches or injecting heroin into every player’s eyeball he could not have operated his team worse.

Another potential match fixing moment is the fact that Nathan Hauritz took 5 wickets, again.  Yet again he ran through the tail like dysentery and got top order wickets with luck which might look like match fixing, but could easily be described as tailenders losing their nut under pressure and op order batsmen trying to get on top of Hauritz. Plus Yousuf saw him as a such a danger he tried to kill him with a drive.

Then there was Kamran Akmal. How could his fumbly glovework every be confused with matchfixing. And a bit like Yousuf’s captaincy, if you are really match fixing you’d want to be a touch more subtle than dropping one man 3 times, and then not being able to catch the one tailender they cannot dismiss.

Lastly there was the little baby roller that was used, which doesn’t say match fixing, but does show that the leadership group of Pakistan know very little about what will help a pitch.

I hate that when Pakistan play shit match fixing is mentioned, it takes away their fans alien given right to call their team a huge bunch of choking nuff nuffs. It also ignores the brilliance of a choke like this, and is there a better sight in test match cricket than a team chasing a small total while hooking up their own autoerotic asphyxiation device.

The ridiculous fields, Kamran Akmal’s desperation seconds after dropping the ball (x4), Peter Siddle’s seemingly 2 foot wide bat, the attacking positive start, Hauritz’s thumb-crushing forearm catch, Kamran’s face when he realised he had fucked up his chance at redemption, the cautious middle, Umar’s hearts in the right place brain is up his ass swing, and the tail making struggling to keep out the spin demon at the end.

At one stage we saw a close up of Umar and straight after it Pakistani fans.  Oh the humanity.

It should also be mentioned that Australia played their asses off on the last day.

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Pakistani beef market

Somehow cricket in Pakistan has continued even without Shoaib Ahktar.

Their other Shoaib, the logical, sane and less talented one, is still their captain.

But a week is a long time in Cricket.

In Pakistani cricket a week is several life times.

Since Shoaib Malik’s showing at the 2020 world whatever it was, his team has struggled.

A look at the current line up against Bangladesh gives you an idea why.

Salman Butt averages about 30 in both forms of the game, and so far has done nothing other than have a cool name.

Nasir Jamshed is not somewhere you keep jars, but is actually a young cricketer who is yet to confirm his place in the side, and yet to make a big splash in general.

Younis Khan is the Pakistani version of Elvis, except that he isn’t as sexy, cool, or talented (ummm) as him.

Mohammad Yousuf is a top class international player, probably the only one in the side, he is also a scientologist.

Shoaib Malik is the youngest looking 26 year old Pakistan has ever had. He may actually be the age he claims to be. Will be a very handy cricketer, but right now is just a cricketer.

Misbah Ul Haq has the same surname as Inzy and a lovely cricket backside. He can bat, but probably won’t be around for long.

Shahid Afridi is Shaihid Afridi.

Kamran Akmal is a male model, who dabbles in wicketkeeping. Used to be a sh1t hot batsmen. Now is not.

Umar Gul is a player who is destined to be called Sea. The boy can bowl, but is never going to be an out and out match winner.

Sohail Tanvir is a quick who can also bowl spin. So far I am yet to see him bowl either particularly well, but could be a handy one day option.

Iftikhar Anjum is Rao Iftikhar, true story.

Not a lot of high priced cattle for Malik to play with there.

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kamran’s mojo

Kamran Akmal is probably the hottest non Bermudian cricketer on the planet.

And until this series, he was the most out of form non English wicketkeeper in the world.

That has all changed now, and right at the moment the boy looks as though his mojo has returned.

It would be easy so say that any batsmen currently playing in India could make runs, and even easier to use Ganguly as proof of that theory.

I have another theory though, that unfortunately doesn’t bag Ganguly.

Akmal’s form turned around at the same time the media and selectors turned on him.

This is called Justin Langeritis.

Every time the angry little mans place was questioned, or Matthew Elliott, Jamie Cox, Phil Jacques or Michael Hussey were mentioned, he suddenly made an orifice full of runs.

It’s not a necessarily bad trait to have as a cricketer, it makes it very hard for selectors to drop you.

But I assume it’s a tiring way to play, its a lot of extra pressure and you are only a bad series away from being given the a$$.

For someone like Langer, who seems to like it when every one is against him, it probably seems like a good option.

I haven’t studied Akmal’s career that closely, but I do rate him as a batsmen, and occasionally as a keeper.

But if I had advice for him, and if he cared about my advice, and I had some way to contact him, I’d say, “there are easier ways to live your life than following the Justin langer model. Have you thought of the Adam Parore model, he was a champion, just ask him?”

And then he’d look at me with a confused look in his eyes.

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the flat pitch & murali and kumar take white england

The India v Pakistan innings almost got exciting, even after India made a billion runs on a deck flatter than a sh1t carters hat. Then they got Pakistan 5 for 150 odd and they must have been more excited than a 15 year old with his first play boy.

Then one of the less attractive men in world cricket, and a guy with a great name who likes to hop, put on a 200 run partnership and suddenly the flickers of the game were reignited, even if it was for just a moment.

Proof this pitch is a road, Akmal was batting so bad, some Pakistani supporters wanted him put down, and he still made a ton. And Ganguly made runs.

Need I say more?

Hell even Shoaib bowled 15 overs yesterday, quite an effort, he may be in hospital for the next 2 months though.

Over the border/water Sri Lanka were derailed by England on the first day, and with the poms 3/170 chasing 180 odd, the game was over.

Then Murali woke up, and now England has a game to play. 6/185 and with the prospect of facing the chuckaroo in the last innings. Good luck lads.

England really needs to win this series if they are to prove that they are the number two team in the world. ICC rankings look pretty on a wall, but they don’t do much for you out on the field.

Sri Lanka only have two players who can really damage you, I mean really damage you, but when its Kumar and Murali its still bloody dangerous.

With Warne and McGrath gone, Kumar and Murali are the best one two combination in world cricket. Even better than Andre Nel and Satan.

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