Tagged with johan botha …

May 28 2010
7 Comments
saffas

Blood on the ball

Today a pointless one dayer had a moment of pure cricket goodness.

Johan Botha got a leading edge into his face.

This leading edge had enough force on it to wedge itself between three hard places, the grill, the lid of the helmet and the Robotic Kevin Bacon face of Johan Botha.

Just the ball getting wedged in the grill is a great scene, but for him then to take off the helmet, with ball still wedged, and reveal his now bloody face, that is just awesomeness wrapped in just more awesomeness.

This was the proof I didn’t want, that Johan Botha is human.

Blood on the face of a batsmen is about my favourite place for blood to be.

And this was oozing out of his eye at a decent rate.

Usually the best part would be the blood on the pitch, but Botha took it to new extremes.  The dude got blood on the ball.

I’m sure it has happened before, but generally that would be on a red ball, one day cricket finally made sense to me when that ball just had a dollop of red stuff on it.

Botha retired hurt, and the ball was replaced.

The story doesn’t end though as Botha’s face was kept together with sticky tape and chewing gum and he was sent back out.

But here is where the script writers fucked up, the ball didn’t come back.

If I was Botha I would have walked back out and demanded that the bloody ball be re-introduced.

Even if it was just for one ball.

Imagine the story, dude gets smacked in the face, loses blood on the ball, comes back without any bandages only a few overs left and the fast bowler is using the ball that is soaked in his blood.

That is my kind of cricket.

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Sep 22 2009
saffas

Mechanical Spin

South Africa relies on spin now.

You feel dirty reading that.

I did writing it.

With Johan Bothotype and the rugby necked Roelof Erasmus van der Merwe in their side, and the job they have done for them in the last 6 months, they have become a limited overs team based on spin.

The commentators love mentioning it.

“Spin is their key”, they say, “Isn’t that weird”. Then they chuckle.

Being South Africa they still find a way to ruin spin.

Their international spinners, Harris included, aren’t really spinners in the sense that Bedi, O’Reilly or Colin McCool were.

Johan is a flawed robot, Roelef a slogger who spins it, and Paul Harris a one armed freakshow with a penchant for Michael Hussey style statistical anomaly.

They aren’t flamboyant spinners of the ball, they don’t have mystery balls, flight is not their weapon, and their main job is containment.  They are like three slightly more interesting versions of Nathan Hauritz.

That isn’t the main problem.

Look at how Bothotype and Roelef are used mechanically.

South Africa don’t use the spinners in the powerplays, they don’t even delay the powerplay to try and slow down the run rate with spin and heaven forbid they would bring them on after a wicket as an attacking option.

They didn’t even use their spinners when Dilshan slapped around their cro-magnum seamers for 105 off the first 15 overs.

Maybe their plan was to tire Dilshan out with boundaries and then bring on their robotic spinner to bore him.

Any large structured philistine can be a fast bowler, but being a spinner is supposed to be cooler, funner and sexier.

Not when these boys do it.

It takes a special nation to suck the life out of spin bowling, but if anyone was going to do it, I am glad it was them.

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Jun 12 2009
saffas

Is Johan Botha a robot?

Case for:

Changes his bowling speed like a robotic car would, 72.3, 90.1, 72.4, 90.3, 72.5, 90.5.
His hair never seems to get longer or shorter.
If any country was going to produce a spinning robot it would be South Africa.
The final step of his bowling action looks like an engineering experiment.
He seems to have no real soul.
South Africa.

Case Against:

Why would anyone make a robot that has a design flaw in it’s elbow joint.
Surely if he was a robot he would be better.
He is no where near as cool as Robocop or Cyber tracker.
Surely you could make the case for most off spinners to be robots.
Can’t hit the ball hard, who would program that.

Conclusion:

Johan is indeed a robot, but a prototype that has flaws. He shall now be known as Johan Bothotype.

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May 12 2009
general balls

Offies beware: Doosra banned

Johan Botha’s doosra is illegal.

He is forbidden, with penalty of ass slapping, if he bowls it anymore.

Mickey Arthur seems to believe that this will not affect him much as it is not a ball he uses all that often.

Mickey Arthur also believes then when he dies he will send his skull to the raelians so that they can one day clone him and he can move to the Aliens home planet.

Ofcourse it will affect him, his change of pace and his doosra are what make him hard to score from, even though he still never gets wickets.

Anytime Botha flights the ball to a right hander he is now in danger of losing the ball.

Perhaps he will adapt.

But it will affect him.

There must be a few other offspinners around the world getting out the long sleeves, just in case theirs is next.

In other news, the wrong’un is still awesome, legal and beautiful.

Take that you dirty offies.

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Apr 14 2009
saffas

Botha called for flight flicking, again

Johan Botha, the man with the ugly bowling average and the uglier action, has been called for chucking, again.

Why bother.

We know what is going to happen, not much.

Does he chuck, FUCKING COURSE HE DOES.

But that doesn’t matter.

He will be back.

Off spinners with illegal actions are the cockroaches of international cricket, even if you squash one, there are like 83 more lining up to flight flick.

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Jan 27 2008
Uncategorized

spring loaded stumps

…
I didn’t watch a lot of the one dayer between them and the Windies, cause I was working, but mostly cause it was crap.

But every time I looked up there were stumps cart wheeling everywhere.

In more respectable countries, after the wicket is disturbed, generally the stumps end up looking like Paris Hilton after a night out on the town.

In South Africa its more like Tara Reid.

And it’s not just for speed demons who bowl someone.

One ball had Marlon Samuels lashing a straight drive so hard that a stump almost gelded Mark Benson (I think, they all look the same to me, white people & umpires).

Then as they ran for 2 the ball was thrown to the keepers end as Samuels dived and Boucher took the bails off with all the sensitivity of a date rapist and yet again the stumps came flying out.

So there were stumps on the ground at both ends.

Stumps do come out of the ground in other countries, but never with the vitality and down right coolness that the do in South Africa.

I want more stumps that come out and geld umpires, it will add something to the sport.

Also I got to see the supervillian Morne Morkel in action. While he looked pretty average bowling, he did achieve a run out from his follow through with the most retarded wrong foot throw I’ve ever seen.

Oh and Johan Botha is a chucker. And ©rap.

Marlon Samuels smacked a brutal 98 before the evil empire conspired to derail his well smoted innings.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
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