Tagged with jason krejza …

Feb 07 2010
aussies

Little Nathan strikes again

“Oh, he is so cute and loveable; I just wanna take him home to my mum so we can double team him”.

I know that is what you think about little Nathan Hauritz.  But behind that puppy dog exterior is a cold-hearted assassin.  One who will kill anyone to get where he wants.  An aspirational career driven sociopath.

Not only has he led many a batsman to their untimely and embarrassing end, he is also taking out Australian spinners one at a time.

First was beautiful Beau Casson, who was too young to die, but Hauritz took him out during a shield game, but made it look like suicide.  He placed sweets down on a trail that led Beau got to the edge of a cliff and Nathan ran up behind him in a Mr Squiggle mask and said boo.

Then Bryce McGain was taken out when Hauritz bribed Kallis with 7 pigs he killed with his owns hands.  When that wasn’t enough Hauritz showed Kallis and Prince this website, but most importantly the parts about Prince, Kallis and Bryce, to prove that I don’t exist and Bryce writes this site.

And now, Jason Krejza is gone.

It was probably the most horrendous of all Nathan’s crimes, as he did it with help of a whole team of suicidal Pakistani batsmen, and the Tasmanian brain’s trust.

It was disgusting, and when Nathan was finished all that was left was a puddle of blood, excrement and organs, with a newspaper clipping that was mostly unreadable except for the number 12.

Sorry to burst your bubble, people, but little Nathan is an angel of death.

One by one he is taking these spinners out.  Right under our noses.  Yet no one is doing anything about it.

Someone must stop him, otherwise Steven Smith will take a bite of some weird tasting vegemite sandwiches any day now.

Buy the book, get a t-shirt, or donate to the whisky fund.

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Nov 28 2009
aussies

IT’S NOT A DOOSRA

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Nov 24 2009
aussies

Australia gets doosra’d

Ed Cowan told twitter it came out of the footmarks and gave him wood.

Jimmy Maxwell said it hit a crack and was a work in progress.

Terry Jenner informed Australia it was chucking and against the law in his book.

And AGB questions if the selectors will pick someone who bowls it.

All of this because Australia’s off spinning back up, Jason Krezja, got one to go the other way.

About 12 people have seen this ball (it was during a shield game), but it has stirred up some emotion already.

Not be left behind, Nathan Hauritz has jumped on the doosra bandwagon, saying he has one, but he is afraid to use it. Strong words, Nathan.

Bryce McGain doesn’t have one, but he did take 7 wickets for 92 runs in his last first class game and I haven’t stopped smiling since.

Aaron O’Brien probably doesn’t have one, but no one knows who he is anyway.

Marcus North doesn’t care. He is a batsman.

This time last year I was writing about how you’d be better off trying to survive a zombie attack than trying to pick an aussie spinner.

Now there is little Nathan defying logic and common sense, Krezja has a mystery ball, McGain is fit, and O’Brien is taking wickets and making runs.

Four of the top ten wicket takers in first class cricket this year are spinners, last year at this stage there were none, and that doesn’t even count little Nathan, Cullen Bailey or Jon Holland.

Oh baby, Australia is spinning again, both ways.

Australia may not be the spinning wasteland it was, there are options, all rounders, wrist spinners, and now one of their spinners has dabbled in voodoo.

The selectors NSP are even going to use little Nathan at the gabbatoir, even if he doesn’t believe in his doosra yet.

It is like the Oval never happened.

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Dec 02 2008
Uncategorized

2008, the year of the trundler

Australia’s spinners, the ugliness has been spread around.

Hogg 2 tests

We started with Hogg, why, because MacGill was injured and stroppy, and instead of trusting the most inform spinner in the country, McGain, they went with the one day spinner.

It was a mistake, if Yuvraj and Gunguly didn’t play, Hogg would have killed himself. Instead, he retired.

MacGill 2 tests

Then MacGill was ‘fit’, so he was rushed backed into the side. He was not fit, he was not motivated, and decided to give it up. The problem was Australia selectors did not think this was a possibility. Instead of taking the next best spinner in the country, they took a project player.

Even MacGill has said McGain should have been taken. He wasn’t and Casson was given a test.

Beau Casson 1 test

Casson was no where in Australian spinning. I wrote about the best 7 or so spinners in shield cricket mid way through last year, and he wasn’t on it. I saw him bowl on the same pitch McGain took a five for, and he was ordinary, Victoria treated him like a part timer. I assumed he was playing as a batsman.

Then he took wickets in his last 3 or 4 matches, and he took a fair few, some of them were taken head to head against McGain in the shield final, a game where McGain was injured and Victoria had a impossible chase on the last day but they had a crack anyway and Casson cashed in.

This, and the fact MacGill was fit, meant he got a ticket to the Windies, and then a test match, as flying McGain over for a dead test was never going to happen. He picked up 3 wickets and bowled average, then he was shafted. Now they look to have ruined his confidence forever.

Picking Hauritz before him was like getting his Grandmother to shit down his throat, after the rest of the family have had their turn. By the time he is feeling better, others will be ahead of him.

White 4 tests

Was picked under the” he can bat a bit and when he was younger he bowled ok” ruling for India. The selection never really made sense, and when Krejza came in and did well, it made even less sense.

White hardly bowled for Victoria in the previous season, and in general struggles to bowl to good players of spin. So picking him was their way of saying, the rest of you suck.

4 tests, can you believe it.

Krejza 1 test

According to Tim Neilson, was held back until he was ready. Lucky he wasn’t played a week earlier, that could have been disastrous. I thought he was the best spinner behind McGain, and that still looks correct, his 12 wickets are hard to really judge, but his bowling was good, and he stood under the pressure.

He would be pissed to miss the Gabba, and then Radelaide, especially being replaced by a club spinner, but will definitely play in Melbourne and Sydney.

Hauritz 1 test

Who the hell knows. Ricky seems to think he bowled ok, Jeremy Coney and Paul Allot gave him some stick on sky, I thought he was lucky, to get a test and wickets.

I would have preferred Xavier Doherty or Aaron Heal really.

McGain, never mind

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Nov 08 2008
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Krejza, An Andalusian Dog

This never really happened, did it.

8 wickets, on debut, for a guy with a first class record that makes ordinary look great.

It’s a fucken surreal dream that should include ants coming out of hands.

We don’t even know the dude though.

Imagine you were Krejza’s best friend, his lover, his mother.

Hopefully not all three.

But one of them.

And he was playing his first test.

What is the best result you could hope for, 6 wickets in the match, a handy 2 for in the first innings, an a plucky 4 wickets in the second.

What would you be thinking as the wickets went down one by one.

Dravid, the wall, mounted by your little boy.

Sehwag, the god, struck down by your special guy.

VVS, the surgeon, sliced open by your main man.

Dhoni, the waddling model, side swiped by your mate.

Ganguly, the Giant Alien Lizard, probed by the light of your life.

Then the tailenders, which are the cherry on top of your surreal little day.

Can you imagine how this would feel?

Ofcourse not, because we saw this shit, we don’t know him, and half of us don’t believe what we saw.

Imagine what his family, friends and lovers must be feeling.

Some of them must be thinking they just drank from one of Jason’s spiked drinks.

They must be doubting their reality matrix at this stage.

And if the freaky deaky dream like Krejza experience wasn’t enough, then as they are coming down, a krab scuttles out and makes 90* off 120 balls.

Luis Buñuel couldn’t make that shit up.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
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Nov 07 2008
general balls

the day that was

Australia

Until Lunch it was business as usual.

Then Krejza took Australia on a wonderful ride.

And Katich took over after tea.

India

India somehow went from Trophy holders to nervous ninnies.

It was the collapse that India had resisted so far in the series.

But they did it in style, and then were worked over by two left handers.

Who is in front

India still has the lead, but Australia are in the game, and they are dangerous.

Tomorrow it could be all level.

Play of the day

Mishra’s debut with the bat.

It lasted one ball, in his 3rd test, and he missed what can be described as a deceptively straight one from Krazy Krejza.

Testicular moment of the day

Can’t really look past Krejza can you.

He stood tall amongst the carnage on day one, but on day two he walked through another attack and then did something that no thought he had in him.

He took 8 wickets, and brought india down.

Working Class man of the day

Someone woke up Simon Katich.

Not only did he make runs, but he did so quickly, and took the day away from India.

Brain Fade of the day

Dhoni looks the goods as a captain, and has been batting pretty well in this series.

But what the fuck?

That shot was just all sorts of ugly, and it started a collapse.

Brain Fade of the day II

Australia got off to a great start with the bat.

And just as they looked like really pushing ahead, hayden hits the ball straight to mid on and runs.

He almost made it, if it wasn’t for Khan’s manly shoulders and the fact India had their best fielder there, he might have made it.

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Nov 07 2008
Uncategorized

The Balls & Ass Of Krazy Krejza

Balls

8 fucking wickets on debut.

The pitch was not some sinning spinning minefield.

Actual flight.

Actual spin.

Actual bounce.

Has guts.

Can take on the best.

Good variation.

Great sideburns

Ass

Leaks runs like dysentery.

Took the wickets on a track with spin.

Was attacked with gay abandon.

Even Cam bowled well yesterday.

4th Australian in history to score 200 with the ball

Bob Massie had great sideburns as well.

Australia dislikes finger spinners.

No doosra.

Is from NSWales.

Looks like a mugger.

A bunch of the top order went out to shit, shit shots.

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Nov 07 2008
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the day that was

Australia

Same shit, different day.

20 wickets seem so elusive to them.

Lee continued to look like he couldn’t take a wicket.

India

Another good days play for India.

A lot of batsmen gave away starts, but over 300 is over 300.

Need to make a couple of hundred more.

Who is in front

India, usually I’d say it’s even, but Australia don’t seem to be able to wrap India up at all.

So India are in front by a distance on recent form.

Play of the day

Brett Lee’s catching attempt from Sachin’s brain fade in the 90’s.

The catch attempt was funny, but the commentary gets play of the day.

“He did well to get a hand on it really” Says BJ as the replay clearly shows Lee missed it and it smacked his chest “if he did get a hand on it.”.

Mark Nicholas almost won for his “Jeepers, Creepers” when Sachin almost got caught and bowled.

Testicular moment of the day

I tossed the metaphorical coin and decided Krejza deserved this one.

A lesser man than he has been smashed around by Sehwag and never come back from it.

He continued to throw the ball up and actually spin it, a revolutionary concept in the moder world.

It may not have always been pretty, but 3 wickets were gotten by he.

Working Class man of the day

The first 50 runs Sachin made were pretty nice, but the next 50 was scrappy as fuck, and he seemed to be in the 90’s longer than Greg Blewett used to be.

Luckily Australia helped out the old fella though.

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Nov 06 2008
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Own up

Jason Krejza is no superstar.

Obviously.

But he already looks more suited to India than Lee or Clark.

When Krejza was picked to tour I wasn’t that unhappy.

I thought he should have got the gig before Casson, and he did.

Then he got smashed in the warm up game, and all the good things I have said about him, and there were a couple, were forgotten by me.

Suddenly the White & Watson combination looked better, than Krejza and anyone.

Watson and White, for all their average bowling, have taken 11 wickets in the series, which as the joint 4th bowler is better than Lee and Clark.

Both of them have been handy with the bat, without dominating.

But they weren’t going to cover the shortfall of the 2 main bowlers not getting any wickets.

Krejza was the risk Australia needed to take to win this test.

Once upon a time would have taken it.

Not now, in this day and age they would have weighed up all the probables, and decided White was less risky.

The only risk they took in the first 3 tests was on Clark’s elbow, and that failed in the 3rd test.

Now, with the series almost gone, Krejza comes in.

And he performs, maybe not at Ashley Mallett levels, but he took more wickets than the rest of the Australians put together.

Australia was too slow to adapt.

The other added bonus of having Krezja play was that Cameron White bowled well.

Stripped of his role as number one spinner, Cam bowled quite well, as being second string spinner is his thing.

So now that we know that Krejza can bowl in India, why has it taken Australia so long to bring him in?

And who made the decision?

Was it the selectors or Ricky?

Someone needs to own up to this, if you want to be the big cheese, you have to own up to your mistakes as well as your successes.

But why do I get the feeling that no one will put their hand up for this one.

I would have picked him for the 3rd test, instead of Clark, even i can admit that was too late, and he should have come in before that.

We all make mistakes boys, but owning up to them wont kill you.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
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Nov 06 2008
Uncategorized

Krazy Krejza comes in from shipyard clutching a golden coin he found in a tanker of faeces

Jason Krejza, the man with the bowling average higher than one of his night outs on the town, got a game.

And what a game.

He started with some penertrating bowling at 10 an over.

Just as he was about to be put down forever, something weird happened.

He got out proper test batsmen.

Repeatedly.

It’s not often you can go for 5 an over and take more than half the wickets in the day, but Krazy Krejza did so.

He got Dravid, and slipped one through Laxman, but they are both in their golden years.

But he got Sehwag.

The God, the prophet, the leader of Sehwagology.

And he was flying, really flying.

We all know what that is like, like taking Heroin intravenously while having sex with Katie Holmes as Samantha Morton burns a tied up Tom Cruise with a cattle brand that says, Massive wanker me, with Fugazi playing live next door.

Sehwag was deceived, ever so slightly.

It happens, the man’s utter brilliance often runs out of the cup.

You can only walk the line so often.

Now Krejza can go to his grave a happy man.

On its tombstone it shall read:

“Here lies Krazy Krejza, loved by his family, and the luckiest mother fucker ever to bowl off spin, he will be sorely”

Ofcourse he didn’t get Tendulkar out, that is for Victorian debutantes.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
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