Tagged with jamie siddons

To the Desh

For months I have been living in a endless spire of two particular countries playing each other over and over again with the result ever changing. Today I had to give up a ame of cricket because I can’t move my neck, so the last thing I wanted, was to watch another one sided bashing of young kids.

The team that was losing is very likeable, they have a breath taking opening batsmen, a hard working all rounder as captain and a bunch of kids who all have some talent but didn’t look ready.

Then there was the coach, that embittered bald angry violent scowling hard man who had given three years of his life and probably a easier job somewhere else because he wants to make this a tough side to beat. He becomes the face of the team because he can’t hide his emotions and tells it like it is in interviews.

When the other hangers on cheered his opener’s many runs from front and square on the balcony, the coach was usually nowhere to be seen or way in the background gently clapping while the others celebrated like they had won the Ashes, World Cup, World T20 Asia Cup in one go. He expects these guys to make big scores, and doesn’t get carried away.

On Thursday this team started their third series against England this year, it has been 247 days since they have one an international match, they’ve never beaten England and yet again their opposition treat them like a joke by resting their ket batsmen and bowler.

It should have just been a continuation of defeat.

But there were changes made, the captain was given a break so another all rounder could come in and captain his side while making about his 17th comeback from injury.

He didn’t captain like they couldn’t lose this game, he captained like they had a real chance.

Their batting was plucky and safe, their main man hadn’t fired but they had 236.

A team that has performed this bad in the recent past shouldn’t be able to defend 236, but they kept hanging in, taking wickets, playing as a team, they even had time to give a mate an over for fun.

They had an ally in the opposition. A grizzled batsman who seemed to be batting for his career and not quite thinking.  The opposition also lost a man to injury during the game and their big middle order weapon never fired.

That didn’t mean this team of underdogs had it easy, it still went to the wire.

With 8 balls to go they looked like their team performance was in vain, but they kept at it, and they even had a moment of premature-celebration when they took the 9th wicket assuming the injured batsman would not come in.

He did, and that must have put them young team off.  Two balls later the opposition only needed 6 runs off 4 balls, and it looked all over.

That was the moment when the big bad old boy of world cricket steals the game and leaves the fans with nothing but embarrassment at ever having hope.

Instead a slower ball was bowled, the only opposition batsman that really scored was caught behind and this nation finally beat their one bogey side.

It was just a one dayer in just another meaningless series, but when they won it was everything.

The players celebrated like they had never won before, the coach transformed from the most miserable man in cricket to its happiest, the support staff were so happy they were almost hurting each other with bear hugs.

This isn’t going to change this team.

The next game against England isn’t going to be magically easier, this young side isn’t about to take world cricket by storm, but when you haven’t won in 247 days, a win is a massive event.

Maybe this will give them confidence, maybe it will be a blip.

But when this side wins a match cricket fan’s smile, and that is a good thing.

Well done, boys.  And I think I speak for almost everyone who loves cricket when I say that.

My neck is still very fucken sore, but now it is sore from screaming like a dickhead when you took that wicket.

Now, how about one more win?

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The CWB football team

I’ve decided to pick a team of football from what cricket has to offer.  It wouldn’t win the world cup, but I think I’d enjoy watching them play.

Striker

Sachin– sure he is not gifted with the most athletic frame, but like a non mental Diego Maradonna more than makes up with it with the ability to score at will and carry a team.  Has had some pretty handy world cups already.

Striker

Pollard – big strong and has great club form, picked for his ability to turn only a few opportunities into goals.  People worry that he has never done anything at international level to justify his millionaire status.  He doesn’t seem to mind.  Probably not adverse to the odd dive and handy with headers.

Left Midfield

Sulieman Benn – Occasional brilliance is often overshadowed by talk of his height and temper.  Only player to be sent off by his own captain after a bad tackle and bad attitude.  It is never clear if he ever tries to actually hit the ball in a tackle.

Centre Midfield

Ponting– Scores more than most, but is still a very heavy handed defender.  Is quick, plays well of both feet, is a winner, but can lose his temper at times. Has won at the top level a few times before. Doesn’t like being substituted.

Centre Midfield

Mark Boucher – A tough team player.  Like a rugged family sedan, once you have him there you’d know that spot was well taken care of.  Yet you’d still drop him from time to time to see if you have someone younger or flashier.  He might misread how much injury time is left in big games.

Right Midfield

Paul Collingwood – Often thought of as nothing more than a defender who plays midfield, yet he can score on occasions and is always important at the end of matches.  Only has a right foot, and this often makes his ungainly style look even uglier than it would normally.

Left Back

Ray Price – Hard as nails, ready to hack you just for fun, always slower than the men he is defending.  No one ever gets past him with the ball and their shins.

Centre Back

Charl Langeveldt – Steady, consistent, easily droppable, and dependable.  He will have been in and out of the team for years.  The sort of defender that gets no headlines but does the job when you can’t find anyone better.

Centre Back

Kumar – Silky smooth defender that makes the opposition strikers feel ungainly in comparison.  Always takes a piece of the ball, is the captain, penalty taker, and pin up boy of the team.  Also the most likely to put off the opposition when they’re taking a penalty.

Right Back

Harbhajan Singh – An attacking insane defender who loves to take free kicks from 40 yards believing that he can score a goal.  Mostly he’ll miss by a mile, but every now and then he’ll score.  Will also be red carded for the occasional slap.

Keeper

Rahul Dravid – Nothing gets past Rahul.  Sure there are times he is less animated than an East German goal keeper, but would you ever back yourself to get through him?

Manager

Jamie Siddons – All the best managers have trouble keeping their emotions in check, Siddonds fits  this well.  With him in full view of the cameras you can really see the veins almost explode in his head as the other team score.

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crashraful sacked

Test cricket’s little baby captain has been fired.

Bangladesh are sick and tired of plucky efforts that take them nowhere, and comedy losses that aren’t that funny.

Somehow Jamie Siddons has managed to keep onto his job, which must surprise him as much as anyone else.

Of recent times the Play doh tigers have looked more disciplined than ever before, but they still lose.

And losing to Ireland must have really stung.

But Jamie stays on.

Having a test captain who is a virgin that only just started shaving has never helped anyone, ask Pakistan.

So this is a positive move, let crashraful be crashraful, and get in the richest Bangladeshi cricketer of all time, Mashrafe Mortaza, to captain the side.

Whether Mortaza has leadership skills is unknown to most of us, but when was the last time you looked at a Bangladeshi cricketer and thought ‘that man has leadership written all over him’.

Most of them look like over achieving maths geeks.

What is exciting is that Mortaza is a fast bowler, and usually they are overlooked as captains because they are supposed to be brain dead.

With KP captaining England recently, it has been proved that if batsmen of questionable intelligence can captain, there is no reason fast bowlers can’t be given a go.

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Ashraful, that’s my dawg

Jamie Siddons was an idol of mine.

Not just because he was Victorian, but because he was hard, and talented.

He would destroy bowlers and then often destroy himself.

Almost every time I saw him get out I felt cheated, even though I saw him make quite a few hundreds.

He was off the chain at almost all times.

He is the best non test playing batsman I have seen.

Fuck that, he is just one of the best batsman I’ve seen.

Had he been born in a state that had New South in the title he would have been a fair chance to play quite a few tests.

He was a fiery man, who got in a few fights with team mates, and even had an extremely brief AFL career as well.

And you have to respect his decision to leave Victoria just at the time Dean Jones was dropped from the Australian side.

But his coaching of the Deshi Toygers is starting to get on my nerves.

He was given a team with only one star.

The free spirited unpredictable Ashraful.

Ashraful bats like an ice addict on the number 57 tram.

For those who travel on the number 57 tram in Melbourne, I’m talking about the tall black dude with the dreadlocks that opens and closes the window every 30 seconds.

You are never sure quite what you are going to get from ol’ tall dreadlock dude, but you can’t stop looking at him, through fear and entertainment, and he always gets off the tram earlier than you’d hope. Sometimes to your relief, sometimes to your disappointment.

Jamie, although a Victorian, was never a Melbourne boy, and therefore probably never saw the dude on the 57 tram.

Siddons is doing his best to stifle the young Mohammad’s aggression.

You can train a dog to be consistent Jamie.

Ashraful is not a dog.

He is what we like to call here, a serious batsman type batsman.

Sure he hits the ball in the air a lot, and sometimes makes 19 off 7 balls before going out.

He is too beautiful a creature to be leashed, let him run around the park mounting the others for a while yet.

While I am sure it is heartening that he made a steady 56 off 90, but how many one day games will that win for Bangladesh.

What they need is a man who can win a one day game on his own, and Ashraful is just the dawg to do that.

For tests matches Jamie can try and rein him in, but I think Jamie might find that Ashraful is not the sort of dude to be kept down by the man.

He is a batsman, not a thinker.

If anyone should understand that, it’s Jamie Siddons.

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Easy Ashraful

Jamie Siddons has told his young captain Mohammad Ashraful to make more runs.

Jamie was a hero of mine as a kid.

He was the talented Victorian batsman I liked more than the other one as I grew up, even after he left Victoria.

When I found out he was taking over the Kittens of Bangladesh I was very excited.

I still am.

But Jamie, leave the next Aravinda De Silva alone.

Ashraful is a player of instinct, he is not a thinker, or a probot.

He has Chainsaws for hands.

With these hands he can slice an attack in half.

Unfortunately he usually cuts off his own legs.

But you need to learn how to crawl before you can walk, and by cutting off your legs that is a good start.

Ashraful is a free spirit, like Dennis Hopper in Easy Rider, he doesn’t need rules man, he doesn’t wanna hear about “expectation” or “responsibility”, man.

This was a conversation the Siddons and Ashraful had in front of a confused media milieu.

Jamie Siddons: You know, this used to be a helluva good country. I can’t understand what’s gone wrong with it.

Mohammad Ashraful: Man, everybody got chicken, that’s what happened. Hey, we can’t even get into like, a second-rate one day game, I mean, a second-rate one day game, you dig? They think we’re gonna get bowled out for 12 or somethin’. They’re scared, man.

Jamie Siddons: They’re not scared of you. They’re scared of what you represent to ‘em.

Mohammad Ashraful: Hey, man. All we represent to them, man, is somebody who needs a 9 international players.

Jamie Siddons: Oh, no. What you represent to them is minnows.

Mohammad Ashraful: What the hell is wrong with minnows? That’s what it’s all about.

Jamie Siddons: Oh, yeah, that’s right. That’s what’s it’s all about, all right. But talkin’ about it and bein’ it, that’s two different things. I mean, it’s real hard to be a minnow when you are bought and sold in the marketplace. Of course, don’t ever tell anybody that they’re not a minnow, ’cause then they’re gonna get real busy killin’ and maimin’ to prove to you that they are. Oh, yeah, they’re gonna talk to you, and talk to you, and talk to you about being a minnow. But when they see a minnow, it’s gonna scare ‘em.

Mohammad Ashraful: Well, it don’t make ‘em runnin’ scared.

Jamie Siddons: No, it makes ‘em dangerous.

Perhaps they should both lay off the green.

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what brad hodge deserves

Brad Hodge said he deserves a place in the aussie top six.

Well Brad, i deserve a spot in natalie portman, but i don’t tell the associated press that i deserve it. I just think ablout ways to make my dream come alive when I’m alone in my room.

Perhaps Brad you should take your case to Jamie Siddons, Darren Berry, Martin Love or Stuart Law.

I suggest to you, Brad, shutting up and continuing to make runs.

And for fucks sake stop pretending your an opener.

Uncle J Rod hates pretty much all Brads. Hogg, Haddin, Hodge, Hardie and Flood.

Sign the petition below banning all Brads from the Australian cricket team.

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the pak v aus a series

I’ve been keeping an eye over the Pakistan A vs. Australia A series. I like the A series. I like to know who stands up, who to watch out for, and how cricketers go on tours.

This tour Doug Bollinger has appeared to bowl well. I find that interesting as I thought he was a spastic and was basically picked because he was from New South Wales. James Hopes had a pretty good series as well (as I mentioned in my brilliantly written and researched article about all rounders, I really am quite talented).

Most importantly for Australian cricket Phil Jacques was on fire. He made 2 hundreds and an 80. It will be interesting to see if he is picked as the Aussie opener. The money seems to be on Brad Hodge, but I really don’t think he will make a good opener. Just because turning Langer into an opener worked doesn’t mean it will for Hodge.

My choice would be for Hussey or Jacques. Both are openers by trade. If you throw in Chris Rogers from Western Australia there is not a shortage of openers, so why make one out of Hodge.

It seems to be the sort of thing a government or global company would do. You have three options that all look like they could easily handle the job. One of them is already performing at the top level and has done the job for years. The other two have scored over 10000 runs doing that very job, so lets get a guy who has never done it before.

Maybe they should pay a consultant to help Hodge learn how to open. Langer perhaps, he has to feed his 83 kids after all..

David Hussey, brother of the Probot king Michael Hussey, also made 2 centuries. David is much different to Michael. He is more of a free flowing attacking batsman. He is less concerned with how he looks and more concerned with hitting the ball hard. Sort of a Dean Jones mixed with Allan Border if that’s possible or if it makes any sense at all. I was going to say like Jamie Siddons, but since he never played a test and most people never saw him play that won’t help anyone.

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