cricket with balls

OVER 1 – Ntini kicks off the bowling. Patel and Asnodkar are the batsmen. Nice tight over from Ntini. Score: 2 – 0.

Jrod says Now i know why they didn’t take Bryce McGain, cause he might of actually gotten a game. I assume (although I can’t be sure) that he’s talking about the Test, not the IPL.

OVER 2 – The rather delicious Gony is bowling. Run rate required – 8.6. FOUR! hit square from Asnodkar (whose name is very difficult to remember,if anyone has a mnemonic or something do let me have it), just out of Raina’s reach. FOUR! Vidyut doesn’t manage his dive right. Score: 14 – 0.

OVER 3 – Ntini. Still keeping it tidy. FOUR! nice little glance from Asnodkar. Score: 19 – 0.

OVER 4 – WICKET!!! Patel bowled Gony. DRINK! Ickle inside edge. New bat – Kamran Akmal, and he seems to have recovered from the nasty collision with Kaif from earlier. Gony is wearing a silver bangle on his right hand. How can he bowl with a silver bangle dangling around? Also the darker yellow round the collar of the Chennai shirts is very unappealing; looks like a sweat stain. FOUR! Flat slog from Asnodkar, although I won’t be sorry if he gets out because I am really struggling with his name. And his first name is Swapnil, which is redonkly counterintuitive to type. Score: 27 – 1.

Dave asks what we drink for a maiden. I reckon that’s a downed glass, don’t you?

OVER 5 – Ntini back. FOUR! Big one-bounce four from Asnodkar (it isn’t getting easier by the repetition). FOUR! whipped away fine by Akmal. Score: 36 – 1. RRR: 8.53. ARR (actual run rate): 7.2.

Q gives some great IPL trivia, much more interesting than all the Stuart MacGill talk that’s currently dominating the comments.

• Each team has a member of the 20-20 world cup winning team – Dhoni (CSK) & Yusuf Pathan (RR).
• Joginder Sharma who is not playing this game is in CSK’s squad is also a 20-20 world cup winner.
• Sohail Tanvir and Kamran Akmal, both playing for RR, were part of the losing finalists in the 20-20 World Cup.
• Younis Khan, not playing this match and a part of RR’s squad, was also a losing finalist.

OVER 6 – Gony bowling. Deepak says that he likes Asnodkar’s name. Deepak, I hate it, although I agree that he has no idea where his shots are going. Homer is still on Innuendo Watch and says to remind him to drink at high noon next time. Homer, I have that effect on people. Good over from Gony. Score: 41 – 1.

OVER 7 – Albie Morkel comes on and THANK FRICKIN CHRIST FOR THAT he gets Asnodkar first ball. WICKET!!!! Caught by Raina at point, for 28. Shane Watson is the new batsman (steady on, ladies). Morkel has lost his shoe and is now retying it, giving Nike a nice few seconds of footage. WICKET!!!!! Akmal RUN OUT by Ntini, laser accuracy to the stumps. Utter madness! there was never a run there! no need for third umpire, Akmal himself realised his mistake I think and didn’t even bother to throw himself down. Yusuf Pathan now in. Brilliant over for Chennai. Score: 44 – 3.

OVER 8 – Bowling change – Balaji on. Lakshmipathy Balajy. Now THERE’S a name I can get on board with. Yusuf Pathan, you may remember, was brought unexpectedly into the final of the world Twenty20 on the back of his domestic big-hitting, so can he pull things back a bit for the Royals? Chennai have Murali lurking in the wings too let’s not forget. FOUR – swatted baseball style past the bowler by Watson. Score: 51 – 3.

OVER 9 – Albie Morkel continues. And, thinks he has a wicket as Yusuf spoons one in the air and Parthiv catches it! BUT NO! – caught off a leg bye as it took Yusuf on the head, but Billy Bowden didn’t signal the leg bye, but the upshot of it all is that Yusuf lives to fight another day. FOUR! Lovely shot from Shane Watson, all timing. Score: 61 – 3.

OVER 10 – Balaji. FOUR! Yusuf comes down the pitch, flicks it square. FOUR! Yusuf absolutely creams one that Murali can’t stop despite only having to move a few metres to the left to get to it. FOUR! Shane hits a cheeky fine boundary. Yusuf is cold eyed, focussed. Score: 75 – 3. RRR: 8.9. ARR: 7.5.

OVER 11 – MURALI! Murali is here! HUGE lbw shout first ball v Yusuf, Bowden is having none of it. YUSUF DROPPED!!!!! He hits it high, Raina runs to get underneath it but fumbles it. Gaah! What could that cost? Q, I have corrected my earlier Shane / Yusuf mix-up! Score: 80 – 3.

OVER 12 – Morkel is back. He had quite an impact in his first over. Ooh – No-ball, what looked like a missed catching chance, 2 runs, and a free hit, and the first instance this game of the phrase “the line belongs to the umpire”. But well bowled, no runs off the free hit. SACHIN SIGHTING! Drink 2 fingers, everyone. Score: 87 – 3.

Dave likes the way Fleming says “Kapugedera”. Dave, I like the way he says everything.

OVER 13 – Murali continues. Royals need 76 off 47. Q asks how many fingers to drink for spotting Sreesanth. None, but you have to administer a mock-slap to the next person you see. SIX! DLF MAXIMUM! That was a huge hit from Yusuf! 50 partnership up. AND AGAIN! SIX! That was even huger! they’re talking about Murali – Yusuf being the big battle, well right now Yusuf is having a good time of it. Score: 102 – 3. At this point Chennai were 97 – 3.

OVER 14 – Gony back. Royals need 62 off 42 and almost got 4 of them but Ntini just stopped it hitting the ropes. Yusuf DROPPED! dropped caught and bowled. Dropped on 13 and 33. Oooh a little bit of something going on between Vidyut and Shane Watson. Good over from Gony. Score: 107 for 3.

OVER 15 – Royals need 57 off 36. Murali back. WICKET!!!! Bowls Shane Watson. Shane got 28 off 19. New bat: Mohammad Kaif. Comes in and has a chat with Yusuf with words from the dug out, presumably saying “hit it! just hit it!”. Score: 112 – 4.

OVER 16 – Royals need 52 off 30. Balaji Balaji Balaji returns. They’re describing him as the weak link, but they haven’t had to repeatedly type Asnodkar. FOUR! Lovely shot from Yusuf, who knows what he has to do, and the fielder fumbles it onto the boundary. Full toss and SIX!!! DLF MAXIMUM!!! Drink! Score: 125 – 4.

OVER 17 – Royals need 39 off 24. Murali continues. And DLF MAXIMUM SIX!!!! from Kaif. His earlier collision with Akmal hasn’t affected his eye, it appears. SIX!!!! DLF!! Fifty up for Yusuf. If he brings them home, he’s my man of the match, for this and for his wickets. WICKET!!! Kaif bowled Murali caught Dhoni. Score: 139 – 5.

OVER 18 – Royals need 25 off 18. And the words “eminently gettable” spring to mind. Jadeja is the new bat. Morkel comes back into the attack and… WICKET!!!! another wicket on the first ball of an over for him. Golden duck for Jadeja! OMG! New bat: SHANE KEITH WARNE. No-ball! Free hit, Warney to take it. Yusuf and Shane have a chat. Presumably Shane says “I’ll just hit it” and they take a single off it, Warne keeping himself off strike. GAAH! There’s a mix up between the bats, Warne doesn’t respond to Murali’s call, could have been a run out but Yusuf runs in front of the stumps, Morkel stands in the wrong place, no run out. And now Murali is hurt. O noes!

BUT: NEXT BALL THIS HAPPENS: the bats try to take a single, Suresh Raina throws LIKE A FRICKIN DEMON and runs out Yusuf. Chennai are going crazy! Pathan goes for 56!

New bat: Sohail Tanveer. Now he can smack it around a bit. The batsmen have the “just hit it!” chat between themselves. Score: 146 – 7.

OVER 19 – Royals need 18 off 12. Dhoni turns to Ntini. It’s anybody’s game, although Jrod still fancies the Vics and pities the fool who comes between Warne and a trophy, and we are talking about the blingiest trophy on earth here. The commentator is giving far too much detail about perspiration. Ntini folds his sleeves up to show how serious he is. FOUR! Warne gets one through. Score: 156 – 7.

Who will get the last over? remember Joginder Sharma in the World T20? Will Dhoni go for Balaji?

OVER 20 – Royals need 8 from 6. And he HAS gone for Balaji! Tanveer takes the strike. Ball by ball now.

• 1. A single brings Warne on strike. If it’s drawn, it’s a bowl-out.
• 2. Dot.
• 3. Single.
• 4. Six to get. Will Tanveer go for it? Slower delivery dribbles along, A WIDE!
• 4. Single.
• 5. Two! SCORES LEVEL!
• 6. Tanveer on strike. SACHIN SIGHTING! Drink. And… SINGLE!!!

RAJASTHAN ROYALS WIN BY 3 WICKETS!!! Wow, WHAT a final! The Royals are mobbing Shane and Tanveer! Brilliant stuff!

Dhoni draws his team together for a huddle. The Royals are congratulating each other and especially Yusuf, who’s been my MOTM for sure. The Royals are revelling in this and Shane is now bringing over all his team to join him in the middle – what a captain, what a story.

Right, I am going to love you and leave you now. Thank you for all your comments and for running with my very first OBO – it’s been a blast. A DLF Maximum blast.

So, Rajasthan v Chennai. There’s been some kind of closing ceremony and they’re currently clearing up after that. The commentator says the IPL will be back next year, “probably with some of England’s stars”.

The post-ceremony clear-up is actually delaying the start. Is anyone actually capable of organising anything properly these days?

The presenter just pronounced “Wankhede” in a very rude way.

Oh damnit, we’ve missed the toss because they went to a commercial break. Warne wins, Rajasthan will bowl first.

Team news: Chennai look like this: PA Patel (wicket), S Vidyut, SK Raina, MS Dhoni, CK Kapugedera, S Badrinath, JA Morkel, M Gony, L Balaji, M Muralitharan, M Ntini.
Rajasthan: Kamran Akmal (wicket), SA Asnodkar, YK Pathan, M Kaif, SR Watson, NK Patel, RA Jadeja, SK Warne, SK Trivedi, MM Patel, Sohail Tanvir. Graeme Smith is hurt.

Pitch: an odd colour, apparently. White. This is a pitch report that even I could do. Openers are encouraged by Sunil to try to get on the front foot. Damien Fleming is there, wearing a green Indian outfit. Arun Lal is in purple. Oh they just did a cheesy “yeah” thing together.

Warne gives good interview doesn’t he. Managed to say, with a perfectly straight face, that he has enjoyed the company of Graeme Smith. Wants to restrict Chennai to 150.

If there’s any justice, Rajasthan should win this.

Spunout says “Every time Warne says Chennai, I think he’s saying ‘Jedi’ – now THAT would be a 20/20 match worth watching”. Spunout, why they didn’t call themselves the Chennai Jedi I do not know.

OMGPONIES! A Sachin sighting! As per the drinking game post, that’s 2 fingers.

THE CRICKET IS STARTING!!!

Patel and Vidyut are out to bat. Tanvir has the ball. Has an economy rate of about 6 an over.

OVER 1 – Bowden and Koertzen are the umpires. Babyface Patel is facing. Big LBW shout first ball. FOUR! wristily out to fine leg. The fielder is moving in so less square. Rajasthan’s kit makes them look like Lankans. Score: 6 – 0.

Jrod says “Ryan Campbell bagged Fleming for wearing a dress, not very PC, but that is why i love him”. I think Fleming looks kinda hot in the dress.

OVER 2 - Shane “nudie pics please” Watson is bowling. The lighting is DEEPLY unflattering on his complexion. Bowls a short one, gives a long stare and an “ooooh”. He can’t really pull that off, just looks a bit gay. FOUR! Score: 12 – 0.

Q says “It looks like the commentating team have a wedding to attend after the match…Did anyone read what Brett Geeves had to say when he attended Dilshan’s wedding in Delhi?”. Q, I think they look pretty. I missed the Brett Geeves thing – wanna enlighten?

OVER 3 – Munaf Patel is bowling. Chennai work the singles. Goodness me Ravi Shastri is a handsome man. Score: 16 – 0.

Q says: Its a strange one for the mumbai gay website Uncle J talked about recently – they would want to see Watson bowl well and beat the batsmen, but they wouldn’t want to see Akmal holding on to Watson’s balls… Q! Naughty!

OVER 4 – Watson is still on. FOUR! Also some pretty good fielding from Rajasthan, that’s the second time someone has flung themselves in front of a certain 4. SIX! DLF MAXIMUM! That’s 2 fingers of my drink. Score: 29-0.

Jrod is wondering whether I am doing the OBO properly, with my scrolldown format. I am doing the OLD-STYLE Guardian OBO format, so that it reads like a story, because thats the way (uhuh uhuh) I like it (uhuh uhuh).

Q gives me this: “”It was mesmeric. The music, the clothes that they wore, the atmosphere was completely a new experience for me.” A dazzled Brett Geeves speaks after attending Tillakaratne Dilshan’s wedding in New Delhi”. Brett, did they give you something special to smoke as well?

OVER 5 – Munaf stays on. SACHIN SIGHTING! 2 fingers, everybody. FOUR! Apparently Munaf can be predictable with his length. No lady likes that. Score: 39-0.

Homer says: “need to change the drinking guidelines Miriam (at the rate Chennai are going, I will barely be done with a glass by half time)..Can we have a finger for a four?”. Homer, I hear ya. I’m counting on the Sachin sightings getting me through.

OVER 6 – Yusuf Pathan is on. WICKET!!!!!!!!! Vidyut OUT, Bowled Pathan, good diving catch by Jadeja. I am glad I don’t have to type Vidyut’s first name. He got 16. Raina is in. Another babyface. Big LBW shout against Patel (the batsmen crossed). Score:42 – 1.

The comments are coming in quick and fast so I have to stop quoting them, but will paraphrase. Q asks if I saw Aamir Khan with his nephew. No, but how many fingers does one drink for that? Dave also asks what DLF stands for. I think it’s “Dear Little Friend” as per The Chronicles of Narnia. Jrod notes this blog’s history re Ravi Shastri fancying, and I say long may that continue.

OVER 7 – Siddarth Trivedi is on. GOOD NAME. Ooh, good face too. FOUR! I hope you all downed your drinks at the fall of wicket. Q enlightens us again: DLF is Delhi Land and Finance. Nearly a run out but Patel flings himself into the dirt and is safe. Score: 51-1.

Does anyone know how to make the text a bit smaller, or compressed?

OVER 8 – Warnie Warnie Warnie. Q has corrected some of my errors, and I have edited them accordingly. Jrod wants me to call Trivedi “Mr 15%”. Chennai / Jedi work a single a ball. Score: 57-1.

OVER 9 – Yusuf Pathan back. Has apparently been “tickled around a bit”, say the commentators. I agree with Homer, who asks if they have become Tony Greig. Q asks Jrod to explain the Mr 15% reference. Jrod? FOUR! BUT: WICKET!!!!! Patel OUT bowled Pathan c Akmal! What a hilarious dismissal! we all thought it was a missed stumping because of the way it bobbled around but it was in fact a catch! both wickets to Pathan so far. DRINK UP!

OVER 10 – Warnie! DLF mention, that’s 1 finger. and a DLF Maximum Six from Raina! it’s “gone the distance”! it’s alcoholic carnage. Score: 75 – 2.

Apparently the 15% is a reference to Trivedi’s action. Mel asks if I am going commando. Mel, I am fully dressed, and have put my hair in a ponytail to show how serious I am.

OVER 11 – Pathan, who has indeed stepped up for the Royals, I agree Q, continues. He’s economical as houses at the moment. 77 – 2.

Q asks who invited Sachin (re his alcohol consumption). I’m just glad SRK isn’t here.

OVER 12 – Warne back. Arul Lal is interviewing one of the franchise owners. I personally would prefer to see Warne bowl, but hey. SIX!!! Another DLF Maximum Six! from Morkel. That was indeed huge. I have to say, I love the combo of Warne and Akmal’s appealing. 87-2.

Re SRK, it’s a good thing he’s, as Dave points out, busy being such a “wonderful human being”, because otherwise I’d need to chill a few more bottles of cava.

OVER 13 – Pathan continues. SIX but NOT a DLF six. Albie smacks a big one and Watson kindly tips it over the boundary for him. WICKET!!!!! AND, OUCH, painful looking collision between fielders! Morkel gone. Bowled Pathan (that man again) caught eventually by Kamran Akman who currently looks to be in a fair bit of pain actually. Kaif, the other fielder, took one in the head too. People are getting medical treatment, but the commentator is taking positives and noting that a wicket has been taken. Dhoni has come on and is taking to Warnie. Cos Rajasthan have no other keeper, you see. I will keep you posted…

Akmal gets up, dusts himself off, continues, but Kaif has left the field. MS Dhoni is the new batsman. Score: 97 – 3.

OVER 14 – Mr 15% Trivedi is on. Watson saves the boundary. Sachin Sighting! Q thinks Warney looks tense, Jrod reckons Warney looks relaxed. SIX! to Raina. Just clears Jadeja on the boundary. Trivedi does the Shaun Pollock loopy slow bouncer rather nicely. Score: 109-3.

OVER 15 - Warne on, looking to cause Dhoni some trouble. Dhoni responds with a big SIX! straight down the ground, that has “gone the distance”, but NOT a DLF six. Score: 117-3 and that’s it for Warney’s bowling today.

OVER 16 – Tanvir back. Damien Fleming describes him as “a man of exquisite skill and prominent chin”. I thought I’d misheard him, but no, he went on to make a Jay Leno joke. Oh. my. god. the bling on the trophy is FRICKIN UNBELIEVABLE. FOUR Raina straight down the ground. Oh, Raina’s shirt number is wrong so part of it is obscured by elastoplast. I think that’s 2 fingers, people. Score: 127 – 3.

OVER 17 – Shane Watson on. Fleming notes, as Watson and Warne talk, that they are “the 2 peroxide blondes in action”. Lal / Fleming are wondering whether Tanvir should have been brought back on sooner. WICKET!! Raina out hitting it high and straight down the ground but not getting the distance. Bowled Watson caught Jadeja. New bat – Kapugedera. A Lankan! Lal/Fleming are now complaining about the time taken to bowl this order. Well it suits me fine, gives me time to type. Score: 130 – 4.

OVER 18 – Tanvir. Q, if you would like to amend the drinking game guidelines to involve every celebrity sighting, be my guest. Jrod notes that Damien Fleming is an “eastern suburbs” man and I get the impression this isn’t a compliment. Jrod, the first podcast, people said you sounded like him but you don’t. FOUR at the end of the over. Score: 139 – 4.

OVER 19 – Watson back on. Q notes that Lal/Fleming are moaning about penalising the bowling team, but that the match started late. Good point Q. Ooh, a shot of a wistful Graeme Smith. Kapugedera is having a good swipe at everything. Jadeja is having an excellent day in the field, saves another sure-fire boundary. 148 – 4.

OVER 20 – Tanvir. WICKET!!! Kapugedera hits one down the ground and it’s caught a few metres in from the boundary by Asnodkar. Badrinath is the new bat. SIX!!! Dhoni creams one straight. DLF! Anonymous notes, re Q wanting more reasons to drink, that it’s a shame Bangalore didn’t get through because one Misbah dismissal would have sorted him out. Q notes a hattrick is still on the cards (although not this innings). FOUR!! 3 fielders FLING themselves at Badrinath’s shot in comedy fashion but no-one gets there.

END OF INNINGS: 163 – 5. All to play for, I’d say! Game on. Homer is on Innuendo Spot today; Lal did indeed just suggest that Tanvir hits the blockhole and keeps ramming it in.

Join me in a few minutes for Rajasthan’s reply!