Tagged with ICL …

Feb 13 2009
ICL

ICL gets crunched

The players are lepers.

Terrorists stopped the last competition.

And now the credit crunch and India playing a proper series has fucked em over.

The ICL is postponed.

It sucks to be Tony Greig.

Even more so now.

The ICL might be the spur in Lalit Modi’s ass, but it hasn’t been a good ride for the owners.

You would have to wonder if the ICL can actually sustain itself in the long run.

Well unless they pimp out their mai female presenter.

They could dine out on that for a while.

But without her, the ICL is one bad season away from forclosure.

If they ever have another season.

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Jan 30 2009
ICL

Stuart Law is a terrorist

Kill him.

Right now, before he entraps younglings.

So kill him.

Before his kind of vermin take over the world.

He should be caught, hung, and then have his body burnt, just to be safe.

It is that simple.

Why is he a terrorist, well he plays in the ICL.

And that is a unacceptable.

It is the biggest crime you can do in cricket.

Take drugs, it’s ok, take money to throw your innings, never mind, be a South Africa, oh go one then.

But the ICL, that is way worse.

It’s like being a Nazi Scientologist who is a member of NAMBLA.

So Staurt Law must be taken out.

His kids should also be murdered for his crimes.

You know, so that future generations don’t grow up to be ICL players.

Law is the latest player to get fucked over for having the stain of ICL on his shirt collar.

He had the audacity to be almost be a batting coach of Australian juniors while still playing in the ICL.

Dizzy Gillespie had the same thought processes, the swine.

Not that long ago it was reported that an Indian ICL player was escorted from his old cricket club, couldn’t have him mixing with clean living cricketers.

OK it’s an unauthorised competition, we get it.

We really do, we understand why the IPL people might be pissed with it.

But is any of this working?

People are still playing in it, it’s still mildly successful, and no amount of harsh treatment seems to be stopping that.

What it is doing, is stopping Dizzy Gillespie helping out Australia’s young bowlers, and Stuart Law helping out the young batsmen.

And if they are really going to fuck over people involved with the ICL, why is Tony Greig allowed to watch, commentate, shit over, and come in any contact with authorised cricket?

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Nov 18 2008
Uncategorized

Inzy likes the Vibe

Inzy likes the Vibe

According to the chief, the banned ICL Pakistani players could soon be playing for the real team.

He feels a positive vibe.

We could see the Lahore Badass mother fucker players in their proper green shirt real soon.

This would please and disturb Tony Greig so much his head could explode.

On one hand he would be happy the ICL is getting more legit, but he would be disappointed the team and country he continually disses are the ones doing it.

And even better than all this, The badass mofos may even play a game against the legit proper Pakistan team.

Very cool.

They could battle it out for right to be the proper Pakistan side.

And the losers have to hand back their passports.

Or they could play to the death position by position.

Who ever scores more, or takes more wickets gets to live and play for Pakistan, and the other one has to burn himself to death in classic effigy style.

What could be more Pakistani than that.

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Nov 16 2008
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Nazir’s Anti-Nadir

It’s hard to get to excited over a dashing ton in 2020 cricket.

There may be a lot of sixes and fours, but the batsman gets a license to swing away.

The game is designed for sixes, so when they happen they don’t have the same impact on you as a test six would.

It’s part of the reason that traditional cricket lovers aren’t fawning all over the game.

But today Imran Nazir shit all over that theory.

He hit 11 sixes in 44 balls on his way to 111* to win the ICL final final for the Lahore Badass Mother Fuckers.

Like Chris Gayle and Prince Brendan before him, he was so dynamic that even though the game was designed for him to do what he did, you didn’t care.

A six off the first ball over extra cover makes you forget about formats and average attacks and makes you sit back and gawk in geekish wonderment.

Had this been the first time you had seen Imran Nazir bat you would have been excused for thinking he was the best batsman of all time.

Had you seen him before you would have been excused for asking for a piss test.

I can’t really explain the innings for you.

You either saw it live, or you will never truly understand it.

You can get too carried away with the ICL form, like the commentators do, but the truth is hitting doesn’t get much cleaner than that.

And he was injured, this week has been a good time to be an injured batsman.

While Yuvraj’s innings had amazing shots, the two drives down the ground off Yorkers were amazing, he played himself in and then let go.

Nazir just exploded from ball one.

Few batsmen can do that.

And even less of them can do it like this.

The game was over at that point.

It was brutalism personified.

And as a spectacle would have been worth the admission several times over.

As a great knock, well it was in a second rate domestic tournament, but you can only beat the bowlers you face.

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Nov 14 2008
Uncategorized

The first final of the rabies league

I figured that since I was watching the ICL, I might as well tell you about it.

So click on read more for all the ICL goodness.

The Hyderabad Heroes were held back when they batted, or weighed down might be a better phrase, as Jimmy Maher just potted along at run a ball, when the pitch looked like a belter.

Thanks to the troglodydic all rounder Abdul Razzaq they put on 170 odd, but on the last 5 overs they should have had got a lot more.

Then Imran Nazir came out, and batted like a demon for 8 balls or so. Eventually Lahore found themselves at 3/136 needing a run a ball for the last 6 overs.

Then Chris Harris came on.

He bowled one of the overs of his life, and its been a long life.

Inzy and Mohammad Yousuf were at the crease and the game was over.

Harris came on and started off the over by bowling big Inzy with a skidder.

It was classic Harris, short of a length on the stumps, it was short enough that Inzy was eying which part of the crowd he was going to put it in, then it skidded, and bowled he was.

Then later in the over Lahore took another badly run run, so to speak, and the throw came in to Harris but it was miles from the stumps.

So Harris parried/bunted/bitchslapped the ball towards the stumps from about 2 metres away, running out Mohammad Yousuf.

Now that is an over.

Unfortunately it wasn’t enough from the grand old man, and Lahore got home at the first ball of the last over.

The Lahore Badass Mofo’s lived up to their name, the double hyphened Rana-ul-Naved gave Razzaq one of the loudest looking (I know) send offs ever.

And Razzaq got angry and just for a moment I thought there might be a chance of a little stoush.

This allowed Tony Greig to keep up with his anti-Pakistani propaganda.

“I’m afraid to say the scores are now level and Pakistan (not Lahore) are now going to win the game (because they are dirty), and when I say afraid to say, I’m afraid to say it because the Hyderabad heroes (they are good sports, which I have said many times) really have fought well (without cheating).”

He may not have made the (bracketed) comments.

But he was particularly anti-Pakistani today.

Not anti-Lahorian funnily enough.

It’s amazing he never seems to really bag Indians or Sri Lanka, he knows where he his bread is buttered.

Two more finals to go, plenty of time for Tony Greig to really stick the boot into the country of Pakistan.

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Nov 13 2008
Uncategorized

ICL photo story

So this is how it went down.

Abdul Razzaq, one of my favourite troglodyte allrounders, was smashing the team he should be playing for, the Lahore Badass mofos.

He smacks a big drive straight back to some off spinner no one has ever heard of, or maybe someone has Arshad Khan.

The guy drops it, and the sheer masculine force of the blow damages his hand.

Then when the hand is zoomed in on, we see that the hand is buggered.

Khan seems ok with this, and calmy waits for the trainer to come on and fix it.

He shows Abdul the damage.

You would think the Khan would be the one with this face.

Abdul was feeling quite ill, but then he saw her.

And he felt fine again.

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Nov 12 2008
ICL, pakistanis

Pakistan Vs the Lahore Badass mother fuckers

For Q the winner of the first CWBCL fantasy league.

Being that I have now admitted to watching the ICL, I can now tell you something wonderful that isn’t just about chubby journeymen dominating Indian fringe players.

Lahore.

They are the Pakistani side in the competition.

Watching them is like the first time you see a celebrity sex tape.

They make other 2020 teams look like Novocaine addicts.

They open up with a couple of Imran’s, Farhat & Nazir.

Nazir is one of those batsman that hits the ball so sweetly without any thoughts going through his head, he is a free spirit who deals in sixes.

Farhat is the more sensible one, but that’s ok, cause in at 3 is Naved-ul-Hasan, or as I like to call him the double hyphen.

He is sent in as a pinch hitter. There is nothing like a Pakistani pinch hitter, remember when Imran Khan used to come in and pinch hit, and occasionally come in and pinch block.

Double Hyphen just hits, and boy does he hit, you have to wonder why Pakistan never used his batting more often.

So once the dashers and sloggers are out the way, the class comes in, starting with Mohammad Yousuf, not long ago one of the best 3 batsmen on the planet, and is still close to it.

Straight after that is the man himself, Inzy, who smashed the ball around in the semi final like he would have in his prime. He runs the show, with Moin Khan, and he is just as cool as they have always been.

Then to round out the top order is Azhar Mahmood, still one of the better slogging all rounders in the word, even if he has been in a good paddock or two.

The bowlers aren’t shabby either.

Mohammad Sami takes the new ball, and is still quick and silky smooth.

Double Hyphen and Azhar obviously get a bowl and then the ball is thrown to the greatest English Pakistani off spinner of all time, Saqlain Mushtaq.

Fresh from being bored to death at Surrey, Saqi looks fresh and vibrant, and what’s that Saqi, you have another ball to go with your teesra and your doosra, that you invented and Tony Greig claims he named.

I don’t know what it is called, but it is like a leg cutter that slides on but looks like an offspinner. Genius.

And in the sheds, with a dodgy knee is the one and only Mushie.

That is a cool as fuck line up.

They stick out like dogs balls on a mouse in this league, they have more class, more excitement and are more watchable than any other team.

But what about the real Pakistan?

Lead by the work experience kid Shoaib Malik.

They do have exciting players, Misbah Ul Haq, also known as Misbah cricket, Shahid Afridi is still there, Shoaib Ahktar is back, and Younis Elvis Khan.

Salman Butt has a great name.

Sohail Tanvir is the 2nd best 2020 bowler in the world and the best bowler off the wrong foot.

But I can’t remember the last time I was excited to see Pakistan play.

They don’t even have a spinner who invents new deliveries.

Right now Lahore are everything Pakistan used to be.

Wildly unpredictable, compulsive viewing, dynamic, sexy, Inzy and better than a Kate Winslet & Natalie Portman session.

It’s a shame we can’t have it in the main team.

But at least we have something.

Visit wellpitched, the only Pakistani outside the ICL in great form.

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Nov 11 2008
Uncategorized

my dirty secret

No it’s not chunky peanut butter and a dvd of “where the heart is”.

That’s not a secret.

My secret is uglier and dirtier than that.

It would mean that I am not allowed in the Oval.

It could end my career before it has started.

It will make Lalit Modi hate me, way more than just reading my blog.

I have been watching the ICL.

It comes for free on the Zee Music channel in England, obviously i would not pay for it.

But for free, i will rub it all over my body.

Like the IPL it’s a culture shock watching it.

Although the major culture shock is listening to Dean Jones commentate.

He is like a bag full of coked up puppies, at feeding time.

He also says things like, “we have a saying back home, just have a fair dinkum go ya mug”, well at my place back home we had a saying too, “fuck dean jones is a wanker”.

Getting past him, they do have two people i like, obviously none of them are Tony Greig, A chick who does the interviewing, who is freakishly attractive, and Atul someone, an ex indian cricketer with a moustache that should be kept in a museum.

The level of cricket seems to be about english domestic level, but the waistlines are more Village cricket like.

You can’t watch more than a game every 3 or 4 days, and obviously if there is real cricket on, or repeats of Mash, there is no need to watch it.

The best bit about it is you get to see your favourite journeymen in full glory.

My whole life i have wanted to see Jimmy Maher with a spare tire under his top. And now i can.

For me it is a nostalgic series, alot of my favourite cricketers never really made it at international level.

Ian Harvey & Matthew Elliott were my two favourite players when i was younger, so to have them back is great.

Elliott played a pull shot so nice the other day i could have poked the eye out of a cyclops with my erection.

And i miss that.

Also over there is Ryan Campbell, who if he was Victorian would have been my favourite cricketer of all time.

It’s sort of like a bollywood seniors tour.

There is also really camp uniforms, cheerleaders hidden from half the crowd, over the top commentating, a stupid phrase they say when people hit a six, and a bunch of Indian players most of us have and will never here of.

No Bollywood stars though, instead the camera often pans to Daryl Cullinan, which is different.

Everyone should watch one game, but perhaps only one.

There is one serious problem with the league though, nothing to do with the cricket, or anything like that.

But the annoying logo in the corner that flashes and changes and looks like a 1980′s music video effect.

That is really annoying, its like having Tony Greig dancing flashdance in the corner of the screen at all times.

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Oct 28 2008
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ICL gets Stalinesque

If this is true, the ICL is run by evil dictators.

And they have found new ways to penalise the ICL cricketers.

Chris Cairns has been suspended for not reporting an injury before the tournament.

What the fuck?

If you sign Cairns you automatically assume he is injured at all times.

The man is walking, when he can, basket case.

He has never been fit, he popped his head about of his mothers vagina and clutched his hamstring.

First day of school he was on crutches.

When he lost his virginity he split his foreskin, that is just how he is.

New Zealand’s match fitness test was whether he could get onto the bus unaided.

The ICL have not been watching his career, they have been busy eating caviar out of the anal crevice of young peasant boys.

What player wouldn’t lie about his injury to play when a contract is on the line?

But the ICL wasn’t happy enough giving Cairns the ass, they also got rid of Dinesh Mongia.

Why, because he knew a team mate was playing with an injury.

Sorry not just a team mate, his captain.

How many people would dob in their captains?

If all players caught hiding injuries were fired, we wouldn’t have any keepers.

The ICL has been trying to be legit recently, and this is obviously part of it, but by fucking over two of their cricketers, and big name ones at that, they are fucking up all the anti BCCi & CA love they have been getting.

I have always stood up for the players in the ICL, the lepers of the cricket community, but if this is how the ICL treats their own, perhaps we should burn it down.

I volunteer to burn Tony Greig.

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Sep 21 2008
Uncategorized

ashley matrix gets unplugged

OK mark down this moment.

This is the moment when a diehard Victorian fan admits that a Queenslander was hard done by in selection by a Victorian.

And not just any Queenslander, but one who made his career by killing Victoria with vicious monotony.

Ashley Noffke should be going to India.

Peter Siddle, Sizzle, is lucky to be going.

It hurts me to say this, because in recent times, there have been a bunch of NSWales, and a few Queenslanders who have made tours, and test teams when they really shouldn’t have.

But Ashley Noffke deserved this spot.

50 wickets and 500 runs in the shield season, a trip to the Windies as a tourist, and the best allrounder in Australia.

And when I say best, I would put Noffke three or four steps up on Watson.

Who according to Ricky Watson Ponting, should come in for Andrew Symonds.

But it is not to be, Peter Sizzle won his place with one good spell in India, and a year of the best work this side of Ketih Miller goes to ass.

It’s about fucken time a Victorian made a squad and was lucky, usually they have to make runs, take wickets, get run outs, pouch catches, kill dragons, save kittens and learn the words to khe sanh backwards.

Now Ashley is angry.

He has already told the selectors they are full of shit.

And now he is telling the media that he might go to the ICL.

He has family, lovers and enemies to pay hush money too, and you can’t do that on a contract that has you as the 6th highest paid quick bowler in the country.

Ashley may be the first Australian to leave the game when he still has some talent left for the fat cash of the ICL.

He probably won’t leave though.

Will he…

Losing to a Victorian and Shane Watson in selection could push anyone over the edge.

Although surely in the eyes of his family committing suicide is the better option than playing in the ICL.

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