Is called the turbanator because he wears a turban and he once took a shit load of wickets. If he had taken the wickets with a dickie cap on, he could have been the dickinator. Was once part of the best non-spinning spin attacks in cricket history. In India he is one of the most deadly beasts on earth, outside of India he is much more like a grumpy old uncle. Celebrated the Perth test win more than any 12th man ever has. Is prone to dancing, and to be fair, is not bad. Is not liked by Matthew Hayden, it’s possible they’re lovers. Slapped Sreesanth in the face. Called Roy something. You can see him as a pious fierce nationalist with terrific skill in offspin and an inflated sense of himself, a cunt, or a decent bowler who loves the cameras a bit much. Or perhaps all three. Has a doosra, bowls with long sleeves.
cricket with balls
just another bullshit cricket blog
Tagged with india player profiles …
balls profile: zaheer khan
Blessed with shoulders like a cartoon superhero and a permanent three day growth, Zaheer was set up perfectly to take over the Indian bowling line up. Was once the new Wasim, and while that title didn’t ruin him, he is less Wasim than Wasim, although he is more Wasim than Waqar, and he is definitely not the new McGrath. The left armed shouldery action looks great, and swings like the shit, but also injures him, a lot. Perhaps because no person was supposed to have those shoulders. Has the highest score ever made by a number 11 in test cricket, but it was against Bangladesh, so no one cares. Looks like he should run a large gym franchise and date C list celebrities whilst driving a sports car. Has a wicked bowling jump. Doesn’t like jelly beans.
balls profiles: Rahul Dravid
There is a alternate universe where Rahul Dravid walks around pimped up, sort of like a slim Biggie Smalls. In that world everything he does or says is gospel. He is not God, but actual life. When he bats the whole world stops and sighs. His forward defence was the sole reason for world peace. It was as if before him there was no reason to live. It is every young girl and boys ambition to satisfy every whim of Rahul Dravid. Laws are re-written for him, ice cream is named after him, and when he finally retires from cricket he takes over the whole world. In this world, there is no Sachin Tendulkar.
balls profile: VVS Laxman
Has the hands of a surgeon. Actually, has the whole body of a surgeon and the hair of a mid level executive. Couldn’t look less like a cricketer if he went out in a lab coat. Considering his freakish natural attributes as a batsman, he has had a middling career. Yes, he has been better than most, but so he should be, he’s VVS Laxman. Showed against Australia that he could dissect a live animal and put it back together again while playing an inside out cover drive out of the rough from a leg spinner. Considering his initials, it is lucky for him he went on to become a top test batsman, otherwise he could have been known as Very Very Shit Laxman.
balls profile: Ishant Sharma
No cricketer has ever relied so heavily on their adam’s apple. Tall, skinny and odd looking, this young guy came along to wow the international world with his love for Jason Gillespie and his ability to bring out the wrong batting gloves. When on fire can bowl very full, swing the ball and get steepling bounce, when bowling badly he resembles someone running barefoot on ice throwing cream pies. Early on he tormented Ricky Ponting, but since then has mostly tormented Indian fans who can’t work out why he isn’t any better than he was 3 years ago. Has perhaps the most gormless face in modern cricket,
balls profile: Ashish Nehra
Stormed onto the world stage with lankiness and left arm swing. Disappeared into the left arm bowlers Abyss, but is now back occasionally. Is mostly known for not liking to smile, it is believed he will retire soon to play the role of the guy who never smiles behind the main bad guy. He was called the new Wasim Akram once, and the left armed Glenn McGrath, as of yet no one has called him professor fluffy pants. If you bought an Ashish Nehra that didn’t have a warranty, you might have wasted your money.
