Tagged with imran khan

why Imran Khan will always be cooler than Shahid Afridi

Faran sent me one youtube video, but who can ever watch only one youtube pepsi pakistani cricket video?

Then I realised that Irman and Shahid were sort of having an ad contest, so i put them to the test.

This ad tries to be funny.

It succeeds, but probably not on purpose.

This is pure greatness.

It has headbands, and a kickin’ camp tune.

Shahid still has more in him.

You can’t win against Imran with a sweaty forehead and by throwing a ball at me.

Imran chucked this one in for the knock out.

Game, set and match.

Imran is Yoda/Mr Miyagi in this one, and leaves the sweating to Younis.

Shahid never had a chance.

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cricket loses a brother

I was up late last night writing about cricket tactics for TWC.

I was immersed in the article.

There was at least 15 drafts, and i hated everyone of them.

During that time I didn’t realise that a little piece of cricket was dying.

I was so wrapped up in my shit I didn’t even check the cricket sites.

While I was working Sri Lanka players were attacked by terrorists.

Our brother Pakistan may never recover from this.

A terrorist attack on players was the worst possible thing that could happen to cricket.

It was the nightmare scenario, crickets real loss of innocence.

We know our sport is in the firing line more than most others, but now it has been fired on.

It didn’t matter if the players were wounded or not, Samaraweera received a bullet in the thigh, all that mattered is that touring players are no longer safe in Pakistan.

And cricket cannot be played there.

Imran Khan said that terrorists would not attack cricketers as they would lose the support of the people, i said it only takes one terrorist stupid enough to forget that and cricketers will be attacked.

I have never wished I was wrong more.

I fucken love Pakistan, and one of my dreams was to travel there and cover a Pakistani series.

My dream is now lodged in Samaraweera’s thigh.

Pakistan can play on as a nomad team, but they will fade away doing this, they are a passionate team, and cannot survive a wandering life.

King Kumar, ever the eloquent man, had this to say “I don’t regret coming here to play cricket because that’s what we have been doing all our lives. That is our profession.”

I love the sentiment, but the ICC can’t afford to let a tour happen there again.

Not for a very long time.

Our brother is ill, and may never recover.

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kanye’s cricket biographies

Because of the draw today, my mind started to wander.

Here is a list of Kanye West songs and the Cricketers or hangers on they remind me of.

Gold Digger – Shane Bond

“I aint saying she a gold digger, but she aint messin with no broke niggaz”

Jesus Walks – Adam Gilchrist

“I aint here to argue about his facial features, or here to convert atheists into believers”

All falls down – Marcus Trescothick

“She’s so self conscious, she has no idea what’s she’s doin in college”

Touch the sky – Virender Sehwag

“Before the day I die, I’m gonna touch the sky”

My way home – Imran Khan

“Might not be such a bad idea if I never go home again”

Crack music – Sunil Gavaskar

“I throw a little sumtin simtin on the pulpit”

Roses – Damien Martyn

“can you sign some t shirts, bitch is ya smoking reefer”

Diamonds from Sierra Leone – Sachin Tendulkar

“Forever ever? Forever ever? Ever, ever? Ever, ever? Ever, ever? Ever, ever?”

Hey mama – Channel 9 commentary team (except Richie)

“You’re like a book of poetry, Maya Angelou, Nicky Giovanni, turn one page and there’s my mommy”

Late – Me (to Bhaji and Haydos)

“Little girls please stop you’re crying”

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whities afraid of darkies


The talk in Australia now is that we shouldn’t tour Pakistan now Bhuto has been bowled over.

The minute there is some unrest in any country Australia and even New Zealand think about boycotting tours there.

Actually that’s not true, if the unrest is in a country of darker coloured people, us whiteys start to get nervous, we hold hasty meetings and make sure everyone knows we don’t want to come.

If the unrest is in a country of white people, we don’t worry so much.

Bhuto was assassinated. It wasn’t a terrorist attack. She was killed for her beliefs and ideals. A terrorist attacks the government, she is an ex politician.

During the famous 2005 ashes series, English born terrorists attacked London.

Australia were playing England the day it happened.

There was never any serious talk about the series being cancelled, even though the attacks were against western belief systems in general, so the Aussies were a potentional target.

Had that tour have been in Sri Lanka or the West Indies the talk in the Aussie media would have been to cancel the tour and get our boys home.

Games against Sri Lanka have been cancelled before due to civil unrest, yet again, not a direct threat, or even a possible threat to the Australian team.

Al Qeada, the Taliban and bunches of other militant Muslim extremists have always lived in Pakistan. The Tamils have always been in Sri Lanka. IRA were active during a bunch of Ashes tours. And the CIA is always planning something dodgy in all countries at all times.

Even our Imran is an extremist.

But cricket still goes on, mostly.

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ashley matrix

I don’t know how many of you have watched the Animatrix short films series.

They were made as a cheat sheet for Matrix nerds (Big daddy & I) as a filler for all the plot holes between Matrix 1 & 2.

I mention this, not because I plan on giving you a review of these short films, but because one of them has sort of (not really) become true.

There is a short film in the series called, World Record, it’s by far one of the wankier ones.

It’s about a sprinter who works out that the matrix exists by his super human performances.

This reminds me of Ashely Noffke’s recent performances.

19 wickets at 20, with three 5 wicket hauls. 393 runs with one century and a few fiddys to his name. State cricket has never seen a transformation like it.

One minute he is an average bit player who destroys Victoria from time to time, and now he is Luke freakin Skywalker.

Average players need to accept their place in life, they can’t suddenly become Keith Miller or Imran Khan.

When one breaks the shackles, if they perform so far above their station in life that they rip at the very fabric of reality, their body can surely not live up to that sort of strain.

Hence why Ashley Noffke performed such a perfect superhuman job of destroying Victoria, and then his body gave way.

There are limits to human endurance, and Ashley has learnt, he is not meant to perform at that level.

Luckily for him he hasn’t ended up in an asylum like the dude in the animatrix.

However he has learnt his lesson, so we can expect more measured performances from him, none of this superman ©rap in the future.

Monica was in the second Matrix. True Story.

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the three test series (no affiliation with the mobile phone company)

There are 3 series starting in the next little while.

The most important one for world cricket is the Damien Martyn less Australia taking on the Kumar Sangakarra less Sri Lankans.

The second one could be the most enthralling. Pakistan takes on India.

And the third one is the Evil South Africans take on Harry’s New Zealand.

I have already given a simply stunning synopsis of the Australia v Sri Lanka series.

But I didn’t give my series result.

Without Kumar I think Australia will win the series. Probably 2 zip.

Pakistan in India will be interesting, Pakistan are missing a good fast bowler in Asif and have gained on pain in the a$$ in Ahktar.

India aren’t a great side, but things are looking good, can’t see them losing this series. Unless Imran takes charge of Pakistan and sends one of those American style pre retaliation first strike type attacks into the heart of Delhi. In that case Pakistan could win the series 2-1.

However if Imran stays under house arrest 2 zip to India.

South Africa as boring and evil as they are, have already beaten New Zealand. Sure New Zealand don’t know it yet, but they will work it out soon enough. I haven’t checked how many tests there are, cause it doesn’t really matter, New Zealand can’t win them anyway.

Here is a picture of Scarlett Johannson for Daniel Vettori, good luck son.

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Imran

Sorry Imran didn’t dream about you last night, so i have no advice for you today.

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My dream

Imran Khan has placed under house arrest and is far from happy about it.

But the weird thing is I had a dream about Imran last night. We met in Pakistan to talk about politics. And then today he is arrested. Poor dude, I told him in my dream they would come for him, he should have listened.

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