Tagged with ijaz butt …

Jan 30 2011
10 Comments
pakistanis

#SaveAfridi: the renegade

He was a cricketer, and good at his job. But then he committed the ultimate sin and stood against other cricketers – gone bad. Cricketers who tried to kill him, but got the woman he loved instead. Framed for murder, now he prowls the badlands. An outlaw hunting outlaws, a bounty hunter – a RENEGADE!

I have no idea if Afridi has ever stood up against corrupt players, or if the woman he loved was killed by him, but he’s a renegade, mostly by accident.

He needs to be protected, supported and cherished as the mad man he is.

So when he needs us, we should step up.

It seems that Pakistan is the only cricket nation in the world cup that hasn’t decided on a captain yet.

With Ijaz Butt involved you sort of expect him to wait until the first game is over and then make a decision.

Apparently the players, sponsors and management want Afridi.

Mahzeer Majeed and the PCB wants anyone but Afridi.

So it’s a tough choice.

Do you trust the players who have to go out on the field with him, the management team who have to plan to win the world cup with him and the sponsors who should have no say but I’m using in my argument because they are probably smarter than Ijaz Butt.

Or do you trust the PCB, the KAOS of cricket administrations and the man who recently said to me, “and you have seen the whole footage have u? The complete unedited version to make your statement… no I thought not.”

Support Afridi, use your social media thingies, tell a friend, tattoo his name on BUtt’s head, but get it done, because even one man against the world, needs some friends.


Here are highlights of Afridi to remind you what a great he is.

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Sep 21 2010
18 Comments
pakistanis

The greatest victory in Pakistani history

Today Pakistani defeated the might of England.

It was a stab to the heart of the evil empire that conspires to keep the people of Pakistan down.

This was more than a cricket match, this was a struggle between the light and dark sides of humanity, and as we all know, there can be only one winner.

Pakistan won this battle.

They proud men in green had to defeat vicious rumours, global conspiracies, violent opposition players and Michael Yardy.

Other players, less Pakistani, would never have been able to withstand this sort of full frontal attack, but these boys did.

Or, it could be all lies.

Perhaps the English players took money to lose these matches.

This win could be part of the global conspiracy, just another slap in the face.

England could have made money while they laughed at the Pakistanis celebrating, they’re probably still giggling while they check their swiss accounts for the transfers.

They probably did it in conjunction with India, the ICC and the CIA. I bet the Catholic Church was involved too. Maybe Lindsay Lohan.

All part of a global united conspiracy to make Pakistan look stupid.

Ofcourse, Pakistan is winning, and we know what when Pakistan wins, something is up.

Also, if Pakistan lose, something is up.

Assumably if their is a tie or a draw, something is up.

I thought I saw Pakistan win a game of cricket.

But what I really saw was a confidence scam carried out by so many people that even when Pakistan win, they really lose.

The good news is, that when Pakistan lose, they really win.

When the tie or draw, the win, lose and have no result.

If it rains, farmers win.

When there is bad light, everyone loses.

YOU SEE, DO YOU SEE, NOTHING IS WHAT IT IS, EVERYTHING IS SOMETHING ELSE EVEN WHEN IT IS THE SAME OR DIFFERENT.

Maybe Pakistan did win this game of cricket, maybe the global conspiracy let them win this one, maybe they just played better cricket and won the game.

Or, perhaps this world only exists in Ijaz Butts’ mind.

You, I and Nathan Hauritz do not exist, we are merely part of the most detailed nightmare Ijaz has ever had.

It has to be a nightmare, because otherwise there would be more unicorns and leg spinners.

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Sep 19 2010
37 Comments
pakistanis

Ijaz Butt – unplugged

It is easy to be negative.  And fun.

But we should also continue to look for the positives in the latest accusations in world cricket.

That positive is Ijaz Butt.

Not happy with ruining everything in Pakistani cricket he has ever touched, he is now taking the most grown up stance in world cricket by saying, “we aren’t cheaters, you are cheaters, you’ve always hated us, your mum is fat”.

This kind of complete crazy bullshit nonsense could be used to make money.

And the PCB needs money.

So I’ve come up with a few ways that they can cash in on this amazing man.

Are you crazier than Ijaz Butt?

A game show where people are questioned on a number of high profile incidents or events, Princess Di and Tupac deaths, World Trade Centre, global warming, Aids and Justin Bieber.  The person adjudged craziest from each week will be compared to Ijaz Butt’s answers on the same issues.  To win a pile of cash you have to be voted crazier than Butt. The show is fixed though, as no one can be crazier than him.

Ijaz Butt – unplugged

A series of live Ijaz Butt stand up comedy routines edited into a best of DVD.  Hear Ijaz Butt claim that the low crowd attendances are because of the English media, watch him mime Afridi putting a ball in his mouth, laugh as he asks, “what is the deal with Shoaib Ahktar?”  His show stopper is a 20 minute smut filled monologue on how the CIA is bringing down the Pakistan cricket team with their rogue agent Shoaib Malik.

All that Ijaz

A reality TV show where you get a all access pass to follow Ijaz everywhere.  Highlights include him complaining that Avatar, Miley Cyrus and Viagra are all conspiracies against Pakistan.  Also, see Ijaz threaten a garden gnome for being a potential Indian Spy.  Watch him foam out the mouth when the paper boy accidentally puts NOTW and the sun on his front porch.

Press Butt

Keep Ijaz Butt in his position in the PCB and open up all press conferences to the public at 20 bucks a pop.  Sell Ijaz t-shirts outside.  Or Ijaz bobble heads.

Agony Butt

Typical letter, “Hi Agony Butt, my friends and family have caught my boyfriend cheating on me several times, and I don’t trust him anymore, but I still love him, what should I do?” Typical response, “All your family and friends are out to get you, it is a huge conspiracy, they are the cheaters”.

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Jan 23 2010
aussies, pakistanis

Chairman Butt-Head

How would you like to be a Pakistani cricketer right now?

You’ve just totally blown a Test series against Australia, in Australia, by collectively showing less bottle than Stuart Broad when faced with a Dutch batsman.

Then you fuck up an ODI by allowing Cameron White – Cameron Freaking White – to score a hundred. At over a run a ball. Without at any time being in a Powerplay.

As a player, you can’t rely upon any of your teammates not to commit some appalling fuckup during the course of the game, be it batting, bowling or fielding (or, in the case of Shahid Afridi, all three). The only guy you might trust is your captain, who although he fields like an arthritic walrus does at least put a price on his wicket.

Except you can’t, because your cricket board chairman has just announced that, at the end of the current ODI series, he’ll be sacked. Which is a totally freaking bizarre way of going about things. If you are going to sack someone, you sack them. You don’t give them two weeks warning of their sacking, leaving them a dead man walking. And you don’t sack the only guy in the team that can, at the current time, be sure of his place in the team.

There’s no no incentive for Mohammed Yousuf to play like a leader should, and there’s equally little incentive for his team to follow him. As a succession, it makes some of England’s recent captaincy changes look sensible and organised. They might as well just hand Australia the series win and go home now.

The cricket board chairman in question is named Ijaz Butt, which couldn’t be more apt for a man making a complete arse of himself.

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Mar 08 2009
pakistanis

The definition of optimism

“I would expect that teams will tour here again as soon as possible. I would give it six to nine months to get things organised.”

Ijaz Butt


For the love of Pakistan cricket, someone fire this out of touch fucktard.


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Mar 05 2009
pakistanis

Ijaz misplaces his anger

Ijaz Butt has attacked Chris Broad, he must be getting sick of Pakistanis doing that, over his claims of a lapse of security for the officials.

Probably would have been best if Ijaz had just shut the fuck up.

Attacking people who were attacked while you were sitting at a desk is hardly going to look good.

You can say you disagree with them, you can say that perhaps they were caught up in the moment, but saying that “”All his [Broad's] statements are false. He has now made obnoxious comments.” and “”He says there was no policemen there [but] I think there could be no bigger lie than this because six policemen died and ten are injured.” seems a bit much.

Ijaz, we get that you see things differently, but you look like a bit of a cock saying this, especially as Taufel and Davis have backed Broad up, and the 4th umpire has a bullet hole in his back.

When he had finished Broad bashing he moved on to the conspiracy theory that said the Pakistan team was delayed on purpose so they would not be attacked.

He had this to say on the matter, “It is wrong to suggest that. The same security procedure was followed”, and “The Pakistan team used to leave at the same time as the Sri Lankan team and other officials, but somehow or the other on that day they got a bit late.”

If a reporter states it was an inside job or a conspiracy, he says it was wrong to suggest.

If 3 people from inside the attacks, the attackees if you will, say that the security was lax, he says its all comments are false and no bigger lie.

Interesting that Broad gets him angrier than the statements that some of his people were in the know, and or worse.

The PCB are going to lodge a formal complaint against Chris Broad for the comments.

Broad is thinking of making a formal complaint against the PCB for almost getting his ass shot off.

For some Indian cricket fans there could be no harder side to choose between in an argument than between Chris Broad and the Pakistanis.

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