Tagged with iain o’brien

fingers, an old man and a teen

There was a “teenager” and his older brother.

A comeback kid.

A former captain.

A current captain.

A blogger with a fucked up finger.

And 32 runs.

While the world was watching the big three in action (Australia, India and England), the working class side and the team without a home fought out a proper piece of test cricket.

I saw highlights, and not many.

Sky showed the big three, but this test, and its excitement were not on show.

I don’t know how much pain was in IOB’s eyes. I don’t know how many nails Vettori bit. I can’t tell you whether Umar Akmal had a tear as he walked off. And I can’t tell you how close it felt to the fans who were watching it.

But I am sure it was good for cricket.

A test match coming down to the witching hour.

Two evenly matched teams clawing at each other’s throats.

Collapses, comebacks and teen dreams.

I wish I had seen the fucker.

Now let us all hope that IOB’s finger comes good so he can give us all the details of his heroism.

Oh, and I may have forgotten to say this earlier, but that guy with the sore finger wrote a chapter in my book.

Tagged , , , , ,

Fake IPL player is actually a shadow, but Iain O’Brien is still real

Like some wanky film student who has spent too much time watching, Apocalypse Now, Rififi and The Third Man, the Fake IPL player turns out to be a shadow.

Yawn.

He was cool when he started, but the blog jumped the shark, raped the shark, convinced the shark it loved it and then had kids with the shark around the time noted author Aakash Chopra (aka Shakespeare) was sent home.

The fakester who has been talking about how he will out himself for weeks now, decided to hold onto his identity, and not get vilified by the press.

Say what you want about me, fucker I might be, but i don’t hide my identity when i slag people off.

While all this is happening, the real test blogger, Iain O’Brien has a new website.

Sick and tired of working for google he is now at iainobrien.co.nz.

Ofcourse the problem with Iain isn’t that he is fake, it is that he is real, all too real.

Tagged , ,

No he isn’t

There has been a huge amount of people coming to the site looking after searching the term ‘Iain O’Brien is gay’, he isn’t.

I’m not just saying this because we haven’t slept together.

But because he is married.

Don’t let the highlights and perfect jeans fool you.


Tagged ,

jesse

We shouldn’t overlook Daniel Vettori’s hundred.

But we are.

Because Jesse was fucking great.

Forget about everything that led up to it.

I know that is hard, but forget it was 6 for 60, and just fast forward to the last few runs.

Iain O’Blogger is batting with Jesse, and for a rubbish batsman, he did very well to get Jesse towards his hundred.

Then at the start of a Bhajji over, whith Jesse on 98, IOB does something so stupid it would have to be seen to be believed.

He came down the track to and. Fuck it, just read what he said,

“I did about the dumbest thing I’ve ever done on a cricket filed, and I’ve done some dumb things. I walked past one from Harbhajan, my foot got stuck and I couldn’t make it back to my crease. Embarrassing; yes. I was trying to get to the pitch of the ball and push a single, get Jesse on strike and watch him score the last couple of runs he needed to tick over the ton. I felt so sick heading back to the changing room knowing that I had made such a bad mistake, I felt like throwing up”

It was ugly, and Jesse’s facial expression was priceless, infact it was better than that, it was the perfect look at anger at a friend who has done you wrong.

Then Chris Martin comes in, with 5 balls to face.

Usually that is 3 too many.

A normal batsman stuck at the other end would be beside himself.

Jesse laughed at every awkward play and miss Martin did.

He was actually pissing himself as the worst tail ender most of is have ever seen was looking like going out.

Even on the replay it was tense to watch, but Jesse, absolute legend of legend, just sat there and pissed himself.

The dude is a special kind of animal.

Most yougn batsmen would have been shitting actual bricks.

Not Jesse.

And when the over finally finished, Jesse got up the other end and smashed Sharma to bring up his ton.

For all our sakes I hope Jesse has a long and entertaining career.

Tagged , ,

To fix or not to fix?

New Zealand has seen the destructive power of India with the bat, and they are scared.

Green and Low? Sportsfreak talks about the sort of wickets the kiwis are brought up on.


Much debate over the last few days as to whether New Zealand should pull the 2002 card out from under the bottom of the pack, and produce pitches that are going to favour the home side, or at very least make it a lottery.

Today, we put forwards the case for doctoring.

The kind of doctoring

We are not talking about a traditional WACA or Sabina Park green-top here.

Someone might die, and that is hardly playing into the hands of a seam attack with an average pace of around 130kph.

What we are talking about is the kind of pitch offered up for the 1992 World Cup.

Plenty of weird and wonderful random sideways movement, minimal bounce, and even less pace. Just like we got at Eden Park on Saturday.

Will flat tracks work?

No they won’t.

India showed during the ODI series that this New Zealand attack poses no threats on batting friendly pitches.

It wasn’t just Sehwag either. All of them, including the 4 who played in domestic cricket (making about 8 of them) showed that these TV-friendly new age NZ pitches with their lack of sideways movement and perfect bounce are just like a favourite IPL pitch.

Vettori offers his subtleties to add some variation, but the rest of the “attack” picked for Hamilton need help badly.

Mind Games

Most of the Indian top order were here last time. As soon as a ball jags a bit those demons and memories will start coming back. Seaming tracks are at their most dangerous when you’re scared of them.

Brent Arnel

Why pick him if you’re not going to water the pitch?

Short tests are fun

Lets face it, the 2002 Indian series was memorable. Too much test cricket these days is played on batting friendly roads that provides a tedious mismatch between bat and ball.

The recent West Indies v England series had a couple of tense finishes, but in between that there was a lot of tedium of Strauss and Chanderpaul nudging their way to hig scores.

But England getting bowled out for 51 was fun. Really fun.

Ishant Sharma

Adam’s Apple’s hype is based around 2 things. The counterbalance of throat and mullet, and the serious working over of the then world’s best batsman at Perth last year.

That Perth pitch was one of the great ones. Fast, bouncy, and pretty true. But Sharma was able to extract every bit of venom out of it, and use his class and height to utilise a very good pitch.

Why would we want to let him do that again?

Keep it low and slow and he’s taken out of the match.

We might also get to see some more of last Saturday’s theatrics.

Daniel Flynn

Flynn is gutsy and has a pretty good technique. But we have seen that when it gets up from a length he tends to eat it.

Put him in on a slow seamer and he’s got the technique when rocking onto the front foot to know when to leave, and when to play.

He is better placed to handle this than most out there.

Jacob Oram

It is hard to know what might one day motivate Oram to play test cricket again. But the sight of the ball doing strange things when bowled gently might be the one thing that could do it.

Iain O’Brien’s Blog

We’re sick of all those Indian schoolkids gloating over there.

Because we can

Call it regaining some sovereignty.

Next: A much shorter analysis of why we shouldn’t.


Visit Sportsfreak; they pull out of less tests than Jacob Oram.

Tagged , , , , ,

Trev Barry wash up

Sorry about the pun.

I don’t usually wrap up one day series, and I wont do this one.

I will say sucks to be you New Zealand, 2 zip up, work their way back to 2 all, and then rain fucks up their finish.

That must smart.

This has been an interesting time for the players though, there has been some fresh faces, some character arcs, and forced rests.

Martin Guptil may have a stupid name (it’s not funny or cool to say, yet still odd enough to mention) but he showed on debut he can bat, well last night he showed he can smack, slap, and carry his team.  The rest of the series he struggled a bit, but there is class and dash in him.

Callum Ferguson jumped the queue by finding form at the exact right time, and then kept his spot by getting some of the best luck of any debutante ever. Hard to say whether he made more runs, or got more dodgy LB decisions, but once he was let go at the Gabba, he was a force of furious destruction.

Ben Hilfenhaus has been talked up for a long time, but when he finally gets in he is very up and down. His good is unplayable, his bad is anal fodder, and no one is any surer about him now than they were before.

Tim Southee came into the series with a decent effort against Australia in the test series behind him, but in the one dayers he has been easier to score from than Tara Reid. He also has only 3 wickets in the series, and without the new ball he looks like a change bowler.

Brad Haddin took his chance at the top of the order, the one that most people thought he would have had by now. He really isn’t, and has never been, a good middle or lower middle order white ball batsman. At the top of the order he took over, and Warner might have to wait a while for a recall now.

Iain O’Brien needs a swab. In England he was a medium slow bowler who filled up an end. Now he is almost genuinely quick, and he took 10 wickets in this series, the Australian’s seemed to score off him easily, but if he can keep taking 2 wickets a match the kiwis will keep him around.

James Hopes has gone from a bits and pieces all rounder to the man Ponting throws the ball to during a drama. He has also batted in the top order, and his forehead is still awesome.

The greatest story has to be Grant Elliott, who has managed to turn himself from Jacob Oram’s hamstring replacement, into an international all rounder. No one is sure how, but he has.

One day you might say, “as kiwi as Grant Elliott”.

Tagged , , , , , , , , ,

Iain’s indepth review of the “hand of dog”

Apparently “hand of dog” is what the kiwis are calling Braddin’s creative wicket keeping.

Sounds good to me.

It has caused CWB to almost go into melt down for the last few days, i have more hits for this than i have for any cricket moment.

Probably because of the way i have delved deep into the issue.

So i would like to thank Brad Haddin, and his wicket keeping magic trick, for helping my site.

Like you, I was interested in what Test Cricket’s greatest blogger had to say about the event, so here it is.

Broomy and Rossco then put on 40 for the next wicket and we’re looking good again, then Rossco and Millsy put on the best 60 run partnership I think I’ve ever seen and got us within 14 of the 182 we needed”

Wow.

I cannot believe he said that.

Moses says:

So did Brad call him a fagot or not?

Biting.

Hard.

Inciteful.

Respectful.



Iain, I know you have someone looking over your shoulder, but surely it is worth mentioning at the event, you know the one everyone in the cricket world is talking about except you.

You are a blogger son, the only excuses for over looking a well talked about event are, a) you are over it, and thusly only insert a pithy comment about it, b) laziness that causes you to not blog, or c) you are abuducted by heavenly female bug aliens who want to make you their king.

Tagged

Mahela uses facebook, Iain likes a good fit around the ass

How do i know all this?

Blogs told me.

Mahela Jayawardene opened up, sort of, in Damith’s interview with the man.

I also know he doesn’t like Politicians, and he has not become more negative.

While I was reading this I was reminded of the semi exclusive Interview Sportsfreak ran with Iain O’Brien about his blog.

In which he says,

“What exactly constitutes the perfect pair of jeans? Length is important, and then not too tight around the thigh, but it’s got to be good around the arse…… I think I’ve got some, for now anyway!”.

So get over there and read all about jeans and blogging.

Look at these bloggers, talking to real test cricketers.

It’s appaling.

Tagged , , , ,

The kiwis invert themselves

The kiwis invert themselves

What do we know about the kiwi batting line up, no runs from the top, great resistance in the middle.

It has been this way for quite some time.

We all feel comfortable with it.

But New Zealand has changed a few things, put in Tim McIntosh, moved Daniel Flynn and something seems to be working at the top.

Ofcourse now the over worked middle order are taking a break.

So instead of putting on a lead of a couple of hundred and ensuring a win or draw, they stumble to 70 in front.

Then Gayle comes out to ensure their opening bowlers remember him for a while.

Now the game is pretty much level, and the kiwis have to get 8 wickets that aren’t Shiv.

What is the point of having a over achieving middle order if when you need them to win a game they all contribute jack.

Hats off to Fidel and Iain though, without them this match might be a McIntosh and Shiv block fest.

Fidel takes his wickets with pace and sling, which seems to be the modern way.

IOB is a different entitiy altogether.

He seems to have no real pace, not a huge portion of swing or seam, but he has the power of the blog.

And you can never underestimate the power of the blog.

True story.

Tagged ,

tim carves his name in tree, IOB knocks it down

Who is Tim McIntosh

He is not Aaron Redmond.

Nor is he Mark Richardson.

He is his own man.

And against the Windies, he is hard to get out.

His test average is impressive.

Better than yours.

Like lots of Kiwi openers he stays at the crease for a long time without scoring, but he does seem to have the ability to score.

Now it could be the case of a guy who is in the form of his life playing a pretty ordinary attack.

Or he could be to New Zealand Cricket what Jesus was to Christians, or Natalie Portman was to the Professional.

I am glad, ofcourse, that I didn’t see the innings.

Because I may killed myself by ingesting the packets you get in new shoe boxes.

Iain O’Brien would never make me kill myself.

6 wickets.

I bet he wouldn’t trade that in for the perfect pair of jeans.

Brett Lee has never taken 6 wickets in an innings.

And he has no idea what the perfect pair of jeans are.

Tagged , ,
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 9,031 other followers