Tagged with Harbhajan singh …

Apr 30 2008
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Does Bhaji have a problem with coloured people?

Probably not, but watch me stretch this one for all its worth.

Bhaji has been in trouble for calling Andrew Symonds (who is of calypso heritage) a monkey, even after being told not to call him that specifically.

Bhaji has slapped Sreesanth (who is Indian) on the face in a weird show of leadership.

Bhaji did something so bad to Ashwell Mittens Prince (a south African coloured player) that twotimes Mahanama made him apologise.

Do you see a pattern here?

All these players are dark.

That’s right, no whites have been given a slap, or called monkey, or had their mittens stolen.

Bhaji, with his (proven) hatred of all dark players that don’t play in his team, is trying to bring the brothers down.

Shocking and appalling you will agree.

But the incidents do not stop there, he has other dark people in his sites.

He called Ntini a nappy haired ho.

He inferred Steve Bucknor was an Uncle Tom.

And he was overheard saying the N word, but not with the gangsta inflection of a on the end, but with the redneck inflection of er on the end.

Bhaji, this is not what we expect of the 5th most senior member of the Indian side.

Show the brothers some love.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
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Apr 26 2008
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slap happy

According to the media, what else would it be according to, Harbhjan Singh slapped Sreesanth.

The media has not yet disclosed whether it this was a gangster slap, or a turkey slap.

There are two issues at hand here.

One is slapping.

One is male crying.

Let’s start with slapping, because I am still not ready to discuss crying.

A slap, or as some people like to refer to it, a “smack”, is a broad stroke made with the open hand, as opposed to a punch that is made with a closed fist. Slaps are frequently made across the face, although are much more fun if done to a exposed buttock in the boudoir. It can be also made across hands or any other body part, and can use either the palm of the hand or the back of the hand.

A slap is typically what a man does to a woman. For two reasons, one because a punch may knock her out, and two, because he doesn’t want other people to know that he is a wife beater.

However Bhaji slapping the Howlin Wolf does not fit in that category.

So I did some research and came up with the reasons why animals slap.

1. Beavers slap their tails on the water as a danger signal. Bhaji was not in danger.

2. Female fish of the gambusia genus will slap males with their tail fins if they are over-aggressive in mating. Bhaji was probably not trying to mate with Sreesanth, as they both “allegedly” have the same sort of genitals.

3. Dolphins have been observed to slap the surface with their tails, possibly to express aggression or sexual impulses. This one is a real possibility.

4. Humpback whales will slap their tails on the surface as a warning. Males use their tails to slap other male humpbacks in mating contests. It’s all about a woman that I understand.

Personally I have never felt the need to slap a man because of my interest in the same woman, but these Indian dudes have weird rituals.

Some of them don’t eat cow.

Message to all other nationalities, not eating cow can lead to slapping and or crying.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
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Apr 13 2008
general balls

Sehwag knows where the heart is

I said India would win this test in 3 and a half days.

It only took them the best part of 3 days.

This curator should be the national hero of India tonight.

That pitch was so heavily stacked in India’s favour that them winning in a short period of time was inevitable.

Before the test, Jacques Kallis said South Africa aren’t afraid of spinners.

He was right, but this wasn’t a normal pitch, it was made to fall apart by day 3.

It was the pitch you’d expect to see in Mad Max 8, the Bollywood version, where Harbhajan drives around knocking over South Africans and laughing manically.

Hahahahahahhaaaahaaaahaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaa.

You know what I mean.

Harbhajan got sent in to use the first over of the new ball, let’s not even wait for it to scuff up from 6 balls, lets just give it to Bhaji and wait for his home town magic.

He only ended up with 4 wickets, which was less than the 11 I thought he might get this innings.

Virender even popped in with a treble of his own.

Interesting how this series will be seen by the masses.

Essentially South Africa won when the pitch suited them, and India won when the pitch suited them.

A draw in India is great for a touring side, but when your one nil up going into the deciding game, to end up losing on the third day is nasty.

A draw when you’re one nil down is great, but now India have just beaten Pakistan at home, lost to Australia away and drawn with South Africa at home, it’s not a great recent history.

This series will be forgotten very soon.

All except for the great Sehwag.

His innings stands out like a great inning s in a dull series.

Like a brilliantly terrific triple century amongst boring hundreds.

Like a sh1t hot innings in a match so boring even the spectators were snoozing.

Like Natalie Portman in Where the Heart is.

Yeah, that good in a film that bad.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
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Apr 11 2008
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Jacques fails, Chawla impresses, Sidhu not mentioned in this post

India recovered beautifully today.

Ably assisted by a third day first day pitch, the Indians clawed their way back into a contest that captain grumble bum and Amla were quickly putting in their back pocket.

When Smith departed the score was 152 for 2, and at that stage the Wisden International Cricketer of the year, Mrs Cindy Nel, strode to the crease.

But Amla fell at the other end starting a chain reaction of South Africans looking a bit out of their depth against the spin of Harbhajan and Chawla (I like the boy), with 5 wickets between them.

Not to be outdone the Adam’s Apple of Sharma took three wickets and the comeback was complete.

Some knob head said Bhaji would take 14 wickets this test, which leaves him 11 to get in the last innings.

Probable, but not likely you’d have to say.

Even though India have not batted yet, you would have to say they could scunge 350 on this deck depending on whether Yuvraj and Dhoni spend as much time looking at the ball as they do looking at their own reflections each morning.

Then South Africa could fall apart in the second innings and my call of a draw would be right.

Guessing the final score line of a test series is heaps easier with only one test to play, I should have tried this months ago.

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Apr 10 2008
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India and the never ending tail

I wrote this great article about India taking 5 bowlers in again, how it weakens their tail but shows they really wanna win the game.

It involved calling Powar Chubbs Peterson.

Questioning Dhoni as a number 6 test batsman.

Making jokes about how excited the South African Quicks would be bowl to a tail that starts at 6.

Ofcourse all of this was useless when Yuvraj was brought in for Anil.

But then i said this, and this still makes sense.

The curator has levelled the playing field by giving India a pitch that will spin sideways.

Probably so he doesn’t get burnt at the stake like the last curator did.

Even so, if India’s top order fails, there is simply nothing stopping another all out collapse.

With the spin friendly conditions I expect Harbhajan to get 14 wickets.

Why, because he always gets wickets in India on raging turners, and he may get fired up from his golden duck to the evil Morne Morkel’s yorker.

It’s on wickets that aren’t raging turners outside of India he struggles.

And what the fu©k I say India to win a game that is over after 3 and a half days.

A draw means South Africa don’t win and that is something I always like.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
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Apr 02 2008
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In depth pre test preview

When Travelling through the evil empire (sa) I noticed that it was safer to do so in a deluxe European car.

India may not have that luxury.

Their Rolls Royce is having groin niggles.

And I don’t have to tell you that on a car groin niggles are rather nasty.

Without Kumble, Bhaji is the next man, and whilst he drives a Toyota, magically on spinning home tracks it turns into an Audi.

But best news out of the lot is that mini Anil is playing.

Piyush Chawla is in the team, ready to invoke serious serious harm on to South Africa.

For those of you who don’t know, if Piyush was Victorian, he would have petitions to have stands named after him already, started by me offcourse.

I always get excited when a new leggie is on the scene, quite often that turns to boredom, but sometimes it’s beautiful and it lasts forever.

Other time they turn into batsmen, I’m looking at you two, Shiv and Cam.

I think in overseas tests Chawla should be played before Bhaji, not because Bhaji is a total @ss bandit.

But because, his touring average is 40 and this Chawla kid is a leggie, and instantly more cooler than Bhaji could ever be, even when considering the dancing.

For the Evil Empire, Leg Spinners are hard to play, because they think like automatons, and leg spinners are artists dancing and twirling around them with colours so bright they simply cannot see straight.

Hence the complete embarrassment of losing their wickets to the true masters of cricket.

hahahahahahaha.

Your average South African cricketer is colour blind, by choice.

True story.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
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Mar 30 2008
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kanye’s cricket biographies

Because of the draw today, my mind started to wander.

Here is a list of Kanye West songs and the Cricketers or hangers on they remind me of.

Gold Digger – Shane Bond

“I aint saying she a gold digger, but she aint messin with no broke niggaz”

Jesus Walks – Adam Gilchrist

“I aint here to argue about his facial features, or here to convert atheists into believers”

All falls down – Marcus Trescothick

“She’s so self conscious, she has no idea what’s she’s doin in college”

Touch the sky – Virender Sehwag

“Before the day I die, I’m gonna touch the sky”

My way home – Imran Khan

“Might not be such a bad idea if I never go home again”

Crack music – Sunil Gavaskar

“I throw a little sumtin simtin on the pulpit”

Roses – Damien Martyn

“can you sign some t shirts, bitch is ya smoking reefer”

Diamonds from Sierra Leone – Sachin Tendulkar

“Forever ever? Forever ever? Ever, ever? Ever, ever? Ever, ever? Ever, ever?”

Hey mama – Channel 9 commentary team (except Richie)

“You’re like a book of poetry, Maya Angelou, Nicky Giovanni, turn one page and there’s my mommy”

Late – Me (to Bhaji and Haydos)

“Little girls please stop you’re crying”

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
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Mar 18 2008
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the suave song movement

I can’t mention Harbhajan’s off field comments.

But I can mention that the Suave one has a facebook group worth joining.

It’s all about Harbhajan singing to Brett Lee, whats not too like.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
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Mar 12 2008
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the harbhajan promise

I, Uncle J Rod, hereby solemnly swear, that I will not mention Harbhajan Singh’s off field comments, however news worthy or p1ss taking worthy they are for 3 months.

This includes any press conferences, his appearances on “So you think I can prance” and his slot on Letterman.

My promises mean sweet fu(k all and I can give you the phone numbers of ex’s to prove it.

But I will try to keep this one.

It’s going to be hard, as the @ss clown has hit the late night chat circuit with a head of steam in India.

I suppose that’s fair though, after all India did win the test series.

Oh sorry, meant one day series.

I always get those two confused, because I place such an equal importance on both forms of cricket.

But before I go into my vow of silence, I would like to get out all my Harbhajan Singh statements in one post.

He recently said Australian’s actually like him, because they like a fighter. Technically they like an under dog, but I wont quibble on that. Actually I just quibbled on that.

Australian’s in general don’t like him , because A) Most believe that he did say a racist taunt to be a smart @ss at Roy and B) Yes we like underdogs who fight hard, but we generally like them when they take more than 16 wickets in 13 games of cricket.

If you really want Australian’s to like you Harbhajan, I suggest you get your wicket ratio to compete with your quote ratio. Otherwise you’ll turn into Graeme Smith, and who wants that.

Harbhajan is a pretty good off spinner, but he is still an average traveler, and so while he may be a god at home, on the road he is more like an admin assistant. His average of 41 away from home does not a champion make.

With all that in mind, he is the sort of player you’d want to play with. He lifts a team on the field, and generally seems like a fun dude to be around. His wicket celebrations are something akin to a guy being told his wife wants to have a threesum with him and her hot friend.

I even don’t mind his poxy dancing, but I just can’t like a dude who talks a good game and plays a dud game.

Either shut up and perform, or perform and say all the nonsense you want to, like Glenn McGrath and Shane Warne did .

Nonsense is fun, but wickets are better.

But keep dancing son, we all like that.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
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Mar 09 2008
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Onedayers are great

Harbhajan thinks this one day victory over Australia was sweeter than winning the 2001 series.

I’m not sure if Bhaji is a weed, but he is surely smoking some.

2001 was arguably the best three test series of all time.

It had great innings, dominant performances and one of the best comebacks ever.

This one day series had none of that.

Other than some more boring comments off and on the field and some interesting Lee VS Tendulkar action the series was quite dull.

It was good to see bowlers dominate, but when the happened it was more slow steady grinding by the bowlers, rather than sudden ground shattering collapses.

I mean its not as if a team got bowled out for 58, and another one passed it 9 wickets down.

Neither of the finals were particularly close, and it rained for most of the time.

Harbhajan may have had a hard time this tour, and for him this was a release, but in terms of cricket and importance this was a mole on the buttock of a walrus.

Let’s not get carried away Bhaji, like I mentioned before, the England won this tournament last year.

www.cricketwithballs.com… We constantly get sodomized down the legside
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