Tagged with greg chappell

Can you kill Greg Chappell?

There has been a lot of rumour about how Greg Chappell will be fired, let go, deflated or re-structured out of cricket Australia. Some think he may just leave because of his pride has been wounded.

Ofcourse I find it odd that you need a review into the whole cricket structure to see that Greg Chappell was a destabilizing influence on a cricket team, I’d have thought the South Australian, Indian and Australia A players who had the benefit of his Guru mind would have been able to tell Cricket Australia ahead of time that Greg, former champion that he is, is utterly living in a world far removed from anything resembling reality.

It’s Gregland, where all batsmen have their bats on the ground until the bowler delivers and he finds superstar cricketers when building his house made of fairy floss.

It takes more than a bomb or bullet to kill someone in their own reality. No, if James Sutherland wants to end this national talent manager, he’ll need more than a manilla folder at his side.

That’s also why I struggle to believe that Greg will actually go. This isn’t like Hilditch, we know he is gone, he even seemed happy to leave, but Greg isn’t like him.

Greg’s survived his own personality and Sourav Ganguly, the two most corrosive substances known to man, so how could a fucken report do him in?

What needs to happen here is Sutherland has to travel into Gregland with a stake, silver bullet, chainsaw and a copy of Bob Woolmers the art and science of cricket.

His first adventure will be overcoming the Ganguly gully of ghastliness.

Then he shall have to defeat the teetotal trees of destruction.

After that he’ll have to take down the underarm underclass soldiers.

Then, and only then, will little James be ready to take down the Greg himself.

He’ll need Bob Woolmer’s book to distract Greg while he plunges the stake through the heart, shoots the silver bullet into his hide, and takes his head off with the chainsaw.

That might still not be enough, but at the very least that should stop Greg entering the changing room and annoying the players.

You can’t kill him, I mean if you could, surely someone would have by now.

Ofcourse, Australia’s other option is getting him a job with the opposition team before each series…

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Revenge of the Krab

There was once a time when Simon Katich choked Michael Clarke for not celebrating a win long enough.

Now he has been told he is not required or good enough to get into the list of best 25 cricketers in the country.

According to some media outlets, he’s angry.

I bet he is.

I imagine he has made a list, and those on that list will be dealt with in an ugly yet effective way.

Simon Katich’s death list may never be found, but in the next few weeks we may start hearing stories like this.

David – found naked in a bathtub having been force fed 52 cans of beer, still in the can. Boon’s body is a lumpy mess, and his moustache has been carved off his face with a knife.

Jamie Cox – a corpse is found in a local men’s hairdressers having been stabbed with tiny blunt scissors over 18614 times. It doesn’t make the national news.

Andrew – a transsexual prostitute corpse is found in a lawfirm office, it’s been strangled, or shot, no one is sure, and the story keeps changing.

Greg – the head of a man is found, near by is a wide bring hat with razors on the brim.

Michael – the body of a man is found at a trendy cafe on a sydney beach, it’s quite clear to officials that it’s been choked by an Australian flag.

Personally I think Katich should have been dropped, but if I ever meet him or have any contact with him at all I’ll tell him that his dropping was the biggest mistake I’ve seen by Australian selectors, then I’d buy him a beer and tell him how I used to troll some cricket blog who used to make fun of him.

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Greg Chappell land

Last night Greg Chappell said that Mitchell Johnson had been rested.

Mitchell Johnson said that Mitchell Johnson had been dropped.

Andrew Hilditch said Michael Beer would play and his knowledge of the WACA would be important.

Michael Beer didn’t play and Ponting has now said his knowledge of the conditions of Melbourne will help.

There are even rumours that the four man pace attack was not a plan but more an accident.  Like Michael Beer’s selection.

Australia won this test.

I mean really won.

Smashed by an innings and coming back to win by over 200 runs.

How is it possible that this team with this band of merry muppets who don’t even seem to know what is going on around them can win a test so easily.

Especially when they not only beat England, but also the momentum of the Adelaide win.

I like to think that Australia beat England and Greg Chappell beat the momentum. It is his windmill and he rode that donkey straight for it.

Unfortunately the donkey still might not play next game, it was always going to be rested.

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Hey baby, let me manage your talent

Just when you assume that Cricket Australia can’t make you laugh, they pour acid in your ear and light your pubes on fire.

It didn’t seem to matter that Greg Chappell as a coach was like being made to kill your own dog, Cricket Australia seem to love him.

Perhaps it was because all of them owned the Greg Chappell hats as kids, or maybe they’ll all mental cuntards.

Either way, they have now outdone themselves and given Chappell the first ever full time selector role.

His first decision was to axe Sourav Ganguly.

No one had the heart to explain that he couldn’t.

But, and this is where Cricket Australia really outdid themselves, then they gave him a title.

It could have been “full time selector”, but that would be too sensible.

Instead his title is, “national talent manager”.

It seems like the title was made just to make people laugh so hard they didn’t notice Greg Chappell was given another job even though his record is pretty piss poor.

Why does he even need a title, he is a selector, that is a title, he is a massive cup of shit coffee, that is a title.

“Greg Chappell has been performing his duties as a shit cup of coffee for Australia quite well, and we have signed him on for another year”.

That could work.

“Greg Chappell has been busy managing the talent of Australia, he has spent long hours talent managing, and no one has a grip on the talent like Greg does”.

Maybe it all makes sense.  It could be that Cricket Australia actually hate Greg Chappell, and he has blackmailed them into giving him another job.

So they thought, fuck this guy, lets give at least give him a stupid title, and since we call the selectors the NSP, no one will ever suspect us.

Those cunning bastards.

They’re always one step ahead.

Ofcourse, they still have Greg Chappell.

Poor bastards.

Greg Chappell maybe the first person to get a job in cricket when he is dead, well not the first, the first outside of England.

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Shane Watson loves Indians, hates Pakistanis

That is what I have discovered when reading the latest copy of Spin Magazine.

They have an article on a potential Indian Speed Machine.

Atul Sharma is the supposed javelin throwing bowling machine that sort of looks like the character whose muscles explode in the Animatrix.

He apparently bowls at quicker than 100 MPH, and is going to revolutionise cricket forever.

Rajasthan wanted the freak for nature for the IPL, even though he hadn’t bowled in a cricket game in over 6 years, and had never played any level of cricket worth a penny.

But Lalit and the Royals were a little worried his action was dodgy, being so revolutionary and odd.

So they sent him to the AIS in Australia.

There he was bio-mechanically tested, and then had to bowl to Saeed Ajmal’s mate Shane Watson.

Watson said his action was fine.

Greg Chappell did as well, although no one is sure if he was asked.

And then so did the bio nerds.

Sharma hasn’t played in the tournament yet, I think he was injured, not sure if he still is, he really needs his own website.

On the front page he could just have a picture of him and Watson hugging.

Showing the deep levels of Australian Indian love.

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One more reason

There are people out there that think that Shane Watson is ok and i should get off his back.

There are also people who believe that Tom Cruise is straight, and that Courtney Love is human.

I can’y convert everyone, but for those that think Shane Watson is ok, here is exhibit z.

Greg Chappel is his batting coach.

Because we all know that Greg Chappell is a world calls coach and mentor.

Look what he did for India, South Australia and Australia in India.

Being that Shane Watson has less grosse talent than India & Australia, although marginally more than South Australia, what good can come of this?

None, but if there are any two people who deserve each other, it’s Shane And Greg.

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greg chappell india’s secret weapon

India are taking this tour seriously.

Australia aren’t.

Want proof. India has employed Greg Chappell to sabotage Australia’s planning for the series.

How?

By being involved in said planning.

The Indian’s know what a destructive influence he will be, so they have “sent him back” and then got him a job with the enemy.

Like Australia don’t have enough problems.

Roy is out.

Watson may be in.

Michael Clarke still exists.

Greg may be a feather too far.

Thankfully Bryce is there too even it all out for the Australians.

What is the sudden obsession with Greg Chappell anyway.

Who does he have naked photos of?

Is it you James?

Just let Greg put the photos of you and the german shepherd up on the internet and let him find a real job.

Because, as Australians, we would prefer if the Australian team won this series, and with Greg around, winning never seems that easy.

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Greg Chappell still gets a job

Fresh from the NSWales cricket board thinking Darrell Hair should be teaching youngsters how to be fair, Greg Chappell is taking over the Australian Centre of Excellence.

Also known as the cricket academy.

Chappell’s coaching record is horrible.

He turned South Australia into a rabble.

And made one good decision with India, and about a thousand incorrect deisions.

In fact as a coach the only thing i will give him credit for is dropping Sourav Ganguly.

Which pleased me at the time, but any fan of the Giant Alien Lizard should be happy with that decision, as it was finally the kick in the ass he needed and since then has been in career best form.

Other than that Chappell is rubbish.

And i don’t want him interfering with any young victorians.

The question should be how did he get the job?

Is it because he looks good in a hat with his name on it?

Is it because he was a legend cricketer?

Is it because he has no gag reflex?

There must be something to it, because it isn’t based on results.

Oh now i get it.

This is a peace deal with the BCCi.

We angered them by not warning them about Greg when we first sent him over.

So now to placate them we have to have him “instructing” our youth.

As that can be the only reason surely.

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oh shane (again)

There are certain Australian fringe players who seem to think that by keeping their name in the media they will be selected again.

Even after they have made three ducks, and a 15 in their last 4 innings.

Shane Watson has talked to the press and told them,

I’ve actually been feeling really good. Especially the second innings of the recent Pura Cup game, or even before that innings, I felt I was hitting them probably the best I ever have

Now maybe he is right. Perhaps in that run of 3 ducks and a 15, he is having a Greg Chappell type run of outs.

But do we need to know about it?

Surely the best way to get back into the media would be by making a sh1t load of runs.

By coming out and saying, I’m batting the best in my life, I just keep getting out, he sounds like a whiney little b1tch.

It’s unnecessary.

Queensland aren’t going to drop him, so he either needs to learn how to be an opener, or move back to number 4 and make some runs.

He also goes on to talk about his new bowling action.

Shane no one other than your mum cares.

If you get wickets, we’ll get interested.

That’s how it works Shane.

We, the cricketing public are a simple bunch, runs and wickets excite us.

Press conferences, not so much.

When you perform up to your potential, we’ll like you, the selectors will pick you again, and all will be honky dory in the Shane Watson universe.

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What does the trev barry trophy mean to us?


Probably nothing.

Maybe less than.

To Cricket Australia it means something to fill in the blanks.

For the NZ board it means they are still a major cricket nation, after all they did get a game at Sydney, but not major enough to get Melbourne.

To Hobart it means they get another game.

Is it a homage to the fact the Greg Chappell invented a new style of delivery.

Perhaps it’s about how one of the greatest bowlers ever couldn’t get out a TV host.

Or is it a tri series in which we shun the other Southern Hemisphere team, because they are evil.

Either way the two countries will cast half an eye over the series while planning for something more important.

And isn’t that what cricket is all about.

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