Tagged with graeme swann

Swann: more than a jaw

When Graeme Swann was first picked for England I had reservations.

Not because I hate most finger spinners.

Or because of my boy crush on Adil Rashid.

I had seen him bowl up close and personal for Notts.

And while I could see he could bowl, I didn’t think he had the skills to make it at the next level.

Graeme, I was wrong.

You are big time.

I don’t know how you have gone from a division one stock bowler, to an international weapon, but you have.

You always had the ego, and the hair/jaw combination, but I didn’t respect the bowling side of you.

Now you are making it hard to ignore.

You may not have slaughtered India, but you did bowl well there, and 2 wickets in the first over must have made your ego inflate to Brad Hodge proportions.

Now you have a 5 wicket haul in your third test, and it was not on some big spinning pitch.

It was on a pitch with a ridge made for fast bowlers to exploit; instead you got wickets with flight.

Honest to Aliens, flight.

It was pretty.

But you are more important than bowling, you are a personality.

You have verve, and sing in a crap band for giggles.

In this world of Montybots, you truly are a Swann from mars, and cricket with balls is jumping on the bandwagon attached to that chin.

Mince it up my friend.

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england mince it up

Little known fact about cricket, the ball tends to spin more in India.

Write it down, tell your friends, it’s useful information.

England, being the cunning bastards they are, have just worked this out.

Luckily for them they took a spinner with them.

Graeme Swann is ready to be inserted into the action.

That’s just how he likes it.

So now England have their secret weapon, the mincing pink Ferrari less singing offie.

Surely this, and that improvement KP keeps mentioning, is enough for England to win the next 5 games in a trot.

They’ve cracked the code, and now they just need to do a few other minor things to win.

Exorcise Yuvraj.

Offer Dhoni a film deal.

Sacrifice a bowler at the alter of Sehwagology.

Dent Yusuf’s head.

Get a new opening pair.

Learn to play spin.

And teach Ravi how to run.

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Swann becomes a german sci fi angel

I saw Ceci, of Mel & Ceci fame, was doing a bunch of cricket inspired movie covers.

So i asked for this one, because Swanny reminds me of Maria.

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Bad things happen to male models as well

Bitter types, like some of us, may rejoice in the fact that pretty boy James Anderson has been assholed because of Allen Stanford’s crap pitch.

It does take a billionaire to fuck over a rich pretty boy athlete.

England has decided to win the 202020 with a team suited to the low down and dirty pitch, not the most deserving/obvious and players.

It makes sense, but that may not warm James Anderson up at night.

His incredibly hot missus will though.

So it’s hard to get too upset for him.

England had two choices, pick the best XI who are the most deserving (and Luke Wright) and just say, we either win it ort lose with our best men.

Or they say, we pick the best side to win the game, and someone misses out.

That may have been their reasoning, but it’s not as if Anderson should have been an automatic selection anyway.

Anderson has been in pretty rubbish form with the white ball in 50 the rather retro 50 over format.

16 matches, 10 wickets @ 58.

In 3 2020 matches he has 4 wickets at 23.

But 2020 form is not real form, well not in this case obviously.

So now we waddle on towards tomorrow night, and we see what Graeme Swann can do.

If England lose and Swann gets punished Anderson may have the greatest we told you so smirk of all time.

I’d like to see that.

I’d also like to see the Graeme Swann drive around in a pink ferrari.

And i’d like to see aliens have sex with a horse.

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pick this

Australia hasn’t played a match against India yet.

England has already picked their test squad for India.

The tour is in December, but fuck me England are prepared.

Squad Andrew Strauss, Alastair Cook, Ian Bell, Kevin Pietersen (capt), Paul Collingwood, Andrew Flintoff, Owais Shah, Matt Prior (wk), Tim Ambrose (wk), Graeme Swann, Stuart Broad, Steve Harmison, James Anderson, Ryan Sidebottom, Monty Panesar

There were only three decisions.

Back up Spinner, Keeper, and Vaughan’s replacement.

The Spinners

Monty has been picked, because he is like Yao Ming in an NBA allstar game, an automatic selection.

The back up spinner is Graeme Swann.

A man I just watched bowl for a whole day on a turning pitch against Hampshire for one wicket.

Sure he is cool, has a chin that Roger Ramjet would be proud of, and everyone likes to tour with him, but why is he going?

Adil Rashid, the first English legspinner I have ever rated, and possibly the last, has taken 62 wickets @ 30 this year.

Swann didn’t have a bad year, but he is not much of wicket taker, 30 wickets @ 26.

He seems to have been chosen under the Ashley Giles selection policy.

“Sure he doesn’t take many wickets, but he can bat a bit, and everyone likes him, so lets take him along. “

Rashid is too risky to be the backup spinner according to the english.

So he will play second XI cricket.

Graeme Swann is never going to be England’s test spinner, unless he develops a doosra, or some other mystery ball.

And do England really need to take two finger spinners who aren’t big wicket takers.

No they don’t.

Don’t fear the wrist spinner England, this aint no Ian Salisbury.

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