Tag Archives: poms

May 28 2013
2 Comments
poms

The “get on with it” army and Team England

“Get on with it,” shouted the angry cricket journalist. This was before play. But during play, at breaks, as people ate lunch or went about folding clothes, many people said the same thing. Why won’t England get on with it? Or declare? Or both? And why didn’t they enforce the follow-on yesterday? Why, why?

England have, as of yet, decided not to run their cricketing decisions through a committee of media and fans. The media and fans may have suggested that not enforcing the follow-on when you’ve only taken 43.4 overs to bowl a side out is a defensive option. Team England may suggest that they could see how flat the pitch was and that their best chance of bowling New Zealand out again would be a Graeme Swann fourth and fifth day attack.

The media and fans could point to the fact that England scored at 3.77-an-over when pushing for a declaration, which was only slightly quicker than their first innings total, and slower than New Zealand’s first innings. Team England could answer that this is their last Test before the Ashes, and they had a chance to get a couple of players back into form.

The media and fans might wonder if the added gate receipts of a fourth or fifth day could have persuaded England to bat on and on. Team England might ask which ECB employee would tell Andy Flower that he has to base his and Alastair Cook’s decisions on financial concerns.

The media and fans will probably say that no matter what reasons you think 468 is a good total to chase, it’s still 19 more runs than New Zealand have scored in the entire series. Team England will probably say better to be safe than sorry.

The media and fans have been looking at the weather updates for days wondering why England haven’t rushed things along. Team England have never trusted two day forecasts.

England probably should have enforced the follow-on. Nick Compton and Jonathan Trott shouldn’t have batted like Han Solo in carbonite and batting on beyond lunch was an odd decision, if you’re being nice.

But Team England hasn’t been overtaken by an alien life form. This is a conservative team. Replacing Andrew Strauss with Cook wasn’t going to upset the careful, careful, softly, softly approach that once made England the No. 1 Test team on earth.

England weren’t going to declare 300 in front, or 400 in front, they were going to bat until any total was notional. Not notional for people sitting in the press box, or on a couch, who seem to think every single declaration is too late, but notional for cricketers who understand how the pitch is playing. 468 for a team with batsmen as out of form as New Zealand is quite notional.

But even with this mythical chase being set, England kept being conservative. Despite some variable bounce, Hamish Rutherford was given a deep point. A run-saving position when runs just couldn’t have mattered less.

Yet England would say that Rutherford is a confidence batsman. And that statistically he scores the majority of his runs where they put their man. They were trying to drain his mojo but Rutherford still scored quicker than the England batsmen even with a sweeper out. His eventual wicket was to a bat-pad.

Later on, Brendon McCullum faced the penetrating spin of Joe Root. New Zealand had lost six wickets by this stage. They needed more than 300 runs to win. The over started with Cook having three men on the boundary. England would point out that McCullum is more likely to be caught by a deep set fielder than anyone in the circle as their statistical analysis can prove.

While some seem to see events like this as momentary lapse in judgment, it is really a deep seated ideology. It may not be one that is popular with fans, but it is one that this team truly believe in.

A running joke in this series is how attacking McCullum can be with his fields. His slips cordons are filled with bodies even when his team is not doing well. McCullum’s field this morning often had as many catching fielders as some of those from Cook in the afternoon.

Drawing this Test will not be the end of the world for England. They’ve won the series. This Test means very little in the larger picture. Even if by ignoring weather forecasts they’ve not left themselves the 30 to 120 minutes they will probably need tomorrow, it’s not a massive problem.

What a full day’s rain might mean is that in future England slightly change their outlook to a more aggressive way of thinking the next time a similar match plays out.

What is more likely is that England win this series 2-0 and they continue to play the way that they believe is best for them. I would also assume that England will continue to make their own cricket decisions and not be swayed too much by the opinions of the media and fans.

Tagged
May 20 2013
4 Comments
poms

Broad is no National Treasure

Stuart Broad is the Nicholas Cage of bowling. Cage will take risks, perform erratically, pick terrible films, choose the wrong way to perform a role, overact and then occasionally perform so brilliantly that he makes an entire film. While doing all this he also divides opinion.

Smack in the middle of Stuart Broad’s cluster bomb that made New Zealand look like they’re a club side who’d walked into Lord’s by accident, I received a link to a blog about Broad. Broad comes a close third to Sachin and Shahid in the most-blogged-about stakes. It is almost without doubt something about whether he’s a good or bad bloke, and a good or bad cricketer. This blog was in that vein.

I’ve never met Stuart Broad, and up until he does something to me personally that offends, I won’t really worry about it. But working out whether Broad is a good cricketer is more interesting.

Stuart Broad wins Test matches. That is not something that most humans do, and neither do most cricketers. Broad can change the game with the bat or the ball. Yet again, it’s a small club. When Stuart Broad does something good, he does something spectacular. Most people’s good is still kind of just better than okay.

Yet, there are still doubts. And I’m not talking about the doubts that people who refer to him as Barbie have.

Broad’s bowling average is over 31. Even after his 7-for today. 32 is the average of all the bowlers in the history of cricket. It means that as a bowler he is barely better than average.

After 55 Tests Broad averages 25 with the bat. It’s good, but his hundred was against two bowlers who ended up in jail because of that summer. It’s not the average of a Test allrounder, more a handy bowler who either fails to deliver at all, or takes the game away quickly. It’s this batting pattern than haunts his bowling.

Broad is hit for six sixes. Broad can’t finish a match against Netherlands. Broad helps England win the 2009 Ashes. Broad struggles against South Africa. Broad goes missing against Sri Lanka. Broad takes a hat-trick and wins England the world No. 1 Test Spot. Broad disappoints against South Africa. Broad takes no wickets in two Indian Tests. Then Broad takes 7 for 44 as his team give New Zealand a statistically gettable chase.

It is all a simplification of Broad’s career. But it’s also based on how he has performed. Broad is either a monumental force of destruction, or a puppy lost in the wrong backyard. He has very little in-between.

That sort of great-or-garbage cricketer is the one who will always get the most abuse from fans. Their fans fall in love for the magical moments. Their detractors hate every single moment in-between, and also hate that they are successful at all, keeping them in the team for more long periods of failure before only popping up for enough success to keep them around for longer.

This Broad rampage comes just as, not for the first time, his place was being discussed by the fans and media – the people who despise him as if he’s doing it on purpose; like he wants to toy with their emotions.

Then they point to the less important things. Broad’s blonde hair seems to annoy more people than a natural hair colour should. The stroppy behavior when a ball is misfielded from his bowling. The way he forces captains to refer to him almost every delivery where he beats the bat. That it seems like he gets a better deal from the match referees. That his girlfriends are sometimes celebrities. That his father played Test cricket. Very little of that really affects how good, or not, he is as a cricketer.

He has not performed as consistently as his amazing performances hint he can. There are probably many reasons. One is that it isn’t easy to perform consistently like he did today, because few mortals ever have.

Even at only 26, Broad is a veteran. He’s been in the game long enough to block out the angry fans and ignore the press he doesn’t like. He’s well-travelled, world-weary and England’s T20 captain.

It’s the difference between his best and worst that he needs to narrow. Broad should be an automatic selection for this side. He should average under 30 with the ball, and he should average over 30 with the bat. Broad should be vice-captain of this Test side.

The same Stuart Broad who annihilated New Zealand today has never averaged under 30 with the ball. That is far more annoying than his hair colour, genealogy or his girlfriends.

When you bowl as fast as Stuart Broad, are as clever as Stuart Broad and can strike the ball like Stuart Broad you deserve to be a national treasure, not compared to a man who overacted in a film called National Treasure.

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May 19 2013
1 Comment
poms

Root’s hesitating foot

The ball was just slightly fuller than the majority. Sneaking ever so slightly from good to full.

There is no doubt that in another over it would have been left alone or defended with confidence and ease.

Joe Root’s front foot hesitates for a moment. It’s barely visible at full speed, but in our super slow-mo world, you can see it.

Perhaps Root thought the ball from Tim Southee would be shorter. Perhaps the gloom meant he just didn’t pick it up quick enough.

By the time Root got his left foot to touch the ground the ball had taken his inside edge.

Once his foot was firmly on the ground, his stumps had been hit.

It was one mistake. One error of judgment. One bit of bad luck.

Had he been later the ball would have gone through to the keeper. Had he got slightly more bat on it the ball would have hit him or gone to square leg. Had he played it like any of the many balls before he would have been fine.

And so, probably, would England.

One good partnership had all but sunk New Zealand. The dour batting of the England first innings had been replaced with a more result-orientated look. They gave New Zealand’s bowlers respect, but they forced their way past them. It was a modern performance of grim determination and professionalism that Andy Flower has tattooed on all the England batsmen. It was a partnership built on belief that they were the better side and by sticking around they could outlast and grind out a win.

For three hours they did that. Then Root’s foot was slow.

Jonny Bairstow looked jumpy from the start. Where Root and Jonathan Trott had looked like a run-out was their main chance of being separated, Bairstow looked like he could be dismissed in most almost any mode. Yet, his wicket was also unlucky. A ball that would often be called a leg-side half volley won’t get him out often. In an empty county ground he would have breezily clipped it off his pads.

Here he missed it, it hit his pads, then rebounded back on to his stumps.

Matt Prior looked lost. An obvious single behind point wasn’t just turned down, it was completely ignored. What sort of batsman doesn’t take an easy single when they’re on a pair? Trott almost ran two runs, and almost ran himself out through the shock of Prior not wanting the run. Prior had his back turned. The next ball Prior played a nothing shot somewhere between attack and anxious that ended in Kane Williamson letting out a squeal.

Next over Prior completed his pair with a limp pull shot.

Trott then had a ball from Williamson that hit a foot mark. That could have happened at any time. Balls from the foot marks had spun a few times during the Test. New Zealand’s double left-arm team were also going to make Williamson, and more importantly, Graeme Swann, happy. And with Bruce Martin limping off, Williamson spinning the ball in was always a better chance of getting a wicket from the rough.

Like all offies dream of, the ball spun back through the gate on to the stumps.

The impossible question to answer is if Trott might have covered the spin better had he still been batting with Root. When Root and Trott were there, England looked tranquil, in charge and secure enough to muse about declarations.

With Root out the whole team seemed confused and worried.

Ian Bell’s charge down the wicket was bizarre. Steven Finn’s single to get off strike was unnecessary. Flower’s face was tight.

If the idea of modern sport is to show how confident you are through body language and a serene look of calmness, a photo of Flower’s face should be printed out and stuck up in the away team’s changing room for Sunday morning. It was the look of a man who may have been thinking of a declaration 40 minutes earlier and was now hoping Finn could help Bell get past a 200 lead.

Flower’s face was as telling as the scorecard was: New Zealand were back with a chance to win this Test.

They could thank Root’s hesitating foot for opening the door.

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Dec 26 2012
3 Comments
poms

sitting in a bar discussing England’s 2012

Cricinfo has a podcast that discusses English cricket called switch hit.

Occasionally I am on it.

For the final one in the year we went to a loud bar in Brum and we talked about the entire year in English cricket.

It features Jonathan Harris-Bass, George Dobell, David Hopps, Andrew McGlashan and Alex Winter.

It also features David Hopps singing.

If you’re team England, or just interested in white men sitting around a table in a pub talking cricket, this might be the podcast for you.

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Nov 15 2012
1 Comment
indians, poms

England’s wonder

Four men are hired to save a rich rancher’s wife in Mexico. The rancher picks four people with particular skills to form the ultimate team. The film is called the professionals. Andy Flower is probably a fan of this film, and not just because of Woody Strobe and Lee Marvin, but because it fits his ethos.

England got to the top of the world by being more professional than every other team in the world. Their selections were impeccable. Everyone did their job. They made each other better. Choked with the ball, dulled with the bat, take all chances. Preparation was key. They believed they could win. And they won a bunch of series on the way to number one.

Then things fell apart in the UAE. Saeed Ajmal does that to people, but England seemed to play like every Pakistani was Ajmal like, and they lost. In Sri Lanka they had Ajmal flash backs, before ending up 1-1. At home against the West Indies they did what they needed to do and nothing more.

Then South Africa turned up. And they did what England had been doing for a while, made no mistakes.

England made many. Their batsmen who had built foundations on common sense and minimizing risk suddenly played at balls they should have left. Their bowlers lost pace. The fielding fell down. Inside the changing room was a disaster. And their captain was on the way out.

The professional well put together team was missing key components and fighting amongst itself.

Yet they went back to basics. Sri Lanka could have played three Test series and fitted in a series of ODIs against India in the time England used just for warm up matches. Short of moving to Chennai, they couldn’t have spent any longer over there. It was the old England. Prepare, prepare, prepare.

At the height of England’s run, bowlers didn’t play with injuries that often. They believed in their back ups, and wouldn’t risk losing a bowler mid match.

In this Test they went with Broad, now perhaps he was fully fit. Perhaps he wasn’t. But once Broad played, Bresnan had to be more likely (even without his reverse swing in the last warm up), and that meant they were taking in a potentially injured bowler and leaving out a spinner on a wicket that from all accounts looked like it would have taken spin the day before the Test.

Then they fielded. And it was bad. Matt Prior’s keeping looked like the Matt Prior of the bad old days. Jonathan Trott seemed surprised at slip. And Jimmy Anderson seemed to be looking at Pujara’s lofted mistake like he had 2D eyes. They were the chances they missed. But there was also a look of flatness about them. Some balls were shepherded to the boundary. Dives were done to prove they had dived. And the energy was low.

That also lead to the run rate getting out of control. Now, everyone gets Sehwaged once in a while. But it also took them hours to slow down Pujara who as classy as he is, is a man who often slows himself down. The control and patience of the English attack was nowhere. Too many boundaries came at the end of otherwise good overs. India were 61 runs into their innings before Swann came on to slow it down.

Cook captained in the same way that most of his team fielded.

England may still salvage this Test, although it’s pretty doubtful. They might even win the series. But they won’t do either without what got them there in the first place. And perhaps they can’t. Things change. Right at the moment England look more like a middling side with issues than a team about to storm back to number one.

Watching Sehwag and Pujara flay their attack while their fielders looked like little more than CGI extras I remembered a line from Burt Lancaster in the professionals, “Makes you wonder how we ever beat the Indians.”

We can remember how and why they beat India, but 4-0 is a fading memory.

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Oct 07 2012
aussies, poms, women's cricket, world twenty20

England are better, Australia are back to back

England are the world’s best women cricket team.

They have shown this by regularly slapping the ass off anyone who crosses their path.

If women’s cricket teams were villages, England would’ve burned them all fucken down.

Sarah Taylor is a fucken superstar.

Katherine Brunt is really good.

And they have a team of spinners that eats up wickets around the world.

Today they lost.

To Australia.

In a final.

Final.

I’ve lost all sorts of sporting matches in my life.  Sometimes we’ve been lucky to be there, sometimes we’ve been as good as the opposition, and sometimes we’ve been better and played really shit.

England did the last one.

They’re not massively better than Australia, but they are better.

And that is what would hurt.

Not getting to within six runs off the last ball only to drip it along the surface. That they were even in that situation to begin with.

England didn’t really seemed to be playing Australia at all, they seemed to be playing against the run rate and the pressure.

And one worried them and one shat on them.

People often say, the best side won.

But, while Australia were the best side on the day, they don’t really look like the best side altogether.

Australia saved their freak out for so late in the game that it didn’t matter, just.

It is almost important at this point to say two things, Australia have won two thirds of all Women World T20s.

And that Jess Cameron is from Victoria.

Result: Back to back, baby.

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Oct 04 2012
3 Comments
kiwis, poms, women's cricket, world twenty20

suzie bates is a captain

Some of you think women’s cricket is shit.

You have no idea who Suzie Bates is, or who she plays for.

But if you watched women’s cricket you’d know that Suzie Bates is a motherfucken superstar captain.

Today her side limped along to 90 odd.

They struggled to get the ball off the square, and Bates ran herself out for a duck.

They had no right to keep England in the field for more than 10 overs.

And they certainly don’t have a barnstorming burn your house down attack.

But they have Suzie Bates.

And Suzie Bates can captain.

Suzie Bates can captain so much that on a slowish Sri Lankan pitch she brought up mid on and mid off whilst getting her opening bowler Nicola Browne to try and bounce out the world’s best T20 batsman Sarah Taylor.

It almost worked.

How often would a women’s captain defending 90odd in a T20 decide to bounce out the oppositions best batsman?

I’m guessing never, because I’m sure it’s never.

That is Susie Bates.  That is why you should know who Suzie Bates is.

When you’re sitting in front of your TV or illegal stream screaming at your team’s captain for sitting back and letting team milk singles as they wander head first into an inevitable victory, I want you to know that Suzie Bates wouldn’t do that.

She would try shit, bring people up, do some weird shit and create something. She is by far my favourite captain in world cricket.

Susie Bates is only 25, you need to start following the kiwi women’s team before she becomes an old battle scarred captain who puts people out on the rope if someone hints at playing a shot.

Results: England go through with ease.  Holly Colvin was the first international player I ever interviewed.

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Oct 01 2012
lankans, poms, world twenty20

The Mendises

Jeevan Mendis is not a good legspinner.

I say that as a bad legspinner.  We can smell our own.

His action is forced, his front arm doesn’t help him, and he sort of slings the ball down in a way that means he has trouble aiming in line or length.

But he tries really hard and he’s not an idiot.

Every really good team has a Jeevan Mendis.

Mendis is Steve Kerr, Shane Kerrison or James Hopes of this Sri Lankan team.  The man who can do a little bit of everything, who enjoys training, who makes everyone feel good because they’re more talented than him, smiles a lot and is a decent dude.

In this game he came in to bat as the owners of the crab restaurant disappeared.  It was consolidation time.

Most batsmen, especially one who is not yet an automatic selection, would have worked their way into the innings, thinking of themselves and what the replay will look like when they go out.

People like Mendis don’t really think that way.

They just want to get the job done and help out where they can.

Mendis is not a pretty batsman.  He tries to hit every ball so hard it hurts your eyes after a while, but England didn’t expect an all out attack and instead of keeping Sri Lanka down to a manageable total.

18 off 13 is not an innings you tell your kids about, but it’s the sort of innings that someone like Mendis does to help his team to victory.

When he bowled he started with a short ball, one ball massively outside leg stump, a couple of half volleys, and clean bowled Ravi Bopara with a ball that was full and went straight.  In that one over he ended with 1/5.  That was his only over.

Ajantha Mendis, his favoured evil twin (not really, but I’m working on a script), bowled four overs for 40.  In an earlier match Ajantha took 12 wickets or something.

In the final, I know who I’d prefer to have.

Result: KP gets smugger as Ravi packs his computer games and heads home.

Samit Patel was not mentioned in this blog.

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Sep 23 2012
3 Comments
world twenty20

Learn to swim, England

Harbhajan Singh has been on the outer for a while. So long in fact that he found himself back in Division Two County cricket playing for Essex. His career was not over, but with Ashwin taking the main job, and players like Ojha as back ups, it looked like the end for India’s fighter. There are, not unsurprisingly, a lot of English players in that competition. Bhajji played five first class games and five List A matches, he had varying success. It’s doubtful that in all ten of those games he’d ever seen as many bad shots played against spin. It’s fucken doubtful that if Bhajji was playing on this pitch in England, even against division two batsmen, that they’d rush to leave the ground like they did tonight. Or if they did, they’d probably make it prettier.

The pitch was ok for spinners. OK. Not anything more. I’ve seen many pitches in the UK that spin far more than this. For England, it was nothing like what they got sliced and diced on in the UAE. And Far from the one that fell over on at Galle.

Graeme Swann bowled well on this surface, but India simply sat on him and handled him well.

England could barely handle the bat when the spinners came on.

They devolved from sensible cricketers to the crazy families you see on the apocalypse preparation shows. Shooting at imaginary invaders and stocking up for the inevitable mushroom cloud (Ajmal) or global financial global crisis (Ashwin). It wasn’t even one of the obvious players that ended their world. Piyush Chawla is the player Indian fans abuse when they’re tired of abusing Rohit Sharma.

To most of us, these looked like standard non lethal spinners, to England they were the black plague, and the English players ran madly towards the hills with canned food and shot guns.

It was as bad a batting performance as England could muster against on a fairly benign surface against a new bowling attack without their oldest and most reliable bowler and their best T20 weapon.

This is the same Indian bowling attack that has the Indian media permanent state of panic. Some wanting four bowlers, some five, some eleven. Tonight they dismissed England with three as easily as you like, a few nights back they couldn’t get close to Afghanistan.

You need a research grant and a team of technicians to look into who played the worst shot.

Alex Hales didn’t even wait for the spinners. Morgan’s cut shot was to a different ball on a different pitch. Kiesvetter’s flick waft should be burned before any child gets a chance to see it. Bairstow’s slog against the wrong’un defied science. Buttler backed away so far he was at the SSC when he missed his ball. Swann went for a wander. And Tim Bresnan brought back memories of England’s horror winter with a sweep shot.

All this while KP was stuck in a studio with a grin stapled to his face while Dermot Reeve threw a ball at him.

It’s impossible to believe England played this bad, and yet we’ve seen it all before. In their minds, England seemed to be playing on a ghost pitch from their past and not the quicker than everyone though pitches that are actually being prepared at Premadasa.

There are no dead rubbers for a while now and far bigger killers than Bhajji and Piyish Chawla lurk around the corner. Unless England learn to swim against the spin, their fans are the ones who should be heading to the store to buy all the canned food they can carry.

The end times may soon be upon England, and they’ll come slow, but well flighted.

Result: India didn’t make as many as I thought they should have, rested key players, gave some lesser lights a go, and still absolutely beat the fuck out of England with the bat, and it wasn’t like England’s five man attack was having a good day either. Indians might even give Chawla and Shamra a day or two of less abuse.

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Aug 31 2012
1 Comment
poms

Strauss the overachiever

When England travelled to New Zealand for 2008/09, I didn’t realise that Andrew Strauss was on his way out. But then, I’d never thought of him much at all. That’s not to say I ever thought he was rubbish, he just wasn’t someone who I thought of much. I remember he had a good start, was around during some Ashes, was on the Warne highlight reel as one of his landmark wickets and liked to smack the ball through point. But for someone who had been around for so long, he was almost anonymous to me.

I think I would have picked out his image in a photo array, but it would have been touch and go.

The first time I realised there was something more to Strauss was that he moved to Hamilton to prepare for a Test series against New Zealand. It wasn’t that he moved to a place to prepare for a series, professional athletes do that now, but that he did it for New Zealand. Not a five Test series, or a series against the heavy hitters of world cricket, he did it for the team that series that some players treat more as a holiday than a proper series.

Strauss treated it more seriously than some of his team mates had treated the 06/07 Ashes.

It was from then on in I started taking more notice of Strauss.

When KP was captain (it really happened, google it) and the Indian tour got disrupted by the Mumbai Terror attacks. It was Strauss who showed the courage and conviction of a leader. He stated publicly that England should go back to India, and eventually the team agreed with him. It was the right decision.

In Chennai Strauss was a man on a mission, scoring hundreds in both innings. That’s some batting, and to top it off, it was in a losing cause. He’d dragged his team to India, then he’d put them on his back, and it wasn’t even his team yet.

Then it was, and Strauss turned a team of decent players into a professional unit that beat teams up with precision and tedium. They, briefly, took over the world. There is no doubt that without Strauss this team would have continued to be an inconsistent spoiler team.

That’s not to say Strauss was perfect. At several times during his career he was short of runs, his captaincy was slightly more conservative than his friend David Cameron’s front bench, and there were times it felt like he was Andy Flower’s puppet (which is not how he got his nickname muppet).

But for a Late blooming Test player to play 100 Tests, 50 as captain, win three Ashes (two in charge), beat the number one team 4-0 and claim the number one title all with a batting average of barely 40. There is something special to that. It’s an overachievement on a massive scale. Strauss found a way to drag the absolute best out of himself. And then he used the lessons he‘d learnt about professionalism on his own and made a whole team better.

In doing all Strauss went from a fairly forgettable opening batsman to a captain who’ll be mentioned for years to come. Strauss only touched greatness a couple of times, but who expected him to even touch it once? Especially with an average of 40.91.

Strauss was definitely much more than a forgettable opener with a few decent shots through point. I’m just glad we got to see it.

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